How to Deal with Jealousy

How to Deal with JealousyNo one enjoys feeling jealous. Yet, jealousy is an inevitable emotion that pretty much every one of us will experience. The problem with jealousy isn’t that it comes up from time to time, but what it does to us when we don’t get a hold on it.  It can be frightening to experience what happens when we allow our jealousy to overpower us or to shape the way we feel about ourselves and the world around us. That is why understanding where our jealous feelings actually come from and learning how to deal with jealousy in healthy, adaptive ways is key to so many areas of our lives from our interpersonal relationships to our careers to our personal goals.

So, why are we so jealous?

Unsurprisingly, studies have shown that increased jealousy correlates with lower self-esteem. “Many of us are often unaware of the basic shame that exists within us, because it comes so naturally to think self-critical thoughts about ourselves. Yet, shame from our past can heavily influence the degree to which we feel jealous and insecure in the present,” said Dr. Lisa Firestone, author of Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice. As she and her father Dr. Robert Firestone define it, the “critical inner voice” is a form of negative self-talk. It perpetuates destructive thoughts and feelings, driving us to compare, evaluate and judge ourselves (and often others) with great scrutiny. This is one reason why learning how to deal with jealousy is so important.

This voice can fuel our feelings of jealousy by filling our heads with critical and suspicious commentary. In fact, what our critical inner voice tells us about our situation is often harder to cope with than the situation itself.  A rejection or betrayal from our partner is painful, but what often hurts us even more are all the terrible things our critical inner voice tells us about ourselves after the event. “You’re such a fool. Did you really think you could just be happy?” “You’ll wind up alone. You should never trust anyone again.”

To illustrate how this internal enemy feeds our negative feelings around jealousy, we’ll look closer at two types of jealousy: romantic jealousy and competitive jealousy. While these two forms of jealousy often overlap, considering them separately can help us better understand how jealous feelings may be affecting different areas of our lives and how we can best deal with jealousy.

Romantic Jealousy

It’s a basic reality that relationships go smoother when people don’t get overly jealous. The more we can get a hold on our feelings of jealousy and make sense of them separate from our partner, the better off we will be. Remember, our jealousy often comes from insecurity in ourselves – a feeling like we are doomed to be deceived, hurt or rejected. Unless we deal with this feeling in ourselves, we are likely to fall victim to feelings of jealousy, distrust or insecurity in any relationship, no matter what the circumstances.

These negative feelings about ourselves originate from very early experiences in our lives. We often take on feelings our parents or important caretakers had toward us or toward themselves. We then, unconsciously, replay, recreate or react to old, familiar dynamics in our current relationships. For example, if we felt cast aside as kids, we may easily perceive our partner as ignoring us. We may choose a partner who’s more elusive or even engage in behaviors that would push our partner away.

The extent to which we took on self-critical attitudes as children often shapes how much our critical inner voice will affect us in our adult lives, especially in our relationships. Yet, no matter what our unique experiences may be, we all possess this inner critic to some degree. Most of us can relate to carrying around a feeling that we won’t be chosen. The degree to which we believe this fear affects how threatened we will feel in a relationship.

In her blog “Are You the Cause of Your Jealousy? ,” Dr. Lisa Firestone wrote, “Lurking behind the paranoia toward our partners or the criticisms toward a perceived third-party threat, are often critical thoughts toward ourselves. Thoughts like, ‘What does he see in her?’ can quickly turn into ‘She is so much prettier/thinner/more successful than me!’ Even when our worst fears materialize, and we learn of a partner’s affair, we frequently react by directing anger at ourselves for being “foolish, unlovable, ruined or unwanted.”

Like a sadistic coach, our critical inner voice tells us not to trust or be too vulnerable. It reminds us we are unlovable and not cut out for romance. It’s that soft whisper that plants the seed of doubt, suspicion and uncertainty. “Why is she working late?” “Why is he choosing his friends over me?” “What is she even doing when I’m away?” “How come he’s paying so much attention to what she’s saying?”

Those of us familiar with how jealousy works know that, all too often, these thoughts will slowly start to sprout and blossom into much larger, more engrained attacks on ourselves and/or our partner.  “She doesn’t want to be around you. There must be someone else.” “He’s losing interest. He wants to get away from you.” “Who would want to listen to you? You’re so boring.”

These jealous feeling can arise at any point in a relationship, from a first date to the 20th year of a marriage. In an attempt to protect ourselves, we may listen to our inner critic and pull back from being close to our partner. Yet, in an ultimate catch 22, we also tend to feel more jealous when we’ve retreated from pursuing what we want. If we know on some level we’re not making our relationship a priority or actively going after our goal of being loving or close, we tend to feel more insecure and more jealous. That is why it’s even more essential to learn how to deal with jealousy and not to blindly act on jealous feelings by pushing our partner further away.

Competitive Jealousy

While it may feel pointless or illogical, it is completely natural to want what others have and to feel competitive. However, how we use these feelings is very important to our level of satisfaction and happiness. If we use these feelings to serve our inner critic, to tear down ourselves or others, that is clearly a destructive pattern with demoralizing effects. However, if we don’t let these feelings fall into the hands of our critical inner voice, we can actually use them to acknowledge what we want, to be more goal-directed or even to feel more accepting of ourselves and what affects us.

It’s okay, even healthy, to allow ourselves to have a competitive thought. It can feel good when we simply let ourselves have the momentary feeling without judgment or a plan for action. However, if we ruminate or twist this thought into a criticism of ourselves or an attack on another person, we wind up getting hurt. If we find ourselves having an overreaction or feeling haunted by our feelings of envy, we can do several things.

  1. Be aware of what gets triggered. Think about the specific events that cause you to feel stirred up. Is it a friend who’s having financial success? An ex who’s dating someone else? A co-worker who speaks her mind in meetings?
  1. Ask yourself what critical inner voices come up. What types of thoughts do these jealous feelings spark? Are you using these feelings of jealousy to put yourself down? Do they make you feel insignificant, incapable, unsuccessful etc.? Is there a pattern or theme to these thoughts that feels familiar?
  1. Think about the deeper implications and origins of these thoughts: Do you feel a certain pressure to achieve a particular thing? Is there something you think you’re supposed to be? What would getting this thing mean about you? Does this connect to your past?

Once we’ve asked ourselves these questions, we can understand how these feelings may have more to do with unresolved issues within us than with our current life or the person our jealousy is directed at. We can have more compassion for ourselves and try to suspend the judgments that lead us to feel insecure.

How to Deal with Jealousy

What to Do:

  1. Consider what’s being stirred up – Daniel Siegel uses the acronym SIFT to describe how we can sift through the sensations, images, feelings and thoughts that come up when we reflect on certain issues in our lives. We should try to do just that when we feel jealous. We can consider what sensations, images, feelings and thoughts jealousy brings up. Does the current scenario trigger something old – a family dynamic or long-held, negative self-perception? The more we can connect these emotions or overreactions to the past events that created them in the first place, the clearer we can feel in our present-day situation.
  1. Calm down and stay vulnerable – No matter how jealous we feel, we can find ways to come back to ourselves and soften. We can do this by first, accepting our emotions with compassion. Remember that no matter how strong we feel, our feelings tend to pass in waves, first building, then subsiding. It’s possible to accept and acknowledge our jealousy without acting on it. We can learn tools to calm ourselves down before reacting, for example, by taking a walk or a series of deep breaths. It’s a lot easier to calm down in this way when we refuse to tolerate or indulge in the angry words of our inner critic, so learning steps to challenge it is essential. When we do, we can stand up for ourselves and the people we care for and remain vulnerable and open in how we relate.
  1. Don’t act out – Our critical inner voice tends to advise us to take actions that can hurt us in the long run. Once it spirals us into a state of jealousy, it may tell us to give up or stop going after what we want. It may lead us to self-sabotage, blow up at or punish someone we respect. If we’re in a relationship, it may tell us to ice or lash out at our partner. When we do this, all we do is create the dynamic we’re afraid of. We may hurt and undermine our partners’ loving feelings for us and stir up their own feelings of distrust and fear. We may inadvertently encourage them to become more closed off, less open about their feelings, thoughts and actions, which then adds to our feelings of distrust and jealousy.
  1. Seek our own sense of security – The best thing we can do is focus on feeling strong and secure in ourselves. We have to do the work to conquer our inner critic and believe that we are okay, even on our own. We don’t need one specific person’s love to believe we’re loveable. Human beings are full of flaws and limitations, and no one can give us what we need 100 percent of the time. This is why it’s so important to practice self-compassion and learn to stand up to our own inner critic. This doesn’t mean shutting people out or shutting ourselves off from what we want. It actually means embracing our lives wholeheartedly, while believing that we’re strong enough to fail or lose. No matter what, we can handle the emotions that arise.
  1. Stay competitive – A lot of people frown upon the idea of competing, but what we’re talking about here isn’t a goal of being the best, but a personal goal of being at our best. That means feeling like ourselves and embracing the qualities that will serve us in pursuing what we want. Rather than letting the green monster turn us into monsters, we can allow ourselves to feel inspired, to connect with who we want to be and take actions that bring us closer to that. If we want the respect of those around us, we have to be mindful and considerate in our interactions. If we want to feel the consistent love of our partner, we must commit to engaging in loving acts each and every day. If we maintain a desire to act with integrity and go after our goals, we win the most important battle we will face, the struggle to realize and become our true selves -separate from anyone else.
  1. Talk about it – When something like jealousy is taking over, it’s important to find the right person to talk to and a healthy way to express what we feel. The people who support a positive side of us and who help stop us from ruminating or sinking deeper into our sorrows are the kind of friends we want to talk to about our jealousy. We all have friends who get a little too worked up when we bring up certain subjects, and these may not be the best friends to seek out when we ourselves are feeling triggered and riled up. We should try to find people who will support us staying on track and being the kind of individuals we want to be. Venting to these friends is fine as long as it’s a matter of letting out our irrational thoughts and feelings, while acknowledging that they’re exaggerated and irrational. This process works only when it relieves us of the feeling and allows us to move on and take reasonable actions. If we’re suffering with feelings of jealousy, it’s also very wise to seek the help of a therapist. This can help us make sense of our feelings and get a handle on them, while acting in healthier, adaptive ways.

In a relationship, it’s important to maintain open, honest communication with our partner. If we hope to have their trust and for them to have ours, we have to listen to what they say without growing defensive or rushing to judgment. This open line of communication is not about unloading our insecurities on our partner, but instead, allowing ourselves to be kind and connected, even when we feel insecure or jealous. This naturally helps our partner to do the same.

There’s no question, that it takes a certain level of emotional maturity to deal with the many feelings around jealousy. It takes a willingness to challenge our critical inner voice and all the insecurities it generates. It also takes willpower to step back and resist acting on our impulsive, jealous reactions. However, when we foster this power in ourselves, we realize we are a lot stronger than we think. By learning how to deal with jealousy, we become more secure in ourselves and in our relationships.

 

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31 Comments

Jen

Admittedly, it’s more difficult to deal with jealousy when your partner doesn’t share your feelings, ya know?

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melanie

I am suffering from crippling jealousy at the moment and it is completely irrational but it’s something I can’t help but fee. I sometimes think I need to switch off my brain to allow myself to understand how I really feel – is this even possible?

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Roopashree

I hate that I’m feel so much jealousy. I don’t know if I should tell my partner about this. I am very very jealous of his female friend. I don’t want to ruin there friendship because they go way back, even before and him met. But I can’t help but feel jealous. It is killing me inside.

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R

I think you should have trust in your partner if he truly loves you he will not go anywhere else. It’s a natural feeling.

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Jen

How do you deal with jealousy of an OBJECT?
I have REALLY GREAT reason to feel shame for my jealousy: I’m jealous of something good happening to my own daughter! I should be thrilled, right?
So, I had a great phone, but it broke and cannot afford to replace it. When I got my phone, I told her we could share it, but she didn’t want to; she wanted her privacy. She had no reason for an expensive phone, because she didn’t even have friends. (She didn’t want any.) But then not two months ago she met a guy. He surprised her with a brand new, very expensive phone last night!
I know I should be extremely thrilled for her, but I’m not. Instead, I’m scared they’re moving too quickly. I’m scared he’s going to want to move in here while she’s still in high school, because he loses his apartment in March. And I’m jealous as all get out that she’s going to be going nuts in front of me about this freaking awesome phone, while I can only look at mine and wish I could replace it.
If anyone knows any good self-talk to give myself, I sure would appreciate it.

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Hannah

Is it really the phone as an object that you are jealous of, or what it represents, ie. a social connection to friends and others? Does your daughter getting this new phone make you feel old or less popular? Do you miss the attention that the phone is giving her, especially as she has a new boyfriend?

I understand where you are coming from. But I realised that the jealousy I was feeling was that I felt lonely and that I needed to make new friends and be busy myself so that I didn’t have time to compare myself negatively to others.

Good luck 🙂

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Pam

Jen, I hope things have settled down for you with your daughter. Your story raised a lot of flags for me, in the “nothing comes for free” department of my brain. Also, it is illogical that the boyfriend can afford a brand new phone, and not an apartment. I would be very concerned about who this boy is, how he makes money to afford a gift like that, and what the nature of your daughter’s relationship with him is. It is standard practice for pimps to be a girl’s “boyfriend” first, who, after bestowing expensive gifts on the girl, turns her, and expects her to “work it off,” and to recruit other girls, etc. This is probably not the case, and I hope it is not. But your daughter’s situation did not make sense to me. I hope you have got a handle on your jealousy. It really sucks.

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Ana

I am 17 and my boyfriend is 9 years older. I am very mature for my age. However I became jelous of my boyfriend’s sister who is 5 years older than me. They live together on their own. They immigrated here 5 years ago. At the beggining I was jelous because she is his younger sister that he looks after and loves and I am just a girl he has sex with. I felt very insecure about my age as well because all of his friends are older and he was embarassed when I was still 16. I also have very low self esteem due to events in childhood.Suddenly I became jelous of his sister. She was older, shorter height than me(my boyfriend said he likes short girls),has bigger breas, she lived with my boyfriend, studies in university etc. I realised that i am getting jelous for insignificant and minor things. But it has been half a year that this is bothering me so much that I think about it everyday. For example I always wanted to be taller and now I am jelous she is shorter or jelous that she is older or going to university. I will be older eventually and I am going to university next year. So it really doesnt make sense why I feel this way but I need to over come this jelousy and to feel more comfortable with myself. If anyone can help, it will be much appreciated. Article was really useful but some more individual advice would be nice too.

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Naina Singh

Hi. I believe that you should try and assess if your boyfriend is contributing to making you jealous. For eg, my boyfriend has many female friends who are close to him. But he still manages to make me feel special, treats me differently than the other girls and I thus I don’t feel jealous. However, If your boyfriend doesn’t prioritize you or does things that make you jealous all the time you should talk to him about it.

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Matt

So, how do I deal with a Jealous attitude when ever they’re simply attacking my past and refusing to listen and learn anything about who I am as a person and only making up fallacies of who I was because of a picture of my past, I can no understand how to communicate who I am because of my isolated past something, they quite frankly state is impossible for me to be because I am too open as a person today?

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Paola

I am jealous of my husbands co-worker who is a woman. They spent a lot of time together at work due to work reasons,.but I cant bare it. What can I do? If they joke around, or go out with other co-workers it is torture for me. Please help.

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S Benn

my husband and his female business partner have the same relationship. However, I feel she inserts herself in our lives. She was the one who introduced us, and she’s known him for 8 years longer than I. She clearly was in love with him, but he’s never had any romantic interest in her at all. He met me and we were married within 6 months. We’ve been together now 2 years, but she is around a lot more than I like. My husband and I talk about it, he’s calm and supportive, as we have both had fathers that abandoned us. We both understand the fear of the loss dynamic, but he is far more secure about it after all these years than I am. It was pretty bad for both of us and we both waited until we were in our mid 50’s to get married for the first time. He, however, is a popular guy, with a lot of great friends, and many of them are women, [and even some ex-girlfriends]. But this business partner is the one that freaks me out the most. She is always touching him, and talking about how well she knows his mind, as if to tell me my “time with my husband is limited” and she “will have him in then end”. My husband tells me that “if I had wanted to be with her I had 8 years to make that move, I never did, and I never will, I don’t care for her that way”. I want him to tell her that, or end the relationship with her altogether, but his own best [male] friend said that “If he removes her from his life, who will be next?” I can’t make my husband get rid of all his female friends, but my own fear of loosing him, makes me want to isolate him from every women he ever knew [except his mother and sisters, and cousins…not family. They are very supportive]. Talking openly with my husband has been great, but there is always that voice that says he is just being nice. He has not lost his cool about this, but we talk through the night so he does loose sleep. I don’t know how to get beyond it, but I try daily to see that I am the one he chose, not her. And we are happy otherwise. It isn’t easy, but we try. It is the only thing that I would say we have as an “issue” in our marriage. So, it’s me and I need to get over it.

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Seth Bond

Idk my issue with jealousy. I love this chick to death to the point where im affraid of her ditchin me but i always seem to be second best n i cry over this shit and ruin everything we have and it drives me insane…

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Dan L.

Seth,
I am in the same position, don’t give into the negative thoughts. If she is with you, then you have her, enjoy the time with her, dwell on the positive. I am dating a woman who is a “10” and I am a solid “6”, so I worry all the time, but its stupid of me to worry about losing her and being jealous of other guys….she chose me for a reason, so embrace your relationship and do your best to love her. Love will win….

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Nick Broeker

This brought me inside my own relation And even if my relationship does end I will take what I have leaned from reading this and start to apply this in my life from now now and to get to the bottom of my Jealousy it is so toxic To my life and don’t want any particular it any more

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Rochelle

I am jealous that my coworker is showing more interest in my other coworker than me. It irritates me that the feelings are even happening. I don’t want this person as a boyfriend but I am still jealous. I realized after reading this article that I do punish him when he pays more attention to her than me. He hates when I get quiet and don’t talk to him. And I completely shutdown and don’t talk when he shows me less attention. I hate feeling like I’m not enough to keep his attention.

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Geanna

I’m 14, in 8th grade and I have a boyfriend. He has a lot of friends, some in his 8 grade and some in the 7th grade. So no big deal until we have track practices for school. Me and him head out of the class to the grass and this 7th grade girl ALWAYS seems to want to talk to him or be near him. So at first I was just like ok it’s just his friend but still knowing my jealousy, it attack’s me alittle. So I try to ignore it. As the weeks go by, he seems different around her. He always brings her up in our text messages, like oh you should be friends with her and so on. So a day or 2 go by and she adds me on Snapchat and I think oh cool a new friend. Then I text my boyfriend “hello” and I can see he is online and so is the 7th grade girl. He still didn’t open or reply back to me and he gets offline. Then I noticed he got offline when the other girl got offline and this happened like 5times in the same day. So then I try not to think about it, so I go on Instagram, he has just added the same 7th grade girl(who I am jealous of) and likes all of her stuff. Then here comes my little inner voice telling me all over again to get JEALOUS. I just need to know how to overcome jealousy. Even though I read this article ( which is AMAZING ) I still can’t get over the fact of me being jealous. Thanks to whoever took their time reading this and maybe you can reply and tell me what I should do with my situation. Thanks

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Steve

Me and my ex split around a year ago, recently he told me that he was seeing someone. We see each other every now and then and are still contact. When he told me he was seeing someone it tore me up inside, I can’t get the image of them being intimate out of my head and I am overcome with jealousy and sadness. I miss him and I am still in love with him, we both want to remain friends and be in each other’s lives (agreed to this after the break up which actually was a result of my jealousy and insecurity in myself) I am trying to cope and I have even written him a later explaining how I feel but I won’t send it. I want him in my life and I want to stay in contact. I almost called him to say that we can’t be friends but when we were together last week it was mentioned that if it had of been another place or time we could have worked out. Am I holding on to something that isn’t really there and that’s why I’m feeling jealous of his new relationship?

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Andrea

My boyfriend and I have been together 3 years and it has been wonderful. But from day one his mom said I can’t return him and I have to keep him and under no circumstances are we ever to get married….well that’s all fine in the beginning because I didn’t think I would ever want to get married again. Well a few days ago his sister announced shes engaged and the wedding is in 2 months. The family is so happy and can’t wait to welcome her man into the family. I am happy for her bit I’m so jealous at the same time . They have been together about a year and are getting hitched. In the past year my thoughts on marriage have changed and I would love to marry my boyfriend but unfortunately we cannot do that because his parents forbid it from ever happening again. How do I get over this jealous feeling towards his sister and his family???

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Diana

I am in love with a guy. I have known him for almost 2 years and he also knows i am in love with him. He is in a state where he is neither rejecting me nor accepting me(he says he doesn’t want a relationship). But he is treating me in a special way, in a way one would treat a love interest. About half a year ago, he met a girl and i even saw him try to be a little flirtish with her. Since then i am super jealous. But i also heard him tell her how special i am to him that he doesnt cherish me enough.I even get panic attacks because of the strong jealousy i feel. This jealousy is destroying all my progress with him. Please help me. How can i

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Lisa Doughty

I hate that I am Jealous – My husband is not. I feel outta control and say awful comments.
Helpless in Maryland

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PolyOrNot

Ok so here it goes. I met a man who was in a rocky off and on relationship with his girlfriend of 4 years. He still cares about her and wants to continue to be a part of her children’s lives as he has been their only father figure. I get it and think it’s honorable that he’s committed to them.

But there is more. The reason they aren’t together is bc she is an alcoholic. She isn’t a bad person. She is self destructive and he says he can’t work it out with her.

However anytime he sees her, he ends up hooking up with her. And yes that means sex. We have developed a trusting, loving relationship where he treats me great. Opens doors for me, cooks and cleans my place, sharing activities like biking, hiking, snowboarding.

I have been riding these waves of happiness and hurt. I confronted him about it several times bc of my jealousy. He tells me he loves both of us. He can’t be with her but he feels he needs to take care of her bc she can’t.

I am a divorced mom of 2 and have my young children 50% of the time and when I don’t have them I spend my time with him. He says that 50% isn’t enough for him. He wants to be part of my family life. I don’t need someone 100% of the time. I am recently divorced and want to focus on myself at times.

In all this I brought up polyamory. I told him that I think he’s poly. At first he denied it but when I explained it to him he said it does sound like him. For those of you not familiar polyamory is the idea that we can love infinitely (many). I’ve talked myself into this whole sharing thing bc I’m not able to give him the time he wants, I’m not willing to get my kids involved yet, and part of me still wants the option to date.

I don’t have issues with getting dates but I’ve found that I’m spending a lot of my free time with him and therefore am not available for others.

This is extremely new territory for me. It is something I never would’ve considered in my younger days. But after being with the same man for 17 years only to have my marriage fail and seeing all the other failed marriages and relationships, I’m questioning monogamy.

To wrap up my long story, I’m trying to make this work but when I look up ways to deal with jealousy, I have a tough time finding help in dealing with my SO sleeping with another woman. Mostly I find stuff about how to deal with their past or to trust them that they aren’t doing anything. I feel great when I’m with him and polyamory really makes sense to me. No one person can fill all of another’s needs and people change and relationships change even when u still love someone. I’m trying to wrap my head around this. My brain gets it but my emotions aren’t there. Advice anyone?

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Bill

Poly makes sense, but it might just be a matter of convenience for his insecurities.
If one gives a piece of oneself to another then one believes to give oneself away.
So without giving 100% to each he is only giving 50% to each and a great sense of security for a back up plan, in case one or the other fall through. Besides getting double the sex. The jealous part happens ( you could just consider it booty calls, and discuss as such)

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Emmamuel

Yea.. So i don’t know how to classify mine because i hey jealous when she talks about hey close male friends and i hey get really pissed about it our when she’s having about her cousin who has this great jobb and im still finding my way up. the ladder… it makes me jealous unknowingly and then i have mood swings which leads to arguments after.. How do I stop this, i don’t want to feel this way , the energy consumed in getting angry is draining. Thanks

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Bella

I have been having jealous thoughts when I feel like my partner is loseing interest in me, and it has been hard. I have been trying to find ways to get past it and he is assuring me that he is not, but its always there, eating at the back of my mind that i have done something wrong and that he is seperating from me or finds other people more interesting to say the least.

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Judy

I been with a man that is older then me and he has been divorced from his wife more then 15 years now, but he sure does a lot for her still like calling in work for her, gets her car keys for her from their daughter, receives messages from her. How am I suppose to feel about all this? yes I feel jealous, and hurt because it makes me feel like I am not important to him. I believe if if’s your ex, leave it has your ex and don’t go out of your way to help them. I am trying to understand all this and I cant overcome my feelings of jealousy. As for the daughter she is over age and lives on her own and has a baby. I don’t communicate with my ex or go out of my way to help them not even my girls dad.

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Jeff

So I have pushed my girlfriend away due to my jealousy. I go crazy when she goes out drinking with her friends. I was married for 20 years before her and I have never loved anyone the way I love her. She loves me but it isn’t as strong. She cheated on me 3 months ago when she was drunk. We have since made up and things were really good.And since then I am jealous every time she goes out. I really don’t think she will do it again but i would rather her not get drunk when she goes out. She now says I am controlling her. She wants to go out with friends and I want her to but I still worry. She isn’t herself when she drinks heavily. How do I get over the jealousy. We both know our lives will be wonderful together but we both need to deal with our issues. Mine being jealousy and her with control when she drinks. Am I being too one sided?

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Elaine

Im 52 and my boyfriend of one year is 64. My boyfriend just found out a month ago he fathered a daughter 42 years ago. She found him in a ancestry. They text and talk every day. I’m jealous of the time he gives her especially if they’re texting at night when I’m sitting by him. I’m just plain out right jealous of her. I don’t know what to do.
Thanks

Reply

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