Relationship Advice

3 Ways to Tell You’re Afraid of Intimacy

While most of us say we want love, pretty much all of us have some degree of fear around intimacy. The type and extent of this fear can vary based on our personal history: the attachment patterns we developed and the psychological defenses we formed to protect ourselves from early hurts. These patterns and defenses… Read more »

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How to Go “All In” in a Relationship (Without Losing Yourself)

As a therapist, I spend a good amount of time exploring the push and pull that occurs in relationships. For example, between couples, a lot of friction occurs when one person is wanting more closeness, while the other is seeking more space. With individuals, I observe many people who say they want love and intimacy,… Read more »

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Ways to Improve Your Relationship While Sheltering at Home

Just as it has with pretty much everything else in our lives, Covid-19 has had a significant impact on our relationships. Pair the novelty of the situation with the increased uncertainty and stress of coping with a global pandemic, and what we’ll find is that most couples are facing new strains on their relationship that are making life at home all… Read more »

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How to Preserve Your Individuality While Quarantining with Your Partner

For many of us, we are one more month into being quarantined with our partner. While this can be an opportunity to take a break from the busyness and distractions of our “normal” lives and reconnect with our loved one, it is also a time when we can lose touch with who we are as… Read more »

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6 Reasons you should NEVER Compare your Relationships

“I wish my husband was like my ex. He was so much more affectionate!” “If my wife were like _____ I would never feel bored in bed.” If these sentiments sound familiar, your relationship may be on the fast track to disaster! There is an old saying that goes “Comparison is the thief of joy.”… Read more »

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How to Beat Boredom in Your Relationship: Drop into the Plane of Possibility

Relationships are naturally full of highs and lows, but perhaps the thing couples complain about the most are the lulls. Boredom is often viewed as a destructive, yet inevitable, force in long-term relationships. One study even found that the most common way for that people describe their romantic relationships was “dull.” Most of us don’t… Read more »

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How to Stop Yourself from “Losing It” With Your Partner

We all have those moments of frustration with our partner that lead us to act in ways we later regret. We may acknowledge after the fact that there was a healthier way to react or vow to handle things better in the future, but the moment tensions rise, and we feel triggered in a particular… Read more »

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Talk Less, Listen More

The most effective way to feel closer to your partner is in your power. Whatever challenges a couple is facing, there is one skill anyone can work on to greatly improve a relationship; that skill is listening. Recent studies have linked attentive listening to better coping behaviors and higher relationship satisfaction in couples. This is… Read more »

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How to Improve Relationships By Knowing Your Attachment Style

Our first relationships profoundly shape how we connect with others. A baby’s earliest lessons teach whether to depend on an important person for comfort and acceptance, or whether to expect distress, disconnection or shame. An infant begins life learning if important people can be good sources of comfort and safety. A baby may learn that… Read more »

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How to Stop Feeling Triggered by Your Partner

In my last blog, I wrote about some of the psychological reasons we get triggered by our partner in a relationship. I explored why tensions can rise so quickly, and things can feel heated before either person has a chance to understand what’s going on. These conflicts can be fraught enough for some people to… Read more »

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