Attachment

How to Let People Help You

All of us have a longing to be the recipient of caring gestures and offerings that express thoughtfulness and sensitivity to what we need. However, many of us also experience a certain level of discomfort around receiving because, even as it may benefit us and be what we wish for, it also challenges us. Too… Read more »

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Injured, Not Broken: Why It’s So Hard to Know You Have CPTSD

When a child experiences neglect, anxiety, or danger repeatedly in a close relationship, that child often grows up with a sense that they are not okay. Psychology has a name for the longterm, consistent type of trauma that leaves a person feeling insecure, overwhelmed, and unsafe in the world: complex post-traumatic stress disorder, or CPTSD…. Read more »

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Are You Swiping Right on Your Attachment Style?

How your attachment style may be sabotaging your finding love. Over the years, I have witnessed many people turning to dating sites to find a romantic partner. I have witnessed some of them finding love and companionship and others experiencing disappointment, frustration and rejection. And with these observations, I have become aware of how much… Read more »

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The Challenge of Receiving

“Until we can receive with an open heart, we are never really giving with an open heart.” – Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection The gift giving that takes place during the holiday season has brought to mind the much-overlooked challenge of accepting. We tend to focus our attention on the giving part of the gift exchange: what… Read more »

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How Your Attachment Pattern Influences Your Life

One of the most fascinating things about working in psychology is the chance to explore the invisible forces that shape our lives. Many of us move through each day operating as a bit of a mystery to ourselves. We don’t fully understand our thoughts, feelings, or even our behavior. We’re often left to wonder why… Read more »

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3 Ways to Tell You’re Afraid of Intimacy

While most of us say we want love, pretty much all of us have some degree of fear around intimacy. The type and extent of this fear can vary based on our personal history: the attachment patterns we developed and the psychological defenses we formed to protect ourselves from early hurts. These patterns and defenses… Read more »

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Are You Feeling Insecure?

One of the biggest afflictions I see people struggle with is insecurity. This is in large part why I’ve dedicated much of my life to studying the self-critical thoughts or “critical inner voices” people experience. It’s probably no surprise to you that in decades of research, one of the most common self-attacks I’ve seen people… Read more »

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How to Stop Yourself from “Losing It” With Your Partner

We all have those moments of frustration with our partner that lead us to act in ways we later regret. We may acknowledge after the fact that there was a healthier way to react or vow to handle things better in the future, but the moment tensions rise, and we feel triggered in a particular… Read more »

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Mr. Rogers is Right: Secure Attachment Allows for Growth After Trauma

Childhood is a critical time for discovering and enhancing the secure attachment ideally built in the early years of a parental relationship with a child. Our earliest relationships do a great deal to establish our sense of self and wellbeing. Knowing, “I matter, my needs matter, and my loved ones will help keep me safe”… Read more »

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Making Sense of Your Life to Empower Your Future

What could be more important and empowering than making sense of your story? Research demonstrates that creating a coherent narrative of your early life frees you to be the author of your future. When we fail to make sense of the past, we are often trapped in it, reliving old hurts over and over again…. Read more »

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