Fantasy Bond

Are You Addicted to Your Relationship?

We’ve all been through it: the incessant checking of our phone, the tossing and turning through a night alone, the replaying of interactions in our head, the worrying about what he or she is thinking or feeling. We’ve all, at one point or another, known what it was to be consumed by the thought of… Read more »

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Beware of the Soulmate Myth

The Fantasy Bond Behind the Myth of the Soulmate I know people who say their ultimate relationship goal is finding a soulmate. They’re looking for a kindred spirit who they were meant to be with. Is this appealing to me? I can see how the idea that there might be another person out there who… Read more »

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Are You Expecting Too Much from Your Partner?

These 7 ways we over-rely on our partner can seriously hurt our relationship. When a couple comes to therapy, they tend to each arrive with a laundry list of complaints about the other. While neither person may claim to be perfect themselves, they find it much easier to talk about their partner. “She never picks… Read more »

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An Overview of Separation Theory

Separation Theory integrates psychoanalytic and existential systems of thought by showing how early interpersonal pain, and separation anxiety and later death anxiety lead to the development of powerful psychological defenses. These defenses attempt to cope with and minimize painful experiences and emotions suffered in one’s developmental years but later predispose limitations and maladaptation in adult… Read more »

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Daring to Love: Interview with Tamsen Firestone

Watch Now: Daring to Love  Move Beyond Fear of Intimacy, Embrace Vulnerability, and Create Lasting Connection  

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Preserving Individuality to Strengthen Your Relationship

To maintain a successful relationship it is necessary that both people maintain their own individuality and respect the individuality of their partner. Each is concerned with their own and their partner’s continued development as a person. In my book, Daring to Love, I write about achieving this by remaining adult, open, undefended, and honest in… Read more »

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Five Things You Can Do Today to Feel Closer to Your Partner

Relationships are full of ups and downs, but they can also have long lulls in which you just don’t feel the same level of intimacy or excitement with your partner. I’ve written a lot about the reasons you may start to lose that lit-up feeling of being in love as well as the ways you… Read more »

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The Fantasy Bond in Couple Relationships

By the time they reach adulthood, most people have solidified their defenses and exist in a psychological equilibrium that they do not wish to disturb. Although they may be relatively congenial with more casual acquaintances, over time there is typically a noticeable deterioration in the quality of relating within their most intimate relationships. As a… Read more »

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The Fantasy Bond or Primary Defense

This is the first in a series of blogs describing my theoretical approach known as Separation Theory. It represents an integration of psychoanalytic and existential systems of thought and describes how early interpersonal pain and separation anxiety and, later, death anxiety, lead to the formation of powerful psychological defenses. The primary defense is the fantasy… Read more »

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A Guide to the Fantasy Bond

Many struggles we face in our current interpersonal relationships arise from a core defense formed in childhood known as the “fantasy bond.”  Maybe you’re wondering why you’re losing the “spark” between you and your partner or why you can’t seem to stop worrying about your kids. You may be surprised to learn that what’s really at… Read more »

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