Fantasy Bond

The Destructive Ways We Self-Parent as Adults

The relationship we have with our parents or primary caretakers is almost never black or white. Some of us may be more inclined to idealize our parents, while others may feel especially zoomed in on their shortcomings. Most of us are guilty of both. As adults, we’re often better able to see that our parents… Read more »

Read More

Are You Sabotaging Yourself?

Many people struggle with reconciling what they think they want with what they go about getting. What I mean by that is, they don’t fully understand how and why they get in their own way when it comes to their goals. To a certain degree, many of us don’t actually want we say we want…. Read more »

Read More

Genuine Relating in an Imperfect World

Real-World Romance for Real-Life Partners Last month, I finished revising and updating The Fantasy Bond with my husband, Robert Firestone. While working on this book, now called Challenging the Fantasy Bond, I became aware of what a delicate balance it is to keep a relationship real. In a romantic relationship, people have a tendency to… Read more »

Read More

Has Your Relationship Become Off Balance?

Understanding the fantasy bond to get your relationship back on track. Many of us are in the process of recovering from the last year of living under the threat of Covid-19; we are vaccinated, pulling off our masks, and moving in to hug the people we have missed. We are venturing out into the world,… Read more »

Read More

Staying in Love While Staying Yourself

A lot of couples talk to me about their struggles to stay close to each other in a way that feels vital and intimate. At the same time, they may also complain about a feeling of sacrifice or a way they’re having to compromise and give up certain aspects of themselves to be in the… Read more »

Read More

How to Go “All In” in a Relationship (Without Losing Yourself)

As a therapist, I spend a good amount of time exploring the push and pull that occurs in relationships. For example, between couples, a lot of friction occurs when one person is wanting more closeness, while the other is seeking more space. With individuals, I observe many people who say they want love and intimacy,… Read more »

Read More

How to Get Your Relationship Out of a Rut

There are ways to liven up your relationship even in lockdown. Even in normal times, it is easy for partners to get into a rut where their relationship is more or less on autopilot, and they fall into taking each other for granted. But during these abnormal times with many couples quarantining together 24/7, the… Read more »

Read More

How to Preserve Your Individuality While Quarantining with Your Partner

For many of us, we are one more month into being quarantined with our partner. While this can be an opportunity to take a break from the busyness and distractions of our “normal” lives and reconnect with our loved one, it is also a time when we can lose touch with who we are as… Read more »

Read More

Daring to Love in the Time of Coronavirus

With people now having to “shelter in place,” couples are finding themselves spending an unusual amount of time together. In these circumstances of extended exposure to one another, problems can fester and begin to boil over, and issues between partners can become apparent. With this in mind, I am drawing from information and advice offered… Read more »

Read More

How to Beat Boredom in Your Relationship: Drop into the Plane of Possibility

Relationships are naturally full of highs and lows, but perhaps the thing couples complain about the most are the lulls. Boredom is often viewed as a destructive, yet inevitable, force in long-term relationships. One study even found that the most common way for that people describe their romantic relationships was “dull.” Most of us don’t… Read more »

Read More