Relationships often end after a pile-up of issues become too messy to unravel. We can’t always make sense of the dynamics that brought us to a tipping point, but we recognize on some level that the bad has outweighed the good. When a relationship starts to hurt our mental health on a consistent basis, there… Read more »
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This month, I’ve been working on creating a whiteboard explaining the fantasy bond and I’ve come to realize that it is a complex concept to get across in only a few words and with simple drawings. A while ago, I did a whiteboard about the critical inner voice, which was also challenging to describe. What… Read more »
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In this blog, I am excited to share the introduction and conclusion from my new book, Challenging the Fantasy Bond. I hope you find it interesting and enjoy reading it. The Fantasy Bond The early version of my theoretical approach set forth in The Fantasy Bond was primarily intended for psychologists, psychiatrists and others in… Read more »
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Many people are fresh off gathering with family this holiday season. Getting together with our own unique variety of loved ones: those we adore as well as the quirky ones, the grumpy ones, even the ones we don’t really get along with can be bittersweet. Everyone acknowledges that these visits can be challenging, thus the… Read more »
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The relationship we have with our parents or primary caretakers is almost never black or white. Some of us may be more inclined to idealize our parents, while others may feel especially zoomed in on their shortcomings. Most of us are guilty of both. As adults, we’re often better able to see that our parents… Read more »
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Many people struggle with reconciling what they think they want with what they go about getting. What I mean by that is, they don’t fully understand how and why they get in their own way when it comes to their goals. To a certain degree, many of us don’t actually want what we say we… Read more »
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Real-World Romance for Real-Life Partners Last month, I finished revising and updating The Fantasy Bond with my husband, Robert Firestone. While working on this book, now called Challenging the Fantasy Bond, I became aware of what a delicate balance it is to keep a relationship real. In a romantic relationship, people have a tendency to… Read more »
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Understanding the fantasy bond to get your relationship back on track. Many of us are in the process of recovering from the last year of living under the threat of Covid-19; we are vaccinated, pulling off our masks, and moving in to hug the people we have missed. We are venturing out into the world,… Read more »
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A lot of couples talk to me about their struggles to stay close to each other in a way that feels vital and intimate. At the same time, they may also complain about a feeling of sacrifice or a way they’re having to compromise and give up certain aspects of themselves to be in the… Read more »
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As a therapist, I spend a good amount of time exploring the push and pull that occurs in relationships. For example, between couples, a lot of friction occurs when one person is wanting more closeness, while the other is seeking more space. With individuals, I observe many people who say they want love and intimacy,… Read more »
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