Fantasy Bond

Daring to Love: Interview with Tamsen Firestone

Watch Now: Daring to Love Move Beyond Fear of Intimacy, Embrace Vulnerability, and Create Lasting Connection

Preserving Individuality to Strengthen Your Relationship

To maintain a successful relationship it is necessary that both people maintain their own individuality and respect the individuality of their partner. Each is concerned with their own and their partner’s continued development as a person. In my book, Daring to Love, I write about achieving this by remaining adult, open, undefended, and honest in… Read more »

Five Things You Can Do Today to Feel Closer to Your Partner

Relationships are full of ups and downs, but they can also have long lulls in which you just don’t feel the same level of intimacy or excitement with your partner. I’ve written a lot about the reasons you may start to lose that lit-up feeling of being in love as well as the ways you… Read more »

The Fantasy Bond in Couple Relationships

By the time they reach adulthood, most people have solidified their defenses and exist in a psychological equilibrium that they do not wish to disturb. Although they may be relatively congenial with more casual acquaintances, over time there is typically a noticeable deterioration in the quality of relating within their most intimate relationships. As a… Read more »

The Fantasy Bond or Primary Defense

This is the first in a series of blogs describing my theoretical approach known as Separation Theory. It represents an integration of psychoanalytic and existential systems of thought and describes how early interpersonal pain and separation anxiety and, later, death anxiety, lead to the formation of powerful psychological defenses. The primary defense is the fantasy… Read more »

A Guide to the Fantasy Bond

Many struggles we face in our current interpersonal relationships arise from a core defense formed in childhood known as the “fantasy bond.” Maybe you’re wondering why you’re losing the “spark” between you and your partner or why you can’t seem to stop worrying about your kids. You may be surprised to learn that what’s really at… Read more »

Passionate Love: What is the “spark” and how can we keep it alive?

Love is friendship set on fire. ~ Jeremy Taylor Many of us say we’d like to be in love, but have we ever stopped to think what kind of love we’re imagining? Over the years, scientists have made efforts to classify different types of love. Recently, researcher Dr. Barbara Acevedo discovered some good news about one type… Read more »

Be Mine: Dealing with Possessiveness in a Relationship

How to Create a More Equal and Trusting Relationship The subject of having a possessive or controlling relationship partner may feel worlds away from the sweet sentiment behind asking someone to be your Valentine. However, many couples find there can be a slippery slope from desiring a lover to wanting to own them. When it… Read more »

You Don’t Really Know Yourself

Examining the persistence of our negative identity My life’s work has focused on understanding resistance in psychotherapy and more specifically, on people’s fundamental resistance to the formation of a better, more positive image of themselves. For the most part, they are unaware that their lives are controlled and regulated by negative images and attitudes toward… Read more »

Who’s the Boss in Your Relationship?

How common power dynamics destroy our closest relationships At a recent dinner party, I witnessed a group of friends teasingly ask one another who was in charge in their relationship. The question was meant to be playfully provocative, with most people laughing as everyone else at the table shouted, often in unison, who they perceived… Read more »