The Fantasy Bond

How to Go “All In” in a Relationship (Without Losing Yourself)

As a therapist, I spend a good amount of time exploring the push and pull that occurs in relationships. For example, between couples, a lot of friction occurs when one person is wanting more closeness, while the other is seeking more space. With individuals, I observe many people who say they want love and intimacy,… Read more »

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Five Things You Can Do Today to Feel Closer to Your Partner

Relationships are full of ups and downs, but they can also have long lulls in which you just don’t feel the same level of intimacy or excitement with your partner. I’ve written a lot about the reasons you may start to lose that lit-up feeling of being in love as well as the ways you… Read more »

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A Guide to the Fantasy Bond

Many struggles we face in our current interpersonal relationships arise from a core defense formed in childhood known as the “fantasy bond.”  Maybe you’re wondering why you’re losing the “spark” between you and your partner or why you can’t seem to stop worrying about your kids. You may be surprised to learn that what’s really at… Read more »

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Why Do So Many People Respond Negatively to Being Loved?

Love — kindness, affection, sensitive attunement, respect, companionship — is not only difficult to find, but is even more challenging for many people to accept and tolerate.  In my work with individuals and couples, I have observed countless examples of people reacting angrily when loving responses were directed toward them. One man felt a flash… Read more »

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Identity, Sexuality, and Society’s Assault on the Self: A Commentary on John Irving’s Novel, In One Person

John Irving’s latest novel, In One Person, is a timely statement about men and women, the nature of sexuality, and society’s assault on the self. Although a work of fiction, the book faithfully reports the real-life struggles of certain people to become who they were destined to be; people different from the rest of us,… Read more »

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Rihanna and Chris Brown: The Abusive Cycle

Rihanna’s racy remix “Birthday Cake” has created a public frenzy ever since the song was released. But it’s not just the inappropriately sexy lyrics that have people talking; it’s the man she sings it with. Her one and only, lover and abuser: Chris Brown. No one can forget how that duo ended. A day before… Read more »

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Breaking the Fantasy Bond with Our Mothers

The other day, I was reminded of reading Nancy Friday’s book, My Mother/My Self many years ago; so I took Friday’s book down from a shelf in my office and opened it, quite by chance, to page 388, where I found this heavily underlined quote: “As we get older and the tie to mother is… Read more »

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Why My Relationship Failed, a Fantasy Bond Story

        We’ve all been there. Sitting alone, upset, rejected, wondering, “what the heck just happened?” That’s where I was at the end of my last relationship. The sad thing was, I knew exactly what had happened, and I knew I could have stopped it. It had all started nearly a year and… Read more »

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What is a Fantasy Bond?

Dr. Robert Firestone on The Fantasy Bond

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Dr. Lisa Firestone On The Fantasy Bond

Dr. Lisa Firestone on the Fantasy Bond

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