The Fantasy Bond

Seven Real Vows to Make Your Marriage Last

June is the most popular month for weddings. The questions overwhelming many soon-to-be newlyweds tend to involve dresses, cakes, guests and venues. When you think about it, although the price tag and party planning committee tend to be larger, the concerns of the engaged couple are not so different from the concerns we held as… Read more »

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The Key to Healthy Relationships: It’s All in Your Head

Do you remember the children’s book, The Missing Piece, by the beloved author Shel Silverstein? In this sweet, abstractly illustrated tale, a circle-shaped protagonist, complete but for one pie-shaped slice of himself, rolls along looking for his missing piece. Some pieces are too big, others too small. The quest continues until, finally, he finds that perfect… Read more »

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How To Tell the Difference Between Real Love and Fantasy

As children, we often form a fantasy of what real love looks like. Though we may paint a pretty picture in our minds, this fantasy isn’t necessarily built on the admirable qualities we truly desire in a partner. Instead, it may be based on gaps we hope to one day fill, mistakes we aim to… Read more »

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How to Not Lose the "Me" When Becoming a "We"

Typical relationship scenario: You start out feeling like the very best version of yourself that you have ever been and before you know it, you are digging around in the relationship looking for some remnant of that person you were when you fell in love. “Where did I put that person? Where is that “Me”?… Read more »

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What Love is Not: A Proven Method to Make Love Last

Long have poets and scholars, romantics and intellects, teenagers and grandparents pondered the question: What is love? Yet, as we repeatedly find ourselves in the same relationship pitfalls, broken-hearted or fervently re-seeking that initial spark, perhaps a more beneficial question is, what isn’t love? As much as we as a species are capable of involuntarily… Read more »

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How Do I Know if I Have a Fantasy Bond?

There are ways to uncover how and why a genuinely loving relationship can forego passion for routine. How often do we find ourselves going from a vital sense of love for another person to a weighted feeling of complacency or dissatisfaction? Why does this occur? Is it something in us or is it the person… Read more »

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The Fantasy Bond

The question of why love fades can be explained by the concept of the fantasy bond. Dr. Lisa Firestone helps us understand how and why this form of relating hurts our intimate relationships.

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Fantasy Bond

What is a fantasy bond? A “fantasy bond” describes an illusion of connection between a couple that is substituted for feelings of real love and intimacy. Forming a fantasy bond is an often unconscious act of self-parenting and self-protection, in which two people become pseudo-independent, replacing the real relating involved in being in love with the form of… Read more »

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