Self Development

3 Things to Do the Minute You’re Overwhelmed With Anger

Anger is an important, often misunderstood emotion. I recently wrote about why we could all learn to be more accepting and curious about our anger rather than judging or suppressing it. Burying our anger can bend us out of shape and lead us to suffer both mentally and physically. On the other hand, lashing out… Read more »

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6 Tips For Dealing With Your Anger

Anger is a natural and inevitable human emotion. Yet, many people have a complicated relationship with it. They may struggle with any stage of processing, coping with, or expressing their anger. As a result, they develop conflicted feelings and unhealthy patterns around this heated emotion. Because anger often gets confused with aggression, people tend to… Read more »

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Freeing Yourself From Childhood Trauma

Most of us have experienced some form of trauma in our development. We may have endured what mental health professionals refer to as a “big T Trauma” like abuse, serious loss, or a life-threatening experience, or we may have examples of “little t trauma” from events that weren’t life-threatening but caused emotional distress and altered… Read more »

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Challenging the Fantasy Bond

In this blog, I am excited to share the introduction and conclusion from my new book, Challenging the Fantasy Bond.  I hope you find it interesting and enjoy reading it. The Fantasy Bond The early version of my theoretical approach set forth in The Fantasy Bond was primarily intended for psychologists, psychiatrists and others in… Read more »

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“Name It to Tame It” – The Deep Emotions Underlying Your Triggers

What triggers you and why? We all have those moments when all of a sudden one statement directed toward us sends us into an emotional tailspin. It may be a single word our partner uses to describe us that makes our blood boil. It may be an offhand, teasing remark from a friend that ignites… Read more »

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No Resolutions for Me

I’ve decided not to make any New Year’s resolutions. This just isn’t the year for that. There are a lot of suggestions being offered for constructive ways to approach this upcoming year. There are the traditional self-improvement resolutions. Then there is gentler advice that focuses on gratitude and self-compassion. But I’m going to ignore them… Read more »

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Making Sense of Your Covid Story

New Year’s is often seen as a time to create a new story. This year, with a new surge in the pandemic, many people are left with the unsettling feeling of moving backwards instead of forward. Most of us are afraid of re-experiencing the painful aspects of the past two years, the isolation, the uncertainty…. Read more »

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Home (not again) for the Holidays

Many people are fresh off gathering with family this holiday season. Getting together with our own unique variety of loved ones: those we adore as well as the quirky ones, the grumpy ones, even the ones we don’t really get along with can be bittersweet. Everyone acknowledges that these visits can be challenging, thus the… Read more »

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Accepting “Good Enough” Friends and Partners

It’s pretty much to be expected that the people who matter most to us also happen to be the ones with whom we spend the most time. Unfortunately, there can be a downside to getting to know someone really well. Not only do we become aware of their flaws or shortcomings, but we may hone… Read more »

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The Destructive Ways We Self-Parent as Adults

The relationship we have with our parents or primary caretakers is almost never black or white. Some of us may be more inclined to idealize our parents, while others may feel especially zoomed in on their shortcomings. Most of us are guilty of both. As adults, we’re often better able to see that our parents… Read more »

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