Home / Critical Inner Voice / “Nobody Likes Me:” Understanding Loneliness and Self-shame

“Nobody Likes Me:” Understanding Loneliness and Self-shame

nobody likes meThere is perhaps no more painful thought in the world than that of “nobody likes me.” It’s an easy feeling to indulge and dwell on, a terrible go-to self-attack in low moments when we feel isolated, depressed, anxious or insecure. This feeling has almost no bearing in reality and no purpose other than to deeply wound us and turn us against ourselves and whatever our goals may be. And yet, this exact thought is extremely common to shy people and extroverts alike.

When psychologist Lisa Firestone conducted research using a scale that measured individual’s self-destructive thoughts, she found the most common critical thought people had toward themselves was that they are not like other people. Human beings are a social species, and yet, every one of us feels, on some level, like we just don’t fit in with everyone else. A recent U.K. study of millions of people found that one in 10 people didn’t feel they had a close friend, while one in five never or rarely felt loved. So, while we may feel alone in thinking “nobody likes me,” we actually have that in common with a staggering number of people in the world. Moreover, what most of us who feel this sense of isolation also fail to realize is that the reason it is so easy to perceive ourselves as an outcast or to feel rejected, disliked or cast aside has much less to do with our external circumstances and everything to do with an internal critic we all possess.

This “critical inner voice” exists in all of us, reminding us constantly that we aren’t good enough and don’t deserve what we want. In her book Yes, Please comedian Amy Poehler described this inner enemy as “a demon voice.” She wrote, “This very patient and determined demon shows up in your bedroom one day and refuses to leave. You are six or twelve or fifteen and you look in the mirror and you hear a voice so awful and mean that it takes your breath away. It tells you that you are fat and ugly and you don’t deserve love. And the scary part is the demon is your own voice.” The critical inner voice tends to be louder and meaner in some of us than others, and it tends to pick on us more or less at different points in our lives. Yet, one thing’s for sure. As long as we are listening to this dangerous critic that twists our reality, we cannot really trust our own perceptions of what others think of us.

Chances are, it is this destructive “voice” we are hearing every time we tell ourselves, “nobody likes me.” It’s also this voice that instructs us to avoid situations where we’d get to know people. It shuts us up in social situations, makes us nervous, so we don’t act like ourselves. It confuses us with its ceaseless stream of self-shaming observations and self-limiting advice, leaving us anxious and stifled. In turn, it bends us out of shape in such a way that creates a self-fulfilling prophecy. Once we lose confidence or our sense of self, we’ll no longer act like ourselves. We may even achieve the outcome our critical inner voice warned us about, feeling isolated or finding it difficult to connect with others. “Keep quiet,” the voice barks. “You’ll only embarrass yourself! Don’t you see how stupid you sound? No one wants you around. You don’t add anything. Just be alone! Stop trying. NOBODY LIKES YOU!”

Of course, the critical inner voice isn’t experienced as an actual voice talking to us. It can be a highly subconscious and seamless part of our thought process, making it hard to recognize. Sometimes, it operates like a subtle, shaded filter through which we perceive the world. When someone doesn’t make eye contact with us, it says, “See? He doesn’t like you. He can tell there’s something wrong with you.” When a friend doesn’t text us back right away, it says, “I wonder what she’s thinking. Maybe she’s mad at you. You’re being left out.”

By the time the critical inner voice builds the case of why we’re such losers or no one cares about us, we’ve lost touch with reality, and we blindly move forward believing every negative thought about ourselves that this voice has said to us. We’re so quick to indulge its claims that we mistake them for our real point of view. Because of this, it can be very difficult to notice that this voice has seeped in and even harder to peel away its sadistic coaching from our true perceptions. The best way to start fighting the critical inner voice is, therefore, to do two things: identify when it’s operating and understand where on earth it comes from.

Where does the “voice” that “nobody likes me” come from?

The critical inner voice starts to take shape early in our lives. It’s built out of any hurtful negative attitudes that we were exposed to in childhood, especially from significant caretakers. If a parent thought of us as lazy, helpless or as a troublemaker, for example, we tend to incorporate these attitudes toward ourselves on an unconscious level throughout our lives. We also tend to be influenced by how our parents felt toward themselves, if they felt awkward socially or had low self-esteem, we take on some of their self-critical perceptions as our own. Add to this the many other social experiences we had where we felt put down, shamed or rejected (a teacher who humiliated us in front of our class, a bully at school who put us down on a daily basis), and we can start to see how our inner critic took shape.

Dealing with Isolation and Loneliness

The critical inner voice strongly influences feelings of isolation, loneliness and social anxiety, a subject you can learn more about here. As Dr. Lisa Firestone put it in her article “A Way Out of Loneliness,”  “It’s helpful to recognize that loneliness is very much a state of mind, and unfortunately, that mind is, in effect, lying to us.” Being alone isn’t necessarily the issue; it’s the filter of seeing ourselves as alone that must be challenged. People who feel lonely tend to view the world differently. There are even certain structural and biochemical differences in the lonely brain. Some of the psychological effects of feeling lonely include focusing on exclusion instead of inclusion. In other words, we may be far more likely to notice the one time someone doesn’t invite us out versus the five times they did. Another effect is timidity. We may act timid with others, making it more difficult to have a clear or relaxed exchange that would lead to a positive social outcome. Finally, loneliness can actually lead to misremembering, so when we think back on our day, we may distort things people said to us or how interactions took place in ways that would perpetuate the perception of ourselves as being isolated.

As loneliness researcher Dr. John T. Cacioppo put it “Lonely individuals are more likely to construe their world as threatening, hold more negative expectations, and interpret and respond to ambiguous social behavior in a more negative, off-putting fashion, thereby confirming their construal of the world as threatening and beyond their control.” Once again, this creates a self-fulfilling prophecy. If we start to see the world as threatening or not accepting of us, we are much more likely to act in ways that push away or alienate others. So, once again, in order to challenge our loneliness, we have to challenge the negative filter through which we see ourselves and the world around us. We have to take on our critical inner voice.

Overcoming the Critical Inner Voice

Once we accept that we come by this inner critic honestly, we can start to separate it from our real point of view. We can notice the times it seeps in and tampers with the filter through which we see ourselves and the world around us. We can then recognize how our actions are affected by this destructive thought process. How is my inner critic actually altering my behavior?

There are five important steps to overcoming this inner critic. These steps comprise a method developed by psychologist and author of Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice Dr. Robert Firestone known as Voice Therapy. If someone is experiencing feelings of depression, anxiety, loneliness or social isolation, it can be extremely beneficial to seek therapy to help sort through where their self-shaming feelings come from and how to challenge them. Going through the steps of voice therapy with a trained therapist can have significant benefits. There are also exercises we can practice on our own that can help us to challenge our critical inner voice.

Step One: Get to know what your inner critic is telling you

Start to notice when your thought process shifts and your inner critic starts to invade your mind. Maybe you’re on a date, and it starts in with, “She doesn’t even like you. Why are you wasting your time?” You may be in a meeting, and when you finally speak up, you have a thought like, “You’re not making any sense. Everyone is looking at you. They want you to just shut up.” It’s important to get a hold on what situations trigger your critical inner voice and what that voice is saying to you in those moments. As an exercise, write down your critical inner voices as “I” statements, i.e. “I’m so boring. No one likes me.” Then next to these voices, write down the thoughts as “you” statements. “You’re so boring. No one likes you.” This actually helps you start to separate and see the voice as an enemy and not the real you.

Step Two: Think about where these critical attitudes come from

When people write down or say their voices out loud, they sometimes have insight into where these mean thoughts originated. Many people even start to imagine the voice as coming from a figure in their lives, a parent who always worried they’d never make friends, for example. Identifying where your voices may have originally formed can help you to have self-compassion and distinguish these old attitudes from your current reality.

Step Three: Talk back to your critical inner voice

This may sound tricky, and this step is often hardest for people, but it is crucial that you stand up for yourself and vocalize or write down a reply to your critical inner voice. You should aim to take on the perspective you would have toward a good friend and write down a more compassionate and realistic response to your voice attack, once again, as an “I” statement. “I am not boring. I’m a unique and worthy person who deserves friendship. I have many qualities that many people would appreciate and like.” Don’t listen to the undermining criticisms that come up as you complete this exercise. As Amy Poehler put it “Sticking up for ourselves in the same way we would one of our friends is a hard but satisfying thing to do. Sometimes it works. Even demons gotta sleep.”

Step Four: Think about how your voices affect your actions

As you come to know your voices, you’ll get better at recognizing when they pop up, and you can actively try to divert your mind. You can also start to notice how this voice influences your behavior. It may tell you, you’re too shy to make friends, so you avoid social situations. It may cause you to feel insecure in your relationship, so you find yourself seeking reassurance from your partner. If it tells you the world is rejecting you, you may find yourself acting a bit angrier in your daily interactions or a whole lot meaner to yourself. Try to take note of all the times your critical inner voice is driving your behavior. As you do this, adopt what Dr. Daniel Siegel calls a C-O-A-L (curious, open, accepting and loving) attitude toward yourself.

Step Five: Change your behavior

Once you’ve identified them, it’s essential to challenge the behaviors dictated by your inner critic in order to go after what you want in life. So, if your inner critic tells you to stay in seclusion or to keep your mouth shut at a party, uncomfortable as it may feel at first, you have to find a way to not indulge in the behavior that will lead you to feel more shame or loneliness. Even if initially you wind up feeling embarrassed or not quite yourself when you act against your voice, you should remember to practice self-compassion. Challenging your voices will stir up anxiety and changing a behavior pattern can make the voice seem louder at first. However, the more actions you take against your inner critic, the more confident you’ll become, and the more the voice will eventually fade into the background.

If, in this process, you find yourself having thoughts like, “Yeah right. My voices are right about me,” remember that pretty much everyone feels this exact way at some point or another. Most people feel like an outcast on some level, but challenging this precise feeling is what will lead you to get what you want in life. It will allow you to shed layers that keep you from feeling yourself. No matter what your inner critic is telling you or using to reinforce its arguments that you’re different or unworthy, you can find ways to access the strength to calmly quiet this destructive coaching and be persistent in moving toward your goals. Slowly but surely you’re inner critic will weaken, and your real self will become stronger, more vibrant, better known, understood and accessible to the world around you.

 If you or someone you know is in crisis or in need of immediate help, call 1-800-273-TALK (8255). This is a free hotline available 24 hours a day to anyone in emotional distress or suicidal crisis.



  1. nnnnnnnnooooooooooooooooo i dont need ANYYYYYY of thissssssssssss

  2. I loved reading this! I knew I wasn’t alone and self esteem and self worth fluctuates a lot, especially since the world we live in is so uncertain. Nothing is for sure. I’m at a tough place in my life right now but I won’t be hard on myself. I love myself even if I’m not rich or have a ton of money. It is what it is right now. I don’t like it but it happens to everyone I’m sure. I will have compassion for myself.

  3. I am very excited about this website. It has been very helpful. May God bless you

    • Me too , what a relief to fi d this and the comments , might be hope yet.

    • Guys please help me.. Now a days I do lot of overthinking .. And all will be negative only. I have some insecure feelings also.. Pls advise how to come out of this

      • Dear Ashima,
        We encourage you to get support, whether through a group, a counselor or therapist. You might find some of the resources on this mental health website helpful with the feelings that you described: http://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/issues/self-criticism
        For information on how to find help 24/7, click here: https://www.psychalive.org/get-help-now/
        Stay safe.

      • Hi Ashima, I think its right to say that i understand how u feel…if u r from india, going to a therapist also wouldnt be that easy due to social cliches. . Its difficult for me to advice something without knowing what is happening in your life right now. BUt i have been there where u r now…U feel like if only ur mind could stop thinking for a while…u pray incessantly for ur thoughts to stop but all in vain…I will just recommend u that start something which u like or u r passionate about. Start learning guitar or anything else. GYmming etc etc… It will make u feel better…I did that myself…And always keep one thing in mind that LIFE IS NOT GOING TO REMAIN AS IT IS NOW, it will most certainly change…May god bless u…and i think like ur name, ur smile also wud be so cute.take care and help another soul.

  4. Thanks for your article on the critical inner voice. Never really thought of it as a demon but that’s a Good analogy . Something or someone that causes harm chaos. Thank you and God Bless. Val

  5. yeah — and what do you do when your own mother tells you point blank and directly that nobody in the family likes you? And that your kids don’t get invited places because nobody wants YOU around?

    • Find people that do like you.
      Even if it’s just a little more than your mom does.

      I didn’t say it was an easy solution, Elizabeth

    • Try new palces, new people, new activities, new friendes.. Get distracted from who around you, get bussy, be happy you deserve it! :))

    • I would stay away from such toxic mother & family.
      Sometimes people can’t see our light but it doesn’t mean that we don’t shine.
      Don’t waste your light on people who love darkness.

    • Elizabeth, that is called verbal abuse. Either that, or you have very poor social understanding and act in a way that makes people afraid of you etc. If that is the case, you can learn. Nobody is born with social skills, we all learn them from somewhere. Socially fluent people actually study it under a master or go to school to master their emotional intelligence skills!

    • Elizabeth, I know exactly how you feel! my mother has done the exact same thing to me and my son! It hurts deeply! I can’t tell you not to let it affect you, because it will, and it has! No parent should ever be so mean and spiteful, but in reality it happens! These are known as Toxic people! They are set on destruction! Please believe me when I tell you from experience, you are better than they are! You have to believe in yourself and your kids! Hold your head up high!

    • This is my whole life. That’s all I can say I don’t know how to start that inner but I tried that party situation but the next day I feel I said and did something stupid

    • It’s prob not everybody and I bet it’s your mom trying to have power over you . Leave your mom out for a while and see how she likes it. Tell her everybody hates her see how she feels. It’s probably not true and I bet everybody likes you but doesn’t like how your mom is mean to you. You haven’t done anything to intentionally hurt anyone. Don’t let her make you feel this way. Just be nice to the rest of the family don’t talk to mom about anyone . She sounds like my mom who’s a narcissist and can’t say one nice thing about me. I’ve done nothing to hurt her. I’ve always given all I can?No one deserves this.

    • I’ve been there but it didn’t stop with just one person. I actually don’t have anyone to talk to that I can just talk to & vent without someone reporting me to someone & telling me I’m sick,, or twisted & throwing it up later on & eventually regret that I told because trust & betrayal ruins it, I feel judged. My own father reported me out of anger & he’s done & said alot worse, but nobody has reported them. No one wants to hear me when I did try to tell. It was too late because I was already reported. No one wanted to know why I did some things. Everybody wants to report everybody about any lil thing. They manipulate me by making me promise not to tell but it’s ok for them to break theirs or tell me if I do, it would be my fault for telling. My life has been like a roller coaster, but I’ve learned games & yes I’ve played them maybe only because that’s what I knew to get what I felt like I needed then I developed that guilt & regret toward myself & how I am made to feel.

    • I understand all too well Elizabeth

    • Beth same have happened to me I know how hard feels even I am finding solution for this thing?

  6. No one likes me 🙁

    • I like you Jamil

    • No matter how others perceive you, your most important job is to figure out how you truly perceive yourself. Only then can you see the reality of how people REALLY see you. Trust me, I’m going through it too. It seems my most avid bedtime routine here lately has been, Step 1- put on PJs. Step 2- cry. I just have to keep telling myself that nobody is worth my pain, and then I can finally get some rest. God bless Jamil. ❤️

      • Stay strong Cora! I will try to do the same as well from now on. We have to stay strong all of us! 🙂

        • True i feel same way too but nobody really understand i cry to bed everyday happiness is far away from me i really wish i can av a true friend I’m really scared of the way i act in public i need

    • Me too I like you for being so honest .

    • No one like me too but my sister is so lucky and have lots of friend

    • Same I have no friends

    • Your not the only one mate, even my family cant stand me.

      • reading all these posts firstly makes me very sad because i feel each of your pain as i feel that way too. i can come across like the class clown, making people laugh and being silly until my demons start talking and then i feel like the loneliest person ever. don’t think people would know how badly i tear myself apart. analizing every comment or gesture that people made and turning it into a negative. noticed the older i get the more reassurance i need from family to tell me i’m a nice person. i’m a people pleaser. i will actually go round folk when im having a bad day and ask them if i have done anything to annoy them . its draining and im sick of it. i dont want want to give a f*** anymore. want to slap my demons away and you can too. sick of worrying and looking like a pratt for trying to get people to like me. goodbye demons 😉 love yourself xx

    • I like you jamil

    • I’m so alone and i dont know how to trust anyone anymore not to hurt or do bad things to me. It’s been like this for 2 years and it just gets wrost. No matter what no one likes they dont want me around.

  7. Ok Seriously, what about when I think everything is great. I mean I’m friendly, nice to people and think I’m part of the group and then find out I am not invited to anything, then people stop talking to me and I’m the outcast once again. this has happened all my life. I don’t go into a situation thinking no one likes me … it just happens. Again… This as happened all my life! I think I have a deep dark ugliness side that people see and don’t want me around.

    • thats my story..

    • That has been my experience too, my whole life. Like you, I go in hopeful and happy, and later find I’m not included. In my twenties and thirties, I discovered my sibling and parents had been on vacations without me. Wow.

      • Wow. It sounds like you’re writing about me! I’m not extremely outgoing but I was never antisocial either. I’m all for going out or having drinks and dancing. I love having fun. I also enjoy staying in and watching movies and taking. Now I’m 30 and have a child. I would like adult company sometimes. I hardly ever get invited to do things and I have realized that now I have became antisocial bc I feel like people don’t include me bc they don’t like me. It hurts my feelings when I find out about my family going on vacations or friends getting together but I was never included. Now I just keep to myself all the time even though I really want to be included. It had gotten to where I don’t get bothered by it too much anymore bc I spend most of my time with my child. When I work I have no problem cutting up with people and building relationships. But it ends there. No one talks to me outside of work or away from social media. I feel like an outcast and that no one really cares at all.

      • I discovered how many family gatherings I was excluded from while going through the stuff in my late aunt’s apartment. I have been told by many people who evidently just wanted to be malicious in the course of a disagreement we were having that “nobody likes you”. These same people then have the nerve to criticize me for being depressed.

        • I’ve been there but it didn’t stop with just one person. I actually don’t have anyone to talk to that I can just talk to & vent without someone reporting me to someone & telling me I’m sick,, or twisted & throwing it up later on & eventually regret that I told because trust & betrayal ruins it, I feel judged. My own father reported me out of anger & he’s done & said alot worse, but nobody has reported them. No one wants to hear me when I did try to tell. It was too late because I was already reported. No one wanted to know why I did some things. Everybody wants to report everybody about any lil thing. They manipulate me by making me promise not to tell but it’s ok for them to break theirs or tell me if I do, it would be my fault for telling. My life has been like a roller coaster, but I’ve learned games & yes I’ve played them thinking others would see how I felt & still feel, but maybe only because that’s what I knew to get what I felt like I needed. But I then I developed that guilt & regret & stupid& sorrow toward myself & how I am made to feel. Even my kids have seen some of it like, They still as happy telling a pregnant teen how such a great Mommy she going to be while they’re part blame me & my kids lives are a mess by my father reporting me when before he reported me while one of my kids was visiting him, was sexually battered in her sleep supposedly by a younger male cousin & she woke up & when I reported it after I found out, police reported it in our state, that other boy nor his parents nor my father was reported to children & family because they told me it was criminal & they didn’t deal with criminal only harm of child under parentsor guardian care, & police said nothing could be done due to my child & supposedly witnesses but police case could stay open for 3 years & without children & family interview the other people or reporting it to that state so the others could have a case opened on them & investigated, our state closed it out & I feel I can’t go against them in fear of retaliation on me & my kids that I could get my kids taken, they already lied in the other report plus I don’t have the money or resources to fight them. And that makes me feel stupid. Have I done wrong yes but I’m the only one getting punished.

      • Me too, I see myself in some of y’all. But at times it has been good, it hasn’t been All bad, it’s like I have to tell many stories.

    • That’s how I feel lots of times. My family see me as a problem , now I am at uni , it’s like they want me to stay and never darken their doorstep again , I am doing ver well at uni , but I am so lonely soo lonely , this can’t be normal . I feel for you , the only thing my family value about me , is that they got rid of me . I just keep studying . Think of going to town where no one knows me at the end when I graduate. Sorry you so lonely , xx Kim

    • Are we the black sheep , I feel same as you ladies . I wonder what I do wrong , and now I’m older , I presume I am a loner. Like who would pick to be a loner , but it’s all I can come up with.

      • Hi Kim, I also would say I am a loner. After years of relationships that failed I have come to my late 50’s alone. I don’t see that this will ever change. Past events and manipulative/harmful people have made me somewhat crazy and the only calm i find is in prayer to Jesus. Somehow, when I pray to Him, I don’t feel alone anymore, even though i can’t see Him. I have finally had to come to the conclusion I am best when I am with Him and it is okay. In fact, just writing this makes me feel calmer. Being lonely my entire life was due to an ache for the love I never received. I get it from Jesus.

    • Yep always felt that way too…like there’s just SOMETHING not right with me thats a put off to most people .

    • This happens to me too.

    • I feel this same way. However thinking about it I am realizing that is where my inner critic is coming from. All the family outings I was excluded from and the way my family makes me feel like an outcast with their words and behaviors.

      I would like to be done letting my family’s oppinion of me ruin my happiness. I am now determined to prove my inner critic wrong!

      I also have been considering that when I go into a situation hoping for the best and being friendly and really trying only to be left out and isolated once again…it is highly possible that I am projecting my feeling of dislike toward the new people. Thinking back on the situations it only ever seems to happen when I myself dont enjoy the particular group I am trying to be a part of.

    • You’re probably socially awkward in some way. You’re infringing on social rules that most people pick up as children/teens. Of males, a very large part of the nerdier/more quiet ones suffer from this at least part of their life!

    • Same as me we can relate

    • I don’t get to see my friends as much as I’d like to. People don’t include me either but it’s ok. Because I know someday that people will like me because I’m fun. Sometimes people can be unkind or jealous but it’s not my fault. All I have control of is how I react or treat others, If they don’t reciprocate all I can do is stay on the high path and know someday that if I keep trying it will get better it’s not great but, there’s hope.

    • This is me to a T. If I ever go to a party, its cause I invited myself. Noone tries to talk to me, seems its always me that has to make the attempt to talk to people. I know I am shy but I push myself out there. I see people avoid me. Even my own brother, hugs me when he does see me but we bought a house almost a year ago and he hasnt even seen it yet, even though hes been right up the road. My Mom is a mile away and has only been here maybe 4 times. So much of this article explained the inner thoughts. Sexually molested as a young girl, Emotionally and physically abused also.

    • You could invite others to come with you. It’s worth a try.

      • I’ve tried that a few times. Everybody was busy, so nobody came. I ended up feeling worse about myself in the end. Kinda proved that inner voice right that no one liked me.

        My shrink says I need to go out and find nice people. I keep asking her how. I seem to have bad luck with it and just keep getting hurt. I’m tired of being hurt all the time whenever I try to interact with people.

    • I hrt that all time

  8. I feel the exact same way. I’m not shy but I’m not obnoxious. I smile at everyone and I go into situations feeling positive and confident- not overly- yet no one includes me in anything. I have a cousin who outwardly fights with other family, always putting in her 2 cents, completely treats people like crap yet she’s always invited and I’m not. I’ve narrowed it down to maybe I’m not ‘real enough’ with people. I always notice it’s the rude demanding people who always get noticed and have everyone trying to please them. Me, I’m too timid and nice I guess. I don’t demand things of others so maybe that’s it. I need to start being a jerk in order to dazzle people and leave some sort of lasting impression.

    • What you wrote is almost exactly how I feel too! I am certainly not perfect, but I perceive myself as a genuine, courteous, kind, generous person with a healthy sense of humor. I love to laugh with others (not at others). I also perceive that most of the time when I attempt to interact with a group of people that I am always the one no one cares to listen too. I am careful not to dominate but if I speak even three words, someone will always interrupt me and it is as if I am just a ghost nobody notices. But I have tried being obnoxious to see if that would get me heard at least…but the reaction from the group when I do that is someone calls me out to put me in my place and I end up humiliated. Then feel really stupid for acting obnoxious against my nature. When I simply raise my voice to be heard I feel that people are looking at me like I am some kind of freak.

      • Me too, but I have tried to be rude but it’s only worse for me. Then they tell me I need to forgive & say why would anyone like me, what have I done to make anyone like me. My mother bought her a shirt that says she said something like that if you think I’m a B**** you should meet or see my daughter. Then I have others telling me that they didn’t think my father reported me they said yeah he knew but it had to be someone else or I need to forgive & get peace & try to have a relationship with my father that I wasn’t close to either of my parents but I felt like I was being told it was me not my parents or anyone else. I was wrong for keeping my kids away from certain things that I needed to let my kids make their own teen mistakes that I couldn’t protect them forever. That was supposed to be who I thought as a friend & who for one visit started to get spiritual counseling to let my daughter see that it wasn’t wrong to get help, to let her see I would be willing to do that to help her & me for a relationship. This isn’t everything that has ever been said or done to me.

  9. What about if you are really lonely and it is not only a state of mind? There are a lot of people around me and I can get them like me if I want to. But they’re so different from me, they don’t like the things I like, they are not interested in the thing I’m interested to.. so I lie to hang out with someone, to be liked by them, to be “social” and “friendly” but that doesn’t help with the fact that nobody understands me when I talk about what I really care, the only thing I can do is talk about what they like, which doesn’t solve the problem: I’m not shy and I’m not introverted but I am lonely and it doesn’t depend on me.

    • Oh I do relate to you , we try but would like to be heard too . What we think and feel really matters , I often end up hearing problems and I really care and give attention but when I need some human interaction it’s just not available. People say ‘ oh your so strong etc ‘ if only they knew , I am same , I need people interested in me too . It’s a one way ticket, I always act caring and interested but no one interested in me at all.

      • I hear you! I am the same way. I always go out of my way to be helpful, considerate to others. But it is never ever returned because people aren’t as ‘in tune’ as I am as an empath. I feel that is is very easy for people to abuse this strength of ours. Cause that is how I see it, a curse, and a strength at the same time. I am currently in a rough situation after coming out of a 12yr relationship that left me completely drained and empty. I can’t seem to shake all the negative things that my ex constantly fed me, and feel very unworthy and unlovable. I am reaching out to my family as I feel so unloved, but they can’t be bothered to call me on their own initiative, which is what I asked for. Any contact that I have with them is because I initiate it. It makes me feel even more unloved. And when they know I am feeling down, they don’t want to hear it, which just adds to this spiral. It makes me incredibly said that the only emotional outlet available to me, is one that I need to pay for:-(

    • Lournik,

      You are understood, at least, by me. I know it’s the opposite of an ideal situation, but somehow I happen to find your comment refreshing. People create their image of the “average lonely person” and stories like yours aren’t heard that often.

    • Lounik, try to get away from having to lie. Friends don’t need to have same interests as you—As long as they have same life values as you. Its very common to not find peers who are “exactly” like you. Remember that humans used to live in groups of 100 or less—Imagine how few people of our age group there used to be! Now we at least have internet so you can discuss your interest in a group or something.

    • I totally feel what your feeling… & have done what you’ve done pretty much all my life… when I think about it. So I thought I would create my own family unit like my sister who is the favourite…& thought my Mum would be proud of me, & spend time with me like she did with my sister…but she didn’t dispite being a short bus ride away. I lived on the same road as an aunt, my Dad would visit his sister and wouldn’t visit me dispite being a teenage Mum. I moved away & focused on my child and my relationship, but still a commutable distance (1.5 hour journey) but still no visits…To maintain contact I always visited every Friday bc that’s what my 2 siblings did with their children. Every Christmas I stayed at my parents house bc that’s what they wanted, I knew they wouldn’t come to me dispite my numerous invitations. I had another child & stopped staying over, during the festive season.
      There were functions happening & third parties would make me aware of them after the fact, as why I wasn’t there which made me look like I wasn’t interested. I’m 50 now, not in a relationship, Ive been told on numerous occasions how attractive & stylish I am…conversant but struggle to get Men to ultimately give what I need, dispite giving them what they want & need from me, so I always leave them… giving them years, being hopeful. I yearned for love & loyalty and have not ever received the 2 as a package…always love never fidelity & support which is the sad story of my life… Privately & professionally.
      I now live even further away… & know no one, so see no one, as I have always been the one to maintain the relationships I’ve had.

      • I’m so sorry for you. Unfortunately it seems that the more you give to a loved one the more they take, the less you ask for the less they give to you. I know exactly how this feels.

    • me too
      i don’t know what can i do:(((((((

  10. My band is Annie and 45. My whole life I felt that there was something seriously wrong with me that everybody knew about but know one talks about. As a kid I was a straight A student but my family always talked about how bright and smart is my older brother is and they always said that I’m a very hard worker. I was never popular but had some friends. I did sports and piano too. In my team no girls ever talk to me, I was very lonely so I quit. I moved to US when I was 17. I wanted to become a physician to prove to the world and my family that I worth something but my family said it would be very difficult for me since I don’t speak the language. I finished my BS in biology and got into pharmacy school and got my doctorate degree there. Everybody was impressed and happy but still my brother was the smart one even though he didn’t finish his college and opened his own business. Now I work as a consultant pharmacist but again I don’t get any attention or respect from anybody. People sitting next to my ask about medications from someone else and ignoring me as a drug expert. Recently our friend finish her nursing degree which is only 2 year program and all of the sudden everybody listens to her advise and completely ignoring me. It hurts me to my bones that the amount of schooling I did (8 years), passing very hard board exam that only 60% pass and still I have zero respect or recognition. Sometimes it brings a teat to my eyes. I know and feel very competent and my decisions always been excellent in my career but somehow people just ignore me. I don’t have friends or very few and sometimes I feel my daughter doesn’t love me or doesn’t want to be next to me. I always have negative thoughts and visions and always imagine the worse. I have been devolved for 6 years and no one asked me out. I’m financially very stable. educated, very slim and look much younger than my age. People sometimes think me and my 13 year old daughter ate sisters. I try to read and educate myself, increase my self esteem, be positive but nothing changes in my life. I cry sometimes because I feel very very lonely insight. I try very hard to please everybody all the time. I take my parents and my daughter to Europe every year for vacation, I put my daughter to private school since she was pre-schooler , I try to surprise my family with nice gifts but inside I feel very empty. There is nothing in my life that gives me back something. My parents do their best for me, help me with my daughter and give me love but I still feel very empty. I am very tiered and lonely, don’t know how I need to change myself. I think not being able to meet any guy who would show an interest in my really bothers me a lot. I even try on line dating even though it’s against my principals. When I go to parties or professional mixers I stay completely invisible. No one talks to me or approaches me even though I think I’m very cute Does anyone have any suggestions for me? I already tried auto suggestion that I am pretty and smart and well deserved but the reality shows me something very different.

    • Annie,
      My heart breaks for you as I read your words. I was struck by the eighteenth sentence you wrote above – if that is true, you might be interested in this article about the scientifically-supported study of positive emotions and thought, and your power over creating them. I know there is a lot more to you than what you wrote, so I can’t pretend to know the real you and I don’t know if this will strike a chord with you, but from what you shared in that eighteenth sentence, I think this could help you. Good luck and much love.

      • I appreciate your help and I am willing to do anything that can help me. Thank I again!!!

      • I just recently moved away from home and started college. It is the end of my first semester away at college and I feel very very lonely, anxious, and depressed. Being in a whole new surrounding with new people makes me anxious and also makes me realize that I have had this inner voice my whole life. It bothers me to no end when someone doesn’t invite me somewhere or gives me a slightly wrong look I assume the worst. No one I know here understands this I don’t even understand it but every time I am alone with someone I get anxious and feel like anything I say will be wrong and awkward. I was popular in high school and had a lot of friends but it still bothered me a lot when no one invited me anywhere, I just felt worthless and like they purposely didn’t invite me. I do meet with a therapist but I even have this voice when talking to her, it tells me that she won’t understand and that she will think im making it up just to get medicine or something. I cry almost every night after any gathering with friends, I’m in a terrible place in my life right now and I feel so lost, I do not know what to do

    • Annie,
      I’m no expert, but with your brains and accomplishments, I’m afraid people are simply intimidated by your mere existence. I would say that your greatness is hard for the average person to be around, and, although unintentional, you surface their deepest insecurities. When they compare themselves to you, they feel bad about themselves, which makes you feel bad about yourself. Makes sense?

      • Thank you for your kinds thought however I am afraid those are not true. Most people don’t know or don’t even know what I do or who I’m. Most of the time I’m invisible or people just ignore me. I don’t feel people hate me so much, rather just ignore me. Sonetimes I feel I’m getting on people’s nurves, if I’m very boring or annoying person. I have tried every kind of literature and outogussestion but I feel nothing is helping me how I feel. Again, I would like to thank you for your thoughts and hope one day I will figure out what is wrong with me.

    • I would join interest groups that i truly like/love such as hiking, singing, book reading, whatever your interests, but start with also that have a good ratio of both men and women. Perhaps you can start one on your own (this what I’ve done, started some meetups, though many don’t pan out, but if your interests are general, I’m sure there is already a meetup out there, at least in bigger towns and most cities in N. America.

      It’s also possible that since you seem to be a “hard worker” maybe be you are playing it too hard to meet without YOU realizing it, which can be a turn off to most. Accepting yourself as normal human who like to be part of human community, there is no shame in showing interests, even when it misfires. as a hard worker people sometime tend to ignore what is outwardly (in appearance) attractive. You know the nerdy king, the engineers and computer scientists. Yes I’m one in that category.

      I’d not worry too much about my own family especially if do not find anything in you for their disdain or indifference. There are lots of people who gravitate toward each other for reasons that may be mysterious even to themselves. You can’t fix others, live YOUR life first. That’s what you owe most.

      Lastly, check out with a psychologist if you can afford it for a few hundred bucks, if it really bothers you why you are seen invisible.

      Good luck.

      • I really appreciate your advise and recommendations. I think you are absolutely right about me trying hard. I try hard meeting people, I try hard pleasing people. I have also tried therapy but I really didn’t get much out if it. Thanks again.

      • Please don’t get offended to Jana, she probably didn’t know if they knew or not just assumed & thinking of others like me without knowing me. Thank you Jana, because I am o e of those, I didn’t go to college, I worked eventually married, worked, quit had babies & wanted to devote my time raising them in the life that I really wanted for them but all that didn’t happen exactly the way I wanted. I wanted the American family type but like I said I’m still married to their dad & were still as a family but not near the way I ever wanted or imagined. Ive tried building them & they’re dad up & I’ve tried to support him with his job & if there is a chance for him to promote I push him because I I feel if my kids & him succeed I’ve succeded even though I didn’t do the I work, I can feel good sometimes but my husband doesn’t think or feel that way I he thinks I think he’s a not good enough. His mother doesn’t acknowledge what he is & had done a her damage to make him stay grounded to be near her. I worthless to others especially the ones that went to college or has an important job & has what seems the life I wanted for myself and kids. Not knowing you, I’m not being ugly it’s just how I’ve been treated & felt but as soon as I found out your job, I wouldn’t talk to you about anything personal because I’d be afraid to & even if I had already told you personal issues, I would be feeling like a maniac because I’ve been betrayed way too many times. I’m gonna say though I am proud of what you’ve accomplished & don’t make you feel bad of your accomplishments.

    • Sometimes the nice looking people are perceived as “scary” or threatening. You may look so confident that people are afraid to approach you. Could this be the case?

    • Annie: I was you. You must dedicate your life to change. Inner work comes first. You are not the opinions of others. Happiness is (mostly) a choice. There are endless battles to be fought, and many people quit after just losing one. Persistence is key. You can reprogram habits and better perspectives into your mind within several months. I was lazy for years and didn’t think I could change my negative thinking. When I had enough, and dedicated every single moment, right now, to being in control of my thoughts and emotions, I started seeing real results. My depression and social anxiety is normal now. I am much healthier in ever aspect because I do the work to get that health.. and health is so underrated. I welcome challenges. I found peace and self-love.. confidence. However, I can’t tell you my relationships changed. I am still invisible. I just find I don’t really care about that anymore. I never fit in with those people anyway. It was a grass-is-greener deal, and for me, at least, it wasn’t. I don’t need people to be happy. But I am a human like everyone else, and although introverted, I do enjoy the company of others at times. That is normal. So I understand the frustration. Human beings get really out of whack when it comes to seeking social worth, but in the end, as valuable as it can be, it is still an illusion. You decide your worth. You must learn to be a warrior of life and enjoy it, and you can, but you have to dig deep down and do a lot of introspection. Sounds like you put a lot of your worth into the opinions of your parents, comparing yourself to your brother, and mixed with a lot of real or delusion when it comes to the opinions of others. Understand deep in your soul: you are not the opinions of others. Put on a happy song, think back to one of your happier times.. do you not smile? That’s your power. Use it every day for the rest of your life.

    • I know it’s not what people want to hear, but do you believe that Jesus is our God? The hole in your life might be filled with His love. I love the Lord.

  11. I feel that everyone I am around (family included) tries to bring me down. I’m so grounded by negative thoughts and I feel that I have no control over it. Previous ‘friends’ would ignore me unless they needed something so I don’t make friends, I don’t socialize, I spend most days inside watching Television 24\7 and trying to seek my flaws. I have constant hate from my family. They call me lazy, selfish, etc. I didn’t realize it…but like the article said, the repetition lead me to become these things even more. I feel like I can’t control myself, I feel like I can’t get help without the fear of being heavily judged, or laughed at.

    • You are not the opinions of others, even your parents. Once that axiom sinks in, it’s a lot easier to get away from the TV and start reprogramming your mind with healthy stuff and dealing with your flaws proactively.

      • John You’ve got some great insight there buddy. I really relate to it. Here’s the thing: I’ve sort of given myself that same advice at various points through the years, and yeah, it definitely works. But I just dont know how to keep that momentum going once it starts to work. Eventually my mood just shifts and throws me off track, and i spiral down again. I’ve tried meditation and stuff like that to clear my mind every day, but I just feel a bit too emotionally reactive. I’ve tried anxiety meds and even mood meds (cua the doc said perhaps i was cyclothymic).. but idk nothing has worked and man alive, it gets hard to keep positive about it when I’ve tried soo hard so many times to snap out of this, always with success first, but then with ultimate failure and rejection.

        • Nick, I too appreciated Johns thoughts, and especially when he said ‘there are endless battles to be fought.’ Endless. Battles.

          That’s how you know you’re still alive, I think. And it helped me a lot to be reminded that it was normal and that I’m not doing anything wrong when I face what feels like the same battle the umpteenth time. It’s when I expect never to again that I start to blame myself for doing something wrong.

          Hopefully next time I feel like that, I’ll reach out like you did, get reminded again, and laugh.

  12. I am a lonely person and I don’t have family members or relatives. I really mean it, I don’t have family or relatives. I’m 34 years old and I just think people don’t like me. I feel like people tend to seek friendship with other who have a crowd around them. My loneliness is working against my chances finding friends. Living in the crazy and crowded world, knowing that you don’t have anyone to speak to and share time with really hurts.

    • Oh hi Fred , I understand , it really sucks hey , really hurts . It’s so empty when we don’t matter to anyone, and I often wonder why my life since a kid has been a lonely one . Always solitary, always alone , I can’t stand it anymore , glad I found this site , I was in sheer desperation last night . I u d’état and where you are at and thanks for sharing . Makes it easier to tell the truth of how things are not so good for us , instead of pretending . Thanks again for your touching post , Kim

      • Im actually surprised how many people feel the way i do. Im a friendly person who’s not exactly an extrovert, but im not afraid to start a conversation with someone i just met.
        but these awfull negative constant thoughts of inadequatecy are echoed in my brain on a regular basis. Once in a while i feel good for no reason, and i just accept it and savor those moments.
        even though they’re rare. I look forward to reading more and learning how to silence the negative self hatred.

    • Oh hi Fred , I understand , it really sucks hey , really hurts . It’s so empty when we don’t matter to anyone, and I often wonder why my life since a kid has been a lonely one . Always solitary, always alone , I can’t stand it anymore , glad I found this site , I was in sheer desperation last night .

  13. Jamie you are Beautiful you

  14. Remember how people at school would gather around a victim and bully them? How everyone snubbed the unfortunate person because it was uncool to befriend them? Well these same people grew up to become the adults of today. They carried the same nagative values into adult life, the same mental idea that it is okay to tread on other people to remain popular, to reach the top – and that is exactly where they are! I was one of those victims. Take a step back and consider modern behaviour in adults today: A spoiled generation who care little about everything from environmental destruction to the well-being of their own children. A throw-away age that also includes people. I’m not sure if I like them, let alone the other way round.

  15. I don’t think you should ever change who you are just because other people don’t like you. In fact, I think they should change.

  16. The voice depends on the person. This article is not accurate.

  17. Like me… please….

  18. am so lonely! no matter what i do.. there is this emptiness in me..cant seem to feel the void! No man wants to stay with me, despite all my efforts. They seem to b crazy about me and then all of a sudden.. they walk without looking back!! The wicked thought am going to die lonely and afraid keeps reoccurring!!

  19. This article does an admirably accurate job describing how awful this experience feels emotionally. But a better approach to the “inner critic” for many of us is not doing battle with it, but understanding its self-protective origins, and trying to work compassionately with it. Internal Family Systems therapy is the go-to paradigm; it’s a way of moving closer to aspects of ourselves that originated as proactive defenses to childhood threats, but which now cause trouble for us. To me, this makes a lot more organic sense than doing battle with ourselves. Most of us have had enough of that– and these aspects are trying to help us, not hurt us.

  20. I’m so glad I’m not alone! I’m 43, single, have a son who is 18 and no other family. My mother died 3 years ago and I have no contact with my father. Romantic relationships don’t seem to work out and I’ve been single for years. I have very few friends and am becoming so lonely I just wish life would hurry up and end. I work full time and even though my manager and team mates always praise me I feel excluded and different and the more lonely I become the more difficult I find it to talk to people. I spend most weekends alone in the house. I Found out through facebook that 3 friends went out for the day and didn’t invite me even though they know I’m lonely so this has devastated me.

  21. I have borderline personality disorder and the voice has completely taken over. It keeps me inside a lot of the time and I have no opportunities to make friends. I don’t have a job and my family don’t really contact me even though I’m pregnant. My boyfriend has had enough and he’s ended up depressed because of me. I am empty, lost and most of all I’ve lost my personality.

    • Hello Yasmin,

      Hope you get to come and read this. Hope you and the baby is going well. What caught my attention most about your comment is when you talk about losing your personality because I have been there. I suffer from loneliness as well but feel that I am getting better over the years. When I was younger I was so confident and had nothing but friends but now in my 30’s a lot of that have changed. I am very introverted now and don’t like to be around crowds of people. I am getting much better but still battle with these emotions and feel that God Is showing me that I will never truly find happiness trying to relate to people. I have lived by myself twice and which people and in all my cases this feeling of loneliness never died. Now I am about to live on my own again and I am prepping myself to deal with the thoughts of loneliness that I know that I will feel. It’s is way better living by yourself then with people who will ignore and make you feel self-conscious all day long. As hard as it may be the truth of the matter is that you don’t get on your own nerves at least i know i don’t but people can really make you stumble. Just recently after all these years of my father not being in my life I just found out that he committed suicide a couple of years back and it has also made me deal with myself a lot because many years of negative through will take you to a very bad place. I refuses to let the devil get in that much and it will always start with people. While I do believe that we can find truly loving worth while people and connections in life it can take a life time and depends on the quality of selection. I am still healing and moving foward and still a lot if defeating thoughts of not being liked or feeling alone but I do put more effect of talking myself off of the ledge. I listen to sermons and good messages higher then my self, imagination and state of mind and I am trying to only look to God a lot more but it’s not easy. I do have a partner but I am not always happy with the attention or quality time that I am getting and still contemplate about letting the relationship go. My of these concepts of live and connecting with people that we learn are illusions that turn into delusions over all it is about balance.

  22. I didn’t realize there were other people like me! I have had the same experiences in life. I’m friendly and smile a lot but am never included. At work people will talk about going to happy hour right in front of me and never invite me! Right now my boss only included my coworker in meetings, planning, and we do the same exact job. I recently found out that I am on the autism spectrum, high functioning, what used to be called asberger syndrome. I have a heck of a time connecting with people. I too noticed that some people who no one likes because of bad behavior are included. I think it is because while they r annoying, they are real, alive, and connecting with others. Knowing there is a reason for my angst has helped.

  23. Wow…and I thought I was possesed or that I had a sign on my back that warned others to stay away from me! Well I feel better now knowing that all you good and sensitive people are senceing what I am. I overheard my girlfriend tell her sister that “no one likes me”. For years I have made myself available for errands and household repairs only to discover that my suspicions were correct..I WAS being snubbed. Snobby cliques enpower themselves by ostricising others with talents they themselves don’t have. So I discovered that my inner self respect was being replaced by an inner being that was insecure and lonely. As I thought back I realized that I was not imagining the snide remarks, uninvites, and dismissive gestures that I’m sure you all are familiar with. Make no mistake…there are really mean people in this world that can really mess with your head, and these types travel in groups. After hundreds of hours of crying and self-defamation my once courageous self voice emerged and I knew I was wrong to blame myself for another’s betrayal. My so-called girlfriend must be really insecure if she must team up with her control freak siblings in badmouthing me behind my back. It hurt…a lot. For what its worth…Try with all your loving might to see yourself through the eyes of someone who loves you and respects you…that person is first and foremost YOU. I doubted myself and really believed that I was less valuable than those around me. I cried. I withdrew. My mind went to dark and self destructive places. As a Christian I prayed but I could not feel better about being me. Slowly the haze started to clear as I learned to not feel responsible for the captious comments of others. I am still insecure and can be withdrawn and am still healing, that’s why I searched online and found this amazing site. I have never had therapy and I personally don’t do drugs of any kind. What I do now is consider the source of my hurt feelings. I am responsible for alot of them but not all, and I am careful of what I take serious when I hear vicious rumors. Thanks for sharing…You are all in my prayers.

    • Jane…you are an awesome person! Sorry I don’t have time to say more, but I think ‘awesome’ sums it up nicely. (((Hugs))) and God Bless You! 😁👍

  24. Thanks
    srsly this one help me a lot

  25. No one wants me around including my wife of 25 yrs. Because of ankle back & knee cronich problems they say wanting to go places with them is selfish they say I only want to go to make them feel bad when l only want to go to be involved?in other words I meen nothing to my wife and kids or anyone else in the family we used to have so much fun before i had so many problems at age 50 im no good to anyone anymore?

  26. Invisible in a conventional context … always seconds at work, social & family whatever the occasion they just put up with me. I do have various sensory disabilities so folk just nix even the educational psychologist said I was a social isolate at 8 years old with few friends with a very low sense of belonging & unfortunately this pattern has remained whilst opportunities are not a given. So what became of this I gave up ever being too close, that’s not to say I’m unfriendly just extremely independent & quite happy in my own company I won’t waste time to take on anymore hurt. By the way some of the best stuff achieved happens when one goes alone whilst the ‘cost’ can be bitter sweet but even in the quiet or loud of deliverance is more of a keeper. Yet I wonder about the price to pay for my present when I feel I’m running out of time as I have had to lead a practical working life of survival that has being void of inclusion voice as it’s participation requires the expression & control stemming from others that I could have been a robot.

  27. Sucks to grow old all Alone especially when you’re very Unlucky in love with No One to share your life with. And many of us Good men really Hate being Single too.

  28. Sir/madam
    I feel so lonely. I m pursuing degree course i dnt like to meet relatives.It make me feel they will ask questions or what they want.I feel so i think because i m nt beautiful nt yet got a degree i older than my freinds.

  29. It makes me feel so much better to see that so many other good people have had similar experiences. Even right now my critical voice says “But you are not like them. In a world of all the lonely people that are outcast, you would be lonely and outcast” but this article and these comments have given me lots of tools for changing my thinking!
    I do want to throw in that if you are friendly and nice and positive and people still seem to avoid inviting you in, it may be the very fact that you feel you need so much for them to like you. People sense that and they may become afraid, consciously or not, that if they give you reassurance you will cling to them and demand more and more, which is very daunting if they are already having to work hard to maintain their own confidence. In this case the key to making friends would be to cure your emotional dependency, give YOURSELF all the love and acceptance you need so that instead of begging it from others you can GIVE them love and kindness. Then all will be attracted to you!
    Just a thought, but I believe it’s the truth and I’m going to work on it.
    I think standing up to your inner critical voice and contradicting it really does help, if you can find a way (no matter how teeny tiny) in which the positive words you say are true, and feel their truth, that thought will expand until it is not so tiny anymore 🙂
    Sorry for long comment.

  30. You know what’s worse? When strangers confirm that evil “inner voice” – when they laugh at you TO YOUR FACE at how ugly you are (it’s happened to me five times since I was 12, and, yes, each of those five times was when I happened to not have time to put makeup on). I am so apparently UGLY that those men not only felt the need to laugh at me whilst looking at me, but point at me too whilst saying nasty, hurtful things. It’s been 19 years since the first time, and I still remember the exact moment they looked at me and laughed at me and said how it was “such a shame” I wasn’t as attractive as the other girl they’d just talked to. Makeup is my mask. What chance do I have to even get a guy to like me, if they judge me immediately based if I’m a “10/10” or not? Men only want beautiful, perfect, pretty, stunning women – women like me, who can only look ok with makeup, don’t stand a chance in hell. So it’s not always that “inner voice” that plagues us. Sometimes it’s just the truth of who we are – we simply are truly that ugly, that unattractive, that less-than-100% perfect, that means people, especially men, don’t like us, won’t even give us the time of day, won’t even deign to spit on our shoes, because we’re not even enough to get past that first social hurdle of looks. If only I were even slightly pretty, maybe then I could start to get close to someone to stand the chance of them seeing me for me. As it is, I don’t stand a chance.

  31. Hi,
    I’m a newley wed who has never felt more alone, than being single. I feel soo unwanted unloved and useless my husband has an OCD problem he fights with me everyday over household chores, he makes me feel like i can do nothing right. I really try to hard to be a good wife give him all the love and support. When i try show him affection he always pulls away. we don’t have a physical relationship. Because of this i feel soo lonely, unwanted and useless. I even pray i wasn’t alive. I’m scared that our marriage is beyond repair. Before we were married everything was perfect he was loving and caring. I thought i have found someone that would make me feel special, loved. All my life i felt unwanted useless ugly and worthless and after being married all those feelings have crept back. I am ashamed to tell my family i don’t want to disappoint them. since our wedding my husband family and mine have not got on well an incident happened on wedding with was unintentional has caused soo much stress my in laws have no relationship with me or my husband and our arguments always boils down to this. We argue all the time its physically draining. I am kidding myself thinking our marriage can be salvaged? I see my friends who are married settled seem soo happy me and my husband do nothing together only shopping and household of chores he doesn’t take me anywhere or ever surprised me i have to plan everything including my bday he never gets me anything he doesn’t even know what i like? I feel so isolated

    • Your relationship sounds alot like the last one I was in. Your husband is abusive. No one should have to fight all the time. When you feel like you never do anything right. He is gaslighting you. Please read about it,find a support group and get out.

    • My mother in law told me one time that I needed to take turns going to others holiday events since we were going to so many & it might’ve been cutting on her time & I thought about it & I said yeah that’d be great & I specified by saying they would be one year for Christmas, my mom one year & my dad another & she quickly told me no that wasn’t what she was talking about she wasn’t excluding them just my parents because I was the one that came from a split up you know broken home. Now years later her other kids can have trouble her son can marry a divorced woman with a teen boy that the woman supposedly was abused, her daughter can split with her husband but somehow it isn’t her daughter’s fault it’s all the husband, her grandkids can split with their baby daddy, but no one else is supposed to bring in anyone else from a split home like my oldest daughter boyfriend that his parents split when he was young. And it’s always the in laws or the other people to her that does bad never her or her kids or grandkids or great. Even the good grandkids need to just put up with the bad when they visit never says anything to the bad oh she may say something behind their backs but we’re not allowed to comment. Her son in law can threaten to hurt her or her daughter but doesn’t think it’s anyone elses business to tell them not to bring their kids over for her to babysit she hides that information especially when I told her that was my right to know for my child’s sake & then she said oh he’s all talk he ain’t gonna do anything & let’s him come over around other people’s kids. I told her she better watch my kids & best better not let anything happen to any of them if I had to leave them with her to watch & she gets insulted & feels people are judging her even if it’s news people talking about the free range (roam) parenting because she did that & you just can’t be a spy on them 24/7. But if her kids did or didn’t do something it wasn’t them to blame it was their kids.

    • Sarah is right…this sounds like an abusive relationship. Look up Passive-Aggressive. It’s an insidious mind-game that breaks your heart and steals your sanity…

  32. A lot of what I have read in the lead article I can definitely relate to, the self-doubt and circumstances under which it arises. I’ve probably known this stuff for decades, (I’m now 67) and some of the causes, such as always feeling I am the ‘odd one out’ because of being born with a couple of physical disabilities, (both mainly invisible) one of which I am a proud I survived from and own up to, whilst the other I am always ashamed of. My first school was for the disabled, was miles away from where I lived so I boarded there and I didn’t feel I belonged there because my disabilities were less than others around me; The second school was a conventional one, where I was continually wondering, ‘Do I own up to other people or will I just get mocked and worse?’ – I had seen the impact that verbal abuse had had on other kids at my previous school – ‘Are people saying things about me behind my back?’ If I ask, will that mean I have to own up to what they don’t actually know about (the one I am ashamed of) and then have to live with the consequences of telling them? I decided to keep quiet.
    It wasn’t until I was in my late 20’s that I managed to get my head around if I was or wasn’t entitled to consider myself ‘disabled’ and until I had problems with one of my feet, (leading to it being amputated) that I felt I was ‘disabled’.

    I don’t find socialising easy, used to ride motorcycles and took up hobbies that didn’t require me to get involved with other people. In short, I had and still am, a loner. I wish someone would point out what I’m doing ‘wrong’ when I interact with other people, I feel that I’ve managed to withdraw myself to the point that I just come across as someone who isn’t approachable, or maybe I just don’t recognise the non-verbal signals that people use, and because I don’t respond to them, I’m considered as someone who keeps everyone at arms-length. It does seem to me that I have placed an invisible barrier around myself which people think I won’t let them past. Having said that, if people need help and advice I am willing to offer it, but if the advice sought is of an emotional nature, I’ll be a completely practical and logical reply, probably because I’m not one of those ‘touchy-feely’ types of people with a wealth of interacting with other people to draw on and base my considered responses upon. Some people say that I am soo emotionally detached and laid back that I’m virtually lying down! I wish I wasn’t like this, but I suppose how life in general, has impacted on me, I come across as this kind of person.

    I don’t expect relating this, is going to help me and I’m not looking for sympathy; I need someone who will personally show and tell me what I’m not doing ‘right’, but no-one I know is willing to point out my socialising flaws as I commit them. I suppose I will always be as I am, maybe the feeling I have about myself are ingrained just too deep.

  33. Miserable and frustrated

    Its hard to be liked. I try to put myself to be outgoing and coolish but i feel likei get hurt and treated badly so i hide. My mom, dad, with the rest of my family dont like me its all pretend happy when they see me but they all hate me even at work im not noticed. Im only noticed when someone tries to use me which is sad depressing

  34. Ok I guess I’ll throw in my lot for 2017. I really am not sure what to do next. I moved back home after a long term illness and on top of it all I was attacked and put into a coma for about 6 weeks.

    It started from one “friend” who essentially began a smear & whisper campaign about me from the time I became a born again Christian. This got to be so bad that I started having fights with other people and decided that if people were not going to ask me or believe whatever they heard about me then I had, ‘had enough of all of them’. This got really bad to the point where I was even violently attacked.

    The only thing I ever wanted was to be left alone. Before I got better from my sickness I decided to start working from home and before I knew I was in my own office and growing a business.

    I knew that the next attack would be from my own family. Because apart from the people who work for me, there are no other humans who I come into contact with. But I didn’t expect that I would not see this coming.

    I have just discovered that my own mother has been spreading the vilest rumors about me.. I’m not too sure what because people are actually afraid to tell me. My parents were abusive when I was a child. My father was the physical one while she would just use mental abuse.

    It is like the more successful I am in my business the harder she has tried to break me mentally. And usually she uses my business as a target for her attacks.. Which is ridiculous as she knows nothing about it. Kinda like the cleaning lady telling the MD that his or her company is a failure.
    I think she wishes that it would fail.

    She has gone out of the country and has been phoning me to taunt and laugh at me over the Christmas and New Year. And when I called her back to ask her not to call me again she pretended to not know what I was talking about. Which is specifically her problem. You cannot resolve anything with someone who refuses to talk to you

    So she has clearly been trying to cultivate an abusive relationship towards me, while creating an impression to others that I have been abusive towards her. I guess my long term nighbours would know better as they listened to a lot of what I had to go through.

    But so far this is only a mother & son domestic. What do I do about the neighbors as well as her?
    And what is going on here? Does anyone see a pattern?

    Right now it’s like all human contact I have turns bad. Friends family and everything.

    • Get away from these sick crazy people. We live in a very sick world with evil people and yes sometimes it’s our own family. Sick peoples try’s to make us feel crazy. Going to church and trying to please God is the only person I try to please. Don’t care who like me .. but I will be nice and love people the best I can. I got on this site Bc my granddaughter is going through a hard time at school at the age of 15 . But I tell her love God love your self. The one person that helps me all the time is Dr Carolina leaf look her up on you tube she really has help me so much ! I have also learn to forgive fast…. don’t mean I have to be friends with them or ever let them hurt me again .. but forgiven helps me to go to something better!
      You sound like a great , loving person!
      God blessed

  35. Has anyone thought if everyone here became friends how many friends we would all have! Just saying..

  36. I’m sorry, but my loneliness is real. And it seems like you have no answer for me, just like everyone else.

  37. “This feeling has almost no bearing in reality”. Yes it does. Some of us walk the path of life completely and utterly alone – and not by choice – it’s agony every day.

  38. Wow I’m so suprised at how many people feel the same way as I do. I literally thought to myself that I must just have one of those personalities that people don’t like. But I don’t understand because even meeting a bunch of new people, it’s me who finds it so hard to mix and end up singled out. Life is so hard right now!

  39. I don’t understand why no one love me or care about me , no one ask about me or care about what I felling or what I wan’t , every one aspect to have my attention or services or what ever it was without any think about me . I WOUNDER IF THAT WRIGHT?

  40. This article described my problems perfectly
    I feel Alot better now.. Im gonna try and fight this inner voice , i know its gonna be hard.
    I just hope it doesn’t stay like this my whole life.. its ruining my life right now !
    Thanks again. im gonna bookmark this page so i can come back to it if i needed to in the future .

    • I completely agree with you this article is great! Fight your inner voices! You can do it! We’re all in this together!!!

  41. Lovely article. However, I notice you mentioned things like, “when your friend doesn’t text you back right away”. I have never had a friend. I take that back. I had two friends in my lifetime, and both times they didn’t want to spend any time with me, they just wanted to use me. One for a free babysitter, and one so they could get gas money from me. Sometimes it’s not a just a critical voice in our heads. Sometimes no one likes someone.

  42. Yeah, that’s good and all, but facts are facts. I’m a black guy that grew up listening to grunge and punk rock and live more of an eclectic lifestyle. I want a girlfriend. The women who are just like me in personality type want a white guy with a big beard and tattoos.

    So yeah, I’m worthless. If I can’t get what I desire because I’m undesirable to what I want, THEN I AM WORTHLESS.

  43. Bernie this is very interesting, and I’m not going to argue and say you’re wrong. I’m thinking about it. I’ve thought this before, because so far I haven’t been able to get what I want most. Fortunately I’m pretty easily made mildly happy by other things, and lots of things interest me so I am not often bored.

    But I’m a white lesbian who looks like an attractive straight woman. There so far have been no women who are just like me in personality type, and I don’t care about dogs, spectator sports, or want to be with a vegetarian. The women whom I’ve admired from afar for their minds (mostly) are straight. What’s a non-stereotypical person to do?

    I suggest you move to where there is a critical mass of white hipster people, like Portland, and start hanging out at the places that appeal to you. I used to live there and I know there are plenty of women of all colors who would date a black guy with your tastes. Hot, and fun. On the other hand, Brooklyn has the same scene, but people tend to hang out in their own racial groups in NYC. A gross generalization I know, but I used to live there too.

    Now I live back in Oregon, and a friend of mine, a black guy, just uploaded a playlist of Pink Floyd and punk rock to the cloud for his students. Haha, what? Turns out, it happens.

  44. This article touched briefly on how I feel. The loneliness and worthlessness I feel, is all my own doing; I let myself get this way. Growing up I had tons of friends and I was outgoing, but now I’m 21 and I’m pretty secluded. I feel as though I’m not good enough or pretty enough for anyone to love. Guys talk to me, but I always feel like I’m too ugly for anyone to love so I just avoid them. I avoid mirrors as much as possible and rarely go out without make-up on because of my acne. I hate that I base so much of my self-worth in how other people see me, but I can’t help it. I’m a lone because of me and how I feel about myself, but I can’t get away from it. I wish I could see how other people view me because from my point of view, I’m the worst.

  45. i have changed my looks, my attitude, my personality , i have become smart and funny and social but still at the end of the day i am lonely.One thing i understood no one can change their destiny. You just cant make others care for you and like you or love you unconditionally from heart…you may be most brightest generous charming successful but you cant make others like you…being liked and loved is a gift ,it cant be achieved

  46. Utterly disparate

    It’s not that everyone ignores me (sometimes it feels that way too though) it’s just the fact that I NEVER go out and am stir crazy everyday (I’m home-schooled) it sucks because my parents are such homebodies it’s sickining, even with my sister driving she doesn’t go anywhere ever!! And I’m just SO LONLEY!! We moved to this house about 3 years ago and have joined 4h’s, youth groups, music lessons, homeschoolers co-op, even baby sitting and nothing sticks! It’s either the people are too weird or it’s too far away. I have a BFF from my home town (mind you we only see Eachother once a year for a week) that I love to death but she’s always talking about how many guys have asked her out and how many friends she has (she’s not bragging tho btw she’s a super nice person) and I have NOTHING to tell her, no guy has ever asked me out, or been intrested
    In me, and I only have 3 ‘friends’ here, one is just a competitive jerk, the other is obsessed with herself, and the other is way too young and hyper. I don’t think I’m a picky person for friends, but just give me somone who is funny and nice THATS ALL I WANT I want to stop playing video games all day and mindless tv I feel like I’m waistjng MY time away and every day I’ll think “when I get a boyfriend life will be exiting” or “when I drive I’ll finally be not so lonley” but when THOSE things happen I’m worried I’ll never be not lonley…

  47. And what about many of us good men that are still single that really wanted a wife and family too?

  48. paradiseturnedtohell

    Yes but there’s some of us that just don’t have no remedy, no matter how many articles like this we read we are a lost cause.

  49. Brice Constantinou

    Everyone hates me even god!

  50. I am alone

    My Parents are dead , my brothers are dead , my partner is dead . I have no children . All my extended family are dead apart from a few distant cousins who are strangers. I am only 48 but entirely left alone .

    Drifted from old friends . Unemployed . Completely alone . I have a roof over my head until the unemployment benefits run out .

  51. I’m glad to see how supportive everyone is, but this won’t work for me. I’m stuck. I can remember AA a teenager, wanting to watch TV with my family, but whenever I came into the room, they had “something else” to do. Or when my first wife was always “tired” after work and on the weekends. Hey, I was tired too! Or how my second wife wants me to “be with” her, except that consists of me watching her play on her phone. Even in bed! My little kids are the same way. If I say something about the phones, I’m criticized for being self-centered. I now realize all of these events have one thing in common…me. So, I choose to avoid them so as to not upset them.

  52. Like so many of you, I too have always struggled to make and keep friends. I’m pretty shy so people seem to not be interested in getting to know me. On the odd occasion I have made a friend, I sabotage it because I don’t understand why anyone would want to be friends with me – I am awkward, shy, boring, feel really dumb and don’t bring anything exciting to conversations. As a child, I was always left out but really, really wished other kids would like me. I’m so insecure now and have no confidence and I know the inner voice is right. People just don’t like me.

  53. I think this article is pretty accurate in the way it describes how we come to see the world and other people through the lens of loneliness and shame so many feel, however I think the article fails to address that we don’t live in a world that is fair, equal or caring and compassionate and for peopled labeled as different or “other” this becomes their reality. For me I’ve always been a sort of a black sheep and felt very different than other people. Most of my life I would say I’ve endured a lot of bullying, feeling ostracized and constantly pushed away and treated at a distance. As a child I was severely bullied throughout all of my school years, even by some teachers who seemed to take pleasure in humiliating me and was often mentally and emotionally abused by my mother who hated men, and a father that had very little to do with his son. Being a very sensitive child, I internalized this to believe I was worthless, shameful, a bad person, ugly, and wasn’t deserving of love and respect.

    Eventually I became agoraphobic; hiding from a world I saw as cruel and calloused which led to even more shame because I wasn’t strong enough to overcome these things on my own. I lived this way for many years sometimes using pot and alcohol to numb my pain. Finally out of desperation I turned to the mental health field for help, which took a lot of courage on my part, but it was no help at all. I felt stigmatized and downright bullied by the so called “professionals” I turned to for help and support and I’m not delusional or think everyone is out to get me, this really did happen, they turned my fears into reality. I don’t feel like writing out the whole story but it left me feeling broken and hopeless. I’m scared to reach out for help again because more than likely the same thing will happen.

    At 42 years old I’m convinced my life will probably never get better, I will always be alone, unwanted by any women, discarded and thrown away like a piece of trash. The best I can hope for is getting on social security disability; I have a hearing in front of a judge next month.

    Someone else mentioned in one of the responses being an empath and I think I do have many of those qualities. Sometimes I’m amazed at how heartless, judgmental, and calloused so many people can be and I believe it’s getting worse. It’s as though a mass narcissism and even sociopathic traits are becoming the norm in our society and for lonely discarded people there’s no where turn to for help or understanding. If you do turn to the mental health system for that help they will just further alienate you with mental health labels, medications that cause horrible side effects, and treating you at a distance with strict boundaries and callousness.

    • Scott, I’m so sorry for your sadness. I also feel utterly alone and unlikable. I have a very hard time believing that my husband or children love me. I was raised by a mother who told me how fat I was, lazy, stupid, and how no one in the family liked me. I am 50 years old, a successful healthcare professional and still feel like that worthless little girl. I’ve spent years in therapy trying to learn how to treat people so that they will like me. It didn’t work. I have a really broken view of myself and I can now see how it has affected my relationship with other people. I just don’t know how to fix this. I’m so very sad and lonely.

  54. I agree with, and like this article. But what do you do when within one week, you go out to do shopping or travelling somewhere and you come across people who serve you (in my case, assistants serving me at the check-out in two different supermarkets, and the ticket master at a station) and they just start ‘projecting’ onto you. I’m no good at confrontation and so I walk away!! The problem is, that this stays with you, and months later, you are still thinking about it. Anybody had similar experiences, and what do you do about it?

  55. I have a lot of friends but i think nobody likes for what i am they always think i’m an idiot and invite me to anything,because they think i’m not of thir level what should i do?

  56. I felt as an outcast all my life since I turned six years old. The way I was treated as a child growing up living in a abusive home, with toxic parents, other toxic family..I had to learn how to survived. With everything happen throughout my life since the age of six years old being sexual abused, bullied all through school, having to watch and sit seeing my father abuse my mother, it made me feel paralyzed inside. My father his favorite name for me clumsy child. His explanation to the doctors at the emergency which I being rushed to the emergency room frequently because of some unexplained accidents. I l;earned to live with it to the point I don’t care anymore who likes me and who don’t. I don’t let people get to close to me and don’t trust people. My faith and trust in God is what got me through the storms of my life. Today as an adult b/c of one accident that happen when I was seven years old I live with TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury) I don’t allow it to control my life, I learned to live with it.

  57. Hello I always feel lonely when my gf goes out and enjoy her self or she is either on her phone and I’m sat there bored and she’s never off it. She says I always badger her about my problems etc but yet she does it to me with her weight issues but I always listen and when she tells me to tell her how I’m feeling it’s like all I get back is all I care about is self. I only wanted a day with out phones if we go for a meal etc. Her whole entire family and friends hate me. But I’m putting that blame on to her and I don’t mean to I love her to pieces but even if we go to her familys it’s like there’s no communication and I’m sat there’s bored out my head I keep constantly getting headaches because I feel like I’m not enough or doing anything Wright. I offers her and her brother a drink on Wednesday but as soon as she goes alone to her brothes they end up drinking even though they said they had enough two days and don’t want me around. I bought kinect for me and my gf for her weight issue etc and she still whinges about weight but if it’s my problem I’m apparently putting it on to her.

  58. My mom to has always hated me & treated me very poorly. Puts me down at any second she gets on Facebook or on phone for no reason at all. I don’t use drugs, don’t drink, have never been in any trouble! I have always followed the rules & just worked and take care of myself for past 23 yrs alone. Have only seen my mom twice in the past 23 yrs & she thinks nothing of it. A woman who’s never been there for me yes has always brought sadness to me & makes me wonder how a mom could be that way!?! My father and I use to be so close when I went and lived with him when I was 15 and moved out when I was 20 and since then we now live I different states and I’ve seen him 3 times in the past 19 yrs due to his wife n kid they had 16 yrs ago….what a shame & blow that was to me having the best father a girl could ask for and its gone in an instant!!! He calls me once maybe twice a year and it makes me wonder how does now your dad do this to you! Is it because I’ve been able to survive this rough awful life alone, do they think I never needed them?!? Well who knows but I do know it’s painful and it hurts always being alone & never having any family.

  59. It don’t know why but there are just times when I, for no particular reason at all, feel like no one likes me or wants to be around me. Even if it’s a complete stranger I just feel like they don’t like me and are judging me. I don’t know why though. It hurts because nobody wants to feel alone.

  60. I feel alone even when I’m surrounded by people…

  61. Does this also cause me to judge others? I always think people dislike me or are bored to talk to me and would much rather prefer talking to someone else..if someone does like talking to me extensively, I find it annoying, or think they’re taking advantage of my listening skills. It’s odd. But I have a desire to act extremely nice, even submissive, though I don’t think I am thinking very kindly of the other person. SO…I want to be liked, but I find it hard to like other people….tough.

    • I should also say, deep down, I NEVER want to hurt people and I always hope they will live the happiest, best life…but that’s my heart…my head think they don’t like me, when maybe it’s I who is hard on others AND myself…my interactions never feel natural

  62. My inner voice tells me that what I’m seeking I will never be able to find. It’s not about putting myself down, it feels like acknowledging the human condition, my human condition.

  63. I’ve received talking therapy counselling, but to me, that’s all it seems to be. It’s not someone physically going out to me and telling me what I am doing ‘wrong’ when I do it, and what to do instead. I’ve received group and also 1 to 1 counselling, but in both instances, I seem to separate what I’m taught, from situations when I’m away from these sessions. I’ve suffered this for over 60 years, some of it I know is shame / guilt based, because I have a disability which no-one talks openly about, (incontinence) there isn’t a medical procedure that can put it right.

    I’m not an introvert, but I have always suffered from short term memory loss, so small talk and situations where discussions change rapidly from one thing to another, means that by the time I’ve decided what I want to say, the moment has passed and I end up feeling an ‘idiot’, because what they are now discussing is something completely different. Trying to use ‘memory tricks’ to overcome this, doesn’t work because I then have to remember something else, in order to remember what I actually want to.

    • Footloose this may sound trite, but I’m a nutritionist and am telling you this because it could be very helpful to you. Vitamin B1 deficiency is an extremely under-diagnosed illness today, presenting in hundreds of symptoms. This great article mentions incontinence caused by B1 deficiency, as well as explaining about all b vitamin deficiencies.. a ubiquitous problem today. (Incontinence is also very common today…as well as Alzheimer’s, CFS, Type II Diabetes…all stemming from B1 deficiencies) I would recommend mega doses (1-2 pills with meals) of B1, in the form of Benfothiamine. In addition take Methylcobalamin with each meal. In addition a GOOD B complex…one a day is very important too as the Bs work synergistically. Actually most people here would benefit greatly from this same protocol as B deficiencies are ALL about mood and healthy brain. It’s huge! And before anyone tells me I’m being judgemental(or whatever) you need to know I am speaking from experience. I have suffered greatly (mostly mental) from B1 deficiency…and know I have a long time recovery after 54 years of more and more suffering from insecurity and anxiety and fear and depression and anger, etc. Switching to a traditional Northern European diet a year ago has also helped me tremendously, mentally and physically.


      Please let me know if you have questions. I have more websites to share if you’d like.

  64. I had an awful unhappy childhood where both my parents didnt want me or loved me and one just didnt want to know me, but the other brought me up resentfully with a lot of cruelty. This has coloured my whole life and my opinion of myself has never been good, Im now middle aged and am socially very much alone with no friends, I dont go to social situations as they make me feel terrible and I have depression, anxiety and suffer from panic attacks regularly. But I would like to thank you for posting this as it has helped me in seeing that I must forgive and accept the past in order to move on. Ive felt crippled by my past and that horrible internal voice that always puts me down and tells me Im useless and unlovable, finding a way to lessen it and gain some confidence would be my goal now. Thank you.

  65. I would encourage anyone to just accept it. Some people are more likeable than others. People don’t like me but I have stopped trying to figure out how, or try and find my value in pleasing them (yes i’m a people pleaser). I have just accepted that I am not everyones “cup of tea”. I just try and be the best me – despite my depression voice telling me I’m nothing and spend most of my energy on me, trying to live through each day. I’m an introvert so doing things alone is something I’m used to . I would encourage you all to be non-judgmental to your unfolding of experiences. Practice paying attention in the moment with curiosity, openness, acceptance, and love (Look up Seigl C.O.A.L on mindfulness and awareness).

  66. im feel alone and i feel no body like me i so sad i dont known why i sad or alone i need to tell my dad and mom but i dont tell because im secard to tell this i dont know to should toto tell it

  67. No one likes me.They think I m weird n even my own friend makes fun of me.I feel alone in my class.

  68. You’re all amazing. I love you all so much. it’s tough but we’re all in this together

  69. This was an insightful article. Thank you.

  70. Reading this article gave me a degree of separation from my inner critic. I had to force myself to continue reading it at a point because the voice said this isn’t going to do you any good and it is too thick for you. I pushed it aside for probably the first time ever and forced myself to read on knowing I was in desperate need of insight and relief. Thank you for writing this. It has helped me be able to look at the voice as something separate from me instead of it being me which is a great start. Now I feel a tug of war.. I guess that it is progress and for that I am thankful. I hope I can continue to silence the harsh voice and get to know who I am without it.

  71. People liked me so much, i was a popular person, but i just thought I am diffrent from others, I losed myself, I hated my self and after that people didnt like me too, they just say that you are unlikble right in front of me, at school, im 16, nobody likes me nobody loves me, and I refuse my parents, so they dont like me too, I wish I could understand the text but I am an english learner and I don’t know english this much well. Give me some advices 🙁

  72. The article was helpful. My mother always told us to trust no one, no one was as good as our family. She and my father had an awful relationship and she would not allow a divorce. She wouldn’t even allow him to die, keeping him on life support for a year because he might love her when he woke from the coma. The hospital pulled the plug.
    I feel like I was never loved. My mom had me to love her and she was cruel to me. My husband cheated on me then divorced me against my will. My grown children hold me at a distance even though I try to love and support them without demands. They are all successful and healthy and I tried my best as a parent. I am not a bad person and try to meet others needs. If I didn’t have my dogs, I would feel totally unloved. I’m 64 and at the beginning of an illness. How do I live like this?

    • you live how god would want you,you dont need those people even though you love them they wont show remorse back,i my be young but i know the pain,only thing that you really need to focus on yourself,if you loved your father,dont be sad,be happy cause life is better than you think,That illness shouldn’t hold you down,God is one of the many people who love you,so love him back by putting a smile on your face

    • Hi Grandma, reading your comments was similar to my own, and I am not much younger at 57. The only way I have found through this is to demand the voice to stop in the name of Jesus. Then I pray. He gives me comfort, in spite of the fact I know I will always be alone and die alone. I am okay with all that since I know Jesus walks with me. But days get bleak and the thought of death is always with me. I just find when I remember to walk with Jesus, He is one step ahead of the darkness that seeks to swallow me whole. May you be blessed to know Him, too!

  73. Obviously written by someone who has NEVER experienced this. Thanks anyway… nice try.

  74. i have struggled with depression for my whole life and i still feel this way no one likes me i have no friends and no one finds me cute or hot or attractive in any way.

  75. This was indeed very helpful, comforting and informative. Thank you

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