critical inner voice

5 Ways to Rewrite Your Breakup Story and Feel Better

How to make sense of and feel better about a breakup. As a therapist, I hear a lot of breakup stories. Many people come to therapy because they’re struggling to “get over” someone. They often feel stuck in their pain, as if life will never be good again. They say that all they want is to get… Read more »

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How To Love And Enjoy Your Own Body Again, Especially After Sexual Trauma

No matter who you are, feeling confident and attractive in today’s world can be a huge challenge. Images, voices and messages from mainstream media hold us up to impossible standards of looks and beauty.  Sexual confidence can disappear if we get unrealistic ideas in our heads about what it takes to be deemed attractive. For… Read more »

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5 Things to Do When Your Inner Critic Takes Over

Each of us has a side of ourselves that is “on our team,” rooting for us as we move through life and encouraging us to take positive, goal-directed actions. However, we also have another side that is our biggest critic – our worst enemy – in pretty much every sense. A lot of people chalk… Read more »

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Is My Self-Hatred Getting in the Way of Love?

How your negative self-image puts you at odds with your lover. When we first fall in love, we have a positive response to feeling understood and valued by someone who matters to us. But eventually we can find ourselves faced with two opposing views of who we are: the familiar, albeit negative, view of ourselves… Read more »

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How to Stop Feeling Triggered by Your Partner

In my last blog, I wrote about some of the psychological reasons we get triggered by our partner in a relationship. I explored why tensions can rise so quickly, and things can feel heated before either person has a chance to understand what’s going on. These conflicts can be fraught enough for some people to… Read more »

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What’s Ruining Your Sex Life?

Sexuality invites us to be in the moment, connected to our body, our senses, and to another person. Yet having a “critical inner voice” sounding off in our minds during sex is a little like having an extra person in the room critiquing everything from our desirableness to our performance. These critical inner voices take us… Read more »

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An Overview of Separation Theory

Separation Theory integrates psychoanalytic and existential systems of thought by showing how early interpersonal pain, and separation anxiety and later death anxiety lead to the development of powerful psychological defenses. These defenses attempt to cope with and minimize painful experiences and emotions suffered in one’s developmental years but later predispose limitations and maladaptation in adult… Read more »

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What Really Goes On in the Mind of a Narcissist?

Most of us have a sense of what it means to be narcissistic, but we aren’t as clear about what makes a person that way. What motivates a narcissist’s behavior? What gives them their inflated sense of self? As we understand more and more about what makes up narcissism, we can start to gain more… Read more »

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Insight into the Violent Mind

Both glamorizing and demonizing violence help us avoid having to understand the violent mind. We should enter the violent person’s subjective world, not just in order to be able to offer treatment, but also to anticipate the nature of the risks they embody both to themselves and to society. ~ Peter Fonagy, “Towards a Developmental… Read more »

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The Inner Voice in Self-Destructive Behavior and Suicide

Suicide is a tragic ending to life that, in many cases, can be averted. It constitutes a public health problem of considerable magnitude in the United States, occurring at nearly twice the rate as that of homicide.  From 1999 to 2016, suicide rates have steadily risen in nearly every state in the union. Understanding this seemingly perverse anti-life behavior… Read more »

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