critical inner voice

Why It’s Okay to Feel Bad About Certain Things

Most of the time, I write about the downsides of self-criticism – so much so that anyone familiar with my work would probably be puzzled by the title of this blog. For years, I’ve centered my research and practice on understanding and challenging a “critical inner voice” we all possess that is way too hard… Read more »

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Why We Must Keep Nurturing Connection

If these past 18 months have forced us to evaluate anything, it’s the importance of connection. Be it through new technologies, outdoor activities, or the little pods we’ve packed into to stay safe, we’ve all had to find creative ways to make connection work in a world of social distancing. Nurturing our relationships is one… Read more »

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Why We Don’t See Ourselves Clearly

On any given day of our lives, our self-esteem is likely to hit plenty of peaks and valleys. One minute, we may feel confident and content, the next we may feel insecure and uneasy. As unsettling as this can be, it’s not uncommon. Our self-perception is often not based on what’s actually going on in… Read more »

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Nourishing Your Resilience in Hard Times

I was listening to a podcast recently where the host was talking about the state of the world as we enter a new year. At one point, he offhandedly remarked that we seem to be experiencing so many daily sources of alarm and distress that we don’t even have time to process one before we’re… Read more »

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The Critical Inner Voice and Addiction

It would be hard to overstate the massive impact of this past year’s pandemic on individuals’ mental health. Last August, the Centers for Disease Control reported results of a survey that showed anxiety  disorder symptoms in 2020 to be three times those reported in the same period of 2019, and depressive disorder about four times… Read more »

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A Time to be Grateful

Why we need gratitude more than ever. Throughout the internet, it seems like even more people than usual are writing about gratitude this Thanksgiving. Most are puzzling about what there is to be grateful for during this horrific pandemic. People the world over are grappling with the shutdown of businesses and schools, the recommendations of… Read more »

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3 Ways to Tell You’re Afraid of Intimacy

While most of us say we want love, pretty much all of us have some degree of fear around intimacy. The type and extent of this fear can vary based on our personal history: the attachment patterns we developed and the psychological defenses we formed to protect ourselves from early hurts. These patterns and defenses… Read more »

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How to Go “All In” in a Relationship (Without Losing Yourself)

As a therapist, I spend a good amount of time exploring the push and pull that occurs in relationships. For example, between couples, a lot of friction occurs when one person is wanting more closeness, while the other is seeking more space. With individuals, I observe many people who say they want love and intimacy,… Read more »

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How to Cope with Missing People

One of the hardest things about living through a pandemic is being separated from people we love and the activities we used to share. Between social distancing, travel restrictions, and in some cases the need to quarantine, we are all grappling with new levels of isolation. I’ve written a lot about coping with loneliness during… Read more »

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Dealing With Today’s Trauma

Two weeks ago, I was talking to a friend who has been depressed. Because of COVID-19 and her age, she is quarantined and has been unable to visit with many of her friends. As she described the details of her life and her loneliness, she broke down crying, “I don’t recognize my life! I don’t… Read more »

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