Fantasy Bond

A “fantasy bond” describes an illusion of connection between a couple that is substituted for feelings of real love and intimacy. Forming a fantasy bond is an often unconscious act of self-parenting and self-protection, in which two people become pseudo-independent, replacing the real relating involved in being in love with the form of being a “couple.” The degree of reliance on a fantasy bond is proportional to the degree of frustration and pain experienced in a person’s developmental years. In this section, you can learn why fantasy bonds are formed, what qualities make up a fantasy bond, and how to avoid falling into an unhealthy “bond” in your own relationships.

Why Do So Many People Respond Negatively to Being Loved?

Love — kindness, affection, sensitive attunement, respect, companionship — is not only difficult to find,... >>

The Fantasy Bond: A substitute for a truly loving relationship

Defenses formed in childhood hurt adult relationships. Most people have fears of intimacy and are... >>

What Real Love Looks Like

Throughout our lives we compile a picture of what we think real love should look... >>

Why Domestic Violence Occurs and How to Stop It

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and with domestic violence on the rise, it is... >>

Dr. Sheldon Solomon on the Fantasy Bond: Exclusive Interview

The following transcript contains part of an exclusive interview with Dr. Lisa Firestone and Dr.... >>

Breaking the Fantasy Bond with Our Mothers

The other day, I was reminded of reading Nancy Friday’s book, My Mother/My Self many... >>

Why My Relationship Failed, a Fantasy Bond Story

        We’ve all been there. Sitting alone, upset, rejected, wondering, “what the... >>

What is a Fantasy Bond?

Dr. Robert Firestone on The Fantasy Bond

Dr. Lisa Firestone On The Fantasy Bond

Dr. Lisa Firestone on the Fantasy Bond

Real Love or a Fantasy Bond: The Appeal of the Twilight Saga

The latest Twilight movie “Breaking Dawn” is already breaking records. Young fans clamored and camped... >>