relationship problems

How to Stop Yourself from “Losing It” With Your Partner

We all have those moments of frustration with our partner that lead us to act in ways we later regret. We may acknowledge after the fact that there was a healthier way to react or vow to handle things better in the future, but the moment tensions rise, and we feel triggered in a particular… Read more »

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Talk Less, Listen More

The most effective way to feel closer to your partner is in your power. Whatever challenges a couple is facing, there is one skill anyone can work on to greatly improve a relationship; that skill is listening. Recent studies have linked attentive listening to better coping behaviors and higher relationship satisfaction in couples. This is… Read more »

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Beware of the Soulmate Myth

The Fantasy Bond Behind the Myth of the Soulmate I know people who say their ultimate relationship goal is finding a soulmate. They’re looking for a kindred spirit who they were meant to be with. Is this appealing to me? I can see how the idea that there might be another person out there who… Read more »

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Are You Expecting Too Much from Your Partner?

These 7 ways we over-rely on our partner can seriously hurt our relationship. When a couple comes to therapy, they tend to each arrive with a laundry list of complaints about the other. While neither person may claim to be perfect themselves, they find it much easier to talk about their partner. “She never picks… Read more »

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5 Ways to Rewrite Your Breakup Story and Feel Better

How to make sense of and feel better about a breakup. As a therapist, I hear a lot of breakup stories. Many people come to therapy because they’re struggling to “get over” someone. They often feel stuck in their pain, as if life will never be good again. They say that all they want is to get… Read more »

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Tools for Surviving a Breakup

Psychologists well know that a romantic breakup is one of the most traumatic experiences a person goes through. Considering the gravity of this event and the amount of emotional turmoil it creates, it’s astonishing to think that nearly every one of us will have this experience sometime in the course of our lives. The word… Read more »

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Why Do Couples Fall in and Out of Love?

“Falling in love is natural… sustaining love is unnatural. Sustaining love requires psychology, art and discipline.” ~Warren Farrell As a therapist who works with couples, I find this blog title to be the most compelling question faced by those in long-term love relationships. Why do most relationships lose that sense of promise and excitement and… Read more »

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Is My Self-Hatred Getting in the Way of Love?

How your negative self-image puts you at odds with your lover. When we first fall in love, we have a positive response to feeling understood and valued by someone who matters to us. But eventually we can find ourselves faced with two opposing views of who we are: the familiar, albeit negative, view of ourselves… Read more »

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Do You or Your Partner Have an Anxious Attachment?

Relationships are very much about give and take. At their best, they are a back-and-forth flow of love and affection. Things go smoothly when we’re able to attune to another person’s wants and needs, and they’re able to attune to ours. Yet, as most of us know, this sweet and simple-sounding interaction is often fraught… Read more »

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How to Improve Relationships By Knowing Your Attachment Style

Our first relationships profoundly shape how we connect with others. A baby’s earliest lessons teach whether to depend on an important person for comfort and acceptance, or whether to expect distress, disconnection or shame. An infant begins life learning if important people can be good sources of comfort and safety. A baby may learn that… Read more »

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