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Why Do I Hate Myself?

I hate myselfFor most of us, the expression “you are your own worst enemy” holds a lot of truth. It’s a painful reality that much of what limits us in our lives is our own feelings of unworthiness and self-hatred.

But where do these feelings come from? How do they influence us? And how can we push past them to live a life free of the harsh attitudes of our inner critic?

“I hate myself.” – What is the Critical Inner Voice?

In their research, psychologists Dr. Robert and Lisa Firestone found that the most common self-critical thought among a diverse population of subjects tested is “You are different from other people.” Most people see themselves as different, not in some positive or special way, but in a negative sense. Even people who seem well-adjusted and well-liked in their social circles have deep-seated feelings of being an outcast or a fraud.

This feeling about ourselves is common because every person is divided. As Dr. Robert Firestone has described, each of us has a “real self,” a part of us that is self-accepting, goal-directed and life-affirming as well as an “anti-self,” a side of us that is self-hating, self-denying, paranoid and suspicious. The anti-self is expressed in our “critical inner voice.” The critical inner voice is like an internal coach negatively commentating on our lives, influencing how we behave and how we feel about ourselves. It’s there to undermine our goals: “Who do you think you are? You’ll never be successful!” It’s there to undercut our accomplishments: “This won’t end well. Sooner or later you’re going to mess up.” It’s there to sabotage our relationships: “She doesn’t really love you. You shouldn’t trust her.” It’s even there to criticize those close to us: “Why does he even hang out with you? There must be something wrong with him.” Finally, this voice can seem self-soothing, coddling us yet encouraging us to act in ways that our self-destructive, then punishing us for messing up: “Go ahead, have that second piece of cake. You’ve had a rough week you deserve it.” Later, it will fire with comments like: “You’re such a fat loser. How could you mess up on your diet again?”

While it may seem unnatural to view ourselves through this outside lens, we all possess this critical inner voice. For many of us, this thought process is so engrained that we hardly notice when it arises. Instead of recognizing this voice as the destructive enemy that it is, we mistake it for our real point of view, and we believe what it tells us about ourselves.

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“Why do I hate myself?” – Where Our Critical Inner Voice Comes From

“I hate myself” is a sadly common critical inner voice that people of all ages struggle with. Where then, do thoughts like these come from? What Dr. Robert and Lisa Firestone have found in their research is that these thoughts originate in negative early life experiences. The way we are viewed growing up and the attitudes directed toward us shape how we see ourselves. Harmful views directed at us by parents or other influential caretakers are internalized to make up our self-image. Just as our parent’s positive attitudes toward us may lead us to develop self-esteem and confidence, their more critical attitudes can promote just the opposite.

The point here is not to blame parents. However, it’s important to realize that no parent, or person for that matter, is perfect. Parents face a difficult struggle when they have children, as painful feelings arise from their own past. They may therefore react inappropriately or critically toward their children in moments of stress. Moreover, the critical feelings parents have toward themselves often come across to their children and are then internalized by the child. For example, if we had a parent who often acted like we were a nuisance, constantly quieting us or even just feeling tense in our presence, we may take on a feeling about ourselves that we are a bother. We may become overly shy or apologetic in our adult lives, quieting ourselves in our careers or taking a submissive position in our relationships.

“How does hating myself affect my daily life?” – The Effect of Your Critical Inner Voice

As adults, our critical inner voice impacts us in a variety of ways. We may adapt to it by treating it like a coach and listening to its destructive advice. When it repeatedly tells us we are worthless, we may choose friends and partners who treat us as if we are worthless. If it tells us we are stupid, we may lack confidence and make mistakes we wouldn’t make otherwise. If it tells us we aren’t attractive enough, we may resist putting ourselves out there and seeking a romantic relationship.

When we listen to our inner critic, we give it power over our lives. We may even start to project these critical thoughts onto others. We run the risk of starting to perceive the world through its negative filter. This is where paranoid and suspicious thoughts enter the picture, as we start to question or criticize people who see us differently from how our voice sees us. For example, we may struggle with positive acknowledgment or feedback, as it contradicts the ways we perceive ourselves. We may have trouble accepting love, as we fail to challenge our inner critic. While this voice is painful, it is also familiar. It’s been engrained in us since early childhood, and we therefore often struggle just to recognize it, much less challenge it.

“What can I do to stop hating myself?” How You Can Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice

To stop our cycle of self-hatred and live free from imagined limitations, we must learn to challenge our inner critic. Overcoming our critical inner voice is the first step in a process of differentiation described by Dr. Robert and Lisa Firestone in their book The Self Under Siege. The book describes the four steps of differentiation, starting with breaking with the destructive thoughts and attitudes you’ve internalized toward yourself. Voice Therapy is a process that can be used to help people identify and challenge their critical inner voice. The process involves developing insight into the sources of these critical thoughts, then answering back to these attacks with a more compassionate and realistic point of view toward yourself.  The next step is to challenge the destructive behaviors that the critical inner voice encourages you to engage in.
The second step of differentiation involves challenging negative traits in yourself that are imitative of your parents or other important figures in your development.  If you had a bossy or demanding father, for example, you should try to challenge ways that you yourself are controlling in your life. The third step of differentiation involves giving up the patterns of defense you formed as adaptations to the pain you experienced in your childhood. We may have formed these defenses as a form of protection as children, but these thoughts and behaviors can hurt us in our adult lives. For example, if you felt intruded on as a kid, you may have grown up seeking isolation or keeping to yourself for fear that you will be intruded on by others. You may thus avoid close relationships or harbor fears of intimacy. When we hold on to destructive adaptations from our past, we tend to suffer from lower self-esteem. We may struggle to feel like our true selves when our actions are so heavily influenced by our history.

Thus, the final step of differentiation involves figuring out your own beliefs, values and ideals. How do you want to live your life? What are your aspirations for your future? When we separate from our inner critic, we are far better able to get to know our real selves and to lead our lives with integrity. We can take actions and steps that reflect our wants and desires, which gives our lives unique meaning. As we pursue this goal of becoming our true selves, we may experience an increase in anxiety or an influx of critical inner voices. However, if we persist in challenging this internal enemy, it will become weaker and we can free ourselves further from feelings of self-hatred and start to live a more fulfilling existence.

 Read about How to Stop Hating Yourself Once and For All

115 comments

  1. I feel like this is what I am going through now. A few years ago my brother died from substance abuse. There were a lot of things my brother never worked through which perpetuated his addiction and caused his death. I felt a weigh me removed from the shoulders when he died. But I realize I need to work on unresolved issues I had not (lets be real have not) let go of. When he died I lost 98lbs and I gained 24lbs back. I know I have sabotages myself but I could not figure out what it was. Also I noticed I have a hard time letting people get close to me. I figure why because they do not care about me and they are just going to let me down by leaving. I have to realize that I can not change over night and I have a the capability to change. I am not worthless or hopeless.

    • I’m sorry that you struggle with this, but I am glad to hear that you acknowledge that you are able to get better and that you aren’t worthless. I wish you luck in your journey of self acceptance/love.

  2. hey im nikki and googling ‘why i hate myself’ has changed my life. I’m fifteen and have major issues with self image. i have a lot of problems in my home life, and ive never felt much like a part of the family. everyone makes me feel insignificant, and a lot of people put me down. after my mum suggested weight loss surgery to me i broke inside. its been two months since ive had it done and i regret it so bad. ive lost weight, but wasnt really fat in the first place. i wish i could just love myself and not take in what they say. im constantly criticised. im told that im always sad, always acting hurt. well thats because im constantly being hurt. im starting to recognise my inner critic. she’s a real bitch :)… but in all seriousness i can’t blame anyone. thanks for kinda making me realise why i am the way i am. im not going to apoligize for everything anymore. I’m going to encourage myself and love myself. thanks.

    • Nikki,
      What your mom did is ATROCIOUS! Its child abuse! I can not believe that any doctor would allow a parent to give weight loss surgery to their child!! Do not let your mom do what my mom did to me… Leave you feeling worthless and unloveable. It is commendable you are seeking help for this, and nipping this bad habit of self depreciating inner
      voice to become a lasting habit. Remember to love yourself and stick up for yourself… Just because these people are trying to make you feel bad about yourself ,because they are projecting their self hatred,
      Doesn’t mean it has to be a vicious cycle. Break that cycle and don’t let those hateful people rent space in your mind!

      • I am from India I have a dream since my childhood,,to persue MS and settle in foreign,,but when I was in 12th standard I felt love for one guy and we are still together(10yrs) He doesnt want to go to foreign so I didtn went for MS…recently our marrriage has been fixed but my dream is still not filfulled <,i am feeling most unlucky person in this world..I told my partner that I want to go to foreign lets go and settle there..he is saying if u wil not go there wll your life end why are u so stubborn on going there,,unless you act being so stubborn and acting as if there is no life unless u go there I wil not take you there..
        Its the only dream i ever had and he is not allowing me to fulfill my dreams which is making me more depressed,,its effecting out relationship also,,i am not happy right now.
        what shal i do,,how to let go of my dreams and live happily,,please helpf

        • Your bf is in fact horrible. He should at least give out as if you were to go it would be over. Follow your dreams but 10 years being in a relationship is hard to let go of and go after your dream that you’ve been trying to pursue. I just find more ways to convince you bf how seriously and desperately you want to go. Do anything to make whatever dream happen

        • Do what you want to do dont go another 10 years with this man not doing what you want to do cause all thats going to happen is that you will end up hating him for holding you back feom your dreams

      • good grief, two sides to every tale.

    • Hey niki I feel the same way but my parents are helping me through it
      But I think what ur mom did wasn’t right
      U should decide what to do with ur body and don’t let any one make u do something u don’t want to do again
      And no mater how much u weigh know that u are beautiful and u shouldn’t feel sorry for ur self
      I am also 15 years old and over weight

    • I am soni, I m also suffering from the same ..my home life is not good, my mom – c is my big enemy.
      I tried to live a good life, tried to make my parents happy, but they always have problems with me…There was a time when i started thinking that there is something wrong with me and I need to change myself…but after analysing things i realised that m not making mistake first but they make me do so.
      One day my mom was not at home and I did ol the home work ..but after returning home my mom said that I had haircut … c did not noticed that I had done all the work but was trying to notice my hairs …I did not have any haircut …that incident hurted me badly …There are lot of incidents like this.
      Everyone from my college and school says that i m really good but then why my home life is so bad?
      I even don’t feel like sharing this to my friends , they always asks me that I look like as if I m suffering from something really bad but I just can’t tell them.
      I jst want peace in my life, sometimes I think that I should run away from here.
      My dad and my brother also make pressure on me….sometimes I feel like I am depressed.
      My home life is not good but was living a perfect college life. I had a crush on my school friend and my luck was so good that he used to met me everyday on station, I was topper of my college …except my home life my life was just perfect but then my best friend started feeling anxious and c betrayed me.
      I started my life again with new friends but my new friend also betrayed me.
      Now I am feeling alone and this family problem is making me negative.
      I Don’t know whats happening to me, when i think that I lived a really good day and i am happy from my life, then something happen bad and I cry badly before going to bed.
      My every try to make my life good are waste.

      • Hey Soni,
        I can’t even begin to express how sorry I am that you have to live with these feelings. It’s odd reading your story and seeing many similarities and feelings between us. I have suffered my entire life from a father that never noticed the good and only focused on the bad in my life- sometimes even inventing negative things just to bring me down. My mother became a ghost of who she had been and my siblings would team up against me and often times leave me stranded in situations where I would have been there for them. I am the oldest sibling and have always tried my hardest to be kind and caring, to be a great brother and son, but no matter what I did, I let my family down.
        I often feel alone, and I know how easy it is to let negativity influence our own day to day walk. It’s easy to let myself bring myself down, sometimes I have a hard time coming back up- I even worry that I’ll go so far down I’ll never be myself again. It hurts. It hurts when the supportive structure that your family should have been crumbles and any achievement you make never seems good enough. Or even seems like it will last or be significant. My father suffered(suffers) from an addiction to alcohol and medication, and, by some sort of divine comedy I acquired Hep C during a surgery when I was 9 and therefore as a 23 year old adult I can’t just take the easy road out and hide behind drugs, I would be killing myself. So often I struggle with the hurt, it often comes when I least expect it and it’s a battle internally. But, reading your story, and knowing I am not alone in the pain and the sorrow brings hope. It’s one thing to hear that you’re not the only one going through emotional tribulation, its another thing to read heartfelt words on a page and know your not alone. We are surrounded by people who care about us, the world is not all bad. Even our parents care for us, even if it’s almost impossible to see that, they are just as hurt as we are. I read your story though, and I am sorry. You have my prayers and my thoughts. Do your best to prevent this from happening to your children and know that one day your relationship with your parents may improve, and even if it doesn’t, you are blood and all you can do is love them. That doesn’t mean you have to take the abuse though.

  3. Aloha im anuhea and i am such a confused person. There is points in my life where i am like why try and that has actually been my way of thinking for the past 6 years. I have never been able to see anything positive about myself, i was never able to get close to anyone… not even friends, i truly believed tht im stupid for living and i keep messing up on anything in life. For some reason i always look at the negative side of things.. in any situation. N i hate it because i see myself bringing down other people and it hurts me to see that im hurting other people, i never thought anyone would care bout what i had to say. N its funny bc that was probably the only time they heard what i had to say. But im done with all tht BS. Im done with filling my head with negative thoughts, im done thinking im not good enough for anything. Ill just keep on thinking positive as well as challenging my inner critic!

    • Hey Anuhea ♥ I know you posted this a long time ago, but just wanted to say that I hope you’re doing well. I can see that when you wrote your comment here that things weren’t going too well, or at least you were feeling a lot of negativity. I just want to tell you that you aren’t bringing anyone down, and you certainly aren’t stupid. I know you have so, so, soooooo much to give. Keep going on your journey, and love yourself as best you can. You deserve to be loved by you! You are i n c r e d i b l e. I promise, the more you can love yourself, the better you can love others and the better your relationships will be overall. I KNOW you can do it. Believe in yourself. You have TONS to give, and your positive spirit is what people need. Stay strong!! Sending love from my heart to yours ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

  4. I’m 30, a mom of two Beautiful children a wife to one awesome man. I do what I love for a living -my life is a dream come true. I’ve had issues in the past with my parents (more on that later) but I’ve learned to forgive them and we now have a great relationship…so why do I hate myself so damn much? it seems juvenile but I feel so desperate that I googled it and came across this article. Glad I did. But my chest is still heavy. Every thought, every decision, every interaction is an anxiety attack. It took me a long time to trust my husband not to make the same mistakes my father did, but even now I don’t believe he thinks I’m beautiful but I can’t pinpoint why being beautiful in his eyes weighs so heavily on me. When I eat I make bad decisions and this is the part the contributes to my self destructive tendencies. I tell myself healthy food is not delicious even though I KNOW this is what my body needs but inner critic is an asshole and more than often wins the debate. The thing is I’m a great debator. Iam great in business and I’m assertive when need be, I have a great professional life. But its my self image that struggles. When my two selves debate, the inner critic is a louder voice because now I figure it echoes the many opinions that were inflicted on me in the past. I’m the daughter of a ‘well known man in the community’ (let’s just say) so growing up we always had to portray perfection. So every negative opinion aired about my outfit or my weight or whatever was very much taken to heart. It was pressure on my parents too. The meanest thing my mom said to me was that the only thing beautiful on me at the time was my hair. It was wrong. But that mom is different now too and I’ve forgiven her for that but of course the words can’t be unsaid. What scares me is how I’m affecting my daughter. She sees me look at myself and sigh. I’m aware of my self destructive nature so I don’t vocalize any self criticism. But its there. After reading this I’m also paranoid how I might be affecting my kids, what they’ll take away from their childhood and how I’m royally screwing it up. Boo. I need to change.

    • PsychAlive

      Thank you for your comment, May. Overcoming the critical inner voice is not always easy, especially because the inner critic possesses all the intelligence we do (hence, the great debate). The book Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice offers a step-by-step program to counter negative thoughts and overcome the inner critic. You might also find this article to be helpful: 4 Steps to Conquer Your Inner Critic.

    • Don’t worry hun.
      My mom was paranoid and overbearing my whole life, but when I grew up she became my best friend…all that stuff doesn’t even matter anymore.

      It’s never too late to change, it doesn’t mean you “screwed up,” it just means you are human and are learning. That’s okay. Don’t be so hard on yourself, you’re going to do great as long as you have the best intentions when you try. Really.

  5. I must admit I’m completely screwed up… And I’m not sure how to fix it.

    Imagine for a moment how it would feel if every day, five to ten people (or more) that were your peers told you they don’t like you, or maybe they let you know that they don’t like you in some obvious way…

    Every day…

    For years… (and it’s during the most important years, your childhood)

    How would that influence your behavior and your thinking? How long would it take for you to accept their opinion is the valid way people actually “think” about you and that any positive opinions are not accurate?

    This can be how it is for the “unpopular kids” at school…

    And it is was what it was like for me…

    Never fitting in, always on the outside, even when I was included I “knew” it was only to set me up to be excluded again…

    A sample exercise of how to feel worthless that I can share: imagine how it would feel to have my memory of the “kickball” game organized by my teacher for our class to play.

    You know about the whole “picked last” thing?

    How about each team arguing against having to pick you at all? Not picked last, but instead not picked at all?

    What about watching those teams negotiate with each other about what they will do so neither side will have to let you play with their team…

    And when it happened, the teacher didn’t have ANYTHING to say to the class for doing this…

    In the end, I remember being “allowed” to to not have to play… (I wan’t allowed to leave the eye sight of the “teacher” but I didn’t “have to play”)

    And it’s not like I’m in a wheel chair or that I ever was… I don’t want to reveal too much about me but I’m a currently soldier in the US Army… And I have always been as physically capable, or more capable than my “peers” when I was in school… (i.e. I’ve done the whole “introspection thing” but I haven’t identified how any of my actions or behavior encouraged this – maybe my intrinsic worth?)

    But because of this experience, and many others that are similar, I “know” because of the behavior of the other students towards me that I must be a terrible person… After all, they wouldn’t have treated me that way if it wasn’t true and when they were doing it it was based on their honest feelings and opinions – we were all too young to have any kind of guile or motive behind our behaviors.

    So… I learned when I was young I must be worthless, and now that I’m older, even when people indicate somehow that I’m not, I can’t help but thinking the positive thoughts are not genuine because it’s a crafty manipulation rather than genuine feeling.

    And YES!!!

    I KNOW this is crazy!!!!

    But, It’s not something I know how to fix…

    I can understand intellectually what people tell me, as an example: where I work we are rewarded for our positive contributions with awards or incentives… so every time I am given an award or a performance bonus – I understand intellectually that this is a positive statement. But… Emotionally I do not believe they really mean this “compliment” and instead feel it’s only because they don’t want to make me feel bad and that they cynically want the best performance out of me that they do these things, not because they really think I’m really a “good person.”

    The problem is that in my mind I “know” I’m worthless, and every time I receive feedback supporting my belief of “worthlessness” it reaffirms what “I already know” and every time I receive positive feedback that doesn’t support my negative beliefs I think it’s not honest feedback because they don’t want to hurt my feelings…

    The worst part is I know this is screwed up thinking – but I don’t know how to escape it…

    I know I’m not alone in this BUT I really don’t know what to do about it…

    I’d say “help” but it’s not something I can really ask for help with, especially because of my job. In the end I hope posting this, even if it’s anonymous, I really hope it helps me work through my dysfunctional feelings and thinking… (and it wouldn’t hurt if someone were to see this and feel better about themselves because they know they’re not alone in feeling this way)

    • Those playground moments can haunt you for the rest of your life. I remember feeling left out when I was a young kid because I couldn’t run very fast or kick a ball very far, but then I hit puberty and “being left out” by my peers turned into outright abuse. I came from a loving family, but I felt completely alone facing the bullies in P.E. class every day. I dreaded that hour of the day; it was like something out of “The Lord of the Flies.” Now, in spite of my accomplishments as an adult, I still don’t feel good about myself and I think it’s because of all that ill treatment in middle school. Like you said, from a logical standpoint there is no reason to let things that happened 30+ years ago impact my life now, but those negative experiences are deeply ingrained. Best of luck to you in working through it.

    • FemaleFootballHater

      Every little bit of your story is near identical to mine. As a grown-up I know cannot bring myself to understand how gym teachers can continue this vicious “pick and choose” game, seeing how it continuously creates a living hell for the student left behind.. The passive teacher, representing a responsible adult, thus confirms and justifies that “YOU are different, dehumanized, and not worthy of recognition by your peers”. (I believe recruit retired football coaches without a trace of empathy, but that’s just my hypothesis.)

      For me the abuse was not restricted to gym class; I was avoided by my classmates in all situations. In the breaks I would try to stay inside, maybe even hide to avoid having to hang around in the court yard, where everyone could see that I was alone.

      The teachers noticed this, and were concerned. In collaboration with my parents they tried to get me some therapy, so that I would become more like the others (more likable? I still don’t know..). That never happened, but I think it led to a feeling of shame that I never quite let go off. I was the problem, and I couldn’t fix it. Nothing was done to improve the others’ behaviour until the abuse got aggressive (I got spit on and gum thrown in my hair) and I broke down, crying, in the middle of a class.

      The sanctions then enforced were too little, too late, as this was the last year of junior high school, and the assets needed to rebuild confidence and trust in me weren’t available. Luckily, after graduation, I never saw the worst of the bullies ever again. I was later informed that some of them became heroin addicts, which now just fills me with a deep sadness of a system that let down the most troubled of the children. I started high school and meeting a bunch of new kids, unaware of my past, helped me a great deal.

      For some time I thought I had put the abusive years behind me, but as of lately I have become more aware of the insecurities that were created during that time. I face problems today in social and romantic contexts, because I still question myself and my own worthiness, feeling that I don’t deserve the inclusion and love of others. My experiences have left me with a deep feeling of shame for my own existence, and I find myself nearly paranoid in some settings, wishing I was invisible.

      I’m very happy I found this article. Hearing others stories that are similar to mine is reassuring, as we need to build a collective understanding of the fact that we are not guilty of our own self-loathing. That nasty critical voice in the back of our heads aren’t us, but the collective voice of all the unfairness we have been subject to in our lives. It has just been so ingrained in our thinking that we believe it is the “voice of reality”. Properly learning that it is NOT a realistic voice will probably take a lot of time and effort, but this article sparks a hope in me that it can be done. I hope it does so for you and for others with a similar history.

      • It’s so refreshing to read something like this that I can really relate too. Rationally I know that my self worth should not be measured by other people’s opinions or perceptions of me and yet I can’t shake the feeling that if someone doesn’t like me then there must be a problem with me. I was always alone and left out in school and none of the teachers or my parents seemed to care. I thought that when I left school things would be different and I would get rid of all those insecurities but they only seem to get worse. I feel anxious all the time, I’m afraid to leave the house most days because I know that I will have to see people i don’t know and talk to them which is very difficult for me. I can’t even hold down a job because I keep messing up because I can’t concentrate which is a result of my anxiety. What you’ve said has really made me think about things in a totally different way, the voice in my head isn’t necessarily the voice of reality and I should stop convincing myself that it is

    • I know how that feels especially when being watched

    • Wow, that was well written and insightful (really!) lots of your experiences sound like mine as a child. I am learning to trust my own judgements and make friends with/understand my inner voice but still hit hurdles, and reading your account made me realise maybe my own inner voice (which others here describe as a bitch – mine is a really devious bitch) is an echo of childhood experiences. Something for me to think about.

    • Thank you for your post, I feel less isolated somehow. :)

    • as a kid this was happening to me. problem is that even as a seven year old i decided to change and manipulate myself and act and do crazy things to rationalize or stop what was happening, all of which resulted in me doing stupid embarrassing things everyday of my childhood. now i try to forget all the stupid stuff i did as a kid, but the feeling i got when i realized what i had been doing, the self loathing and disgust that i knew other people had felt and now i did, that feeling keeps sticking around. and its still happening. im still unintentionally doing stupid things. and everyone who can is still ignoring me, or laughing at me, or shoving me. people may be assholes, but im pretty much the worst asshole, because i messed myself up on purpose by changing who i was to try to appeal to everyone, and being louder so people would have to listen. now i here and i despise myself so much, and guess what? on top of that everyone is still doing the same things to me they did when i was a kid. day after day its like being suffocated by the fact that no one around you wants to notice you, and even you want to shun yourself and pick yourself last. i feel so old inside. my life hasnt even started and i feel closer to death than i should want to. im not even eighteen yet. and although i can dislike and become annoyed with others so easily, i have a respect and a fondness for them. cus they arent me. lucky bastards.

  6. I am lost
    There are lots of things that I love but I have no reason to reach them cause I hate myself
    The worst part is that it’s logical ( of course it’s not whene you love your self) I really have my reasons to hate myself and they are reall they aren’t imaginary
    Any way cause i hate myself I decided to do exactly whatever someone told me to do and punish myself by doing that responsibility with all I have even if it gets me to the hospital or kills me! And I like it, but the truth is that it’s so hard and I am not able to do them in a right way so that made me to think that if I care about myself it might effect my activities in a good way still I can’t stop eating or sleeping so I have to let myself have these things in order to do my responsibilities in the best way. I am scared cause loving myself might be one of them
    I believe there is a reason for my being
    So I want to do what I must for that person that I love cause he worth it ,and even my critical inner voice agrees with that
    Even if it’s loving myself
    But still the tears in my eyes are killing me everywhere I go they are with me and I can’t help it so people start to advise me about my behavior and they keep telling me that I can that I should try to be happy find my goal… Or that you should think of your parents and understand your situation you can’t just waist there hard work
    I am confused these ideas just make me wonder why should I be happy, who said I care about my happiness? I don’t even deserve it! And the second just makes me wish I wasn’t born at all or I wish I would die right now
    I don’t want to be bad and I don’t want to hurt anybody in fact I want to give everything I have for the others but again why should I do as I want?? These ideas come to me when that person doesn’t tell me what to do or when I disobey what he tells me to do
    There’s is fight in me that I am not so bad but my inner voice is the winner
    I am but

    • Jina @ PsychAlive.org

      I am sorry to hear of your pain. It is good you have reached out and good for you to know help is available and things do change. Your feelings are not permanent. If you are interested in learning more about overcoming your inner critic, you may like to read this article on Steps to Overcome Your Critical Inner Voice.
      PsychAlive is not a counseling site, but we can offer resources where you can get assistance 24 hours per day. If you are in the United States, you can call the National Helpline at 800-273 TALK (8255) or visit the Helpline website to online chat. If you live in another country, you can email jo@samaritans.org and visit Samaritans website for help. Do not do anything to hurt yourself and remain safe.

  7. Snares of delusion

    Wow, every sentence of that article strikes a chord with me. It is one sad song.
    Thankyou, it has reinforced and put into words what I was realising about myself. I would like to read the book ‘The Self Under Seige’.

  8. Everyone,

    This is an article of hope! It was a real pleasure to read, and even everyone else’s comments. I have for such a long time endured the bullying that my inner critic has put me through, but this doesn’t have to be a “sad story.” On the contrary, look at it as the most intimate and personal challenge you will ever encounter! This article, and a book that I am reading now, “Psychocyberntics” by Maxwell Maltz, have been helpful; but the only thing that will change the bad habits are yourselves. Go to these sources, and the above-recommended book as inspirations and guides when a real bad time strikes. We all have the up and downs that come with our self-hate; mine is deeply intertwined with depression. But I can see that there are rays of hope shining through the dark abyss that I thought I was in. One day, I’ll come to realize I was only trapped underneath the covers of a tear-stained bed.

    Hope and faith will see you through!
    April

    • Hope and faith will see you through? If someone said that to you when you were depressed you would want to puke on them

  9. This artical is very well written and I’m sure sheds some light on a lot of people. But for a person such as myself who has low intelligence, terrible trouble having a conversation with people, and horrid self-asteem issues, its only logical that i have this ‘inner critic’. I hate myself because I am who I am and I so badly wish I could leave this body for a new one, a new brain, a new personality. About every work night I go on my phone in my free time and look for forums and articals online for the answer so I could feel an ounce of love for myself, so that the next time a customer comes up and strikes a conversation I don’t act like I’m taking the SATs. My brain shuffles through a laundry list of ‘what to say’, ‘how to say it’, ‘when to say it’ ‘oh my god apologise right now!’. So far its taken my 20 minutes to type this. This doesn’t feel normal. I feel like a normal person would have what they would’ve wanted to say out 18minutes ago.
    A lot of these negative feelings are, like the artical said, stirred from past experiences. In this case, I’ve had family issues, but the biggest impact is from 4th grade an every school year to follow after that. Partly, I brought it on myself because I was highly immature. I would blurt out anything with no filter. Thinking back to those days, I would’ve beat myself up if I were another student. I was called out on my hygiene, for liking pokemon and anime, and everything inbetween. I had friends, and very greatful I did… I realize I am ranting incoherently at this point so I will conclude that my inner critic is not some malevolent voice in me ripping the potential to be a beautiful social butterfly. It is just who I am. No positive thinking exorcises or yoga will change that.

    • I know it’s been a while since you posted this but I just came across this and had to respond. Truthfully you sound so much like my brother (whom I love with all my heart). You’re not stupid! You are just a thinker! it takes you longer to respond because you are more thoughtful by nature, which can be extremely hard in a society that cherishes fast witted charm. I am not one to talk about feelings of worthiness since I am here for the same reason as you. However, I can tell you this: you can be beautiful, smart, quick-witted and popular and still feel like you are nothing more than trash. I would bet any amount of money you are smarter than you think you are. it may take you longer to think something through, but you are THINKING! My brother is the same. all through school he was criticized for being a slow thinker, a terrible test taker, socially inept because he would blurt the first thing that came to his mind or take too long to say anything. he was bullied, harassed for being odd, too quiet, never said the right thing, etc. But he’s one of my favorite people in the world and I bet you have a lot in common. When I read your post I couldn’t help but flash onto my brother’s insecurities. I’m the opposite of my brother in so many ways–social, great test taker, outgoing, fast, etc. but I feel horrible about myself. I am extremely self critical and no matter what I do I feel like I’m doing the wrong thing. Your post made me feel better though because you remind me of someone important to me. Don’t feel stupid EVER. You are smarter than you know, I guarantee it. BTW, I love anime too and I don’t care who knows it. if people think it’s geeky than so be it. Screw ’em

  10. I literally hate everything about myself. I’m nearly nineteen, and i still have the same amount of acne i had when i was 12. Its not severe or anything, its just frustrating because everyone around me has clear skin, and i’ve had to deal with faulty skin for so long. On top of that, im hideous. Im thin, but i hate my body because theres nothing good about it. i’m usually an A student, but i’ve been getting B’s latley, which makes me feel absolutley mediocre. Im not content with my work life, school is taking a toll on me, an all my friends are away at school so i feel alone. I have a close-knit family, but i would never tell anyone how i feel because i feel like they’ll judge me, and think im stupid, infact, i feel stupid for feeling this way, which inturn adds to my self-hatred. In all honestly i dont think theres anything positive about myself, i dont see why anyone would be attracted to me, or be interested in getting to know me. when i’m complimented, i politley thank them, but i’m confused as to why theyre complimenting me. i think theyre either just saying it to be polite, or because they feel bad for me, i never think compliments are sincere. i’m not particularly good at anything, and i dont contribute anything good to anything so, basically im no good. this article helped me realize i need to change my cognitions, and work on self-fulfillment although i dont know how easy that will be. if you take the time out to read this, i appreciate you :-)

    • Heyyy. Even if you don’t feel like you’re special, or really good at something, it doesn’t matter. Because you’re beautiful just because you EXIST is this world in this human form. You’re loved already and you don’t have to do anything to be worthy. You already are. There are a lot of people speaking about this, like Marianne Williamson, like Deepak Chopra, Anita Moorjani and etc. And it really helps. This understanding of ourselves as already being beautiful, every single moment of your life, is really important for all of us. And actually, ESSENTIALLY, no matter what you do, it won’t change.

      So go ahead and shine. You are beautiful and amazing person. You actually know that, right? Admit it. :)

      This is coming from a 20 years old girl, who just noticed again in some videos that her hair look messy and sloppy. And this scares me since for some time in my teenage years I’ve been bothered by my older brother’s and some other people about my appearence, as if I was not enough. But I am. You are. Even my brother and all those dear people feel the same way, they just wanted to change something so it would be better. Yet, either with messy hair or with coolest hairstyle, I am beautiful. That, I am. And you are.
      Love,
      Vita:)

      • Vita. what an awesome message, I googled self hate tonight as it’s something I am struggling with, and I love what you have written. I can at times hate myself yet I am externally ‘successful’ . No matter how much I achieve its not enough to feel lovable. Last year my cousin died young, she struggled with weight issues, self hatred, self destructive, drug addiction. We had her body at home before her funeral, and in the time I was with her I had an amazing experience, a strong sense that my cousin was being held by God (just to give it a name) and that nothing mattered anymore, that she was not her body, not her achievements or lack of achievements, she was not any of the ‘bad’ or even ‘good’ things she had done in her life, she was a pure amazing soul and she was absolutely loved and lovable. I went away from this experience and processed it more and realized that this applies to me as well and every other person in the world. Later on I found Anita Moorjani’s book and have been listening to Wayne Dyer, Robert Holden and others with similar messages. I tend to forget this experience and slip back to my old thinking patterns of not lovable, self hatred, self criticism. I’m back on track tonight, I will continue to challenge the critical voice in my head. thank you

  11. You could say that I am a smart person at my school but I’m always left out of things.

    A bunch of people ask me for answers but that’s all they do. Their not friends, just peers and I really hate it. I also sit with 2 people at lunch (everyday) but they talk to only eachother 3/4 of the time.

    I try to be someone who I’m obviously not. My friend has a deviant art and on there she Talks like “Nuu, it’s okei. But Thanksies mah bestie~! And No problemo for da faves~!!! X3″ I try to be like her but it doesn’t work. She’s just too…happy….

    You could say that I’m antisocial but I’m really just a strait up kuudere:
    Kuudere: They are really cold and emotionless, but they slowly open up to their love interest/a person they trust. Kuudere is different from tsundere because tsundere are not emotionless and express their feelings in a more loud,anger-like way. But kuuderes are just quiet and emotionless.

    So yeah…in the start of the school year I was all, “YAY~! Your name is Sammy the cat and yours is baseball head and-” but I made some decisions that I really regret.

    I’m scared of my parents and I made some mistakes the year before. So, I was forces to lie….and one of the lies could have gotten them arrested….I was inside a 7th period and I wanted to quit. I told my parents about it but they kept on bugging me and such…once they agreed, I talked to the teacher and he said that i needed a parent signature. My mind was blank when my mom asked me if I canceled the class yet and so I answered yes when I needed her signature. I didn’t know what to do so I was absent from that period for half of the year. I had an F- and too many absences to count.

    My teacher said that we were going on a field trip and that we were going to do some fundraisers to raise money. We had those 60 chocolate chocolate boxes and I only sold 30 when the deadline was due. It would be a waste to throw it away so I kept the box from the room and I gathered up some money and used that instead. But…I didn’t pay it until 2 months later when ALL of the money for the trip was due.

    A lot of things like these kept on happening this year and I broke. Every time I even thought about my seventh period or my moms face when she saw the chocolates, I broke down right there.

    I know that I’m a liar. But, I don’t know oh to stop. My lies start out small but I never find a way/gather up the courage to put it at ease. And I still hate myself for it.

    I don’t know what to do. I find my self starting to me meaner and meaner when I’m recalling all of those incidents and the dreams that if been having…

    I once was with my class and I went by a pole to be alone and a group of girls told me to sit with them. I didn’t feel worthy, I was less than a water flee.

    I don’t know if this means I’m emo or what. I think that humans are a disgusting species. They lie, hate, and bully so easily, without another thought. But I have mixed feelings on this subject. Just like the article said, we each have two sides, fighting for control over out body. I feel that I’m not worthy to be inside Thai works. To be with all of these beautiful, pure creatures.

    I don’t know myself at all. I start tearing up when I try to put the pieces together. But I’m positive about one thing, I hate being alone. And I think that no creature deserves to be. But……I don’t even know why I’m writing this. I’m not usually this type of person but I read all of the comments and I find it so terrible…

    • Dear friend ( PUSHIN !!!!!),

      I don’t know who you are but can really empathize with you as am in the same shoes. I’m unable to find the words to let you know how similar we are. I hate hate hate to lie but i lie. The situations and circumstances turn up in a way that i had to lie and this makes me feel so bad.
      I’ve no idea why i don’t behave like my real self sometimes. People around me consider me attractive , intelligent , smart , fashionista. They take my advices and really talk highly about me but none of them take me as a friend. I’ve no friends. I’m alone. I’m unable to put the words across to express my feelings. I hate myself. Usually i read comments and never posted but your above comment made me reply. JUst like you, even i don’t know why i’m writing all this.

      Good luck dear,
      Hugss

    • You sweet girl; You are about 12 or 13 I believe from your tone. Now is the hardest time to be a young teen with the way the world is. I felt the same way when I was your age; I hated myself and didn’t know who I really was.

      As far as the lies you told once you come clean to your parents you will feel a lot better. It’s hard to do; but do it and you will feel a weight off of your shoulders. Everyone makes mistakes; that is what those were. Because you lied doesn’t make you a “liar.” Just try and do different.

      If you want to have a friend BE a friend. You only really need one or two people as friends that you can be yourself, be comfortable around. Find someone you enjoy being around and just be their friend. and know that everything will get better. It really will. I’m 37, married, mother of two girls and I can still remember feeling the way you do now.

    • Hey,

      I have been this way for a long time now. I don’t talk to anyone. No joke. But really, I have a lot to say. I sit in the hallways during lunch when everyone else is talking to their friends. I hear people say pretty mean things about me too. They evidently think that since I don’t talk, I can’t hear… :) Well, I’ve tried a lot of things. But I still think I’m a piece of trash. I lie too. I lie and tell people that I’m okay. I tell people that I have lots of friends. I tell people that I love being alone. And really, I hate it. I hate it so much. It feels like I just want to go up to someone, anyone, and talk. But I can’t cause I know they are just going to use me again. I truthfully hate the person that I have become. One of the things that I hate about school is when they pick groups. I’m always the one who ends up alone. And it’s just torture standing there watching people call out their partners. Because it’s telling that I’m too worthless to be picked. And just like you, I have no idea why I’m writing this
      What good could it do? But still, it makes me feel better that I’m not the only one out there. Thanks :). And if you ever want someone to talk to, feel free to send me an email.
      -Iris

    • Hey, Pushin
      Im with you, even if im adult, i still scare of my parents. I think it is because i known that they’ve got high expectation in me and i cant reach their expectation. Anyway i choose to keep quiet instead of lie…

      The first time i got F from bad behaviour, i didnot try to fix it, i didnot know how to fix it, i scared to reach out to parents, i ran away from teacher when she tried to let me fix it, i felt ashame of myself and scare of how the teacher will look at me or think of me…and time passed until last summer of graduating year. I almost not graduated because of this subject. I cannot remember how it happened but lastly my father and i went to meet teacher together. I’ve got busted!! and my father slapped me so hard in front of the teacher, The situation of that summer went worst and i totally broken thinking that i made my parents disappointed and this incident scarred me for half of my life.
      I never ever picked this topic to talk to anyone because i am ashame to myself…but u know what… one day i just found out that my parents FORGOT all the detail about the incident, ONLY ME remember it. They could remember only that they need to go to meet teacher and i almost not graduated but they cannot remember what i did wrong or even care anymroe about what i did and it just doesnot matter anymore. I, ALONE carried broken feelings for more than 15 years!!
      Well, time passed, my parents forgive and forgot and i think your parents will be the same, they are too busy working. Those bad grades or bad behaviors are not matter anymore. the only matter now is that i could stand on my own or not.
      So, i suggest you to do like this when u face some trouble. Please thinking of urself in future, maybe next week, next month, next year,next 10 year… how this trouble will affect ur life in those time, if u lie to ur parents make u hurt now, how it will affect u in next 10 years and how it will affect them. Is there anyway to fix it. Did u try to says sorry to her yet? It’s worth it.
      Anyway, i have 6 close friends when i was in secondary school, 3 closed friends in high school and only 2 when i was in university, i found myself happy with them even if no one have daviant’s id like me. We had difference hobby but same way of thinking, i suppose. I totally envy young Thai nowaday that people have more openmind about manga, animation and games. Easier to find friends with same interest. If you are not happy with this group, try to join another one until you find one.
      Lastly, I love Kuudere and i consider that i am one, too. but only that i dont think i could be as cute as anime character O.O
      So, try to love yourself and forgive yourself before you will lose 15 years like me. I just try to practise to not hate myself now, too.
      Good Luck!!

  12. It is so cool to know this feelings are not because I’m rubbish. I still feel I’ll never get free…

    We are all strong people we have been through so much hurt

  13. Hi…Everybody my name is anum, I am 23 years old and I HATE MYSELF….I am a fat ASS never been beautiful my whole life……..Everybody says to me that I am good natued and I cook good and I am a good student but i dont see it because I hate my self……..
    MY mother wants to get me married and she says that it is a ggod thing that you have had a proposal and you should pursue it because it is God’s blessing and ………………..The thing is that I think that if anybody is going to marry me he is not going to be happy because of my appearence……..peope want to show off their wives………….but what will my husband have to show off ……….I see a very dark and sad Life ahead of me………………May be its because I am very materialistic and i dont see good in people Idont know………………Please someone help me……………Sometimes I wonder why didn;t God make me like those perfect bimbos
    I wish I was Perfect and not self loathing and depressed for eating all the time………….Help me Iam drowning

    • Anum, I’m sorry you’re going through this. I am 28. I’ve been fat most of my life, and I have come to a point where I can accept my fatness. We are taught from childhood that losing weight is everything…that it’s never acceptable to be fat, for any reason. No one bothers to tell us that there are far worse things in the world than being fat. Yet the burden of changing our bodies for the sake of appealing to men falls heavily on us women.

      I wrote a poem called “Small Woman.” Please do read it…it expresses a lot of reflection I’ve done on this issue. I live in west Africa now. Here fat women are regarded as beautiful. They’re round, full and glowing, and my boyfriend loves my body. When I first recited this poem in front of my African friends, people would tell me, “It was a beautiful poem, but oh, you’re not fat!” it seems fat has a different definition here. lol. I hope my poem helps you. I realize now that whether I lose weight or not, I wills still live a happy life. This is a revolutionary thought. (((hugs)))

      https://www.facebook.com/notes/tiffany-cybrie-howard/small-woman-a-poem-by-a-fat-girl/10152211900938649

  14. I am 19 female from India….I am going through a hard time in my life…I wanted to become a doctor….I loved the noble profession…. i always used to be the topper of my class since childhood…My parents,relatives and my teachers had lot of expectations from me….But from the very beginning i hated studies….I don’t know why exactly bt i didn’t liked it….I had an internal hidden stress may be due to studies….After completing my 12 class i dropped a year for competitive exam to get seat in medical college….bt i was not able to study…i wasted my year….i hate myself cuz i am lazy…i am not able to wake up…i am not able to control my emotions….i don’t study (only one day before exam bt still i top it) …bt if I would study sincerely i would have been leading a different life….I feel negative all the time…i am getting treated for depression after insisting my parents to take me to doc cuz i can’t take it anymore….and thankfully they agreed….I am in relationship where my bf dominates me and never puts any effort into it…i wanna leave him bt he was my serious crush from childhood and now i got him after 7 years….its hard….life is hard…I had been fat since childhood and faced social anxiety…. Hate my life..!

  15. The world and is way bigger than you can imagin and full of people you will never see .People are there, and they are waiting to meet you. If you feel fat or lazy or fat and lazy go do somthing about it. If you think you look ugly or somthing on you is not right- then stop “playing with your self” go break a mirror. If you want to change your life , Start today, tomorrow is not a day of the week. My heart has been super glued and duct taped and shattered over and over- but i am going to put it back to gether a keep on doing.. All you beautiful people are awsome and I love you all the same. Move your feet if you dont like what you see, and your veiw will change.

  16. Hi everyone, my name is Anne, I’m only twelve and I also have the same problems you guys have. I’m having trouble loving myself which put me to hating myself. I have friends but I have trouble trusting them, I rather keep problems my to myself. I only have a mother but I feel like she doesn’t love me at all and probably never will because I was just a mistake, an accident, she never really wanted me. A man that I should call my father made her drunk and took advantage of her, so every minute of my life I will hate him because, not only my mom lost the one she loved because of what my father did, it also affect on me, all my mom’s hatred towards him reflect on me, she put all her anger to me. So every night I cry and compare myself to a garbage, actually I feel like a garbage and I also wish that I was never born. I know I’m over reacting but I can’t help it. I search the web on how to love myself and the first step was: Accepting the past, which I have trouble doing it, so, PLEASE!! I NEED HELP!!

    • Hi Anne… First of all, what a brave and courageous girl you are. It sounds like you’ve already had to go through quite a lot in your life… I can understand why it hurts so much, and why you feel helpless. Your feelings are entirely valid. But you have to know just how meaningful you are to this world. If you could see yourself from the outside, you’d see just how special and beautiful and important you truly are. The past is gone. It can’t hurt you anymore — at least, not if you don’t let it. The past exists nowhere but in your mind. You are more than capable of forgiving your parents and loving yourself. Because you have the power to be yourself, to be amazing as you are, and to let go of anything that doesn’t support you.

      Trust me, you are positively radiant. You shine!! You are special in ways you can’t even understand… But it is so clear to the rest of the world. You are NOT garbage. NEVER. If you hadn’t been born, I wouldn’t get to write to you right now, and I wouldn’t have got to hear your story, which underneath all the pain, is a beautiful one. You are worth so, so much. If you can, tell it to yourself every single day, without fail. You are worthy and beautiful and special and unique — and you were born for a reason!! Fulfill it whatever way your heart tells you. Love with as much of yourself as possible. Love people, your parents, everyone you walk past. Just feel your heart radiate as you go by. It might take some practice. But never allow yourself to hate… You are more beautiful and special than anything hate can offer…

      I know you’re a bit young, but maybe try some meditation? Or something to soothe yourself when you’re feeling bad. You can just sit or lie down, and then focus on your breathing. Feel what it feels like to simply breathe and be alive. That’s all you need to do.

      So much love from my heart to yours. You are GORGEOUS, every single day!!!!

  17. Anne,
    Accepting the past is difficult. There are many events in my life that I cannot explain why they happened. I try to look at reality. The truth that Jesus Christ did what he did and that the creator of all loves me no matter what, gives me peace and hope. We are eternal beings, here on earth for a short time. Soon, our tears will be wiped away forever. Now is the time to make a difference for others! We should love our neighbors like ourselves. So, we should love ourselves, so we can love our neighbor. I feel the hurt in you and I love you, my neighbor.

    • J,

      Thanks for your advice. :) I think I just need some time accepting it and wait for the time someone will wipe my tears away.

  18. Recently, i have been feeling so extremely low. I’m 30 years old and whereas I should feel grown up I still struggle with issues stemming from severe childhood and early adulthood bullying. From the ages of 11 to 22 roughly. I was bullied all through school told i was worthless, ugly, scary, weird, smelly, you name it i was called it. Was always picked last for sports, tall, awkward, tried to hide my perceived ugliness in make up and often wore too much, which made the bullies pick on me even more they used to even hit me and pull my hair while calling me names like ugly witch…Once I left school I then got into a violent relationship with a guy 12 years older than me. I was 19. He hit me and called me all the names under the sun including the familiar ugly and stupid. Was with him nearly 3 years. Married at age 22 to another guy he is 10 years older. Still together but he is heartless and unloving sometimes. We have one daughter. I love her more then anything and she gives me reason to carry on. However she too, is now being bullied, by the children of the monsters that picked on me back in my high school days. Just yesterday they all picked on her, calling her ugly, fat, stupid, tramp, all the names I used to be called. It hurt me incredibly and it made me ill all day today. Seeing my beautiful baby go through what I did makes me feel so horrible inside. I don’t want my girl to hate herself like I do. I tell her how lovely she is and how she is worthy of so much love and respect…but I feel it will impact her life as it has mine. I’m so dejected and saddened by how horrible the world can truly be.

    • Oh love, hearing your story makes my heart ache. You’ve been through so, so much, and now with your daughter, too… You are so brave for facing the cruelty of this world and still having the strength to love! You are AMAZING!! I know that just like you, your daughter is sooooooo beautiful, too. Keep loving her and showing her what it means to love — including how to love herself! That is the greatest defense we can cultivate and share with one another. Because if you have love, you have everything. Nothing else matters. I know how terrible the world can be… It can hurt you so badly. But only if you let it. Never let anyone or anything stop you from loving with all your heart. Keep going. You, sitting right there, are absolutely gorgeous.

      ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

  19. Hi I guess I have ideas why I’m always quiet, shy, and depressed anyway I’m seventeen years old and I just see myself as a complete failure everything I do is mediocre at best with most areas in my I consider horrible I’ve never kissed a girl never had an actual girlfriend, I got bullied a couple of times in elementary and middle school and I always let it get the best of me. I never go out my friend says he feels sorry for me because I’m always in my house. I played varsity soccer and I was bench most of season and that brought my self esteem even lower. My grades are shit 2.7 GPA which makes feel even more of a failure because I have no social life and my grades still suck. I always compare myself to some of my peers that I consider perfect because they have hot girlfriend and they get good grades and they’re popular which agains puts me down even lower. I hate my life so bad. Anything I do I always fall short and I feel I’m a disappointment to my parents and scum to the world.

    • Dont worry. its normal for your age, I were like you in your age but I changed after that. You will be so successful, I am sure because you care about your succeed. I repeat it again dont worry, you will be a great man one day.

  20. I am not into my 20’s yet but I have suffered through alot. I have a really bad case of acne and my mom doesn’t care what happens to me. All she cares about is her “image.” I found myself desperate, at 2 in the morning, to google this, like many other commenters have. Everyday at school is like a raging war of anxiety attacks. “Did someone just notice my acne?” “Did someone notice that I’m the only one without a guardian at conference night?” I don’t know why I got such strong feelings of depression or Anxiety. I got bullied in Elementary, and I came to a conclusion: I don’t have a friend, no one will stand up for me. This and alot of unmentioned reasons are why I hate myself. What’s worse is: I think I’m just jealous of people who seem to have it all. I disapline myself for popping pimples by locking myself in my room. This reply was very jumbled and didn’t really have a main point. I just needed a vent. Thanks to anyone who cared to listen. I will try to live a peaceful life.

  21. Hi everyone, I too hate myself for a lot of things. the reason why i hate myself is because i lack organisation, commitment and courtesy. I don’t know why but i feel so carefree all the time and eventually get told of for the “It’s okay phrase i go by”. Also one time, at camp i stuck up for a friend since the other girls were being really rude, and ever since they haven’t talked to me. It’s not that i care that they don’t talk to me, but most times i feel like i have a horrible personality. Like one time a friend arranged that i got to their house, and her mum made food as well, but last minute i backed out.

    • You are not horrible at all!! Not in the slightest!! I know it’s easy to judge ourselves; I do it all the time, too. But trust me, we are our own worst enemies and critics. We can judge ourselves for the tiniest things that no one else even notices or cares about. Just keep being yourself. You are absolutely beautiful and wonderful the way you are… truly… You say that you hate yourself because you lack organisation, commitment, and courtesy. So do many of us! Ha ha. And some of us don’t even notice! But in truth, those are things you can work on and improve at. You really can. One thing you can practice is doing lots of nice, altruistic things for other people. Your family, strangers, a teacher. Anyone. You can even make a list. Keep a little notebook full of all the things you’ve done for others, and if you’re suddenly having a bad day (or feeling negative about yourself) you can look at your list and see all the meaningful things you’ve done. They don’t have to be big. Everything counts. Buying a coffee for the person behind you in line at Starbucks counts! Or going out of your way to make someone’s day just a little bit special. Take all the things you wish someone would do for you and do them for others. Sometimes it takes a little getting beyond ourselves and our little worlds we create in order to feel connected and loved and meaningful. But we can do it. And you can do it, too. You are amazing!!

  22. I hate myself real bad because I’m only 13 and in year 7 when I’m supposed to be in year 8 plus I look 2 or 3 or even more years older than I am because most people think I’m in year 8 or 9 most of the times but sometimes even 10. I just wish I look more like my age and keep my childhood longer because I’m still a kid

  23. I’m 18 and I’m so glad I found this article. I have a great life, I have parents who love me more than they love theirselves, I have my smart sister who almost always knows every answers of my questions and always supports me in everything I do, I hv the best friends I could ever have in this world. I have the perfect life anyone can have in my age, yet at the same time, I often feel that I hate myself. Every little mistakes that I made only make me hate myself more. I started to think that I’m worthless human being, unworthy, etc. only because of mistakes I made. I’ve had this thought since I was a kid and I never really gave it a care because my family has a history of being perfectionist and so I thought it’s normal for me to have those thoughts (it was like ‘well, it’s in my genes, so whatever’), but I never realized that it’s desteuctive until it got worse for the past few years. I got a lot worse score in every subjects lately and everything I did seem to always fail and there would always be that voice in my head saying “see?? I knew u would never work it out well!!” then it would always end in “I hate myself”. I never told my parents abt this because I dont want them to worry. I love them and I dont want them to spend anymore time to be worried abt me, they’ve given so much for me.

    Anyway I know now that those thoughts are just my negative inner voice and I should never again listen to them (it’s like the ‘mean girl’ in me that always try to break me down). Thank you so muh for this article, it really opens my eyes to see that I dont need to damn myself and have negative thoughts abt myself for every little mistaks or imperfection that I make. Thank you so much for this article :)

  24. Hi m a 23 year old girl living in a conservative country. I m v beautiful n smart. I was a topper all through my life but still I feel empty. My father is n abusive husband he has aIways dominated me n my mom. My entire childhood n still I feel DT m under a house arrest. My dad has controlled my life entirely. I was never allowed to go out or even talk to my guy cousins or make male friends. I was not allowed to even look at boys directly. I never made friends n dun believe in friendship cz everybody has hated my guts I was v pretty n intelligent n won every competition of drawing studies painting or beauty etc. Which was y everyone hated me as I was perfect. Many guys now want me BT I was in 2 relationships n mind it dese r basically d only guys I hv talked to n befriended. Both of them dominated me again. They dun allow me to make friends, extremely possessive n jealous. I m marrying one if them. My dad hates me cz I crossed d line BT accepted my bf cz he is from a v good family. So u can c d contradictions. Despite being perfect m feeling d same as above people. I hate my life n myself. I have tried to commit suicide twice. I dunno what I wanna do in my life. Whatever career m pursuing its cz of d burden of being perfect. Its really boring. I always feel out of place n lonely. I think I m different n awkward. I think like a loser always as I never take compliments seriously though I hv been always getting them cz I think I dun deserve them. My bf whom I m supposed to get married to next year is a party animal n outgoing. I on d other hand m n introvert n very emotional. I dun drink or smoke hv always followed every god damn rule in my life. Everybody thinks I m boring n belong to 19 the century. I recently failed in d toughest exam of my country. M completely destroyed n I need help. Cannot go to a doctor cz I dun hv money. Plz help me.

  25. Hi, I have struggled with self worth for 31 years. I took a intro to psych,g ot my GED, I’ve was married 15 years. I finally liked me. I was going to college. My husband cheated. I’m being transfered at work since I don’t fit in (because I work hard, and people are throwing me under the bus) I worked really hard for 5 years to get out of this mind frame to be there again. Maybe I tried to compensate and never was completely healed and why I so easily fell back to these feelings. Maybe I do love myself and feel that others don’t. I’m tired though.

  26. Wow… Honestly I found the comments rather depressing. We have all been through crap in our lives, and that’s okay, the trick is to learn how to be strong within, and eventually the rest will follow, no matter your shape, size, race, etc. just find something you believe in, something positive, and direct your energies that way. All these people that make you feel like crap, they focus so much on the negative themselves, that their lives won’t be worth much. I mean if they have nothing else to live for than putting other people down, then they are stuck, while we have a chance to fly.

    And I do know what I’m talking about, despite many people thinking otherwise. I’m emo. Yeah, I know, freaky right? Unnatural maybe? Well I don’t care what those people think. I have spent my entire life (well, I’m only 17) being put down by others, and bullied by adults and kids (I was born in a bible thumper town, not that there’s anything wrong e that) and was basically a door mat, shy, and scared to show people the real me. I love my parents, but they never understood, and when I told teachers that I was “emo” they asked me if I wanted to seek professional help.

    I’m not going to pretend my life was some huge sob story, or competing for the “bad childhood” reward, bc it wasn’t as bad as other people out there. It wasn’t that these people didn’t like me, they just didn’t understand. And I wouldn’t really let them. I mean I’m shy, not anti social as much as just scared to be social. I still am. :)

    Things changed for my junior year of high school, where I met people, that weren’t really like me, but they accepted me, something I didn’t really know. bc of them, I really stopped being scared of what people thought of me, and I started thinking about what I thought of myself. I mean I hated myself for a long time, for being different, but u know what?

    THE WORLD NEEDS PEOPLE WHO R DIFFERENT! :)

    I still get bullied at times, I don’t think ever really goes away, but I now stand up for myself. I don’t have to physically fight them, bc I know as soon as they open their mouths I have won. These people that focus on putting others down will get nowhere in life, and secretly they know it. It s people like us, the freaks, geeks, and weirdos that will run this country, and have done so before.

    And to some of you guys, I’m going to give you some tough love. I know that expressing yourself this way, venting as is, is overall good for you to get it of your chest, and help you let go of things. But at the end of the day, the only person that can change your life is you. It’s good to talk, but you also need to act. If you hate the way your life is, change it :)

    Yeah, changing is a bet, and u don’t know if it will go sideways, but is that chance better than where u are right now?

    Alright I’m going to shut up now, cause this is dragging out WAY too long :) and remember, even if you feel like no ones got your back, you have at least one total stranger that will back you up (ME <3 )

    • Wauw I know the post is from ages ago. But for a seventeen year old I think your style of thinking is amazing. And though I am way older I really feal supported by your last sentence. Thank you so much for your post.

  27. I hate posts like this. My parents were amazing and loving and caring and I couldn’t ask for more. You can’t reduce everyone who struggles with their self-esteem down to daddy issues. Starting off on that foot means that the rest of the article is also inapplicable to me (and generally seems to be rephrasing CBT and making it look like some revolutionary technique credited to the Firestones alone, which could not be further from the truth).

  28. Hey, i rather not mention my name. But I’m 17 years old now. I have experienced bullying from age 5-14. 2 years without being bullied and i still feel like shit about myself. Everyday these voices of the bullies haunt me day after day. One day i finally found the perfect guy, i know it may sound strange coming from a 17 year old girl. but i felt like he was my love. I was myself around him , for once i felt like myself like i was free. 5 months later the voices found a way back into my head telling me how i wasn’t good enough for him. So i ended up pushing him away. Today after reading this little article i realized i have to try to get the real me out, to try to get him back, and to leave the negative me behind. It may be a struggle to do but thanks to you i believe it can be done.

  29. Excellent article. I would like to point out, though, that people can boost those positive or negative feelings. Friends, spouses/partners, and parents are the most important influences on how your self esteem develops and how you view yourself.

  30. I randomly google searched ‘i dislike myself’ because I have been having trouble for quite some time now – connecting with people, friendships, relationships and work. I find it hard to be myself and relax because I feel like I don’t know who I am, all I am to me is a critical voice in my head, trying to hide from the outside world what I am really thinking. Im even certain I’ve lost my sense of humour.
    The only thing that brings me back to life and helps me feel relaxed with people is alcohol. I feel content with alcohol and I can have a laugh and connect with people – no problems.
    It’s easy to say- think positive and be strong within, but when you are fighting this kind of anxiety everyday and negative thoughts about yourself, its almost impossible.

    I have also come to the conclusion this is due to my strict up bringing, just from meeting other people, its clear that i’m not as confident as others. My parents have never shown much love, mainly disapline and money orientated.

    I’m in my late 20’s and I can feel good opportunities slipping away due to this anxiety and low self-esteem. If my parents brought me up the way they did and this is what I am because of it, then I guess this is what I have to man up and face. It’s just a pain when you see others living life so easily and happily, having great jobs because of their confidence and great relationships because they can let others love them because they love themselves – Maybe one day I can have that! POSITIVE THINKING!!

  31. I have to admit this article has got me thinking that maybe I am not the only one with that destructive inner voice problem. Thanks for putting that worry out of my mind. Besides the article, the comments have helped me immensely to realise that it is okay to have these problems in the first place as long as you fight it and not drown in despair. Because my parents convinced Me that it was not ‘RIGHT’ or normal to have these self doubts so much. They refused to acknowledge the problems I had with myself brushing it aside as attention seeking behavior. As a result I had stopped confiding in my mom(who used to be my bestie) as I used to and kept of my problems to my self. But in reality this only seemed to be fodder to the inner critic and the self loathing escalated. This kept me from making friends as well in fear of being perceived as damaged. But finally I am in a place where I no longer withhold my problems if I have any. I open up to my best friends(thankfully I have made three) even if I still have difficulties with my parents. Thank you.

  32. Hi,

    I am saddened to learn so many of you are self loathing out there. I’d like to share my story briefly. I am 31 years old, have a job, an apartment and a wonderful fiance. I happen to be pretty and thin and most people accept me at this point. I too have been bullied through out elementary and middle school. Those experiences resulted in extreme social anxiety. I used to base my self worth on my appearance and sometimes still do at times, but have learned my low self esteem has absolutely nothing to do with my appearance. My self esteem is attributed to many experiences of ridicule and childhood bullying. I was raised by loving parents, but both of them suffered with addictions. Now, as an adult I know we should not look to external factors to dictate our self esteem and self worth. I still, to this day suffer with social anxiety and what people think of me and how they perceive me etc. In looking into my issues, it is not them who I am concerned with though. I am the one who is judging and critizing myself when I am out with friends or social settings. They are not judging me the way I think they do. I am trying to avoid my own self critic, and therefore tend to choose to opt out of social events. The worst part about doing that is that I then feel super guilty and mad at myself for not being normal enough to just go out and have fun. I then self loathe as a result of opting out as well. It seems you cant win when you try to prevent these feelings. My poor fiance has suffered through many of my social anxiety and panic attacks. If he tells me we are going to his parents for dinner, I tend to have a meltdown pretty fast. Even if we are going out with friends, I have to punish and berate myself and hate myself for a good few hours before I go out. That’s if I make it out.
    BUT I do know listening to our instincts, and our true selves can set us free. If you realize you are afraid of yourself and do not trust yourself enough to enjoy life then please do seek help. Your life was not meant to live in fear and self hate. Each day take steps to do the things that make you happy. The only person that can change how you feel is you. Even if the entire universe came together and told you, you were wonderful, loved and a beautiful being you’d most likely not believe them anyway. So work on convincing yourself you are worthy. Ultimately your opinion is the one that matters. Do not look to others to build you up. (They will never be able to heal your wounds).

    Praying for all of you to feel worthy some day!!!

  33. Hi again…

    I would just like to add that all of you possess a commendable quality!! The ability to be vulnerable and share your stories with strangers shows a tremendous amount of courage and bravery. Most people hide their insecurities and pretend to be okay. You all were all brave enough to share your stories and will now be helping many people because you chose to speak up about having low self esteem. For that alone, you are a quality human being who is worthy and deserving:)

  34. My problem is I never give my problems any significance at all, like I try to minimise them in appearance and laugh about them and pretend they don’t exist by talking to myself or getting lost through my tv addiction. I have trouble making friends and being friends with people. Before I made friends and lost almost every single one of them(save for one) and now I honestly cannot seem to make any friends at all. I hate the fact that I am so boring; I’m like a blank slate, with nothing interesting to say- I just nod ‘yes’, become blank in all social situations and go through public life like a zombie. I have this deep rooted fear of other people hating me and this has strangely been true in all past relationships. So I guess I maintain my distance from anyone, am polite but also cold and am mean to people who try to get close to me in any way. I feel like I’ll screw up anything I do, be it a test or sth. In fact, I’m so worried about screwing up, that I mess up the simplest things when I’m doing them in front of people and I end up feeling so dumb and stupid all the time. I hate feeling stupid and inadequate and I feel that I am way dumber or mentally underdeveloped than other people my age. In public, it is so difficult for me now to interact with people, sometimes to even form coherent sentences. I screw up or bore people. I also feel like I don’t have anything to offer to anyone or even if I do, I’ll just be rejected. I also have a habit of comparing myself to every single person around and overanalysing every single detail. I go over the most trivial thing over and over again in my head with extremely negative, pessimistic thoughts. If people treat me like shit, I don’t know how to react and instead I let it slide by. I’ve had people take me for granted. So everything, especially the way I present myself to other people, including family members, makes me hate myself to the core. But all these issues that I laid out open also make me feel like I’m indulging in self-pity and that I need to stop ranting for this precise reason.

    • Jeez, I feel like I wrote this. I’ve read the rest of the comments, but this one is almost exactly on point for me, hi inner voice twin!

  35. This all makes perfect sense to me. I have suffered from intense feelings of not being good enough my entire life. I dont seem to be aware of the thoughts though so i find it difficult to dispute them etc. A couple of thoughts I am aware of are “I can’t be bothered” and “Whats the point” I say these things to myself all the time. They are very self sabotaging thoughts. They allow me stay stuck where I am and not try for success of any kind. Kind of like a battered dog that no longer will move for fear of being hit. I feel sad just writing this. I want to change this pattern and rid myself of these thoughts but not sure how. I have tried CBT and found it not to be very useful.

  36. I am a very confused person; too indecisive.i feel like i’m ruining my life— it’s my 12th standard – the most crucial year of my life-i’m going to be giving my med entrance exam . Here is the whole issue — i don’t know what’s wrong; i can’t undersyand anything and feel lost.when i was in 10yh standard – i got an overall A+ grade; in 8th i went for nationals in tennis. But i knew it was merely my luck; especially in the latter and i felt completely useless.i feel like i’m letting my parents down all the time- they are too good parents for a useless , overanalysing child lile me. I cant have myself sit and study for some reason! I vile my time looking for solurions for this confusion i feel in life! Then i feel extremely guilty about it! Sometimes when i study — i score good marks — but now i feel like i’ve wasted two years of my life and won’t be able to become a doctor. I know id make an amazing doctor- its my passion. But what d hell am i doing- running away – feeling lost – ignoring my problems- watching movies and spending time on FB instead! If someone can help me – it will be great – any advice is welcome …. i feel desperste!

  37. I read this ” why i hate myself” Self help article. Im glad it deters from blaming my parents. Im not sure where, or when this started in my life. I know im tired of feeling like a dweeb. Im very sick of my inner voice calling me horrible names. Then when i do get my wish and have many friends, my inner voice tells me what great people my friends are for allowing me to hang out with them. That they feel sorry enough for me to let me be part of their group. I am 53 years old and extremely shy. I have 100s of friends all across the US because people truly like me. I still feel unworthy of their friendship. I even heard myself tell my friends and aquaintences that i didnt and dont expect good treatment. That its ok to be mean or rude to me. I know its wrong now, and i want to be happy. Please help.

  38. Im 19 and I have always struggled with my appearance. In my eyes I am disgusting, overweight, undeveloped mis matching breasts, spotty, out of proportion and I know its true. I recently found the cause of many of these issues was because of polycystic ovary syndrome. I look at other girls my age with their beautiful faces and bodies and I feel sick when I look at myself. I grew up knowing I would never have a boyfriend but I do. I have been with him 3 years and he is wonderful but what I cannot stand is when I tell people how I feel it gets brushed off with comments like ‘dont be silly your beautiful’. I have started doubting my relationship he is so outgoing and confident im the complete opposite I feel i hold him back. I wonder why hes with me and if he is just waiting for someone better to come along. I have noone my doctors treat me like a hypochondriac because I am an anxious person and I do visit too much but ive stopped that now. My family just think im being silly but I cant even call a support number Im never alone or talk to a professional as I think they will just think im a psycho. Just down in the dumps and that is why i googled this and it does make a lot of sense. I just wish I could get over it alreadyl.

  39. this really helped me see that there is a negative voice inside of me, and that is not the whole of me
    Who feels this way. I am a 20 year old male with no friends or social life. I am a closeted bisexual because i don’t want to be perceived as gay by the straight community, or out with one foot in the closet to the gay community. I truly am bisexual. I know it sounds ambiguous but i have dealt with this since i have enough reason, and I acknowledge that im not straight, but im also not gay. Society expects black and white, and i feel like im not. Im depressed more than i am happy. I just wasn’t to live my life without having to feel the need to please everyone. My therapist said, that because i was sexually abused twice as a child by two different men on different occasions, that i have made a connection with pleasure and the male sex organ. Because i felt pleasure. It was wrong i know, but i have hope. I just don’t wasn’t to waste my youth being angry and depressed.

  40. This has been a salvation to find. I’ve been dealing with self-loathing for practically my whole life, starting from when I was in highschool to now. Currently, I’m in college seeking counseling alongside working towards a Bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing, but the internal scars I carry from abusing myself so harshly are still fresh in my mind. It gives me peace to know that there is hope for someone as broken as me. I was the victim of bullying in high school for being autistic and generally quiet and my friends abandoned me because I had an aid and thought I couldn’t take care of myself. Now, I’m going to war with my inner conflicts and, with help from this article, will hopefully find self-appreciation and live the life I always wanted to live. There’s still a lingering fear in my mind though that I might never heal and eventually die alone, unloved, and a failure. Thank you, you’ve helped me find a reason to fight.

  41. Hi, my name is Amanda. I have had strong feelings of self doubt from a very young age. When I was a kid I was so shy that I didn’t really talk at all at school. My dad is a very irratable person and works at home. As a result my brother and I had to be very quiet when we were little or he would blow up. When I was around 10 I was kind of chubby and my mom was always criticizing me for being fat. I remember feeling really bad about that. If we went to McDonalds I wasn’t allowed to get anything.If my mom called me fat I would go in my room and destroy all of the honor roll awards that I got from school. Now I am 17 and am an alcoholic. I was cutting my arms with a razor before, but now I drink instead. I even drink on the weekdays and feel horrible at school. I have absolutely no communication with my mom, and very little with my dad. I have grown into my body and am not fat at all anymore, but now my mom criticizes me for being a vegan. I don’t know what to do. I feel very alone.

  42. im a kid im in middle school I have 3 siblings im the 3rd kid im a girl and I have 2 brothers (9) and (15) and a sister (16) its funny all my siblings are like skinny and im not I mean im not gonna ever starve myself or anything but my 2 brothers gang up on me and call me fat and my parents don’t care, they barley do anything about it. I used to go to a private school up intill 5th grade and I switched to the public schools when I was 1n 6th grade for a “new” life, I was hoping to make friends and feel good about my self and it didn’t help. My dream is to join the army and my siblings or anybody does not know, I have tried to tell people but im fat and my parnents would say no and my siblings would say ur too fat. I cry myself to sleep, I don’t cut myself or anything but I have to stop myself from doing it because I don’t want to hurt myself. I thing I have a bit of adhd and anger management I have beat on my siblings when they make fun of me (just really by brothers) and normally its self defense my dad never does anything or when he does its just not right because he doent know whats goin on, my mom babys my little brother im often intoublr for getting into fights with him and he doesn’t even get talked to I mean im tired of it I really hate my home life and I Harley have any friends I mean ya I got a few but I always feel left i guess thts normal but it happens everyday at school and at home my dad for got me at a bathroom once i mean im the kid whos normally forgotten and im tired of it im bout to cry now, at home my siblings do thir things and when its all said and done im at home. i chose to stay at home because i like being alone i like to think out loud with out being judged and if i went with my siblings id make a fool out of my self i really somes do hate myself. i mean i fell asleep on the couch and my little brother woke me up playing his clarinet and he had a devilsh smile on his face. of corse who got in trouble for getting in a fight… ME i try to tell my mom she wont listin to me i think she hates me and at school i try to make friends but i fell light headed i want to just hide under a desk and fall asleep sometimes i think i have social anxiety but my mom wont care my mom wont even take me to get new glasses that are payed for im 3 months over due with the glasses i cant even see well with my current ones on and my mom don’t care and i cant even do things i want because my siblings get to do other things and i just want to punch something o get my anger out, i asked my mom to get me a kid punching bag she wont istin i wouldn’t even get in as many fights if it weren’t for her. am i right about this please reply

  43. being sad n depressed is my real nature
    i alz think abt those thns that alz hurts me
    my aim , my plan
    i think its all waste of time
    i alz think that “if my dreams are not coming true ,then why shall i work hard ?”
    why shall i waste my time ,doing thns that i really dont want to do
    M Alevels student
    m very poor in english n other subject too
    though i try my best to improve myself
    i alz fail on that
    i cant sleep in night thinking abt my future
    it seems dark for me
    i know if i try hard , i will get it , i can make it bright
    bt the question is that
    why should i do it ,if my dreams are not coming true
    i can drop it n move to easy level
    bt my father expect a lot from me
    i cant do it
    bt wht abt me, wht abt my dreams ,my plan , did he ever think abt that
    i dont feel hungry i dont feel sleepy
    i cant dream
    i ve no hope
    m totally hopeless
    if i try hard then i can make my father proud
    n my dreams it will alz b dream
    n in other hand , if i dont do as he say
    then i can make my dream came true , i can make it alive
    bt i really dont want to break my papa

    i can still recolect my bad days
    i never wish for ,
    m confused
    my parents are not supportive in this case
    n some times i feel so jealous with my friends
    bcoz they’ve very supportive parents
    even m afraid to talk wid my papa
    m sacred to face him
    from my childhood , i not so much close wid him
    their is no such a beautiful memories that i ve spend with him
    all he c in me is my mistake
    he judge me with my past
    wid my mistakes
    i cant help my self
    i know i can get rid of this
    i know i can b happy
    i know how
    bt
    i really dont want to
    being single . hopless,alone
    it has become my habbit
    0_o
    -_-
    my smile its all fake
    m pretending that m happy
    bt actually m not
    i act silly so that no one can know m sad inside
    this is to inspired people
    that we can still smile when problems are around us
    we can be happy ,so wht trouble is making us feel dead
    m just 16 bt m feeling m getting old
    days r not letting me sleep forever
    in warm rose bed
    nights are more difficult for me
    crying in hopeless hope

    i dont want to share this wid my frends
    bcoz they r happy right now wid my fake smile
    i dont want to c them getting worried for me :( :(
    bt
    ive learned to smile in trouble
    in depression
    although its all fake
    m happy wid it

  44. Hey I’m Yune.
    I’m 18. I’m the first children in our family and since my childhood my parents fought each others and my dad cheated on my mom but they ‘re still together. My dad is on business trip and we all know he still cheats on my mom. And he doesn’t care his children, us .That makes me want care from other people. My mom cares me but she can’t care me as much as i want. And then i got gf . Unfortunately , my gf has heart disease and we’re far away , we can only text . I give my all love to her, but it seems she doesn’t know. Then we broke up at the end. But i still feel it’s all my faults for our break up. And there is also my dad’s problem cheating on my mom . I really don’t know what to do. It’s really stress me out. I cry almost everyday. I afraid to believe in people again. Can you advise me ? Please .

  45. So I have self asteem issues and I feel like I’m not good enough. The popular kids at my school tend to judge and I feel very intimidated when they r around. I feel like they r criticizing me every second!!! I feel that I have to do do what everyone else is doing to fit in. I don’t kno who I really am. I really look up to my BFF and whatever she does I feel the need to do it to fit in. I your gonna say I should stop being friends with her then you’d better keep it to yourself… My good friend , Ryan, was my best friend in third grade but I moved schools and then we became friends again after 3 years at our middle school. But our friendship hasn’t been the same. He got the BFF’s number and they talk EVERY night. He doesn’t even reply to my texts EVER!! Not once. :( he can tell her everything he can’t tell me everything. I love my best friend, but she one ups me in everything( is just a little better) my parents want to move which adds even more to my depression!!! I don’t want to move to Nampa!!! Btw I cried all the way through reading this. In a realization way. So thanks so much :)

  46. I didn’t mean in a bad way in my last comment it was good to read this and realize that. So really THANK YOU!!!!

  47. im always so depressed, and I don’t have anything going on at home that could cause me to be this way. I just feel worthless, like I don’t matter. at school, im always ignored. when I was little, I was always that weird little kid, and i didn’t mind it at all. I didn’t mind talking to people, but now, im scared to talk to people that I don’t know. I’ve become an introvert. my parents tell me that it was my choice to be lonely, but its so hard to talk to people. my critical inner voice always says things like “why would they want to talk to you anyway? you just make things worse!” Im almost always alone at school, eccept for one friend. she’s going through a lot right now, and im trying to do everything that I can to help her, while juggling my own depressing emotions. it so hard, and I don’t think my parent realize that I feel this way. I don’t want therapy, I just want to be noticed. problem is, I want to be noticed, but I’ve become a quiet person who doesn’t want a ton of attention. I know it doesn’t make sense. im just really confused.

    Ok so I just let that all out… I don’t see the point in helping me, but I would like any advice that you have. im so confused. :(

  48. I’ve read most of your stories, and I hope all of you guys can someday find the inner peace you deserve x
    I’ve never shared my feelings with anyone, even though they’ve plagued me for some years now, though admittedly they’ve intensified the past few months.

    I am about 4 stone over weight, which would be about 56 pounds, and my dad never fails to point this out to me.
    I’m successful in every other aspect of my life, I graduated a great college, and am working at my dream job, but to him all of this means nothing given my weight.
    I know to a certain extent this is my fault. I have not lost this weight despite the blatant need to do so, and even I can’t understand why that is. A work in progress I guess.
    But my dads constant criticism is hollowing me out inside.
    I spend the vast majority of my time in his company sucking up to him in the hope that he will not mention my weight, and begin is tirade of abusive rhetoric. He has on numerous occasions mentioned he is ashamed to have members of his side of the family see me, and he says he hates hugging me because he can feel my fat.
    Recently he has scaled up his criticism to include my skin/complexion, my general odour, and my mannerism as a whole. I work very hard and I am a cleanly person. All these criticisms are breaking my heart, and leaving me in a constant state of anxiousness. I am never comfortable. I often wish myself away from family home, and back at my desk in work because it is one of the only places I feel accepted, and even there I am constantly on edge. Does my breath smell, does my skin smell, is this top hugging me too tightly and can everyone see my fat?
    It’s begun to creep into self doubt when I speak to people. When I make a remark I instantly feel as if it was a stupid thing to say. When interacting with a set group of people such as colleagues, I am constantly feeling as if I am the disliked one.
    I needed to get this all off my chest, because in two days time it’s Christmas, and my 21st birthday and yet I have never felt so unhappy and alone.

    • Hi Mary, I felt very sad reading your comment. You sound like a lovely young woman. If I were you, I would limit the amount of time you spend around your abusive father. His behavior is abuse and it is not acceptable. Is there a way you could move out of your family home or find activities that would keep you out of the house more? Wishing you happy holidays and a happy birthday!

  49. I feel like because I was beat daily and my step mother reminded me daily thay noone liked me and I was stupid. Im 36 now and I cant trust or really like anyone I guess ill feel this way forever a complete waste of life.

  50. I have never been abused. I was always happy, lucky, had and have a great family that takes care about me. But i hate myself. I hate myself for not being what i want to be, for being too lazy at one time, and not having enough rest at another. I hate myself and i hate others. I hate people i don’t know, i hate people i know. Some i can accept and love. Others i hate. For no reason i hate, and hate. I have always been kind and caring, people loved me all my yet short life, WHY WHY DO I HATE EVERYBODY. yes, some may assume it’s just a period in my life, it’s just something that may pass. But how comes i manage to scare people away with my thoughts. I never express these to people i don’t know in public, i can do it in the internet, where privacy may not be the best, yet i am still a blank figure to people. Things i tell them, even as a joke, even when i’m not trying to scare them, they fear me. yet, some of people adore me for how i act. In one place i act like all people do, in another i act polite and careful, in third i act angry. Almost all of them love me still. Am i hallucinating? What is wrong, and is something wrong, is there anything i have to do? Not that i would do it, i just wish to know. The unknown eats me from inside, and the worst thing is that nobody can give me a valid answer! psychology, tests, all is wrong, all is build on what the scientist assumes, but nothing more! where’s the truth? There is no truth, we know nothing, and we will never know. All is wrong, all is different, nobody will ever understand a person sitting right next to them! And yet i wonder, why. Why do i bother myself hating others. Why do i bother myself with anything at all. I have to keep on going forward, i cant quit. This is not something i must quit.

  51. Hi..I am from India….I am completely shattered and needs an expert advice.I prepare well for an examination and is failed.I was sure that i had done well…now i lost all my self confidence.nd thinks that i am not anymore capable to prepare for it again.I want to become a researcher.Normally i dont talk much to people about my problems, thinking that they are not interested in listening..Plz HELP ME….

  52. Oh my, I read some of your input and I just want to cry. 6 months ago, I made a decision to try anti-depressants as per my doctors advice. I was so much against them. I take 25mg of Zoloft every day and I haven’t felt depressed yet. It started working after 2 weeks. Of course we’re all different and what works for me may not necessarily work for anyone else but, you should speak to someone.

  53. Heyy shabx here! I wanted to share my feelings wid some one Although I have friends but they r nt of my type so can’t share wid em . I am 20 doing law I chosed this profession no one forced me but I am not putting any efforts to succeed I dnt know why my parents r supporting me although I have been a failure in my lyf they still r investing so much on my studies but em not being able to give them good in return although law is my passion :/ secondly, I have fallen in love wid someone n my parents told me bfre that we want our daughter to be modest nt being involve in these things but despite this I have fallen in love wid someone. I wana marry him n he also have same proffession as my father my prob is I dnt wana hurt my parents plus wana marry him I hate my self cuz I em disobeying em wht should I do :'(

  54. Why do I hate myself so much, I look in the mirror at my self and I am disgusted. I try and exercise and I feel like I am going to break my ankle and my chest starts to hurt I also feel like I am not able to get enough air in my lungs. I constantly feel like punching a wall to hurt myself because I am to much of a wimp to hurt myself. I feel like everyone expects me to make them happy no matter how I feel about it. I cant even sleep in my room because I am tired of not being able to sleep, because my child keeps waking her up, and when I do I sleep angry worrying if I don’t let my friend sleep then she wont talk to me. I cant sleep during the day because people expect me to clean their house and when I don’t it is a pig sty. Grated it is not my house but I work I don’t even make that mess. I use work for an escape from that stressor. But at work they are understaffed and they expect you to do a full days work for 2 people in a half of a day and wonder why things don’t get done. The new guy is putting everything in the wrong place and inventory is next month. I want the managers supervisor position but I know that I will never be good enough for that job. I try to exercise to get ride of stress but it hurts so I stop and I just try not to eat and fail. Everything that I do I fail. What is the point of trying when there is so many more people better then you. I am so mad all of the time because I feel that I will always be stuck at my husbands parents house. Every penny I make goes to my husband and what he wants. If it doesn’t he gets mad at me so I just let him have it. So I never can save my money. We are stuck here and it sucks, I am trapped here. Everyone here hates each other they are always yelling at each other. My children are starting to act like everyone else and don’t have anyone else to watch them my children are going to be terrible people. I hate my self I want someone to hurt me because I cant do it my self. but I am not even good enough for that. I cant do anything right someone is always mad at me. I don’t tell anyone what I am feeling because it just makes them angry so I just keep it to myself. I have been snapping at people a lot even when they are actually being nice. I fear I have lost myself and I am never coming back. I hate who I am I am fat and ugly and a horrible person. I feel that I am completely worthless I cant do anything right an I always feel like crap. I am just dragging everyone down. I hate me what’s wrong with me? I need someone to talk to me that wont yell at me.

  55. i am so glad i found this artical it changed my life

  56. I deal with this as a 40 year old man. It’s not a mid-life crisis, its something I’ve felt my entire life.

    I’m aware enough to see myself from the outside, and I know that anyone I told this to in life would think I was crazy. From the outside, I’m living a life that would seem envious.

    Yet I’m incapable of enjoying it. I’m never successful enough, I never want what I have. I can’t be in a relationship without wanting to be out of it. I can’t be single without wanting to be in a relationship.

    I find myself continuously wanting to start my life over, but I’ve done it enough times to know that this doesn’t lead to happiness, just a new set of things I don’t want.

    The article above talks about early experiences leading to this sort of thing, and I’m sure it is right in my case. I was raised by a single mom who didn’t have her kids as her top priority, I had a dad who really wasn’t all that interested in being a father, and there were teachers and step-parents in my life who were abusive, physically and emotionally.

    On the other hand, I don’t expect people to be perfect. I know I’m certainly not perfect. I don’t believe in blaming other people for my problems. This self-hatred, regardless of where it comes from, is now my burden to bear and blaming my parents or whatever at 40 years old certainly isn’t going to help anyone.

    That feeling is still there though. Still real and powerful. I wake up and often the first thought that enters my head is “I fucking hate you. I hate the world. Everything is pointless.”

    Objectively, I know these thoughts are self-destructive, and that the world is beautiful as well as ugly, and that life is what you make of it.

    Those are just rational thoughts though. The thoughts that feel emotionally real are the self-destructive ones, and it is those that are with me through everything, like a barrier I have to push through every day in order to live some semblance of a normal life.

    At any rate, I’m glad I found this article. It’s nice to hear that whatever is wrong with me isn’t unique to me.

  57. Its not that we hate ourselves – its that we don’t love ourselves
    Never could hit the mark in life, The mark we set for ourself

  58. Im 20 years old im a girl thats why i have been kept in house for years no school no college n now i am getting married i always feel that i am not perfect i hate everyone in my life i just for once want to live like other people i have been home.school but for once i would like to have class mates wana go out now i just never get happy i beat myself n cry all the time i just dont know how to be happy

  59. I am black darks inn iam always being told I am pretty or used to I am senior in college I’ve always loved my self in tell recently .every one in my fa ilybis mixed with native American by there mom and dad so there all light skin except for me and there all so beautiful especially my mom she is half black and half native american she is beautiful she looks like a model and has thick curly hair and look Caribbean or Mexican or Spanish so does the rest of my family the only trait I think got from my mom is her big lips and thick curly long hair .but last year I got braid and cut them all out so I cut it .some peaces at my hut butt other and my shoulder ear it booked harabel so I went to saloon and they cut it to my shoulder it look bad on me because I have a big head and big forehead so I look dumb and where I live I not fromiam from Wyoming but grew up in Austin Texas so I already look different plus I have chines eyes is to me it looks wrong I hate my self couldn’t tell my family because all they’ll say is your beautiful skin don’t mater its what’s in the inside that counts I sound so ignerent but this is how I feel just changed school from unform to regular and where I go to school at matters on on clothes u haveow u free so am a loner well take that back I be a lot of friend but all Mexican and few black but it seems like the black popular girls don’t like me because I’m not get to or don’t have every single pair of Jordan and so I guess by now u know on not a senior in collage I’m a senior in high school its sucks and my mom is a single mom and works allot so don’t wanna put all my stress on Herr I just fells like there’s no one who knows my pain

  60. I have no girlfriend so I hate myself

  61. In my mid forties and still hating everything about myself. Too tall, overweight, not beautiful , no talents and not really good at anything. Just feel like I am the perfect example of what not to do. The only thing that I did right was not having children. I saved them the hassle from looking like me & i did not nosedive into poverty. Somehow i value myself by numbers, my net-worth is always too low. I am. 2 standard deviations taller than average. BMi needs to go way down. I just can’t understand what my husband sees in me.

    I tried so hard to make something of my life but got nowhere. I spend my roaring twenties in prostitution .those were the best days of my life. I always tried to learn something , took bookkeeping classes and moved on to normal office jobs. Greener pastures were found outside of Europe, i got a student visa for a school in a rural area overseeas and married my fantastic husband
    I am now feeling stuck in the wrong carreer , i am always working and not getting anywhere. I am trying to start my own business, but it is a battle, just like keeping my weight down. Looking forward ,dark clouds are on the horizon, with an aging husband( he is 22 years older than me) a 95 year old mother in law that is having alzheimer, an 85 year old dad with health issues and an 87 year old boss, all needing my care and assistance.Not sure how I am going to get through this and still come out broke. Dad, mil and boss are all very demanding and just feel trapped and out of ideas to make life better.

  62. I think I suffer from this too.

    Hi, I’m Arianna, 15 years, 10 grade high-schooler.
    I happen to be kind of overweight and this has always been my major problem. My mother is very often pushing on this, she tells me that I should be way slimmer, that other girls are prettier because they are thin. This always wreked me down, I eat as a regular person, but whenever I hear this,or I’m generally upset, I start eating convulsively, and then I keep telling myself things that I shouldn’t.

    Lately I noticed something weird on my sleep schedule: I feel demotivated and tired more oftern. I usually get up at 6AM and go to sleep at 10:30 PM, but I’ve been feeling drained whenever I get home. And here my mother comes again. She’s telling me I should do other than just laying in bed all day long.

    I am a good student and I study everyday, but lately my focus has decreased. My marks got worse: from 70 – 80 to the lastest ones, 50. This is scaring me the most, because I’m afraid of telling her. I am afraid she’ll be right there with something else to yell at me because she has a failure as a daughter. Today I had a math test, I gave my paper and then waited for everyone else to get out of class. Then I cried. The teacher was still in, so he talked to me and I got slowly calmer.

    This scares me even more, how do I tell her I’ve been crying in high school?! I’m afraid this time she might beat me again and tell me that I’m just an attention whore, that I embrassed her again and that she’ll have to go and apolgise to the teachers again.

    I hate myself for all of these reasons: I’m fat, lazy, just seeking for attention and I embrass my mother.

    I’ve never did anything shameful that other daughters do, like hiding from their parents the fact that they all smoke and drink. They even sell smoke to each other. But they, she says, they are the perfect daughters. I’ve never done anything like them, nor I have ever cut, but I’ve had a phase in wich I used to hurt myself with needles on the fingetips. I can think of harming myself, but I ‘m not brave enough to do anything like it.

    I’m just feeling empty and sad. I have possibilities of having both social anxiety and the Asperger Syndrome. I said “May” because I haven’t got any medical exam or diagnosis for that, now. Mom says I don’t have them and that I’m just filling my head with junk, but I think that might provide an explanation for lots of things. I’ve already gone to the psychologist several times, but it was useless.

    I’m just feeling like I’m getting my whole family down, that it’s my fault if mom and dad are near the line of getting divorced, that I’m just a dumb, fat, ugly whore for attention.

  63. Hi i am anil, I have been through lots of ups and downs in my life. i lost my parents a year and half back in an accident. I am short heighted person. I was bullied during my school days but last 2 years of my school life was amazing as i changed my school. Later i shifted to another city for my college and found it difficult to adjust initially. When i got adjusted it was late because i couldn’t make many good friends (More so because i was rude and arrogant). Now 3 years college i still have that fear that my old school mates & my college mates think i am a looser. I have started feeling what if i go to another company (Right now i am happily working in a company where everyone acknowledges me) where whatever had happened to me in the past happens again. Please help me. It keeps making me depressed.

  64. I would like to know what’s wrong with me. Please read my story. Well it started when I had to choose the biggest (yet) decision in my whole 19 years of life. It was when I had to choose my university. I originally dreamed of studying overseas, I used to dream of it so much that it was the only thing that I strive to live for. But I don’t what happened, but I guess it was because I was stuck in the moment and I chose a different path. To study locally, and I rejected all those other, much better offers to go overseas. I regretted it after some time. I regretted it so much that I can’t even see a picture of an oversea university. And I can’t face my dear friends who had chosen to study overseas. Ig just hurts. I don’t know if its envy or what but my heart felt constricted and its in pain. I know there’s no way to rewind back time and there’s no point in wishing that things were different. I’ve tried hard to be more forgiving about myself, but it just won’t happen. It has come to haunt me again from time to time even after a year had passed. I’m really good at masking my feelings and I don’t have anybody that I trust to pour out my feelings to. I think I am very well on my way to depression but I can’t be sure. Can you help tell me about my condition? It may seem like a small matter, but it really is slowly killing me from inside. Finally, thanks for reading this rambling thoughts of mine. I appreciate your efforts.

    • i can only tell you that you will make it through your pain and one day it want hurt as bad. i use to bet my self up ibout school so bad that i dropped out of highschool. and got my cna. and i still beat my self up because im not were i want to be. but i want put my all into trying either. idk i fear alot of things in life. i actually got accepted to collage but o dropped out and life is hard but god wouldnt give us something we cant work though.please go to school pic another collage i live on my own and ive been on my own since 16 and trust me it hard out here

  65. I hate myself when i saw my mother, because the longer i being at home, the more i realised that i have her character. My mother is a self centered woman who wanted to be loved and need attention all the time. Everyday I hear her nagging all the time, about how her body is not well, ask my father to massage her, about how much house work she should do everyday, and the worst is when she asked me why i am always looked sad when i am around her.

    my father looked like he is exhausted all the time, of course because of mom. And i am being the same as her. I always nag to my boyfriend, want him to be always beside me, always complain Just like my mother.

    That’s why i hate my mother and i hate myslef more. I cannot be happy around her, because i feel like seeing the copy of me.

    I want my boyfriend to have a good wive, i have a thought about breakup with him, he deserve better. And me? Maybe i will just fine and not married.

  66. I genuinely believe the only good thing about myself are my looks. It sounds vain but my personality is so screwed up I had to find one thing about myself to even remotely like. Which is funny because 99% of the bullying directed towards me was due to my appearance. I’m going to say the first thing that probably triggered this was being told I didn’t deserve to be born on my 13th birthday. I’d had years of bullying before that to back up this person’s statement and since I found myself completely isolated for the next year with nobody I could talk to about it I saw no reason not to. By my 15th I had pulled myself out of the isolation and had a good group of friends whom I’m still close with today. I didn’t bother saying anything about it until someone else asked me if my birthday was the next day, I corrected them and felt highly uncomfortable doing so. I really didn’t want anyone to know.
    It was that summer I got the first and only boyfriend that ever meant anything to me, we were close friends and he’d really been the one who’d given me back some confidence in myself. At 16 I vaguely celebrated my birthday with two friends and I hadn’t realised it but slowly began to spiral back down. My boyfriend was amazing to me when we were together but when we weren’t I felt like he didn’t register my existence. I had begun to feel like he only wanted me for certain ‘activities’. I blamed myself for his lack of contact to an alarming degree ‘ Of course he wouldn’t want you, you don’t deserve to live.’ was the most common one. By this point we’d been together well over a year and I as a typical lovestruck teenager who couldn’t or rather see the relationship for what is was. During our first winter A-level results I messaged him sending the same message twice because I forgot I;d sent anything first his reply was so delayed. His response was basically to tell me that I’d wasted his credit. I snapped back but all I wanted to do was apologise the guilt was crushing me. I never handled it well.
    I didn’t see him for a while and we happened to go to an event at the same time, all the schools in the area were getting pupils to go. He made me try to find him for twenty minutes then when I did completely blew me off in front of all my friends. I only had 5 minute before the coach left and it was as the coach was leaving he decided he was interested in my existence.
    A month later we broke up and I still haven’t seen him since that day at the event. Once again I just blamed myself and it took me a long time to accept any of it was his but when I did I heaped all the blame on him. I know it’s both out faults him for not ending it a year before, me for not letting myself see the situation I was getting into.
    Since then I’ve had more frequent on and of bad days. It’ll swoop in at any moment and totally destroy my motivation to do anything, kill my enjoyment of everything leaving me restless and unable to sleep. I would frequently devalue myself and I found socialising with people I barely knew like navigating a mine field. I hated me so why wouldn’t they. The easiest solution was to lock new people out. Just before I went off to uni I summoned up my courage and told my friend I liked him. It was a big step for me, I hadn’t ever had any favourable relationships and it was terrifying.
    I got rejected because I was leaving. I came back home and he took interest in me physically but in the same week he told me he had feelings for our friend then spent the whole night flirting with her even though it was the only time he’d seen me in three months and I was leaving the next day. I went back to uni and didn’t bother celebrating my 19th birthday. I just don’t get excited over it, and I feel like I should, everyone around me cares a lot about theirs. I came back home for a couple of days and he first response was we should hook up. Knowing full well I still have feelings for him. I turned it down because I didn’t want to encourage myself in thinking that the mental and emotional parts of my have no worth. Currently I feel like I’m suffocating my limbs feel so heavy. I hate myself so much.

    • that has happened to me befor:( its sad being in that predicament.it scars you for your whole life. people dont understand how ur childhood makes you who you are. when i was younger i was touched by some one my family and they use to tell me im not all that. your just alright. so all my i life been just alright. and i never credit my self. i always want more but i never have the motivation. you can tell me a everythings fine in my life but i never felt completely.

  67. i am from India and recently turned 18. i grew up as a child who did not speak at school . my teachers always criticized me for being so but no one did much to help me. i was comfortable with my ways except for getting these kind of comments. i was able to make a change and socialize when i changed my school because i was more comfortable around people who didn’t know me personally.but still i was not ready to participate in any competition probably because my nasty ridiculous ego . i could not take a chance that might destroy my self reputation.my critical inner voice will not forgive any mistake and i was afraid i might fail.this voice in my head is even blaming me for not stepping out of comfort zone. it is telling me to change when all i need to do is enjoy being me and trust myself, never mind whatever the future might be. it is not easy since my anti self seems to outgrow my real self .posting this comment is an attempt throw away my fear of stepping forward. it is not much of a revolution but first step is the hardest.

  68. I feel like this all the time. I make so many mistakes and I hate myself for them. I say things I don’t mean and I hate that I say them and then I hate myself even more. I get called out for things I know are wrong and I snap and call their faults out too and I hate it. And I hate, hate and hate. Every little thing I do is stupid and wrong and I can’t ever say anything without contradicting myself or looking like an idiot which I want to believe I’m not. I have so much pride I don’t want to say or admit anything, but now I begin apologizing to people before I even talk because I know I’m such a pitiful excuse for a human being. I can’t ever shut my damn mouth and I hate myself because I can’t just be a quiet and nice person. I so afraid I’ll offend someone, or I’ll be rude and that makes me hate myself for doing those things. I just want to isolate myself from other people because I hate having to hear criticism and I don’t want to have to say anything rude or mean back. I hate being alone, but I hate being surrounded by people because I don’t know what to say that will be what I really think. My mouth just moves and I hate almost every word that comes out because I’m a failure and I don’t deserve to ruin someone else’s like.

    • I know what you mean. But I found the worst things that leave my mouth are almost always the worst ways I feel about myself. I criticise others for the things I hate in myself or when I hate myself. And I hate myself some more for doing so.

      Being a mother now and dragging my daughters through the same shit my parents made me go through I feel so ashamed and unworthy of any admiration. Yet I can’t stand the criticism of others for it will only make me feel even more worthless. And there are things I like about myself. But it aren’t the things that really do matter in the end. But this constant feeling of never being good enough, I wish it would dissappear. I want to be the mother others are. Loving. Caring. And meeting the emotional needs of their children. I want to be the parent I wish I had. But I have no qlue how to. God how I wish I could heal myself and forgive. I wish the ones inflicting wouldn’t be hurt again so I can speak up and seak help. But I understand those who do. Cause at the same time I hate everyone for not standing up for me when things went wrong when I was younger. The only thing I feel I do right is aknowledgeing to my kids that I am wrong. But I know it wont heal all there wounds. I love them so much I just hope I can teach tgem to love themselfse. Even if I don’t love myself.

  69. I feel this very much. Overbearing, truly cruel stepfather and a neglectful biological Father did not help matters. Mostly, I feel grossly inferior to almost everyone around me. Just today I began to cry seemingly out of nowhere and my girlfriend looked me in the eyes and said, “You know I love you right? I hope you believe it.” It caught me by surprise and I began to sob and replied, “I want to so badly!” And it’s true, I DO want to know what it feels like to know that I’m deeply loved as a person and have that as a experience in my life. Why am I feeling this way is all that I could think. What a waste of time this is! Hating myself and feeling as though I am deficient innately is a hell that I would not wish upon anyone. I feel that my wounds are so deeply seeded inside of me that I couldnt even find them to try and eradicate them from damaging my life further. I fear everything, yet come across as one of the most confident men. This confidence is a lie and Im beginning to realize just how good I’ve gotten at this day in day out performance. I want more! I want truth, love and substance in my life. To be able to truly accept that I can be loved by myself and others would truly be the greatest addition to my life and in order to save me from myself I have to make it happen.

  70. My friends usually treat me like trash all the time, and they always strive to be better then me. When I draw a picture, one of my friends will flat out says that its ugly, weird, or stupid. When I get a new accessory, my other friend will go out and buy something 10x better and then say she’s poor. When I was in fifth grade, because of this, (yes this has been going on since the 5th grade and I’m 21 now,) a boy said he liked me. I hated him and attacked him verbally, but was not sent to any office nor did I get in trouble. Ive been having these questions lately when I cant do something like, why am I even bothering? and You will never be good at anything. I guess the reasons these people are still my friends is cause when I was younger nobody wanted to be friends with me. I have moved around the country and all but one of the places I found people that wanted to be my friend. I never wanted to lose them because, this was my only shot at friendship, nobody else rarely bothered with me. Now for some reason I always see a little troll with elf ears when I look in the mirror, and I cry more easily too. My parents are nice most if the time but one night, my Dad and I got into a huge argument. I don’t remember what we where arguing about but when I got up in the morning, we started going at it again. The last words he said to me while I was going out the door was that he didn’t care about me anymore. I started holding back tears while I was going to the bus stop and a girl asked me what was wrong and I said nothing. That’s all I remember. Heck, this is like a car crash on bad memory-lane :T. But my friend, Akasha, she had mental problems. She even sent me and email saying she wanted to kill me. That made me scared and for some reason, make me hate myself even more. I don’t want to remember anything else so I’m gonna stop here. But please answer me back and tell me how I should break-up with my friends.(and if I even should)

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