I Hate Myself
For most of us, the expression “you are your own worst enemy” holds a lot of truth. It’s a painful reality that much of what limits us in our lives is our own feelings of unworthiness and self-hatred. “I hate myself” is a fairly common thought.
But where do these feelings come from? How do they influence us? And how can we push past them to live a life free of the harsh attitudes of our inner critic?
The Critical Inner Voice and Self-Hatred
In their research, psychologists Dr. Robert and Lisa Firestone found that the most common self-critical thought among a diverse population of subjects tested is “You are different from other people.” Most people see themselves as different, not in some positive or special way, but in a negative sense. Even people who seem well-adjusted and well-liked in their social circles have deep-seated feelings of being an outcast or a fraud.
This feeling about ourselves is common because every person is divided. As Dr. Robert Firestone has described, each of us has a “real self,” a part of us that is self-accepting, goal-directed and life-affirming as well as an “anti-self,” a side of us that is self-hating, self-denying, paranoid and suspicious. The anti-self is expressed in our “critical inner voice.” The critical inner voice is like an internal coach negatively commentating on our lives, influencing how we behave and how we feel about ourselves. It’s there to undermine our goals: “Who do you think you are? You’ll never be successful!” It’s there to undercut our accomplishments: “This won’t end well. Sooner or later you’re going to mess up.” It’s there to sabotage our relationships: “She doesn’t really love you. You shouldn’t trust her.” It’s even there to criticize those close to us: “Why does he even hang out with you? There must be something wrong with him.” Finally, this voice can seem self-soothing, coddling us yet encouraging us to act in ways that our self-destructive, then punishing us for messing up: “Go ahead, have that second piece of cake. You’ve had a rough week you deserve it.” Later, it will fire with comments like: “You’re such a fat loser. How could you mess up on your diet again?”
While it may seem unnatural to view ourselves through this outside lens, we all possess this critical inner voice. For many of us, this thought process is so engrained that we hardly notice when it arises. Instead of recognizing this voice as the destructive enemy that it is, we mistake it for our real point of view, and we believe what it tells us about ourselves.
“Why do I hate myself?”
“I hate myself” is a sadly common critical inner voice that people of all ages struggle with. Where then, do thoughts like these come from? What Dr. Robert and Lisa Firestone have found in their research is that these thoughts originate in negative early life experiences. The way we are viewed growing up and the attitudes directed toward us shape how we see ourselves. Harmful views directed at us by parents or other influential caretakers are internalized to make up our self-image. Just as our parent’s positive attitudes toward us may lead us to develop self-esteem and confidence, their more critical attitudes can promote just the opposite.
The point here is not to blame parents. However, it’s important to realize that no parent, or person for that matter, is perfect. Parents face a difficult struggle when they have children, as painful feelings arise from their own past. They may therefore react inappropriately or critically toward their children in moments of stress. Moreover, the critical feelings parents have toward themselves often come across to their children and are then internalized by the child. For example, if we had a parent who often acted like we were a nuisance, constantly quieting us or even just feeling tense in our presence, we may take on a feeling about ourselves that we are a bother. We may become overly shy or apologetic in our adult lives, quieting ourselves in our careers or taking a submissive position in our relationships.
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In this Webinar: We all experience moments of utter despair in which we think “I hate my life.” Whatever we feel is going…
In this Webinar: We all experience moments of utter despair in which we think “I hate my life.” Whatever we feel is going…
“How does self-hatred affect my daily life?” – The Effect of Your Critical Inner Voice
As adults, our critical inner voice impacts us in a variety of ways. We may adapt to it by treating it like a coach and listening to its destructive advice. When it repeatedly tells us we are worthless, we may choose friends and partners who treat us as if we are worthless. If it tells us we are stupid, we may lack confidence and make mistakes we wouldn’t make otherwise. If it tells us we aren’t attractive enough, we may resist putting ourselves out there and seeking a romantic relationship.
When we listen to our inner critic, we give it power over our lives. We may even start to project these critical thoughts onto others. We run the risk of starting to perceive the world through its negative filter. This is where paranoid and suspicious thoughts enter the picture, as we start to question or criticize people who see us differently from how our voice sees us. For example, we may struggle with positive acknowledgment or feedback, as it contradicts the ways we perceive ourselves. We may have trouble accepting love, as we fail to challenge our inner critic. While this voice is painful, it is also familiar. It’s been engrained in us since early childhood, and we therefore often struggle just to recognize it, much less challenge it.
“What can I do to stop hating myself?” – How You Can Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice
To stop our cycle of self-hatred and live free from imagined limitations, we must learn to challenge our inner critic. Overcoming our critical inner voice is the first step in a process of differentiation described by Dr. Robert and Lisa Firestone in their book The Self Under Siege. The book describes the four steps of differentiation, starting with breaking with the destructive thoughts and attitudes you’ve internalized toward yourself. Voice Therapy is a process that can be used to help people identify and challenge their critical inner voice. The process involves developing insight into the sources of these critical thoughts, then answering back to these attacks with a more compassionate and realistic point of view toward yourself. The next step is to challenge the destructive behaviors that the critical inner voice encourages you to engage in.
The second step of differentiation involves challenging negative traits in yourself that are imitative of your parents or other important figures in your development. If you had a bossy or demanding father, for example, you should try to challenge ways that you yourself are controlling in your life. The third step of differentiation involves giving up the patterns of defense you formed as adaptations to the pain you experienced in your childhood. We may have formed these defenses as a form of protection as children, but these thoughts and behaviors can hurt us in our adult lives. For example, if you felt intruded on as a kid, you may have grown up seeking isolation or keeping to yourself for fear that you will be intruded on by others. You may thus avoid close relationships or harbor fears of intimacy. When we hold on to destructive adaptations from our past, we tend to suffer from lower self-esteem. We may struggle to feel like our true selves when our actions are so heavily influenced by our history.
Thus, the final step of differentiation involves figuring out your own beliefs, values and ideals. How do you want to live your life? What are your aspirations for your future? When we separate from our inner critic, we are far better able to get to know our real selves and to lead our lives with integrity. We can take actions and steps that reflect our wants and desires, which gives our lives unique meaning. As we pursue this goal of becoming our true selves, we may experience an increase in anxiety or an influx of critical inner voices. However, if we persist in challenging this internal enemy, it will become weaker and we can free ourselves further from feelings of self-hatred and start to live a more fulfilling existence.
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Tags: critical inner voice, self-critical thoughts, self-deprecation, self-esteem, self-hate, self-hatred
A Webinar with Dr. Lisa Firestone
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I feel like this is what I am going through now. A few years ago my brother died from substance abuse. There were a lot of things my brother never worked through which perpetuated his addiction and caused his death. I felt a weigh me removed from the shoulders when he died. But I realize I need to work on unresolved issues I had not (lets be real have not) let go of. When he died I lost 98lbs and I gained 24lbs back. I know I have sabotages myself but I could not figure out what it was. Also I noticed I have a hard time letting people get close to me. I figure why because they do not care about me and they are just going to let me down by leaving. I have to realize that I can not change over night and I have a the capability to change. I am not worthless or hopeless.
I’m sorry that you struggle with this, but I am glad to hear that you acknowledge that you are able to get better and that you aren’t worthless. I wish you luck in your journey of self acceptance/love.
I hate me
I love you <3
Do you love me tho?
How can you say that? You have no idea who they are or what they have done in life. Seriously, take pity on people with low self-worth and stop trying to make them feel better with meaningless positive statements. While we may have a host of other problem, most of us are not dumb and can figure out that you don’t actually feel towards us the way you feel towards your mother/child/romantic partner/best friend, you know, the people you actually love.
Also, just for the record, its totally possible to not allow the inner critic control over your actions without turning it off, because actions and feelings are two separate things. When I hear that voice that says don’t do that, it’s scary, you’ll fail etc. I said, yea, I could get hurt, but I’m already worthless and miserable so me getting hurt doesn’t really matter and since I’ll still be worthless and miserable whether I succeed or fail I’m not really taking that big a risk and if I fail and get hurt, I probably deserve it anyway so why not? So I do lots of hard things and, if they succced, I just remember to tally up all my past failures and remind myself that future successes can never erase them so I shouldn’t feel good about them.
I feel that way, too. I’ve struggled for years with substance use disorder, and it always comes back to the fact that I drink to calm myself. And then I loathe myself.
I feel the same way after I eat. Don’t give up.
same for me but with watching videos all damn day… at the end of the day i hate myself to bits because i’m still a student and not studying at all has taken such a great toll on my grades. just 6 years ago i was a straight a student but since then when i discovered the joys of youtube, my addiction spiral has really declined my grades and now i’m flunking every subject. i tell myself that tomorrow is another day and i can start by quitting tomorrow and work in small steps to wean me off my dependence on the instant gratification of watching videos for dopamine but it never happens and the cycle just repeats with me hating myself more each day… this is my final high school year and if i continue down this path i’ll leave 12 years of education with no legitimate qualifications. i’m sick and tired of myself but not taking steps to deal with it, possibly because of my ego issues too (which i also hate myself for). i need to seek help but i’m not willing to do so and that’s pissing me off too. right now i’m just having an existential crisis and all fucked up inside hoping i find myself in a better place (emotionally) soon….
I struggle with substance abuse as well and I feel like such a big loser whenever I slip up. It’s never ending and I am so so weak. I don’t feel like I have it in me to ever get clean and actually stay clean, for a good amount of time at least, maybe 6 months but I always fail, have no joy in life without using drugs. I truly hate the company of myself. I like to seek company of someone funny, that type of person can get me out of my own head, out of my depression and anxiety. I never feel good enough, never feel anyone else should have a reason to like me, I’m boring, depressed, anxious, what’s to like??
I understand the feeling Kimberly I really do but I am sure it is at least one thing you do like and that is enough. Hold on to it until it touches other parts of your life. Soooo hard but please try
i hate me too
I feel so much hate for myself. I have anxiety really bad and pick at myself and hate my body more then anything in the world. Everyone sees me tell me I’m beautiful gorgeous pretty ever day but no one even cares that I F’n hate myself more then they could ever realize. I can’t help but feel like I’ll never be good enough for the man I’m seeing. I’ll always be afraid to be seen or known about. I just hate me .
We have very similar situations.
This !! I feel exactly like this . I hate myself and how i look sooo so much and when i tell someone they thinkg im just seeking for attention or cant realise how pretty i am but i cant see it and it makes me so sad. They say its really stupid to feel like this over a situation so “unimportant” but it hurts soo so bad
I hate myself too
I hate myself more than anything. I been through so much counseling and Christian counseling. I have I.E.D. So I’m convinced I can never have a girlfriend. Everyday I think about suicide. I am disabled and live alone with chronic pain. When I was younger I kept thinking there was help, now at 60 I’m convinced there is no repair for me.
I am so sorry about your pain.May you find the compassion you truly deserve. You’ll be in my prayers. There IS repair for you.
I know what you mean. I feel awful and fat and bloated all the time though really I’m not that fat. My bestie is cool and cute and every thing I wanna be. She doesn’t do any sports and eats 24/7 yet she’s average height, slim, wonderful hair, wonderful eyes and then I’m this frikin giant.
i meanits hard because im its like your there but not there
Do you feel at times like you’re living your life from a 3rd person p.o.v?
I do. Like I’m outside looking in. Everything around me seems lime I’m not in it. I dunno how to explain it. But it sux
I think this may be called depersonalization/derealization …
it truly sucks, i experience it too 🙁
Hey Lna Im alaysia and I know how you feel
Hi Sheena Im Alaysia and I know what you mean cause I feel the same way
substance abuse does take a toll on family members but as a addict my self hearing the family issues actually hurt but it made me get help. So in the future please if there’s anyone else that this happens to in your family or life let them know and love them enough to try help them get help. We don’t all know why we are addicted to drugs or alcohol. If I knew I would fix it and never go back to it but my family is standing by me and we are all getting help
i hate myself alot!!!
All the pressure in looks alone. Sigh. 2020, I feel like I should be plastic in order to prove myself (😂 ridiculous). I mean this problem is older than anyone here. Specifically, I have a vagina. And it is tough (on either sex). But ima just focus on one point…appearances, appearances, appearances. I feel so damn tired and I havent even tried changing? Of this stupid-ass feeling. It’s almost like you want to be hurt, but yoy clearly don’t. Which is in everyone’s line, in here. Someone in this comment said it, wishing to leave their current body for a new one. Same, I wish I could give it to a gay person or trans person, bet they’d treat this body with luxury and love.
Granted. Think the problem is harder on women but I have a similar problem. I hate the way I look. There is also not much I can change. I do regularly sports and everything but I am smaller than most girls, have a puss spot on my lip that never goes away, etc… I hate the way I look. I hate it even more because I really like this one girl that is like gorgeous and I can never do anything because I constantly feel insecure about the way I look. I really really hate myself and I tried getting out of this mentality but its harder said than done when most positive thinking therapists are good looking and tell u to love urself, like stfu, if I looked as good as u I’d probably love myself but no i don’t
Most people want to be admired or self idolized, it’s not a good way to live and you should know looks aren’t everything, not even close!!!
hey im nikki and googling ‘why i hate myself’ has changed my life. I’m fifteen and have major issues with self image. i have a lot of problems in my home life, and ive never felt much like a part of the family. everyone makes me feel insignificant, and a lot of people put me down. after my mum suggested weight loss surgery to me i broke inside. its been two months since ive had it done and i regret it so bad. ive lost weight, but wasnt really fat in the first place. i wish i could just love myself and not take in what they say. im constantly criticised. im told that im always sad, always acting hurt. well thats because im constantly being hurt. im starting to recognise my inner critic. she’s a real bitch :)… but in all seriousness i can’t blame anyone. thanks for kinda making me realise why i am the way i am. im not going to apoligize for everything anymore. I’m going to encourage myself and love myself. thanks.
What your mom did is ATROCIOUS! Its child abuse! I can not believe that any doctor would allow a parent to give weight loss surgery to their child!! Do not let your mom do what my mom did to me… Leave you feeling worthless and unloveable. It is commendable you are seeking help for this, and nipping this bad habit of self depreciating inner
voice to become a lasting habit. Remember to love yourself and stick up for yourself… Just because these people are trying to make you feel bad about yourself ,because they are projecting their self hatred,
Doesn’t mean it has to be a vicious cycle. Break that cycle and don’t let those hateful people rent space in your mind!
I am from India I have a dream since my childhood,,to persue MS and settle in foreign,,but when I was in 12th standard I felt love for one guy and we are still together(10yrs) He doesnt want to go to foreign so I didtn went for MS…recently our marrriage has been fixed but my dream is still not filfulled <,i am feeling most unlucky person in this world..I told my partner that I want to go to foreign lets go and settle there..he is saying if u wil not go there wll your life end why are u so stubborn on going there,,unless you act being so stubborn and acting as if there is no life unless u go there I wil not take you there..
Its the only dream i ever had and he is not allowing me to fulfill my dreams which is making me more depressed,,its effecting out relationship also,,i am not happy right now.
what shal i do,,how to let go of my dreams and live happily,,please helpf
Your bf is in fact horrible. He should at least give out as if you were to go it would be over. Follow your dreams but 10 years being in a relationship is hard to let go of and go after your dream that you’ve been trying to pursue. I just find more ways to convince you bf how seriously and desperately you want to go. Do anything to make whatever dream happen
Do what you want to do dont go another 10 years with this man not doing what you want to do cause all thats going to happen is that you will end up hating him for holding you back feom your dreams
You’re not the stubborn one.
Maybe he also has dreams. You can talk about them and maybe act together to help each other instead of trying to fight each other or be unhappy.
good grief, two sides to every tale.
Hi Frances I know how you feel cause i’ve been through the same thing. I wish I could be there to help you but im in detroit micigan.
Hey niki I feel the same way but my parents are helping me through it
But I think what ur mom did wasn’t right
U should decide what to do with ur body and don’t let any one make u do something u don’t want to do again
And no mater how much u weigh know that u are beautiful and u shouldn’t feel sorry for ur self
I am also 15 years old and over weight
Please stop it she already feels terrible about it thats pouring salt on her wounds because i feel the same. I had a bf who left me for the sake of my classmate who hated me the most.Dont blame or ‘advise’ people just hope them good please. Don’t wanna be offensive that’s just my opinion.
I am soni, I m also suffering from the same ..my home life is not good, my mom – c is my big enemy.
I tried to live a good life, tried to make my parents happy, but they always have problems with me…There was a time when i started thinking that there is something wrong with me and I need to change myself…but after analysing things i realised that m not making mistake first but they make me do so.
One day my mom was not at home and I did ol the home work ..but after returning home my mom said that I had haircut … c did not noticed that I had done all the work but was trying to notice my hairs …I did not have any haircut …that incident hurted me badly …There are lot of incidents like this.
Everyone from my college and school says that i m really good but then why my home life is so bad?
I even don’t feel like sharing this to my friends , they always asks me that I look like as if I m suffering from something really bad but I just can’t tell them.
I jst want peace in my life, sometimes I think that I should run away from here.
My dad and my brother also make pressure on me….sometimes I feel like I am depressed.
My home life is not good but was living a perfect college life. I had a crush on my school friend and my luck was so good that he used to met me everyday on station, I was topper of my college …except my home life my life was just perfect but then my best friend started feeling anxious and c betrayed me.
I started my life again with new friends but my new friend also betrayed me.
Now I am feeling alone and this family problem is making me negative.
I Don’t know whats happening to me, when i think that I lived a really good day and i am happy from my life, then something happen bad and I cry badly before going to bed.
My every try to make my life good are waste.
I can’t even begin to express how sorry I am that you have to live with these feelings. It’s odd reading your story and seeing many similarities and feelings between us. I have suffered my entire life from a father that never noticed the good and only focused on the bad in my life- sometimes even inventing negative things just to bring me down. My mother became a ghost of who she had been and my siblings would team up against me and often times leave me stranded in situations where I would have been there for them. I am the oldest sibling and have always tried my hardest to be kind and caring, to be a great brother and son, but no matter what I did, I let my family down.
I often feel alone, and I know how easy it is to let negativity influence our own day to day walk. It’s easy to let myself bring myself down, sometimes I have a hard time coming back up- I even worry that I’ll go so far down I’ll never be myself again. It hurts. It hurts when the supportive structure that your family should have been crumbles and any achievement you make never seems good enough. Or even seems like it will last or be significant. My father suffered(suffers) from an addiction to alcohol and medication, and, by some sort of divine comedy I acquired Hep C during a surgery when I was 9 and therefore as a 23 year old adult I can’t just take the easy road out and hide behind drugs, I would be killing myself. So often I struggle with the hurt, it often comes when I least expect it and it’s a battle internally. But, reading your story, and knowing I am not alone in the pain and the sorrow brings hope. It’s one thing to hear that you’re not the only one going through emotional tribulation, its another thing to read heartfelt words on a page and know your not alone. We are surrounded by people who care about us, the world is not all bad. Even our parents care for us, even if it’s almost impossible to see that, they are just as hurt as we are. I read your story though, and I am sorry. You have my prayers and my thoughts. Do your best to prevent this from happening to your children and know that one day your relationship with your parents may improve, and even if it doesn’t, you are blood and all you can do is love them. That doesn’t mean you have to take the abuse though.
Hi! I am 13 years old and I’m a girl by the way. I hate myself so much and I try to do different things I love to stop hating myself but it doesn’t help. And being over weight is worst, I feel like people are always looking at my weight not me, sometimes so people who laugh at me or make fun of me when I have my school uniform and I feel like I don’t belong because all my friends are skinny and I’m the biggest in my class and I’m afraid to stand up to people when they reach on my size. There was also this guy I Had a crush on in sixth grade before I went to high school, he was funny and cute and he gave little signs of him liking me back but there was also another girl he liked and he gave more attention because hey what guy or guys would have a crush on a fat girl like me! We’ll I met different people and some are really nice to me and talks to me sometimes but a part of me just wants to stay alone by myself and starve myself to loose weight because I do feel jealousy when all the girls in my class get attention by the older boys but me nothing but rude laughter and rude compliments. Every night I would feel moody and cry myself to sleep because I feel like I want to die. Because being me sucks a lot and no matter if I was thin or skinny I would still feel the same way because my family gives me loads of pressure. my mother treats me like a dog and calls me stupid and says lots of disrespectful things to me and every my grandmother would treat me the same way but pressure me on my weight and say “Run up and down the stair 20 times a day, you’ll loose weight faster!” Which hurts very much and I have been told this by her every time I decide to go spend a weekend with her!
what will make feel worst again is when I go places with my mother to shop, I see clothes I wish I could have but there isn’t any to fit me!
I feel so unattractive and out of shape and people who can’t stand or like me have their every right to because I hate myself too! But reading article taught me something and I would try to fight through it and continue my education so I can get a good job, better shape and size and stop worry about people!
hunny i seriously am going through the same things. i know what its like. timesw when il go and eat someone ALWAYS says your too fat drink water instead of eating and if i dont eat they yell at me and i feel like i have nowhere where i can go thats happy. my parents treat me like shit and lets my younger siblings gang up on me and hit me but if i hit them i get beaten up. itry my hardest to lose weight, i try starve, walk, sports but nothing works. hunny let me know if you stay in contact and we could do it together?
Hello, Rose. I am also a 13 year old girl (though you are at this time 16) but I just want to let you know that you are not alone in this. I personally know that I am not medically overweight, but I do understand how it feels to dislike yourself . I’m sorry for what you are going through. It’s disgusting to think that your own parents are treating you this way. The sad truth about the world is that we are constantly saying to do certain things, yet no one actually follows them. Take for example the phrase “Don’t judge a book by it’s cover”. Everyone knows that judgement based on appearance is incorrect in general, however everyone does it. I’m sorry people don’t treat you the way you deserve to be treated. I don’t know you personally, but I can assume that you are a strong, kind person, especially after undergoing this hate. Don’t listen to what they say, you can prove to them that you are worthy of being loved. And by the way, starving yourself is not the answer. I’m no doctor, but I know that doing so will cause your body to break down its own muscles for protein, as fat is not enough nutrients. This is especially harmful because your heart is a muscle, putting you at risk for heart attacks and other conditions. In addition to this, it’s likely not your fault that you’re overweight. Other medical conditions can cause this, not just overeating. Sometimes it is hard to feel like there are other people out there who are suffering to the extent you are, but trust me, you are not the only one. I personally struggle with insecurities about my worth, simply because of who I am. I’m not particularly talented at anything. My only strengths seem to be my mind and my heart. In addition, I’m rarely if ever confident in my appearance. I also have other personal insecurities related to this that I haven’t shared to anyone. However I can never imagine what it must be like to be treated the way you’re being treated, and I’m sorry you have to go through this. Just know that this will come to an end eventually if it hasn’t already. Good luck.
I love u baby it’s your husband i saw this and lost it I’m so sad please call me back
Hey I am reading this comment in 2018 .i’m curious about how are you doing now
Good thing you are not transgender
U have a good hart and are very brave and strong i can tell from your story .your doing a good job and you will be fit and in shape and skinny .but remember the kind of people that treated you soo baldly avoid those kind of people and fined people that can see your hart because they will help you not procasinate you you have a good hart and remember when u do get skinny please dont turn into one of those stuck up girls because they are the ones you cant trust
Hi Rose Im Alaysia just to let I feel the same way
nice too know we arent alone
Hello I’m Connie I’m from Africa, I’m suffering also from being accused of overweight, I do work out alot I have a friend who’s skinny each time we go out Most of people do Call me a bouncer this really kills me inside I just feel no one likes me because I’m fat, Also my mom do tell Me I look old than her because I’m fat this kills me deep inside, I’m a Good person, I understand each and everyone around me but I always got negative comments
Others do tell me I’m treating my friend bad coz I’m fat 🙄🙄🙄 this kills me,, please advise me on this cuz I believe we are all born with different shapes…. thankyou
Hey . I can totally relate to that . And I’m 34. Still haven’t been able to get past a lot but the parent thing and family maki g u feel like just a unwanted presence in my mind anyway I get that and I’m sorry u feel that way too: least we aren’t alone . I randomly came across this page somehow think I’ll check it out more . Hard to talk to most . Thanks for sharing ??
You Go Gurl! But watch your mouth! ? I’m 11 and don’t need to be hearing this potty mouth!
Your comments really connected me with you.
I suffered all my entire life since childhood.
Being made feel worthless
My opinion being put in the category of
not worthy of introducing
Me as their child.
Always telling me and comparing others with myself.
Always telling me to become like them.
Telling me I am good for nothing.
No attractive personality.
No good looks.
Dusky voice tone.
More on the darker side than my
elders brother and my elder sisters.
Ashamed of me.
Not worthy of clicking my picture since childhood
Not telling me anything about myself
Like how I was born any related to childhood memory
Always letting negative aspects about me.
How irritating I was as a child
A nuisance a burden on us.
My parents always treated me differently
Than my elders brother and sisters.
They are more perfect and acceptable to my
They are always proffered above me
And I am always neglected.
Always treated differently and like I am a burden
To my parents and and an unwanted child.
I have faced differential treatment by my parents all my life.
This behavior of not inclusive into family
Is being carried forward by my elder brother and sister sisters.
I am just a use and trow like a tissue paper
Always got treated like I am not a human being
I do have feeling, they just don’t care about it
They are least bothered.
I because of all these experiences since childhood and now being 50plus age
I have never loved oneself.
Always hated myself for being born.
Being born a girl.
Not being in the category of the imagination or
They wanted their children to be.
I have everything about myself since childhood
My entire life my thinking my personality
Have been destroyed.
I am suffering from these issues since birth.
But today when I am writing my opinion I
I am feeling a bit relief about myself.
I have never expressed openly about myself or my issues openly.
Everyone makes me feel ridiculed.
People laugh at you.
They pity you for having such issues.
They mock you.
My family my parents my elder sisters and elder
Brother also did the same thing.
My biological mother used to treat me very
Diiferently from my elders brother and sisters.
My mother always ridiculed me in front of family
Relatives cousin brother’s and cousin sisters.
My mother’s always did religiouly my
Negative publicity about me. In front of
Entire family and friends and relatives.
My mother was extremely vocal about
My negative publicity.
Not even and inch of such negative publicity was
Done by my mother regarding my elder brother and sisters.
I have since childhood experiencing such
Negative publicity differential treatment
Treating like a tissue paper.
I wish I was born as a single child of my
My personality of 50plus years would have bee
It was releasing my trapped inner feeling
If 50plus years.
Aloha im anuhea and i am such a confused person. There is points in my life where i am like why try and that has actually been my way of thinking for the past 6 years. I have never been able to see anything positive about myself, i was never able to get close to anyone… not even friends, i truly believed tht im stupid for living and i keep messing up on anything in life. For some reason i always look at the negative side of things.. in any situation. N i hate it because i see myself bringing down other people and it hurts me to see that im hurting other people, i never thought anyone would care bout what i had to say. N its funny bc that was probably the only time they heard what i had to say. But im done with all tht BS. Im done with filling my head with negative thoughts, im done thinking im not good enough for anything. Ill just keep on thinking positive as well as challenging my inner critic!
Hey Anuhea ♥ I know you posted this a long time ago, but just wanted to say that I hope you’re doing well. I can see that when you wrote your comment here that things weren’t going too well, or at least you were feeling a lot of negativity. I just want to tell you that you aren’t bringing anyone down, and you certainly aren’t stupid. I know you have so, so, soooooo much to give. Keep going on your journey, and love yourself as best you can. You deserve to be loved by you! You are i n c r e d i b l e. I promise, the more you can love yourself, the better you can love others and the better your relationships will be overall. I KNOW you can do it. Believe in yourself. You have TONS to give, and your positive spirit is what people need. Stay strong!! Sending love from my heart to yours ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
I’m 30, a mom of two Beautiful children a wife to one awesome man. I do what I love for a living -my life is a dream come true. I’ve had issues in the past with my parents (more on that later) but I’ve learned to forgive them and we now have a great relationship…so why do I hate myself so damn much? it seems juvenile but I feel so desperate that I googled it and came across this article. Glad I did. But my chest is still heavy. Every thought, every decision, every interaction is an anxiety attack. It took me a long time to trust my husband not to make the same mistakes my father did, but even now I don’t believe he thinks I’m beautiful but I can’t pinpoint why being beautiful in his eyes weighs so heavily on me. When I eat I make bad decisions and this is the part the contributes to my self destructive tendencies. I tell myself healthy food is not delicious even though I KNOW this is what my body needs but inner critic is an asshole and more than often wins the debate. The thing is I’m a great debator. Iam great in business and I’m assertive when need be, I have a great professional life. But its my self image that struggles. When my two selves debate, the inner critic is a louder voice because now I figure it echoes the many opinions that were inflicted on me in the past. I’m the daughter of a ‘well known man in the community’ (let’s just say) so growing up we always had to portray perfection. So every negative opinion aired about my outfit or my weight or whatever was very much taken to heart. It was pressure on my parents too. The meanest thing my mom said to me was that the only thing beautiful on me at the time was my hair. It was wrong. But that mom is different now too and I’ve forgiven her for that but of course the words can’t be unsaid. What scares me is how I’m affecting my daughter. She sees me look at myself and sigh. I’m aware of my self destructive nature so I don’t vocalize any self criticism. But its there. After reading this I’m also paranoid how I might be affecting my kids, what they’ll take away from their childhood and how I’m royally screwing it up. Boo. I need to change.
Thank you for your comment, May. Overcoming the critical inner voice is not always easy, especially because the inner critic possesses all the intelligence we do (hence, the great debate). The book Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice offers a step-by-step program to counter negative thoughts and overcome the inner critic. You might also find this article to be helpful: 4 Steps to Conquer Your Inner Critic.
Don’t worry hun.
My mom was paranoid and overbearing my whole life, but when I grew up she became my best friend…all that stuff doesn’t even matter anymore.
It’s never too late to change, it doesn’t mean you “screwed up,” it just means you are human and are learning. That’s okay. Don’t be so hard on yourself, you’re going to do great as long as you have the best intentions when you try. Really.
I must admit I’m completely screwed up… And I’m not sure how to fix it.
Imagine for a moment how it would feel if every day, five to ten people (or more) that were your peers told you they don’t like you, or maybe they let you know that they don’t like you in some obvious way…
For years… (and it’s during the most important years, your childhood)
How would that influence your behavior and your thinking? How long would it take for you to accept their opinion is the valid way people actually “think” about you and that any positive opinions are not accurate?
This can be how it is for the “unpopular kids” at school…
And it is was what it was like for me…
Never fitting in, always on the outside, even when I was included I “knew” it was only to set me up to be excluded again…
A sample exercise of how to feel worthless that I can share: imagine how it would feel to have my memory of the “kickball” game organized by my teacher for our class to play.
You know about the whole “picked last” thing?
How about each team arguing against having to pick you at all? Not picked last, but instead not picked at all?
What about watching those teams negotiate with each other about what they will do so neither side will have to let you play with their team…
And when it happened, the teacher didn’t have ANYTHING to say to the class for doing this…
In the end, I remember being “allowed” to to not have to play… (I wan’t allowed to leave the eye sight of the “teacher” but I didn’t “have to play”)
And it’s not like I’m in a wheel chair or that I ever was… I don’t want to reveal too much about me but I’m a currently soldier in the US Army… And I have always been as physically capable, or more capable than my “peers” when I was in school… (i.e. I’ve done the whole “introspection thing” but I haven’t identified how any of my actions or behavior encouraged this – maybe my intrinsic worth?)
But because of this experience, and many others that are similar, I “know” because of the behavior of the other students towards me that I must be a terrible person… After all, they wouldn’t have treated me that way if it wasn’t true and when they were doing it it was based on their honest feelings and opinions – we were all too young to have any kind of guile or motive behind our behaviors.
So… I learned when I was young I must be worthless, and now that I’m older, even when people indicate somehow that I’m not, I can’t help but thinking the positive thoughts are not genuine because it’s a crafty manipulation rather than genuine feeling.
I KNOW this is crazy!!!!
But, It’s not something I know how to fix…
I can understand intellectually what people tell me, as an example: where I work we are rewarded for our positive contributions with awards or incentives… so every time I am given an award or a performance bonus – I understand intellectually that this is a positive statement. But… Emotionally I do not believe they really mean this “compliment” and instead feel it’s only because they don’t want to make me feel bad and that they cynically want the best performance out of me that they do these things, not because they really think I’m really a “good person.”
The problem is that in my mind I “know” I’m worthless, and every time I receive feedback supporting my belief of “worthlessness” it reaffirms what “I already know” and every time I receive positive feedback that doesn’t support my negative beliefs I think it’s not honest feedback because they don’t want to hurt my feelings…
The worst part is I know this is screwed up thinking – but I don’t know how to escape it…
I know I’m not alone in this BUT I really don’t know what to do about it…
I’d say “help” but it’s not something I can really ask for help with, especially because of my job. In the end I hope posting this, even if it’s anonymous, I really hope it helps me work through my dysfunctional feelings and thinking… (and it wouldn’t hurt if someone were to see this and feel better about themselves because they know they’re not alone in feeling this way)
Those playground moments can haunt you for the rest of your life. I remember feeling left out when I was a young kid because I couldn’t run very fast or kick a ball very far, but then I hit puberty and “being left out” by my peers turned into outright abuse. I came from a loving family, but I felt completely alone facing the bullies in P.E. class every day. I dreaded that hour of the day; it was like something out of “The Lord of the Flies.” Now, in spite of my accomplishments as an adult, I still don’t feel good about myself and I think it’s because of all that ill treatment in middle school. Like you said, from a logical standpoint there is no reason to let things that happened 30+ years ago impact my life now, but those negative experiences are deeply ingrained. Best of luck to you in working through it.
I am with you there my friend. I have spent most of my adult life in the gym trying to overcome and compensate for my feelings of inferiority as a man because I sucked at sports. My father was good man but he never interacted with me much or taught me how to fit in with other guys. He just worked. I hope you are getting better my friend. Please never give up.
Every little bit of your story is near identical to mine. As a grown-up I know cannot bring myself to understand how gym teachers can continue this vicious “pick and choose” game, seeing how it continuously creates a living hell for the student left behind.. The passive teacher, representing a responsible adult, thus confirms and justifies that “YOU are different, dehumanized, and not worthy of recognition by your peers”. (I believe recruit retired football coaches without a trace of empathy, but that’s just my hypothesis.)
For me the abuse was not restricted to gym class; I was avoided by my classmates in all situations. In the breaks I would try to stay inside, maybe even hide to avoid having to hang around in the court yard, where everyone could see that I was alone.
The teachers noticed this, and were concerned. In collaboration with my parents they tried to get me some therapy, so that I would become more like the others (more likable? I still don’t know..). That never happened, but I think it led to a feeling of shame that I never quite let go off. I was the problem, and I couldn’t fix it. Nothing was done to improve the others’ behaviour until the abuse got aggressive (I got spit on and gum thrown in my hair) and I broke down, crying, in the middle of a class.
The sanctions then enforced were too little, too late, as this was the last year of junior high school, and the assets needed to rebuild confidence and trust in me weren’t available. Luckily, after graduation, I never saw the worst of the bullies ever again. I was later informed that some of them became heroin addicts, which now just fills me with a deep sadness of a system that let down the most troubled of the children. I started high school and meeting a bunch of new kids, unaware of my past, helped me a great deal.
For some time I thought I had put the abusive years behind me, but as of lately I have become more aware of the insecurities that were created during that time. I face problems today in social and romantic contexts, because I still question myself and my own worthiness, feeling that I don’t deserve the inclusion and love of others. My experiences have left me with a deep feeling of shame for my own existence, and I find myself nearly paranoid in some settings, wishing I was invisible.
I’m very happy I found this article. Hearing others stories that are similar to mine is reassuring, as we need to build a collective understanding of the fact that we are not guilty of our own self-loathing. That nasty critical voice in the back of our heads aren’t us, but the collective voice of all the unfairness we have been subject to in our lives. It has just been so ingrained in our thinking that we believe it is the “voice of reality”. Properly learning that it is NOT a realistic voice will probably take a lot of time and effort, but this article sparks a hope in me that it can be done. I hope it does so for you and for others with a similar history.
It’s so refreshing to read something like this that I can really relate too. Rationally I know that my self worth should not be measured by other people’s opinions or perceptions of me and yet I can’t shake the feeling that if someone doesn’t like me then there must be a problem with me. I was always alone and left out in school and none of the teachers or my parents seemed to care. I thought that when I left school things would be different and I would get rid of all those insecurities but they only seem to get worse. I feel anxious all the time, I’m afraid to leave the house most days because I know that I will have to see people i don’t know and talk to them which is very difficult for me. I can’t even hold down a job because I keep messing up because I can’t concentrate which is a result of my anxiety. What you’ve said has really made me think about things in a totally different way, the voice in my head isn’t necessarily the voice of reality and I should stop convincing myself that it is
I know how that feels especially when being watched
Wow, that was well written and insightful (really!) lots of your experiences sound like mine as a child. I am learning to trust my own judgements and make friends with/understand my inner voice but still hit hurdles, and reading your account made me realise maybe my own inner voice (which others here describe as a bitch – mine is a really devious bitch) is an echo of childhood experiences. Something for me to think about.
Thank you for your post, I feel less isolated somehow. 🙂
as a kid this was happening to me. problem is that even as a seven year old i decided to change and manipulate myself and act and do crazy things to rationalize or stop what was happening, all of which resulted in me doing stupid embarrassing things everyday of my childhood. now i try to forget all the stupid stuff i did as a kid, but the feeling i got when i realized what i had been doing, the self loathing and disgust that i knew other people had felt and now i did, that feeling keeps sticking around. and its still happening. im still unintentionally doing stupid things. and everyone who can is still ignoring me, or laughing at me, or shoving me. people may be assholes, but im pretty much the worst asshole, because i messed myself up on purpose by changing who i was to try to appeal to everyone, and being louder so people would have to listen. now i here and i despise myself so much, and guess what? on top of that everyone is still doing the same things to me they did when i was a kid. day after day its like being suffocated by the fact that no one around you wants to notice you, and even you want to shun yourself and pick yourself last. i feel so old inside. my life hasnt even started and i feel closer to death than i should want to. im not even eighteen yet. and although i can dislike and become annoyed with others so easily, i have a respect and a fondness for them. cus they arent me. lucky bastards.
If you say some of your ways of thinking are crazy, how can you be sure that your able to tell which ones arent crazy?
Hey champ –
My story is very similar to yours. I have spent fourty years trying to ‘work through’ these issues.
Google ‘divine truth’ as taught by AJ Miller.
This man has all the answers you seek and can tell you ‘EXACTLY’! how to work through this stuff.
I have worked through more in twelve months than I have in thirty years following the divine truth teachings.
Truly, its absolutely amazing.
Love to you all xo
My god. Someone understands. I’m not the unique unfit human I’d decided -and genuinely felt- I was.
I still am lost and want to -just stop and get off this hellish ride.
But my god. I’m not alone.
I am lost
There are lots of things that I love but I have no reason to reach them cause I hate myself
The worst part is that it’s logical ( of course it’s not whene you love your self) I really have my reasons to hate myself and they are reall they aren’t imaginary
Any way cause i hate myself I decided to do exactly whatever someone told me to do and punish myself by doing that responsibility with all I have even if it gets me to the hospital or kills me! And I like it, but the truth is that it’s so hard and I am not able to do them in a right way so that made me to think that if I care about myself it might effect my activities in a good way still I can’t stop eating or sleeping so I have to let myself have these things in order to do my responsibilities in the best way. I am scared cause loving myself might be one of them
I believe there is a reason for my being
So I want to do what I must for that person that I love cause he worth it ,and even my critical inner voice agrees with that
Even if it’s loving myself
But still the tears in my eyes are killing me everywhere I go they are with me and I can’t help it so people start to advise me about my behavior and they keep telling me that I can that I should try to be happy find my goal… Or that you should think of your parents and understand your situation you can’t just waist there hard work
I am confused these ideas just make me wonder why should I be happy, who said I care about my happiness? I don’t even deserve it! And the second just makes me wish I wasn’t born at all or I wish I would die right now
I don’t want to be bad and I don’t want to hurt anybody in fact I want to give everything I have for the others but again why should I do as I want?? These ideas come to me when that person doesn’t tell me what to do or when I disobey what he tells me to do
There’s is fight in me that I am not so bad but my inner voice is the winner
I am but
I am sorry to hear of your pain. It is good you have reached out and good for you to know help is available and things do change. Your feelings are not permanent. If you are interested in learning more about overcoming your inner critic, you may like to read this article on Steps to Overcome Your Critical Inner Voice.
PsychAlive is not a counseling site, but we can offer resources where you can get assistance 24 hours per day. If you are in the United States, you can call the National Helpline at 800-273 TALK (8255) or visit the Helpline website to online chat. If you live in another country, you can email [email protected] and visit Samaritans website for help. Do not do anything to hurt yourself and remain safe.
Wow, every sentence of that article strikes a chord with me. It is one sad song.
Thankyou, it has reinforced and put into words what I was realising about myself. I would like to read the book ‘The Self Under Seige’.
This is an article of hope! It was a real pleasure to read, and even everyone else’s comments. I have for such a long time endured the bullying that my inner critic has put me through, but this doesn’t have to be a “sad story.” On the contrary, look at it as the most intimate and personal challenge you will ever encounter! This article, and a book that I am reading now, “Psychocyberntics” by Maxwell Maltz, have been helpful; but the only thing that will change the bad habits are yourselves. Go to these sources, and the above-recommended book as inspirations and guides when a real bad time strikes. We all have the up and downs that come with our self-hate; mine is deeply intertwined with depression. But I can see that there are rays of hope shining through the dark abyss that I thought I was in. One day, I’ll come to realize I was only trapped underneath the covers of a tear-stained bed.
Hope and faith will see you through!
Hope and faith will see you through? If someone said that to you when you were depressed you would want to puke on them
This artical is very well written and I’m sure sheds some light on a lot of people. But for a person such as myself who has low intelligence, terrible trouble having a conversation with people, and horrid self-asteem issues, its only logical that i have this ‘inner critic’. I hate myself because I am who I am and I so badly wish I could leave this body for a new one, a new brain, a new personality. About every work night I go on my phone in my free time and look for forums and articals online for the answer so I could feel an ounce of love for myself, so that the next time a customer comes up and strikes a conversation I don’t act like I’m taking the SATs. My brain shuffles through a laundry list of ‘what to say’, ‘how to say it’, ‘when to say it’ ‘oh my god apologise right now!’. So far its taken my 20 minutes to type this. This doesn’t feel normal. I feel like a normal person would have what they would’ve wanted to say out 18minutes ago.
A lot of these negative feelings are, like the artical said, stirred from past experiences. In this case, I’ve had family issues, but the biggest impact is from 4th grade an every school year to follow after that. Partly, I brought it on myself because I was highly immature. I would blurt out anything with no filter. Thinking back to those days, I would’ve beat myself up if I were another student. I was called out on my hygiene, for liking pokemon and anime, and everything inbetween. I had friends, and very greatful I did… I realize I am ranting incoherently at this point so I will conclude that my inner critic is not some malevolent voice in me ripping the potential to be a beautiful social butterfly. It is just who I am. No positive thinking exorcises or yoga will change that.
I know it’s been a while since you posted this but I just came across this and had to respond. Truthfully you sound so much like my brother (whom I love with all my heart). You’re not stupid! You are just a thinker! it takes you longer to respond because you are more thoughtful by nature, which can be extremely hard in a society that cherishes fast witted charm. I am not one to talk about feelings of worthiness since I am here for the same reason as you. However, I can tell you this: you can be beautiful, smart, quick-witted and popular and still feel like you are nothing more than trash. I would bet any amount of money you are smarter than you think you are. it may take you longer to think something through, but you are THINKING! My brother is the same. all through school he was criticized for being a slow thinker, a terrible test taker, socially inept because he would blurt the first thing that came to his mind or take too long to say anything. he was bullied, harassed for being odd, too quiet, never said the right thing, etc. But he’s one of my favorite people in the world and I bet you have a lot in common. When I read your post I couldn’t help but flash onto my brother’s insecurities. I’m the opposite of my brother in so many ways–social, great test taker, outgoing, fast, etc. but I feel horrible about myself. I am extremely self critical and no matter what I do I feel like I’m doing the wrong thing. Your post made me feel better though because you remind me of someone important to me. Don’t feel stupid EVER. You are smarter than you know, I guarantee it. BTW, I love anime too and I don’t care who knows it. if people think it’s geeky than so be it. Screw ’em
I literally hate everything about myself. I’m nearly nineteen, and i still have the same amount of acne i had when i was 12. Its not severe or anything, its just frustrating because everyone around me has clear skin, and i’ve had to deal with faulty skin for so long. On top of that, im hideous. Im thin, but i hate my body because theres nothing good about it. i’m usually an A student, but i’ve been getting B’s latley, which makes me feel absolutley mediocre. Im not content with my work life, school is taking a toll on me, an all my friends are away at school so i feel alone. I have a close-knit family, but i would never tell anyone how i feel because i feel like they’ll judge me, and think im stupid, infact, i feel stupid for feeling this way, which inturn adds to my self-hatred. In all honestly i dont think theres anything positive about myself, i dont see why anyone would be attracted to me, or be interested in getting to know me. when i’m complimented, i politley thank them, but i’m confused as to why theyre complimenting me. i think theyre either just saying it to be polite, or because they feel bad for me, i never think compliments are sincere. i’m not particularly good at anything, and i dont contribute anything good to anything so, basically im no good. this article helped me realize i need to change my cognitions, and work on self-fulfillment although i dont know how easy that will be. if you take the time out to read this, i appreciate you 🙂
Heyyy. Even if you don’t feel like you’re special, or really good at something, it doesn’t matter. Because you’re beautiful just because you EXIST is this world in this human form. You’re loved already and you don’t have to do anything to be worthy. You already are. There are a lot of people speaking about this, like Marianne Williamson, like Deepak Chopra, Anita Moorjani and etc. And it really helps. This understanding of ourselves as already being beautiful, every single moment of your life, is really important for all of us. And actually, ESSENTIALLY, no matter what you do, it won’t change.
So go ahead and shine. You are beautiful and amazing person. You actually know that, right? Admit it. 🙂
This is coming from a 20 years old girl, who just noticed again in some videos that her hair look messy and sloppy. And this scares me since for some time in my teenage years I’ve been bothered by my older brother’s and some other people about my appearence, as if I was not enough. But I am. You are. Even my brother and all those dear people feel the same way, they just wanted to change something so it would be better. Yet, either with messy hair or with coolest hairstyle, I am beautiful. That, I am. And you are.
Vita. what an awesome message, I googled self hate tonight as it’s something I am struggling with, and I love what you have written. I can at times hate myself yet I am externally ‘successful’ . No matter how much I achieve its not enough to feel lovable. Last year my cousin died young, she struggled with weight issues, self hatred, self destructive, drug addiction. We had her body at home before her funeral, and in the time I was with her I had an amazing experience, a strong sense that my cousin was being held by God (just to give it a name) and that nothing mattered anymore, that she was not her body, not her achievements or lack of achievements, she was not any of the ‘bad’ or even ‘good’ things she had done in her life, she was a pure amazing soul and she was absolutely loved and lovable. I went away from this experience and processed it more and realized that this applies to me as well and every other person in the world. Later on I found Anita Moorjani’s book and have been listening to Wayne Dyer, Robert Holden and others with similar messages. I tend to forget this experience and slip back to my old thinking patterns of not lovable, self hatred, self criticism. I’m back on track tonight, I will continue to challenge the critical voice in my head. thank you
You could say that I am a smart person at my school but I’m always left out of things.
A bunch of people ask me for answers but that’s all they do. Their not friends, just peers and I really hate it. I also sit with 2 people at lunch (everyday) but they talk to only eachother 3/4 of the time.
I try to be someone who I’m obviously not. My friend has a deviant art and on there she Talks like “Nuu, it’s okei. But Thanksies mah bestie~! And No problemo for da faves~!!! X3” I try to be like her but it doesn’t work. She’s just too…happy….
You could say that I’m antisocial but I’m really just a strait up kuudere:
Kuudere: They are really cold and emotionless, but they slowly open up to their love interest/a person they trust. Kuudere is different from tsundere because tsundere are not emotionless and express their feelings in a more loud,anger-like way. But kuuderes are just quiet and emotionless.
So yeah…in the start of the school year I was all, “YAY~! Your name is Sammy the cat and yours is baseball head and-” but I made some decisions that I really regret.
I’m scared of my parents and I made some mistakes the year before. So, I was forces to lie….and one of the lies could have gotten them arrested….I was inside a 7th period and I wanted to quit. I told my parents about it but they kept on bugging me and such…once they agreed, I talked to the teacher and he said that i needed a parent signature. My mind was blank when my mom asked me if I canceled the class yet and so I answered yes when I needed her signature. I didn’t know what to do so I was absent from that period for half of the year. I had an F- and too many absences to count.
My teacher said that we were going on a field trip and that we were going to do some fundraisers to raise money. We had those 60 chocolate chocolate boxes and I only sold 30 when the deadline was due. It would be a waste to throw it away so I kept the box from the room and I gathered up some money and used that instead. But…I didn’t pay it until 2 months later when ALL of the money for the trip was due.
A lot of things like these kept on happening this year and I broke. Every time I even thought about my seventh period or my moms face when she saw the chocolates, I broke down right there.
I know that I’m a liar. But, I don’t know oh to stop. My lies start out small but I never find a way/gather up the courage to put it at ease. And I still hate myself for it.
I don’t know what to do. I find my self starting to me meaner and meaner when I’m recalling all of those incidents and the dreams that if been having…
I once was with my class and I went by a pole to be alone and a group of girls told me to sit with them. I didn’t feel worthy, I was less than a water flee.
I don’t know if this means I’m emo or what. I think that humans are a disgusting species. They lie, hate, and bully so easily, without another thought. But I have mixed feelings on this subject. Just like the article said, we each have two sides, fighting for control over out body. I feel that I’m not worthy to be inside Thai works. To be with all of these beautiful, pure creatures.
I don’t know myself at all. I start tearing up when I try to put the pieces together. But I’m positive about one thing, I hate being alone. And I think that no creature deserves to be. But……I don’t even know why I’m writing this. I’m not usually this type of person but I read all of the comments and I find it so terrible…
Dear friend ( PUSHIN !!!!!),
I don’t know who you are but can really empathize with you as am in the same shoes. I’m unable to find the words to let you know how similar we are. I hate hate hate to lie but i lie. The situations and circumstances turn up in a way that i had to lie and this makes me feel so bad.
I’ve no idea why i don’t behave like my real self sometimes. People around me consider me attractive , intelligent , smart , fashionista. They take my advices and really talk highly about me but none of them take me as a friend. I’ve no friends. I’m alone. I’m unable to put the words across to express my feelings. I hate myself. Usually i read comments and never posted but your above comment made me reply. JUst like you, even i don’t know why i’m writing all this.
Good luck dear,
You sweet girl; You are about 12 or 13 I believe from your tone. Now is the hardest time to be a young teen with the way the world is. I felt the same way when I was your age; I hated myself and didn’t know who I really was.
As far as the lies you told once you come clean to your parents you will feel a lot better. It’s hard to do; but do it and you will feel a weight off of your shoulders. Everyone makes mistakes; that is what those were. Because you lied doesn’t make you a “liar.” Just try and do different.
If you want to have a friend BE a friend. You only really need one or two people as friends that you can be yourself, be comfortable around. Find someone you enjoy being around and just be their friend. and know that everything will get better. It really will. I’m 37, married, mother of two girls and I can still remember feeling the way you do now.
I have been this way for a long time now. I don’t talk to anyone. No joke. But really, I have a lot to say. I sit in the hallways during lunch when everyone else is talking to their friends. I hear people say pretty mean things about me too. They evidently think that since I don’t talk, I can’t hear… 🙂 Well, I’ve tried a lot of things. But I still think I’m a piece of trash. I lie too. I lie and tell people that I’m okay. I tell people that I have lots of friends. I tell people that I love being alone. And really, I hate it. I hate it so much. It feels like I just want to go up to someone, anyone, and talk. But I can’t cause I know they are just going to use me again. I truthfully hate the person that I have become. One of the things that I hate about school is when they pick groups. I’m always the one who ends up alone. And it’s just torture standing there watching people call out their partners. Because it’s telling that I’m too worthless to be picked. And just like you, I have no idea why I’m writing this
What good could it do? But still, it makes me feel better that I’m not the only one out there. Thanks :). And if you ever want someone to talk to, feel free to send me an email.
You are brave and strong !
Im with you, even if im adult, i still scare of my parents. I think it is because i known that they’ve got high expectation in me and i cant reach their expectation. Anyway i choose to keep quiet instead of lie…
The first time i got F from bad behaviour, i didnot try to fix it, i didnot know how to fix it, i scared to reach out to parents, i ran away from teacher when she tried to let me fix it, i felt ashame of myself and scare of how the teacher will look at me or think of me…and time passed until last summer of graduating year. I almost not graduated because of this subject. I cannot remember how it happened but lastly my father and i went to meet teacher together. I’ve got busted!! and my father slapped me so hard in front of the teacher, The situation of that summer went worst and i totally broken thinking that i made my parents disappointed and this incident scarred me for half of my life.
I never ever picked this topic to talk to anyone because i am ashame to myself…but u know what… one day i just found out that my parents FORGOT all the detail about the incident, ONLY ME remember it. They could remember only that they need to go to meet teacher and i almost not graduated but they cannot remember what i did wrong or even care anymroe about what i did and it just doesnot matter anymore. I, ALONE carried broken feelings for more than 15 years!!
Well, time passed, my parents forgive and forgot and i think your parents will be the same, they are too busy working. Those bad grades or bad behaviors are not matter anymore. the only matter now is that i could stand on my own or not.
So, i suggest you to do like this when u face some trouble. Please thinking of urself in future, maybe next week, next month, next year,next 10 year… how this trouble will affect ur life in those time, if u lie to ur parents make u hurt now, how it will affect u in next 10 years and how it will affect them. Is there anyway to fix it. Did u try to says sorry to her yet? It’s worth it.
Anyway, i have 6 close friends when i was in secondary school, 3 closed friends in high school and only 2 when i was in university, i found myself happy with them even if no one have daviant’s id like me. We had difference hobby but same way of thinking, i suppose. I totally envy young Thai nowaday that people have more openmind about manga, animation and games. Easier to find friends with same interest. If you are not happy with this group, try to join another one until you find one.
Lastly, I love Kuudere and i consider that i am one, too. but only that i dont think i could be as cute as anime character O.O
So, try to love yourself and forgive yourself before you will lose 15 years like me. I just try to practise to not hate myself now, too.
It is so cool to know this feelings are not because I’m rubbish. I still feel I’ll never get free…
We are all strong people we have been through so much hurt
Hi…Everybody my name is anum, I am 23 years old and I HATE MYSELF….I am a fat ASS never been beautiful my whole life……..Everybody says to me that I am good natued and I cook good and I am a good student but i dont see it because I hate my self……..
MY mother wants to get me married and she says that it is a ggod thing that you have had a proposal and you should pursue it because it is God’s blessing and ………………..The thing is that I think that if anybody is going to marry me he is not going to be happy because of my appearence……..peope want to show off their wives………….but what will my husband have to show off ……….I see a very dark and sad Life ahead of me………………May be its because I am very materialistic and i dont see good in people Idont know………………Please someone help me……………Sometimes I wonder why didn;t God make me like those perfect bimbos
I wish I was Perfect and not self loathing and depressed for eating all the time………….Help me Iam drowning
Anum, I’m sorry you’re going through this. I am 28. I’ve been fat most of my life, and I have come to a point where I can accept my fatness. We are taught from childhood that losing weight is everything…that it’s never acceptable to be fat, for any reason. No one bothers to tell us that there are far worse things in the world than being fat. Yet the burden of changing our bodies for the sake of appealing to men falls heavily on us women.
I wrote a poem called “Small Woman.” Please do read it…it expresses a lot of reflection I’ve done on this issue. I live in west Africa now. Here fat women are regarded as beautiful. They’re round, full and glowing, and my boyfriend loves my body. When I first recited this poem in front of my African friends, people would tell me, “It was a beautiful poem, but oh, you’re not fat!” it seems fat has a different definition here. lol. I hope my poem helps you. I realize now that whether I lose weight or not, I wills still live a happy life. This is a revolutionary thought. (((hugs)))
I am 19 female from India….I am going through a hard time in my life…I wanted to become a doctor….I loved the noble profession…. i always used to be the topper of my class since childhood…My parents,relatives and my teachers had lot of expectations from me….But from the very beginning i hated studies….I don’t know why exactly bt i didn’t liked it….I had an internal hidden stress may be due to studies….After completing my 12 class i dropped a year for competitive exam to get seat in medical college….bt i was not able to study…i wasted my year….i hate myself cuz i am lazy…i am not able to wake up…i am not able to control my emotions….i don’t study (only one day before exam bt still i top it) …bt if I would study sincerely i would have been leading a different life….I feel negative all the time…i am getting treated for depression after insisting my parents to take me to doc cuz i can’t take it anymore….and thankfully they agreed….I am in relationship where my bf dominates me and never puts any effort into it…i wanna leave him bt he was my serious crush from childhood and now i got him after 7 years….its hard….life is hard…I had been fat since childhood and faced social anxiety…. Hate my life..!
The world and is way bigger than you can imagin and full of people you will never see .People are there, and they are waiting to meet you. If you feel fat or lazy or fat and lazy go do somthing about it. If you think you look ugly or somthing on you is not right- then stop “playing with your self” go break a mirror. If you want to change your life , Start today, tomorrow is not a day of the week. My heart has been super glued and duct taped and shattered over and over- but i am going to put it back to gether a keep on doing.. All you beautiful people are awsome and I love you all the same. Move your feet if you dont like what you see, and your veiw will change.
Hi everyone, my name is Anne, I’m only twelve and I also have the same problems you guys have. I’m having trouble loving myself which put me to hating myself. I have friends but I have trouble trusting them, I rather keep problems my to myself. I only have a mother but I feel like she doesn’t love me at all and probably never will because I was just a mistake, an accident, she never really wanted me. A man that I should call my father made her drunk and took advantage of her, so every minute of my life I will hate him because, not only my mom lost the one she loved because of what my father did, it also affect on me, all my mom’s hatred towards him reflect on me, she put all her anger to me. So every night I cry and compare myself to a garbage, actually I feel like a garbage and I also wish that I was never born. I know I’m over reacting but I can’t help it. I search the web on how to love myself and the first step was: Accepting the past, which I have trouble doing it, so, PLEASE!! I NEED HELP!!
Hi Anne… First of all, what a brave and courageous girl you are. It sounds like you’ve already had to go through quite a lot in your life… I can understand why it hurts so much, and why you feel helpless. Your feelings are entirely valid. But you have to know just how meaningful you are to this world. If you could see yourself from the outside, you’d see just how special and beautiful and important you truly are. The past is gone. It can’t hurt you anymore — at least, not if you don’t let it. The past exists nowhere but in your mind. You are more than capable of forgiving your parents and loving yourself. Because you have the power to be yourself, to be amazing as you are, and to let go of anything that doesn’t support you.
Trust me, you are positively radiant. You shine!! You are special in ways you can’t even understand… But it is so clear to the rest of the world. You are NOT garbage. NEVER. If you hadn’t been born, I wouldn’t get to write to you right now, and I wouldn’t have got to hear your story, which underneath all the pain, is a beautiful one. You are worth so, so much. If you can, tell it to yourself every single day, without fail. You are worthy and beautiful and special and unique — and you were born for a reason!! Fulfill it whatever way your heart tells you. Love with as much of yourself as possible. Love people, your parents, everyone you walk past. Just feel your heart radiate as you go by. It might take some practice. But never allow yourself to hate… You are more beautiful and special than anything hate can offer…
I know you’re a bit young, but maybe try some meditation? Or something to soothe yourself when you’re feeling bad. You can just sit or lie down, and then focus on your breathing. Feel what it feels like to simply breathe and be alive. That’s all you need to do.
So much love from my heart to yours. You are GORGEOUS, every single day!!!!
Accepting the past is difficult. There are many events in my life that I cannot explain why they happened. I try to look at reality. The truth that Jesus Christ did what he did and that the creator of all loves me no matter what, gives me peace and hope. We are eternal beings, here on earth for a short time. Soon, our tears will be wiped away forever. Now is the time to make a difference for others! We should love our neighbors like ourselves. So, we should love ourselves, so we can love our neighbor. I feel the hurt in you and I love you, my neighbor.
Thanks for your advice. 🙂 I think I just need some time accepting it and wait for the time someone will wipe my tears away.
Recently, i have been feeling so extremely low. I’m 30 years old and whereas I should feel grown up I still struggle with issues stemming from severe childhood and early adulthood bullying. From the ages of 11 to 22 roughly. I was bullied all through school told i was worthless, ugly, scary, weird, smelly, you name it i was called it. Was always picked last for sports, tall, awkward, tried to hide my perceived ugliness in make up and often wore too much, which made the bullies pick on me even more they used to even hit me and pull my hair while calling me names like ugly witch…Once I left school I then got into a violent relationship with a guy 12 years older than me. I was 19. He hit me and called me all the names under the sun including the familiar ugly and stupid. Was with him nearly 3 years. Married at age 22 to another guy he is 10 years older. Still together but he is heartless and unloving sometimes. We have one daughter. I love her more then anything and she gives me reason to carry on. However she too, is now being bullied, by the children of the monsters that picked on me back in my high school days. Just yesterday they all picked on her, calling her ugly, fat, stupid, tramp, all the names I used to be called. It hurt me incredibly and it made me ill all day today. Seeing my beautiful baby go through what I did makes me feel so horrible inside. I don’t want my girl to hate herself like I do. I tell her how lovely she is and how she is worthy of so much love and respect…but I feel it will impact her life as it has mine. I’m so dejected and saddened by how horrible the world can truly be.
Oh love, hearing your story makes my heart ache. You’ve been through so, so much, and now with your daughter, too… You are so brave for facing the cruelty of this world and still having the strength to love! You are AMAZING!! I know that just like you, your daughter is sooooooo beautiful, too. Keep loving her and showing her what it means to love — including how to love herself! That is the greatest defense we can cultivate and share with one another. Because if you have love, you have everything. Nothing else matters. I know how terrible the world can be… It can hurt you so badly. But only if you let it. Never let anyone or anything stop you from loving with all your heart. Keep going. You, sitting right there, are absolutely gorgeous.
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Hi I guess I have ideas why I’m always quiet, shy, and depressed anyway I’m seventeen years old and I just see myself as a complete failure everything I do is mediocre at best with most areas in my I consider horrible I’ve never kissed a girl never had an actual girlfriend, I got bullied a couple of times in elementary and middle school and I always let it get the best of me. I never go out my friend says he feels sorry for me because I’m always in my house. I played varsity soccer and I was bench most of season and that brought my self esteem even lower. My grades are shit 2.7 GPA which makes feel even more of a failure because I have no social life and my grades still suck. I always compare myself to some of my peers that I consider perfect because they have hot girlfriend and they get good grades and they’re popular which agains puts me down even lower. I hate my life so bad. Anything I do I always fall short and I feel I’m a disappointment to my parents and scum to the world.
Dont worry. its normal for your age, I were like you in your age but I changed after that. You will be so successful, I am sure because you care about your succeed. I repeat it again dont worry, you will be a great man one day.
I am not into my 20’s yet but I have suffered through alot. I have a really bad case of acne and my mom doesn’t care what happens to me. All she cares about is her “image.” I found myself desperate, at 2 in the morning, to google this, like many other commenters have. Everyday at school is like a raging war of anxiety attacks. “Did someone just notice my acne?” “Did someone notice that I’m the only one without a guardian at conference night?” I don’t know why I got such strong feelings of depression or Anxiety. I got bullied in Elementary, and I came to a conclusion: I don’t have a friend, no one will stand up for me. This and alot of unmentioned reasons are why I hate myself. What’s worse is: I think I’m just jealous of people who seem to have it all. I disapline myself for popping pimples by locking myself in my room. This reply was very jumbled and didn’t really have a main point. I just needed a vent. Thanks to anyone who cared to listen. I will try to live a peaceful life.
My mom passed away on September 19 of 1988 due to kidney cancer . She used to tell me that I was sorry , low down and that I would never amount to anything while she was alive . Basically she was telling me was that I was worthless . Also , on the day my brother graduated from what was then , West Georgia College , I said to my dad that I would love to go to college . My dad replied , college , son you barely made it through highschool , there is no way that you could make it through college . So basically my dad told me that I was stupid . That’s why I hate my self .
Hi everyone, I too hate myself for a lot of things. the reason why i hate myself is because i lack organisation, commitment and courtesy. I don’t know why but i feel so carefree all the time and eventually get told of for the “It’s okay phrase i go by”. Also one time, at camp i stuck up for a friend since the other girls were being really rude, and ever since they haven’t talked to me. It’s not that i care that they don’t talk to me, but most times i feel like i have a horrible personality. Like one time a friend arranged that i got to their house, and her mum made food as well, but last minute i backed out.
You are not horrible at all!! Not in the slightest!! I know it’s easy to judge ourselves; I do it all the time, too. But trust me, we are our own worst enemies and critics. We can judge ourselves for the tiniest things that no one else even notices or cares about. Just keep being yourself. You are absolutely beautiful and wonderful the way you are… truly… You say that you hate yourself because you lack organisation, commitment, and courtesy. So do many of us! Ha ha. And some of us don’t even notice! But in truth, those are things you can work on and improve at. You really can. One thing you can practice is doing lots of nice, altruistic things for other people. Your family, strangers, a teacher. Anyone. You can even make a list. Keep a little notebook full of all the things you’ve done for others, and if you’re suddenly having a bad day (or feeling negative about yourself) you can look at your list and see all the meaningful things you’ve done. They don’t have to be big. Everything counts. Buying a coffee for the person behind you in line at Starbucks counts! Or going out of your way to make someone’s day just a little bit special. Take all the things you wish someone would do for you and do them for others. Sometimes it takes a little getting beyond ourselves and our little worlds we create in order to feel connected and loved and meaningful. But we can do it. And you can do it, too. You are amazing!!
I hate myself real bad because I’m only 13 and in year 7 when I’m supposed to be in year 8 plus I look 2 or 3 or even more years older than I am because most people think I’m in year 8 or 9 most of the times but sometimes even 10. I just wish I look more like my age and keep my childhood longer because I’m still a kid
Don’t worry too much!
You know im 12 and i look 15 or 16 and i am really tall but you know what?, my brother went threw the exact same thing and in a few years he got over that really quick so dont worry i promise ittl be ok:-)
I’m 18 and I’m so glad I found this article. I have a great life, I have parents who love me more than they love theirselves, I have my smart sister who almost always knows every answers of my questions and always supports me in everything I do, I hv the best friends I could ever have in this world. I have the perfect life anyone can have in my age, yet at the same time, I often feel that I hate myself. Every little mistakes that I made only make me hate myself more. I started to think that I’m worthless human being, unworthy, etc. only because of mistakes I made. I’ve had this thought since I was a kid and I never really gave it a care because my family has a history of being perfectionist and so I thought it’s normal for me to have those thoughts (it was like ‘well, it’s in my genes, so whatever’), but I never realized that it’s desteuctive until it got worse for the past few years. I got a lot worse score in every subjects lately and everything I did seem to always fail and there would always be that voice in my head saying “see?? I knew u would never work it out well!!” then it would always end in “I hate myself”. I never told my parents abt this because I dont want them to worry. I love them and I dont want them to spend anymore time to be worried abt me, they’ve given so much for me.
Anyway I know now that those thoughts are just my negative inner voice and I should never again listen to them (it’s like the ‘mean girl’ in me that always try to break me down). Thank you so muh for this article, it really opens my eyes to see that I dont need to damn myself and have negative thoughts abt myself for every little mistaks or imperfection that I make. Thank you so much for this article 🙂
Hi m a 23 year old girl living in a conservative country. I m v beautiful n smart. I was a topper all through my life but still I feel empty. My father is n abusive husband he has aIways dominated me n my mom. My entire childhood n still I feel DT m under a house arrest. My dad has controlled my life entirely. I was never allowed to go out or even talk to my guy cousins or make male friends. I was not allowed to even look at boys directly. I never made friends n dun believe in friendship cz everybody has hated my guts I was v pretty n intelligent n won every competition of drawing studies painting or beauty etc. Which was y everyone hated me as I was perfect. Many guys now want me BT I was in 2 relationships n mind it dese r basically d only guys I hv talked to n befriended. Both of them dominated me again. They dun allow me to make friends, extremely possessive n jealous. I m marrying one if them. My dad hates me cz I crossed d line BT accepted my bf cz he is from a v good family. So u can c d contradictions. Despite being perfect m feeling d same as above people. I hate my life n myself. I have tried to commit suicide twice. I dunno what I wanna do in my life. Whatever career m pursuing its cz of d burden of being perfect. Its really boring. I always feel out of place n lonely. I think I m different n awkward. I think like a loser always as I never take compliments seriously though I hv been always getting them cz I think I dun deserve them. My bf whom I m supposed to get married to next year is a party animal n outgoing. I on d other hand m n introvert n very emotional. I dun drink or smoke hv always followed every god damn rule in my life. Everybody thinks I m boring n belong to 19 the century. I recently failed in d toughest exam of my country. M completely destroyed n I need help. Cannot go to a doctor cz I dun hv money. Plz help me.
Hi, I have struggled with self worth for 31 years. I took a intro to psych,g ot my GED, I’ve was married 15 years. I finally liked me. I was going to college. My husband cheated. I’m being transfered at work since I don’t fit in (because I work hard, and people are throwing me under the bus) I worked really hard for 5 years to get out of this mind frame to be there again. Maybe I tried to compensate and never was completely healed and why I so easily fell back to these feelings. Maybe I do love myself and feel that others don’t. I’m tired though.
Wow… Honestly I found the comments rather depressing. We have all been through crap in our lives, and that’s okay, the trick is to learn how to be strong within, and eventually the rest will follow, no matter your shape, size, race, etc. just find something you believe in, something positive, and direct your energies that way. All these people that make you feel like crap, they focus so much on the negative themselves, that their lives won’t be worth much. I mean if they have nothing else to live for than putting other people down, then they are stuck, while we have a chance to fly.
And I do know what I’m talking about, despite many people thinking otherwise. I’m emo. Yeah, I know, freaky right? Unnatural maybe? Well I don’t care what those people think. I have spent my entire life (well, I’m only 17) being put down by others, and bullied by adults and kids (I was born in a bible thumper town, not that there’s anything wrong e that) and was basically a door mat, shy, and scared to show people the real me. I love my parents, but they never understood, and when I told teachers that I was “emo” they asked me if I wanted to seek professional help.
I’m not going to pretend my life was some huge sob story, or competing for the “bad childhood” reward, bc it wasn’t as bad as other people out there. It wasn’t that these people didn’t like me, they just didn’t understand. And I wouldn’t really let them. I mean I’m shy, not anti social as much as just scared to be social. I still am. 🙂
Things changed for my junior year of high school, where I met people, that weren’t really like me, but they accepted me, something I didn’t really know. bc of them, I really stopped being scared of what people thought of me, and I started thinking about what I thought of myself. I mean I hated myself for a long time, for being different, but u know what?
THE WORLD NEEDS PEOPLE WHO R DIFFERENT! 🙂
I still get bullied at times, I don’t think ever really goes away, but I now stand up for myself. I don’t have to physically fight them, bc I know as soon as they open their mouths I have won. These people that focus on putting others down will get nowhere in life, and secretly they know it. It s people like us, the freaks, geeks, and weirdos that will run this country, and have done so before.
And to some of you guys, I’m going to give you some tough love. I know that expressing yourself this way, venting as is, is overall good for you to get it of your chest, and help you let go of things. But at the end of the day, the only person that can change your life is you. It’s good to talk, but you also need to act. If you hate the way your life is, change it 🙂
Yeah, changing is a bet, and u don’t know if it will go sideways, but is that chance better than where u are right now?
Alright I’m going to shut up now, cause this is dragging out WAY too long 🙂 and remember, even if you feel like no ones got your back, you have at least one total stranger that will back you up (ME <3 )
Wauw I know the post is from ages ago. But for a seventeen year old I think your style of thinking is amazing. And though I am way older I really feal supported by your last sentence. Thank you so much for your post.
i hate being different, i dont have anything in common with anyone, no one understands you, i wish we were all the same, everyone would understand and relate to each other more
I hate posts like this. My parents were amazing and loving and caring and I couldn’t ask for more. You can’t reduce everyone who struggles with their self-esteem down to daddy issues. Starting off on that foot means that the rest of the article is also inapplicable to me (and generally seems to be rephrasing CBT and making it look like some revolutionary technique credited to the Firestones alone, which could not be further from the truth).
Hey, i rather not mention my name. But I’m 17 years old now. I have experienced bullying from age 5-14. 2 years without being bullied and i still feel like shit about myself. Everyday these voices of the bullies haunt me day after day. One day i finally found the perfect guy, i know it may sound strange coming from a 17 year old girl. but i felt like he was my love. I was myself around him , for once i felt like myself like i was free. 5 months later the voices found a way back into my head telling me how i wasn’t good enough for him. So i ended up pushing him away. Today after reading this little article i realized i have to try to get the real me out, to try to get him back, and to leave the negative me behind. It may be a struggle to do but thanks to you i believe it can be done.
Excellent article. I would like to point out, though, that people can boost those positive or negative feelings. Friends, spouses/partners, and parents are the most important influences on how your self esteem develops and how you view yourself.
I randomly google searched ‘i dislike myself’ because I have been having trouble for quite some time now – connecting with people, friendships, relationships and work. I find it hard to be myself and relax because I feel like I don’t know who I am, all I am to me is a critical voice in my head, trying to hide from the outside world what I am really thinking. Im even certain I’ve lost my sense of humour.
The only thing that brings me back to life and helps me feel relaxed with people is alcohol. I feel content with alcohol and I can have a laugh and connect with people – no problems.
It’s easy to say- think positive and be strong within, but when you are fighting this kind of anxiety everyday and negative thoughts about yourself, its almost impossible.
I have also come to the conclusion this is due to my strict up bringing, just from meeting other people, its clear that i’m not as confident as others. My parents have never shown much love, mainly disapline and money orientated.
I’m in my late 20’s and I can feel good opportunities slipping away due to this anxiety and low self-esteem. If my parents brought me up the way they did and this is what I am because of it, then I guess this is what I have to man up and face. It’s just a pain when you see others living life so easily and happily, having great jobs because of their confidence and great relationships because they can let others love them because they love themselves – Maybe one day I can have that! POSITIVE THINKING!!
I have to admit this article has got me thinking that maybe I am not the only one with that destructive inner voice problem. Thanks for putting that worry out of my mind. Besides the article, the comments have helped me immensely to realise that it is okay to have these problems in the first place as long as you fight it and not drown in despair. Because my parents convinced Me that it was not ‘RIGHT’ or normal to have these self doubts so much. They refused to acknowledge the problems I had with myself brushing it aside as attention seeking behavior. As a result I had stopped confiding in my mom(who used to be my bestie) as I used to and kept of my problems to my self. But in reality this only seemed to be fodder to the inner critic and the self loathing escalated. This kept me from making friends as well in fear of being perceived as damaged. But finally I am in a place where I no longer withhold my problems if I have any. I open up to my best friends(thankfully I have made three) even if I still have difficulties with my parents. Thank you.
I am saddened to learn so many of you are self loathing out there. I’d like to share my story briefly. I am 31 years old, have a job, an apartment and a wonderful fiance. I happen to be pretty and thin and most people accept me at this point. I too have been bullied through out elementary and middle school. Those experiences resulted in extreme social anxiety. I used to base my self worth on my appearance and sometimes still do at times, but have learned my low self esteem has absolutely nothing to do with my appearance. My self esteem is attributed to many experiences of ridicule and childhood bullying. I was raised by loving parents, but both of them suffered with addictions. Now, as an adult I know we should not look to external factors to dictate our self esteem and self worth. I still, to this day suffer with social anxiety and what people think of me and how they perceive me etc. In looking into my issues, it is not them who I am concerned with though. I am the one who is judging and critizing myself when I am out with friends or social settings. They are not judging me the way I think they do. I am trying to avoid my own self critic, and therefore tend to choose to opt out of social events. The worst part about doing that is that I then feel super guilty and mad at myself for not being normal enough to just go out and have fun. I then self loathe as a result of opting out as well. It seems you cant win when you try to prevent these feelings. My poor fiance has suffered through many of my social anxiety and panic attacks. If he tells me we are going to his parents for dinner, I tend to have a meltdown pretty fast. Even if we are going out with friends, I have to punish and berate myself and hate myself for a good few hours before I go out. That’s if I make it out.
BUT I do know listening to our instincts, and our true selves can set us free. If you realize you are afraid of yourself and do not trust yourself enough to enjoy life then please do seek help. Your life was not meant to live in fear and self hate. Each day take steps to do the things that make you happy. The only person that can change how you feel is you. Even if the entire universe came together and told you, you were wonderful, loved and a beautiful being you’d most likely not believe them anyway. So work on convincing yourself you are worthy. Ultimately your opinion is the one that matters. Do not look to others to build you up. (They will never be able to heal your wounds).
Praying for all of you to feel worthy some day!!!
I would just like to add that all of you possess a commendable quality!! The ability to be vulnerable and share your stories with strangers shows a tremendous amount of courage and bravery. Most people hide their insecurities and pretend to be okay. You all were all brave enough to share your stories and will now be helping many people because you chose to speak up about having low self esteem. For that alone, you are a quality human being who is worthy and deserving:)
My problem is I never give my problems any significance at all, like I try to minimise them in appearance and laugh about them and pretend they don’t exist by talking to myself or getting lost through my tv addiction. I have trouble making friends and being friends with people. Before I made friends and lost almost every single one of them(save for one) and now I honestly cannot seem to make any friends at all. I hate the fact that I am so boring; I’m like a blank slate, with nothing interesting to say- I just nod ‘yes’, become blank in all social situations and go through public life like a zombie. I have this deep rooted fear of other people hating me and this has strangely been true in all past relationships. So I guess I maintain my distance from anyone, am polite but also cold and am mean to people who try to get close to me in any way. I feel like I’ll screw up anything I do, be it a test or sth. In fact, I’m so worried about screwing up, that I mess up the simplest things when I’m doing them in front of people and I end up feeling so dumb and stupid all the time. I hate feeling stupid and inadequate and I feel that I am way dumber or mentally underdeveloped than other people my age. In public, it is so difficult for me now to interact with people, sometimes to even form coherent sentences. I screw up or bore people. I also feel like I don’t have anything to offer to anyone or even if I do, I’ll just be rejected. I also have a habit of comparing myself to every single person around and overanalysing every single detail. I go over the most trivial thing over and over again in my head with extremely negative, pessimistic thoughts. If people treat me like shit, I don’t know how to react and instead I let it slide by. I’ve had people take me for granted. So everything, especially the way I present myself to other people, including family members, makes me hate myself to the core. But all these issues that I laid out open also make me feel like I’m indulging in self-pity and that I need to stop ranting for this precise reason.
Jeez, I feel like I wrote this. I’ve read the rest of the comments, but this one is almost exactly on point for me, hi inner voice twin!
This all makes perfect sense to me. I have suffered from intense feelings of not being good enough my entire life. I dont seem to be aware of the thoughts though so i find it difficult to dispute them etc. A couple of thoughts I am aware of are “I can’t be bothered” and “Whats the point” I say these things to myself all the time. They are very self sabotaging thoughts. They allow me stay stuck where I am and not try for success of any kind. Kind of like a battered dog that no longer will move for fear of being hit. I feel sad just writing this. I want to change this pattern and rid myself of these thoughts but not sure how. I have tried CBT and found it not to be very useful.
I am a very confused person; too indecisive.i feel like i’m ruining my life— it’s my 12th standard – the most crucial year of my life-i’m going to be giving my med entrance exam . Here is the whole issue — i don’t know what’s wrong; i can’t undersyand anything and feel lost.when i was in 10yh standard – i got an overall A+ grade; in 8th i went for nationals in tennis. But i knew it was merely my luck; especially in the latter and i felt completely useless.i feel like i’m letting my parents down all the time- they are too good parents for a useless , overanalysing child lile me. I cant have myself sit and study for some reason! I vile my time looking for solurions for this confusion i feel in life! Then i feel extremely guilty about it! Sometimes when i study — i score good marks — but now i feel like i’ve wasted two years of my life and won’t be able to become a doctor. I know id make an amazing doctor- its my passion. But what d hell am i doing- running away – feeling lost – ignoring my problems- watching movies and spending time on FB instead! If someone can help me – it will be great – any advice is welcome …. i feel desperste!
I read this ” why i hate myself” Self help article. Im glad it deters from blaming my parents. Im not sure where, or when this started in my life. I know im tired of feeling like a dweeb. Im very sick of my inner voice calling me horrible names. Then when i do get my wish and have many friends, my inner voice tells me what great people my friends are for allowing me to hang out with them. That they feel sorry enough for me to let me be part of their group. I am 53 years old and extremely shy. I have 100s of friends all across the US because people truly like me. I still feel unworthy of their friendship. I even heard myself tell my friends and aquaintences that i didnt and dont expect good treatment. That its ok to be mean or rude to me. I know its wrong now, and i want to be happy. Please help.
Im 19 and I have always struggled with my appearance. In my eyes I am disgusting, overweight, undeveloped mis matching breasts, spotty, out of proportion and I know its true. I recently found the cause of many of these issues was because of polycystic ovary syndrome. I look at other girls my age with their beautiful faces and bodies and I feel sick when I look at myself. I grew up knowing I would never have a boyfriend but I do. I have been with him 3 years and he is wonderful but what I cannot stand is when I tell people how I feel it gets brushed off with comments like ‘dont be silly your beautiful’. I have started doubting my relationship he is so outgoing and confident im the complete opposite I feel i hold him back. I wonder why hes with me and if he is just waiting for someone better to come along. I have noone my doctors treat me like a hypochondriac because I am an anxious person and I do visit too much but ive stopped that now. My family just think im being silly but I cant even call a support number Im never alone or talk to a professional as I think they will just think im a psycho. Just down in the dumps and that is why i googled this and it does make a lot of sense. I just wish I could get over it alreadyl.
this really helped me see that there is a negative voice inside of me, and that is not the whole of me
Who feels this way. I am a 20 year old male with no friends or social life. I am a closeted bisexual because i don’t want to be perceived as gay by the straight community, or out with one foot in the closet to the gay community. I truly am bisexual. I know it sounds ambiguous but i have dealt with this since i have enough reason, and I acknowledge that im not straight, but im also not gay. Society expects black and white, and i feel like im not. Im depressed more than i am happy. I just wasn’t to live my life without having to feel the need to please everyone. My therapist said, that because i was sexually abused twice as a child by two different men on different occasions, that i have made a connection with pleasure and the male sex organ. Because i felt pleasure. It was wrong i know, but i have hope. I just don’t wasn’t to waste my youth being angry and depressed.
This has been a salvation to find. I’ve been dealing with self-loathing for practically my whole life, starting from when I was in highschool to now. Currently, I’m in college seeking counseling alongside working towards a Bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing, but the internal scars I carry from abusing myself so harshly are still fresh in my mind. It gives me peace to know that there is hope for someone as broken as me. I was the victim of bullying in high school for being autistic and generally quiet and my friends abandoned me because I had an aid and thought I couldn’t take care of myself. Now, I’m going to war with my inner conflicts and, with help from this article, will hopefully find self-appreciation and live the life I always wanted to live. There’s still a lingering fear in my mind though that I might never heal and eventually die alone, unloved, and a failure. Thank you, you’ve helped me find a reason to fight.
Hi, my name is Amanda. I have had strong feelings of self doubt from a very young age. When I was a kid I was so shy that I didn’t really talk at all at school. My dad is a very irratable person and works at home. As a result my brother and I had to be very quiet when we were little or he would blow up. When I was around 10 I was kind of chubby and my mom was always criticizing me for being fat. I remember feeling really bad about that. If we went to McDonalds I wasn’t allowed to get anything.If my mom called me fat I would go in my room and destroy all of the honor roll awards that I got from school. Now I am 17 and am an alcoholic. I was cutting my arms with a razor before, but now I drink instead. I even drink on the weekdays and feel horrible at school. I have absolutely no communication with my mom, and very little with my dad. I have grown into my body and am not fat at all anymore, but now my mom criticizes me for being a vegan. I don’t know what to do. I feel very alone.
im a kid im in middle school I have 3 siblings im the 3rd kid im a girl and I have 2 brothers (9) and (15) and a sister (16) its funny all my siblings are like skinny and im not I mean im not gonna ever starve myself or anything but my 2 brothers gang up on me and call me fat and my parents don’t care, they barley do anything about it. I used to go to a private school up intill 5th grade and I switched to the public schools when I was 1n 6th grade for a “new” life, I was hoping to make friends and feel good about my self and it didn’t help. My dream is to join the army and my siblings or anybody does not know, I have tried to tell people but im fat and my parnents would say no and my siblings would say ur too fat. I cry myself to sleep, I don’t cut myself or anything but I have to stop myself from doing it because I don’t want to hurt myself. I thing I have a bit of adhd and anger management I have beat on my siblings when they make fun of me (just really by brothers) and normally its self defense my dad never does anything or when he does its just not right because he doent know whats goin on, my mom babys my little brother im often intoublr for getting into fights with him and he doesn’t even get talked to I mean im tired of it I really hate my home life and I Harley have any friends I mean ya I got a few but I always feel left i guess thts normal but it happens everyday at school and at home my dad for got me at a bathroom once i mean im the kid whos normally forgotten and im tired of it im bout to cry now, at home my siblings do thir things and when its all said and done im at home. i chose to stay at home because i like being alone i like to think out loud with out being judged and if i went with my siblings id make a fool out of my self i really somes do hate myself. i mean i fell asleep on the couch and my little brother woke me up playing his clarinet and he had a devilsh smile on his face. of corse who got in trouble for getting in a fight… ME i try to tell my mom she wont listin to me i think she hates me and at school i try to make friends but i fell light headed i want to just hide under a desk and fall asleep sometimes i think i have social anxiety but my mom wont care my mom wont even take me to get new glasses that are payed for im 3 months over due with the glasses i cant even see well with my current ones on and my mom don’t care and i cant even do things i want because my siblings get to do other things and i just want to punch something o get my anger out, i asked my mom to get me a kid punching bag she wont istin i wouldn’t even get in as many fights if it weren’t for her. am i right about this please reply
being sad n depressed is my real nature
i alz think abt those thns that alz hurts me
my aim , my plan
i think its all waste of time
i alz think that “if my dreams are not coming true ,then why shall i work hard ?”
why shall i waste my time ,doing thns that i really dont want to do
M Alevels student
m very poor in english n other subject too
though i try my best to improve myself
i alz fail on that
i cant sleep in night thinking abt my future
it seems dark for me
i know if i try hard , i will get it , i can make it bright
bt the question is that
why should i do it ,if my dreams are not coming true
i can drop it n move to easy level
bt my father expect a lot from me
i cant do it
bt wht abt me, wht abt my dreams ,my plan , did he ever think abt that
i dont feel hungry i dont feel sleepy
i cant dream
i ve no hope
m totally hopeless
if i try hard then i can make my father proud
n my dreams it will alz b dream
n in other hand , if i dont do as he say
then i can make my dream came true , i can make it alive
bt i really dont want to break my papa
i can still recolect my bad days
i never wish for ,
my parents are not supportive in this case
n some times i feel so jealous with my friends
bcoz they’ve very supportive parents
even m afraid to talk wid my papa
m sacred to face him
from my childhood , i not so much close wid him
their is no such a beautiful memories that i ve spend with him
all he c in me is my mistake
he judge me with my past
wid my mistakes
i cant help my self
i know i can get rid of this
i know i can b happy
i know how
i really dont want to
being single . hopless,alone
it has become my habbit
my smile its all fake
m pretending that m happy
bt actually m not
i act silly so that no one can know m sad inside
this is to inspired people
that we can still smile when problems are around us
we can be happy ,so wht trouble is making us feel dead
m just 16 bt m feeling m getting old
days r not letting me sleep forever
in warm rose bed
nights are more difficult for me
crying in hopeless hope
i dont want to share this wid my frends
bcoz they r happy right now wid my fake smile
i dont want to c them getting worried for me 🙁 🙁
ive learned to smile in trouble
although its all fake
m happy wid it
Hey I’m Yune.
I’m 18. I’m the first children in our family and since my childhood my parents fought each others and my dad cheated on my mom but they ‘re still together. My dad is on business trip and we all know he still cheats on my mom. And he doesn’t care his children, us .That makes me want care from other people. My mom cares me but she can’t care me as much as i want. And then i got gf . Unfortunately , my gf has heart disease and we’re far away , we can only text . I give my all love to her, but it seems she doesn’t know. Then we broke up at the end. But i still feel it’s all my faults for our break up. And there is also my dad’s problem cheating on my mom . I really don’t know what to do. It’s really stress me out. I cry almost everyday. I afraid to believe in people again. Can you advise me ? Please .
So I have self asteem issues and I feel like I’m not good enough. The popular kids at my school tend to judge and I feel very intimidated when they r around. I feel like they r criticizing me every second!!! I feel that I have to do do what everyone else is doing to fit in. I don’t kno who I really am. I really look up to my BFF and whatever she does I feel the need to do it to fit in. I your gonna say I should stop being friends with her then you’d better keep it to yourself… My good friend , Ryan, was my best friend in third grade but I moved schools and then we became friends again after 3 years at our middle school. But our friendship hasn’t been the same. He got the BFF’s number and they talk EVERY night. He doesn’t even reply to my texts EVER!! Not once. 🙁 he can tell her everything he can’t tell me everything. I love my best friend, but she one ups me in everything( is just a little better) my parents want to move which adds even more to my depression!!! I don’t want to move to Nampa!!! Btw I cried all the way through reading this. In a realization way. So thanks so much 🙂
I didn’t mean in a bad way in my last comment it was good to read this and realize that. So really THANK YOU!!!!
im always so depressed, and I don’t have anything going on at home that could cause me to be this way. I just feel worthless, like I don’t matter. at school, im always ignored. when I was little, I was always that weird little kid, and i didn’t mind it at all. I didn’t mind talking to people, but now, im scared to talk to people that I don’t know. I’ve become an introvert. my parents tell me that it was my choice to be lonely, but its so hard to talk to people. my critical inner voice always says things like “why would they want to talk to you anyway? you just make things worse!” Im almost always alone at school, eccept for one friend. she’s going through a lot right now, and im trying to do everything that I can to help her, while juggling my own depressing emotions. it so hard, and I don’t think my parent realize that I feel this way. I don’t want therapy, I just want to be noticed. problem is, I want to be noticed, but I’ve become a quiet person who doesn’t want a ton of attention. I know it doesn’t make sense. im just really confused.
Ok so I just let that all out… I don’t see the point in helping me, but I would like any advice that you have. im so confused. 🙁
I’ve read most of your stories, and I hope all of you guys can someday find the inner peace you deserve x
I’ve never shared my feelings with anyone, even though they’ve plagued me for some years now, though admittedly they’ve intensified the past few months.
I am about 4 stone over weight, which would be about 56 pounds, and my dad never fails to point this out to me.
I’m successful in every other aspect of my life, I graduated a great college, and am working at my dream job, but to him all of this means nothing given my weight.
I know to a certain extent this is my fault. I have not lost this weight despite the blatant need to do so, and even I can’t understand why that is. A work in progress I guess.
But my dads constant criticism is hollowing me out inside.
I spend the vast majority of my time in his company sucking up to him in the hope that he will not mention my weight, and begin is tirade of abusive rhetoric. He has on numerous occasions mentioned he is ashamed to have members of his side of the family see me, and he says he hates hugging me because he can feel my fat.
Recently he has scaled up his criticism to include my skin/complexion, my general odour, and my mannerism as a whole. I work very hard and I am a cleanly person. All these criticisms are breaking my heart, and leaving me in a constant state of anxiousness. I am never comfortable. I often wish myself away from family home, and back at my desk in work because it is one of the only places I feel accepted, and even there I am constantly on edge. Does my breath smell, does my skin smell, is this top hugging me too tightly and can everyone see my fat?
It’s begun to creep into self doubt when I speak to people. When I make a remark I instantly feel as if it was a stupid thing to say. When interacting with a set group of people such as colleagues, I am constantly feeling as if I am the disliked one.
I needed to get this all off my chest, because in two days time it’s Christmas, and my 21st birthday and yet I have never felt so unhappy and alone.
Hi Mary, I felt very sad reading your comment. You sound like a lovely young woman. If I were you, I would limit the amount of time you spend around your abusive father. His behavior is abuse and it is not acceptable. Is there a way you could move out of your family home or find activities that would keep you out of the house more? Wishing you happy holidays and a happy birthday!
I feel like because I was beat daily and my step mother reminded me daily thay noone liked me and I was stupid. Im 36 now and I cant trust or really like anyone I guess ill feel this way forever a complete waste of life.
I have never been abused. I was always happy, lucky, had and have a great family that takes care about me. But i hate myself. I hate myself for not being what i want to be, for being too lazy at one time, and not having enough rest at another. I hate myself and i hate others. I hate people i don’t know, i hate people i know. Some i can accept and love. Others i hate. For no reason i hate, and hate. I have always been kind and caring, people loved me all my yet short life, WHY WHY DO I HATE EVERYBODY. yes, some may assume it’s just a period in my life, it’s just something that may pass. But how comes i manage to scare people away with my thoughts. I never express these to people i don’t know in public, i can do it in the internet, where privacy may not be the best, yet i am still a blank figure to people. Things i tell them, even as a joke, even when i’m not trying to scare them, they fear me. yet, some of people adore me for how i act. In one place i act like all people do, in another i act polite and careful, in third i act angry. Almost all of them love me still. Am i hallucinating? What is wrong, and is something wrong, is there anything i have to do? Not that i would do it, i just wish to know. The unknown eats me from inside, and the worst thing is that nobody can give me a valid answer! psychology, tests, all is wrong, all is build on what the scientist assumes, but nothing more! where’s the truth? There is no truth, we know nothing, and we will never know. All is wrong, all is different, nobody will ever understand a person sitting right next to them! And yet i wonder, why. Why do i bother myself hating others. Why do i bother myself with anything at all. I have to keep on going forward, i cant quit. This is not something i must quit.
Hi..I am from India….I am completely shattered and needs an expert advice.I prepare well for an examination and is failed.I was sure that i had done well…now i lost all my self confidence.nd thinks that i am not anymore capable to prepare for it again.I want to become a researcher.Normally i dont talk much to people about my problems, thinking that they are not interested in listening..Plz HELP ME….
Oh my, I read some of your input and I just want to cry. 6 months ago, I made a decision to try anti-depressants as per my doctors advice. I was so much against them. I take 25mg of Zoloft every day and I haven’t felt depressed yet. It started working after 2 weeks. Of course we’re all different and what works for me may not necessarily work for anyone else but, you should speak to someone.
yes my dear I do support you in your opinion me too 1day ago I feel like I hate my self my face my body I feel so sad I try to hide and not going out I feel so depressed I wrote an article in the magazine about why I hate my self and I found that my inner critic is the reason why I feel so sad these days that’s all I still sad but by writing this comment I feel happy because someone will hear me and feel my feelings thx you guys I hope u give me advices I ‘ll be very happy if u help me
Heyy shabx here! I wanted to share my feelings wid some one Although I have friends but they r nt of my type so can’t share wid em . I am 20 doing law I chosed this profession no one forced me but I am not putting any efforts to succeed I dnt know why my parents r supporting me although I have been a failure in my lyf they still r investing so much on my studies but em not being able to give them good in return although law is my passion :/ secondly, I have fallen in love wid someone n my parents told me bfre that we want our daughter to be modest nt being involve in these things but despite this I have fallen in love wid someone. I wana marry him n he also have same proffession as my father my prob is I dnt wana hurt my parents plus wana marry him I hate my self cuz I em disobeying em wht should I do :'(
Why do I hate myself so much, I look in the mirror at my self and I am disgusted. I try and exercise and I feel like I am going to break my ankle and my chest starts to hurt I also feel like I am not able to get enough air in my lungs. I constantly feel like punching a wall to hurt myself because I am to much of a wimp to hurt myself. I feel like everyone expects me to make them happy no matter how I feel about it. I cant even sleep in my room because I am tired of not being able to sleep, because my child keeps waking her up, and when I do I sleep angry worrying if I don’t let my friend sleep then she wont talk to me. I cant sleep during the day because people expect me to clean their house and when I don’t it is a pig sty. Grated it is not my house but I work I don’t even make that mess. I use work for an escape from that stressor. But at work they are understaffed and they expect you to do a full days work for 2 people in a half of a day and wonder why things don’t get done. The new guy is putting everything in the wrong place and inventory is next month. I want the managers supervisor position but I know that I will never be good enough for that job. I try to exercise to get ride of stress but it hurts so I stop and I just try not to eat and fail. Everything that I do I fail. What is the point of trying when there is so many more people better then you. I am so mad all of the time because I feel that I will always be stuck at my husbands parents house. Every penny I make goes to my husband and what he wants. If it doesn’t he gets mad at me so I just let him have it. So I never can save my money. We are stuck here and it sucks, I am trapped here. Everyone here hates each other they are always yelling at each other. My children are starting to act like everyone else and don’t have anyone else to watch them my children are going to be terrible people. I hate my self I want someone to hurt me because I cant do it my self. but I am not even good enough for that. I cant do anything right someone is always mad at me. I don’t tell anyone what I am feeling because it just makes them angry so I just keep it to myself. I have been snapping at people a lot even when they are actually being nice. I fear I have lost myself and I am never coming back. I hate who I am I am fat and ugly and a horrible person. I feel that I am completely worthless I cant do anything right an I always feel like crap. I am just dragging everyone down. I hate me what’s wrong with me? I need someone to talk to me that wont yell at me.
i am so glad i found this artical it changed my life
I deal with this as a 40 year old man. It’s not a mid-life crisis, its something I’ve felt my entire life.
I’m aware enough to see myself from the outside, and I know that anyone I told this to in life would think I was crazy. From the outside, I’m living a life that would seem envious.
Yet I’m incapable of enjoying it. I’m never successful enough, I never want what I have. I can’t be in a relationship without wanting to be out of it. I can’t be single without wanting to be in a relationship.
I find myself continuously wanting to start my life over, but I’ve done it enough times to know that this doesn’t lead to happiness, just a new set of things I don’t want.
The article above talks about early experiences leading to this sort of thing, and I’m sure it is right in my case. I was raised by a single mom who didn’t have her kids as her top priority, I had a dad who really wasn’t all that interested in being a father, and there were teachers and step-parents in my life who were abusive, physically and emotionally.
On the other hand, I don’t expect people to be perfect. I know I’m certainly not perfect. I don’t believe in blaming other people for my problems. This self-hatred, regardless of where it comes from, is now my burden to bear and blaming my parents or whatever at 40 years old certainly isn’t going to help anyone.
That feeling is still there though. Still real and powerful. I wake up and often the first thought that enters my head is “I fucking hate you. I hate the world. Everything is pointless.”
Objectively, I know these thoughts are self-destructive, and that the world is beautiful as well as ugly, and that life is what you make of it.
Those are just rational thoughts though. The thoughts that feel emotionally real are the self-destructive ones, and it is those that are with me through everything, like a barrier I have to push through every day in order to live some semblance of a normal life.
At any rate, I’m glad I found this article. It’s nice to hear that whatever is wrong with me isn’t unique to me.
Its not that we hate ourselves – its that we don’t love ourselves
Never could hit the mark in life, The mark we set for ourself
Im 20 years old im a girl thats why i have been kept in house for years no school no college n now i am getting married i always feel that i am not perfect i hate everyone in my life i just for once want to live like other people i have been home.school but for once i would like to have class mates wana go out now i just never get happy i beat myself n cry all the time i just dont know how to be happy
I am black darks inn iam always being told I am pretty or used to I am senior in college I’ve always loved my self in tell recently .every one in my fa ilybis mixed with native American by there mom and dad so there all light skin except for me and there all so beautiful especially my mom she is half black and half native american she is beautiful she looks like a model and has thick curly hair and look Caribbean or Mexican or Spanish so does the rest of my family the only trait I think got from my mom is her big lips and thick curly long hair .but last year I got braid and cut them all out so I cut it .some peaces at my hut butt other and my shoulder ear it booked harabel so I went to saloon and they cut it to my shoulder it look bad on me because I have a big head and big forehead so I look dumb and where I live I not fromiam from Wyoming but grew up in Austin Texas so I already look different plus I have chines eyes is to me it looks wrong I hate my self couldn’t tell my family because all they’ll say is your beautiful skin don’t mater its what’s in the inside that counts I sound so ignerent but this is how I feel just changed school from unform to regular and where I go to school at matters on on clothes u haveow u free so am a loner well take that back I be a lot of friend but all Mexican and few black but it seems like the black popular girls don’t like me because I’m not get to or don’t have every single pair of Jordan and so I guess by now u know on not a senior in collage I’m a senior in high school its sucks and my mom is a single mom and works allot so don’t wanna put all my stress on Herr I just fells like there’s no one who knows my pain
I have no girlfriend so I hate myself
In my mid forties and still hating everything about myself. Too tall, overweight, not beautiful , no talents and not really good at anything. Just feel like I am the perfect example of what not to do. The only thing that I did right was not having children. I saved them the hassle from looking like me & i did not nosedive into poverty. Somehow i value myself by numbers, my net-worth is always too low. I am. 2 standard deviations taller than average. BMi needs to go way down. I just can’t understand what my husband sees in me.
I tried so hard to make something of my life but got nowhere. I spend my roaring twenties in prostitution .those were the best days of my life. I always tried to learn something , took bookkeeping classes and moved on to normal office jobs. Greener pastures were found outside of Europe, i got a student visa for a school in a rural area overseeas and married my fantastic husband
I am now feeling stuck in the wrong carreer , i am always working and not getting anywhere. I am trying to start my own business, but it is a battle, just like keeping my weight down. Looking forward ,dark clouds are on the horizon, with an aging husband( he is 22 years older than me) a 95 year old mother in law that is having alzheimer, an 85 year old dad with health issues and an 87 year old boss, all needing my care and assistance.Not sure how I am going to get through this and still come out broke. Dad, mil and boss are all very demanding and just feel trapped and out of ideas to make life better.
I think I suffer from this too.
Hi, I’m Arianna, 15 years, 10 grade high-schooler.
I happen to be kind of overweight and this has always been my major problem. My mother is very often pushing on this, she tells me that I should be way slimmer, that other girls are prettier because they are thin. This always wreked me down, I eat as a regular person, but whenever I hear this,or I’m generally upset, I start eating convulsively, and then I keep telling myself things that I shouldn’t.
Lately I noticed something weird on my sleep schedule: I feel demotivated and tired more oftern. I usually get up at 6AM and go to sleep at 10:30 PM, but I’ve been feeling drained whenever I get home. And here my mother comes again. She’s telling me I should do other than just laying in bed all day long.
I am a good student and I study everyday, but lately my focus has decreased. My marks got worse: from 70 – 80 to the lastest ones, 50. This is scaring me the most, because I’m afraid of telling her. I am afraid she’ll be right there with something else to yell at me because she has a failure as a daughter. Today I had a math test, I gave my paper and then waited for everyone else to get out of class. Then I cried. The teacher was still in, so he talked to me and I got slowly calmer.
This scares me even more, how do I tell her I’ve been crying in high school?! I’m afraid this time she might beat me again and tell me that I’m just an attention whore, that I embrassed her again and that she’ll have to go and apolgise to the teachers again.
I hate myself for all of these reasons: I’m fat, lazy, just seeking for attention and I embrass my mother.
I’ve never did anything shameful that other daughters do, like hiding from their parents the fact that they all smoke and drink. They even sell smoke to each other. But they, she says, they are the perfect daughters. I’ve never done anything like them, nor I have ever cut, but I’ve had a phase in wich I used to hurt myself with needles on the fingetips. I can think of harming myself, but I ‘m not brave enough to do anything like it.
I’m just feeling empty and sad. I have possibilities of having both social anxiety and the Asperger Syndrome. I said “May” because I haven’t got any medical exam or diagnosis for that, now. Mom says I don’t have them and that I’m just filling my head with junk, but I think that might provide an explanation for lots of things. I’ve already gone to the psychologist several times, but it was useless.
I’m just feeling like I’m getting my whole family down, that it’s my fault if mom and dad are near the line of getting divorced, that I’m just a dumb, fat, ugly whore for attention.
Hi i am anil, I have been through lots of ups and downs in my life. i lost my parents a year and half back in an accident. I am short heighted person. I was bullied during my school days but last 2 years of my school life was amazing as i changed my school. Later i shifted to another city for my college and found it difficult to adjust initially. When i got adjusted it was late because i couldn’t make many good friends (More so because i was rude and arrogant). Now 3 years college i still have that fear that my old school mates & my college mates think i am a looser. I have started feeling what if i go to another company (Right now i am happily working in a company where everyone acknowledges me) where whatever had happened to me in the past happens again. Please help me. It keeps making me depressed.
I would like to know what’s wrong with me. Please read my story. Well it started when I had to choose the biggest (yet) decision in my whole 19 years of life. It was when I had to choose my university. I originally dreamed of studying overseas, I used to dream of it so much that it was the only thing that I strive to live for. But I don’t what happened, but I guess it was because I was stuck in the moment and I chose a different path. To study locally, and I rejected all those other, much better offers to go overseas. I regretted it after some time. I regretted it so much that I can’t even see a picture of an oversea university. And I can’t face my dear friends who had chosen to study overseas. Ig just hurts. I don’t know if its envy or what but my heart felt constricted and its in pain. I know there’s no way to rewind back time and there’s no point in wishing that things were different. I’ve tried hard to be more forgiving about myself, but it just won’t happen. It has come to haunt me again from time to time even after a year had passed. I’m really good at masking my feelings and I don’t have anybody that I trust to pour out my feelings to. I think I am very well on my way to depression but I can’t be sure. Can you help tell me about my condition? It may seem like a small matter, but it really is slowly killing me from inside. Finally, thanks for reading this rambling thoughts of mine. I appreciate your efforts.
i can only tell you that you will make it through your pain and one day it want hurt as bad. i use to bet my self up ibout school so bad that i dropped out of highschool. and got my cna. and i still beat my self up because im not were i want to be. but i want put my all into trying either. idk i fear alot of things in life. i actually got accepted to collage but o dropped out and life is hard but god wouldnt give us something we cant work though.please go to school pic another collage i live on my own and ive been on my own since 16 and trust me it hard out here
I hate myself when i saw my mother, because the longer i being at home, the more i realised that i have her character. My mother is a self centered woman who wanted to be loved and need attention all the time. Everyday I hear her nagging all the time, about how her body is not well, ask my father to massage her, about how much house work she should do everyday, and the worst is when she asked me why i am always looked sad when i am around her.
my father looked like he is exhausted all the time, of course because of mom. And i am being the same as her. I always nag to my boyfriend, want him to be always beside me, always complain Just like my mother.
That’s why i hate my mother and i hate myslef more. I cannot be happy around her, because i feel like seeing the copy of me.
I want my boyfriend to have a good wive, i have a thought about breakup with him, he deserve better. And me? Maybe i will just fine and not married.
I genuinely believe the only good thing about myself are my looks. It sounds vain but my personality is so screwed up I had to find one thing about myself to even remotely like. Which is funny because 99% of the bullying directed towards me was due to my appearance. I’m going to say the first thing that probably triggered this was being told I didn’t deserve to be born on my 13th birthday. I’d had years of bullying before that to back up this person’s statement and since I found myself completely isolated for the next year with nobody I could talk to about it I saw no reason not to. By my 15th I had pulled myself out of the isolation and had a good group of friends whom I’m still close with today. I didn’t bother saying anything about it until someone else asked me if my birthday was the next day, I corrected them and felt highly uncomfortable doing so. I really didn’t want anyone to know.
It was that summer I got the first and only boyfriend that ever meant anything to me, we were close friends and he’d really been the one who’d given me back some confidence in myself. At 16 I vaguely celebrated my birthday with two friends and I hadn’t realised it but slowly began to spiral back down. My boyfriend was amazing to me when we were together but when we weren’t I felt like he didn’t register my existence. I had begun to feel like he only wanted me for certain ‘activities’. I blamed myself for his lack of contact to an alarming degree ‘ Of course he wouldn’t want you, you don’t deserve to live.’ was the most common one. By this point we’d been together well over a year and I as a typical lovestruck teenager who couldn’t or rather see the relationship for what is was. During our first winter A-level results I messaged him sending the same message twice because I forgot I;d sent anything first his reply was so delayed. His response was basically to tell me that I’d wasted his credit. I snapped back but all I wanted to do was apologise the guilt was crushing me. I never handled it well.
I didn’t see him for a while and we happened to go to an event at the same time, all the schools in the area were getting pupils to go. He made me try to find him for twenty minutes then when I did completely blew me off in front of all my friends. I only had 5 minute before the coach left and it was as the coach was leaving he decided he was interested in my existence.
A month later we broke up and I still haven’t seen him since that day at the event. Once again I just blamed myself and it took me a long time to accept any of it was his but when I did I heaped all the blame on him. I know it’s both out faults him for not ending it a year before, me for not letting myself see the situation I was getting into.
Since then I’ve had more frequent on and of bad days. It’ll swoop in at any moment and totally destroy my motivation to do anything, kill my enjoyment of everything leaving me restless and unable to sleep. I would frequently devalue myself and I found socialising with people I barely knew like navigating a mine field. I hated me so why wouldn’t they. The easiest solution was to lock new people out. Just before I went off to uni I summoned up my courage and told my friend I liked him. It was a big step for me, I hadn’t ever had any favourable relationships and it was terrifying.
I got rejected because I was leaving. I came back home and he took interest in me physically but in the same week he told me he had feelings for our friend then spent the whole night flirting with her even though it was the only time he’d seen me in three months and I was leaving the next day. I went back to uni and didn’t bother celebrating my 19th birthday. I just don’t get excited over it, and I feel like I should, everyone around me cares a lot about theirs. I came back home for a couple of days and he first response was we should hook up. Knowing full well I still have feelings for him. I turned it down because I didn’t want to encourage myself in thinking that the mental and emotional parts of my have no worth. Currently I feel like I’m suffocating my limbs feel so heavy. I hate myself so much.
that has happened to me befor:( its sad being in that predicament.it scars you for your whole life. people dont understand how ur childhood makes you who you are. when i was younger i was touched by some one my family and they use to tell me im not all that. your just alright. so all my i life been just alright. and i never credit my self. i always want more but i never have the motivation. you can tell me a everythings fine in my life but i never felt completely.
i am from India and recently turned 18. i grew up as a child who did not speak at school . my teachers always criticized me for being so but no one did much to help me. i was comfortable with my ways except for getting these kind of comments. i was able to make a change and socialize when i changed my school because i was more comfortable around people who didn’t know me personally.but still i was not ready to participate in any competition probably because my nasty ridiculous ego . i could not take a chance that might destroy my self reputation.my critical inner voice will not forgive any mistake and i was afraid i might fail.this voice in my head is even blaming me for not stepping out of comfort zone. it is telling me to change when all i need to do is enjoy being me and trust myself, never mind whatever the future might be. it is not easy since my anti self seems to outgrow my real self .posting this comment is an attempt throw away my fear of stepping forward. it is not much of a revolution but first step is the hardest.
I feel like this all the time. I make so many mistakes and I hate myself for them. I say things I don’t mean and I hate that I say them and then I hate myself even more. I get called out for things I know are wrong and I snap and call their faults out too and I hate it. And I hate, hate and hate. Every little thing I do is stupid and wrong and I can’t ever say anything without contradicting myself or looking like an idiot which I want to believe I’m not. I have so much pride I don’t want to say or admit anything, but now I begin apologizing to people before I even talk because I know I’m such a pitiful excuse for a human being. I can’t ever shut my damn mouth and I hate myself because I can’t just be a quiet and nice person. I so afraid I’ll offend someone, or I’ll be rude and that makes me hate myself for doing those things. I just want to isolate myself from other people because I hate having to hear criticism and I don’t want to have to say anything rude or mean back. I hate being alone, but I hate being surrounded by people because I don’t know what to say that will be what I really think. My mouth just moves and I hate almost every word that comes out because I’m a failure and I don’t deserve to ruin someone else’s like.
I know what you mean. But I found the worst things that leave my mouth are almost always the worst ways I feel about myself. I criticise others for the things I hate in myself or when I hate myself. And I hate myself some more for doing so.
Being a mother now and dragging my daughters through the same shit my parents made me go through I feel so ashamed and unworthy of any admiration. Yet I can’t stand the criticism of others for it will only make me feel even more worthless. And there are things I like about myself. But it aren’t the things that really do matter in the end. But this constant feeling of never being good enough, I wish it would dissappear. I want to be the mother others are. Loving. Caring. And meeting the emotional needs of their children. I want to be the parent I wish I had. But I have no qlue how to. God how I wish I could heal myself and forgive. I wish the ones inflicting wouldn’t be hurt again so I can speak up and seak help. But I understand those who do. Cause at the same time I hate everyone for not standing up for me when things went wrong when I was younger. The only thing I feel I do right is aknowledgeing to my kids that I am wrong. But I know it wont heal all there wounds. I love them so much I just hope I can teach tgem to love themselfse. Even if I don’t love myself.
I feel this very much. Overbearing, truly cruel stepfather and a neglectful biological Father did not help matters. Mostly, I feel grossly inferior to almost everyone around me. Just today I began to cry seemingly out of nowhere and my girlfriend looked me in the eyes and said, “You know I love you right? I hope you believe it.” It caught me by surprise and I began to sob and replied, “I want to so badly!” And it’s true, I DO want to know what it feels like to know that I’m deeply loved as a person and have that as a experience in my life. Why am I feeling this way is all that I could think. What a waste of time this is! Hating myself and feeling as though I am deficient innately is a hell that I would not wish upon anyone. I feel that my wounds are so deeply seeded inside of me that I couldnt even find them to try and eradicate them from damaging my life further. I fear everything, yet come across as one of the most confident men. This confidence is a lie and Im beginning to realize just how good I’ve gotten at this day in day out performance. I want more! I want truth, love and substance in my life. To be able to truly accept that I can be loved by myself and others would truly be the greatest addition to my life and in order to save me from myself I have to make it happen.
My friends usually treat me like trash all the time, and they always strive to be better then me. When I draw a picture, one of my friends will flat out says that its ugly, weird, or stupid. When I get a new accessory, my other friend will go out and buy something 10x better and then say she’s poor. When I was in fifth grade, because of this, (yes this has been going on since the 5th grade and I’m 21 now,) a boy said he liked me. I hated him and attacked him verbally, but was not sent to any office nor did I get in trouble. Ive been having these questions lately when I cant do something like, why am I even bothering? and You will never be good at anything. I guess the reasons these people are still my friends is cause when I was younger nobody wanted to be friends with me. I have moved around the country and all but one of the places I found people that wanted to be my friend. I never wanted to lose them because, this was my only shot at friendship, nobody else rarely bothered with me. Now for some reason I always see a little troll with elf ears when I look in the mirror, and I cry more easily too. My parents are nice most if the time but one night, my Dad and I got into a huge argument. I don’t remember what we where arguing about but when I got up in the morning, we started going at it again. The last words he said to me while I was going out the door was that he didn’t care about me anymore. I started holding back tears while I was going to the bus stop and a girl asked me what was wrong and I said nothing. That’s all I remember. Heck, this is like a car crash on bad memory-lane :T. But my friend, Akasha, she had mental problems. She even sent me and email saying she wanted to kill me. That made me scared and for some reason, make me hate myself even more. I don’t want to remember anything else so I’m gonna stop here. But please answer me back and tell me how I should break-up with my friends.(and if I even should)
Sometimes I blame myself, I think I’m selfish and lazy. And at 27 I just realized that I hate myself. It’s not something about my looks or about the way people look at me.
It’s about myself as a person.
My parents divorced when I was 4 and my mother took me with her.
My father was a drunk and stayed with his parents, they had a farm in the countryside and as a kid I always had great summers there. I remember my grandmother telling me fairytales before I go to sleep and my grandfather working all day EVERY day so we can have food. They both were hard workers, our country was poor.
Today I had a memory how 7 years ago when my grandparents died I didn’t even went to the funeral because of some stupid excuse. And till this day I have visited their grave just once.
During their last years I visited them only to ask for money and never helped them with anything.
WHO DOES THAT??? I am a horrible person and just realized it… so many year later.
I think I am becoming like my father although I don’t get drunk every night and don’t beat my parents, in fact I’m a peaceful person and have never hit a woman or an old man. But everything else about me reminds me of my father – I don’t have a job although I make money by gambling, I live with my other grandparents and they’re paying the bills.
I never open myself to other people, even family. I never told my grandparents that I love them but I do, I miss them so much and I hate myself for not looking after them.
I don’t remember when was the last time when I said my mother that I love her and I rarely talk to her. Also it’s been 6 years since I haven’t talked to my father.
I don’t see my future and this doesn’t seem to bother me at all.
I usually chase stupid and unworthy things in life.
When I meet a girl(even if she happens to be a bitch) I give myself 100% into the relationship although I have no desire to create a family because I don’t want to have unhappy children.
I love sports and healthy lifestyle, good food, think those are the only positive things in my life, but stopped it after I broke with my last girlfriend half a year ago.
So this is me, I don’t know if somebody will read this but it made me feel a little bit better now after I wrote it.
And if you read this, excuse my bad english.
I do hate myself, the funny thing is, this article is based on negative talk that is untrue, all the negative self talk I say about myself is true. For example “I’m an ugly f*ck.” I’m very unattractive, no woman has ever been attracted to me. “You’re stupid.” I’m not very smart, I get in arguments and can never win them even when I’m right because my mind is too slow. “You’re fat.” I’m obese according to the charts. “I have nothing to offer a woman.” I have no money, I have an uninteresting personality, I’m not good at anything I try to do and as I said before I’m not good looking. What’s the solution for this? What if a person really is dumb, what if a person really is a loser? You can’t tell yourself lies (positive affirmations) to change your mind about what you can see when you look in the mirror every day.
I have been in a relationship for almost 4 yrs now, I have changed a lot of things in that time to accommodate him. Almost 2 yrs ago his sister had CPS take her 3rd child a place her with the grandmother. Being who I am and how much he loves his mother we all moved in together to help raise his 2 nieces and nephew. I just recently quit my job to stay with them while his mother went back to work. I am at my wits end. They are all under 4 yrs and just want to act out all the time. I feel that I am losing my mind. It’s as if I hate myself for the things I have changed and more so now that I cannot control these children. They are beautiful kids one on one but get them together which is usually all the time and I have satan and his disciples. What can I do
Hi all, judging by the comments it is clear that self hate/depression comes in all shapes and sizes, I am no different.. struggling with deep seated issues precipitated by earlier events.
I have no right to tell anyone how to live their life or what strategies to adopt in order to improve your situation. I will say this ..your thoughts are the most powerful thing , external factors/experiences have no bearing on you but your beliefs about those factors/events do , the sooner you attach less significance/credence to negative or positive thoughts the sooner peace and fulfillment will come your way.
I say this because for a long while I had goal, it was personal it was ambitious , it is everything that many if not all bright students aspire to be but few make it all the way.
After copious amounts of hard work/disappointments and sacrifice/obstacles I have achieved this goal and what makes it more shocking is that I did it with a significant disability, a disability that puts my endeavour deep in the realm of statistical improbability.
I should be happy right? Proud ?elated? I should have no reason to hate myself or feel like a failure/disgrace right ?, Wrong!
This is not a story about following your dreams and having unwavering self belief, this is a story about how devoting much energy to your thoughts can rob you of your creativity/critical thinking and lead you into a spiral of self destruction.
Whatever your hopes dreams and wants .You can obtain them all but.they will never bring you peace/fulfilment if your thoughts (negative or positive) regarding yourself are not ignored.
You may not be in control of what thoughts float around in your mind but YOU do have power over what thoughts(true or false)you choose to believe
Whatever thoughts you CHOOSE to believe will dictate how you feel in the long run
All the best
With tears in my eyes, I read ALL above, “BUT” its not all ower fault to be like this, There is always always another person causing this felling, I am going through it now ,but a wise lady said to me 50 years ago ask yourself ,1)why 2)when 3) how, ……..I did I left ,the situation I could not handle , Running away and not facing it, “y e s ” I shall now be happier, safer ,alive and start enjoying my life again. I admit, I have lost my family but……..no “SELF DESTRUCTION “
I hate my life this world has only hated me
If you feel that life is not worth living, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). The call is free and confidential, and crisis workers are there 24/7 to assist you. To learn more about the Lifeline, visit http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org.
Don’t give up just yet,you may think that the world is cruel to you,but there are also good things that is in this world ,so find your hope,that could heal your wounds.It could be anything ..because everybody has their problems that might be even worse than what you are experiencing right now.I think i’m talking like i don’t hate myself right now,but reading all those comments.. i’m currently shocked that there are so many people hate themselves .Well,i suppose searching for hope is not that easy ,or probably useless.. But still,i hope you guys would live a happy live.
My mother died by suicide when I was 15 months old and my dad soon remarried a woman he had just met, but who love bombed him and promised whatever…long story short she was mentally abusive in the extreme due to her hard life growing up. She neglected all of us and pursued her own agenda to the detriment to all of us. The key to my healing has been to look at all of it squarely in the eye.
It is torture to see how I have pined away for her love my entire life; just wanting her to fulfill the unspoken promise of giving me love when I finally deserved it! I am 54 years old and still feel a deep well of unrequited love. She hated me to spend time with my father as she felt left out. She sent me to other homes to work on the weekend nights so I never was able to see my family much. I was outcast and unloved. Beaten, yanked and hated like you cannot believe; she got everyone to think I was a bad person. I can’t figure out why I still deeply wish for her approval and love. More than that, I wish she would just say she was sorry.
I have been bullied most of the time, people would be talking behind my back as if I was blind but I actually know that they were talking behind my back.Every single time I go to school I would see some girls giggling when I walk near them.I’m a very quiet person I don’t care about other peoples business, if they need help im always there for them but when I need someone no one is there for me and one day I question myself why are people always so mean talking behind my back as if I wasn’t there.After a few minutes later a voice comes out in my mind telling me that i’m ugly and I should just die because im worthless sometimes I would accept that.I know some people would just yell at me like stop thinking about those things, but actually it doesn’t work like that im a very emotional person. Because of people talking behind me back and judging me I have not made a lot of friends and i don’t like meeting new people and now I feel numb.When I go to school I would hear people saying hi or hey to each other while im walking past everyone and as if I was invisible.It makes me feel sad. It feels like im locking myself from happiness and not accepting the fact that theres many different people out there.I feel alot better when i’m at home and not outside.I don’t know what to do anymore I tired of this.Thanks for reading this I really appreciate it 🙂
I guess im goin through a kind of depression but I still hate me even though my grandfather passed away because of cancer I still feel that some how I should have done more like gone vist him more often but it’s too late for that and its that thought that’s killing me right now. I know that it’s not my fault he died but I should have done more. I never got to tell him how much I really loved him and now I will regret it till I die I guess I took him for granted
The infamous words of a fool,
“I HATE ME”.
Reading some of these comments struck a chord in me. Ever since I was young, it was perfection or failure. I’m a 25 year old guy and my mother told me for the entirety of my puberty (plus some extra before and after) that I was fat and needed to exercise more and eat less. I was very slightly chubby (according to several friends that I’ve maintained contact with). This went to the extent that I would work out for several hours a day (marching band, JROTC, weight training class and then after school job) but I was always chubby; I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s just my body type. Eventually I got a job moving several tons of metal consistently (cart pushing at a very busy grocery store) and she stopped. I then shattered my ankle and gained all the weight back and she still references the cart pushing time as “you were starting to look good too.” I’m tall, strong, broad-shouldered, handsome, intelligent, caring and none of that matters because I have extra fat on my body. It’s all true now, I’m fat and worthless (how I feel even though I know I’m probably wrong). All the medical and mental issues that arose from shattering my ankle certainly don’t help either.
Great article. I feel alot of the same exact thing as in it. One of the most difficult things to understand for me were the self destructive feelings. After I started to notice that most if not all of the relationships in my life were becoming strained my first thoughts weren’t to mend them and put in the effort to fix them but the exact opposite. A nagging voice in my head was there saying they want you to push farther, strain the relationship even more. At times I even would catch myself telling blatent lies for no other reason I can accept other than wanting to make people hate me. For some reason it seemed the only way to stop the constant uncertainty in my mind of whether or not I should take their words as truth. Sometimes I admit I was actually hoping I would be able to become my old self but it seemed death was my only resolve. I have always considered relationships as one of if not the most important aspects of my life. This was actually were the problem was originated at. I had let myself become so consumed with the question of peoples motives it drove my mind into circles and changed my thinking. Over time as I realized what people think about me is much much further down on the list than I ever realized and that everyone has their own problems in life I realized the main problem. They weren’t coming at me wrong or against me in anyway at all like I feared so much, they simply had given me all of the time and effort they possibly could and then some without me adding myself onto their own weight in this world. They had been doing what they were supposed to the entire time and I was so backwards and selfish I took it and turned it into my own delusions and pschycosis. I made my worse fears become true and have no one but myself to blaim. I still can’t fully understand it.
Interesting to read about tense parents….when I was in therapy I couldn’t think of many things my parents had done ‘wrong’. There was a bit of a cold atmosphere at home, they didn’t love each other although they obviously loved my brother and I, but yeah I remember them seeming tense and me feeling in the way a lot of the time. It’s still kind of like that now with them, although ever since I was about 13 we’ve had more of a peer-to-peer relationship than a parent-child one anyway.
I’m definitely the apologetic one as an adult. I don’t like asking for help, feel more secure when I can be self sufficient, and can’t stand having to lean on people. I experience a lot of self hate, but I can’t think of one thing I dislike about myself. I’m exactly the kind of person I’d want to be mates with and I think a lot of people would feel the same way. I experience myself as very likeable, actually. I just can’t even begin to explain it, but feeling ‘different’ or ‘alien’ pretty much hits the nail on the head. It’s not so much feeling bad about who I am, but experiencing that I am outside of things. If everyone in the world was like me it would be no problem!
I hate myself so much for the person I’ve grown up to be. I am 25 and I think everything started going downhill upon starting the University, drinking and smoking like no tomorrow: 5 years with the wrong friends, good-hearted people but at the same time uncultured dumbasses proud of their alcoholism and self-annihilating lifestyle. I wish I had the strenght back then to reach out and elevate myself from that low standard, since I’ve always had all the means I wanted to do so, being backed by my parents.
I don’t know who to blame, in the end I’ve always known i was down on a bad road, and still I thought i was in control. I was the best one in the primary school, the best one in the secondary school, so and so at the high school (where I crashed my psyche on cannabis) and an average one in the uni.
I managed not to become a drug addict but I have had problems with drinking behaviour, my body is weak and shows signs of premature decay and most-of-it-all I feel totally out of place. I am trying to rebuild a network of friendships with people whom share my same intellectual needs and cultural interests, but I feel it’s late at this age and moreover I am used to hanging out with less smart people and again i feel alien.
For some horrible weird unknown reason I can’0t find the strenght to change myself. It seems so impossible for me to stop smoking more than few days, to exercise, to not to drink, to burn bridges with the bad influencers and so on. I am thinking of moving to another cirty to start from scratch.
Don’t know why I went on a rant in a website’s comment section, but I feel better now.
all you peoples’ stories make me realise I’m not alone.
thnx for sharing
I have struggled with depression and self-hating for years now…I don’t even know why. My dad thinks its cause I’m bi, but that really just ticks me off because the way he says it sounds like he thinks that’s a good reason to hate myself. My family has suggested medicine to control my moods and a counselor, and I’m really starting to think that’s a good idea. Is it?
I recently came across your article and it answered a few of the questions of why I hate myself so much. As a kid I was raised by my single mom who honestly I think as an adult now has narcissistic tendencies. I was always told as a kid I was nothing and I will always be nothing. I was verbally and physically abuse as a child by my mom who eventually kicked me out at 17 because I was competition in her eyes when it came down to her new husband. When I lived on my own I dealt with sever depression for many years I finished college and had 2 children as someone who succeeded in things she never thought she would I still hate myself so much. I have cut off most of my friends and I am always angry I know I have things to change but it seems so hard at this point to stop hearing my mom’s comment in my conscience . After years of therapy I thought it would get better and it has when it comes to depression but anger and self hate has become my handicap and I really find it hard to move on from it. I do make sure that my kids never hear such negative things from their mom. But I still feel like that little girl inside me has not healed at all. Thank’s for the insightful article I will try to begin to tell myself that I need to change . Just at this point I am so lonely …
Is this working?
My parents were awesome. I wrack my brain trying to figure out why I feel so inadequate. Maybe because every boy I liked in elementary school not only rejected me but made fun of me for it? Maybe because my older brothers made me feel like crap all the time? I don’t know why. I’ve always felt inadequate, since probably the 4th grade.
I’m 36 and in my first real relationship. I was easy when I was a teenager, though. No wonder no guy wanted me. I would have sex with anyone who acted like they liked me, and even with some guys who made it clear they DIDN’T like me. I got pregnant at 17 and continued to have sex with my child’s father, even though he never did ANYTHING for our child. I was a bad parent, too, and now my child is having major problems, and it’s my fault. The relationship I’m in now, we’ve been pregnant 5 times since 2011 and lost 4 of them. It’s just hard to believe that anything good is ever meant to happen.
I’m just a loser. I have always been a fat loser. I don’t deserve happiness. And that’s why it never happens. And that’s why I googled “why do I hate myself?”
This was a great educational post. It’s helped me understand that it is not just me and it can happen to anyone. This post is also reassuring of the fact that it is possible to overcome self-defeating thoughts. Thank you.
I hate myself because for one I’m such a loseer I have never done any good in my life except for my children I have 8 how I still don’t know why I was blessed with them I have always been over wieght in that has always bothered me I have lost and gained my whole life but never lost enough to feel happy plus I feel depressed all the time why I don’t really know I just feel like yelling inside sometimes I have always had trouble keeping a job mostly for most of my life I been an acholic but I haven’t drank in over 2 years I thought my life would change but nothing really has I’m married I have 3 of my kids that live with me the others are are older but I still don’t know what’s wrong with me I hate myself I wish I could feel better my wife is upset with me because I never want to go or do anything because when we do I don’t enjoy anything no matter what it is I’m just so tired of this feeling
Hello, my name is Payton, I just recently looked up why do I hate myself and saw this wonderful and helping website. Well here’s my story. 8 years old of age my parents broke up and got a divorce. About 12 years of dating and 3 years of marriage was ended because my mom didn’t want to live a life of an abusive and sickening husband. Like all children at a young age they blame themselfes. Unlike most kids I didn’t. I blamed others for the reason because I didn’t want to even think of what I could have done. I lost control of my self and never ever made friends, talked to anyone, or even wave to someone. I sat there as a lonley person blaming the world. My dad forced me to do this I didn’t want to. At age 9 he forced me to work almost 24/7 at a lawn cutting business, I was never paid till age 13. While working with him he yelled, screamed, calling me stupid, r*******, and homosexual. He’s hit me with objects( including a weed whacker). He’s told all his friends that I like touching guys, and I Jack off in my room everyday( which I don’t)….
Freshman year of hig school i don’t talk to people, I don’t make friends, and I absolutely don’t even look at anyone higher then their shoulders. Recently a girl forced me to talk to her and even look at her. As soon as she did these i fell in love. I dated her….
I thought dating her my dad would stop calling me gay but it only got worst. He started calling her a slut, and a guy and the reason why I loved her was because I am gay…. 6 days ago I got my driver’s license and my dad yelled threw a phone at me, disowned me, told me I am his biggest mistake of his entire life. My girlfriend had a ex bf kiss her to get back at me for being to good at basketball. And she pushed him away but he didn’t. So I broke up with her trying to get away from what happened but all I saw was her so I went back. My dad on the other hand yelled at me, he told me over his phone if he saw me kiss her he would kill me, but I knew that was a lie. And now his girlfriend thinks she can talk to me the same way. I am now 16 and my life is shitty. I have bad grades because I get yelled at at home all night and have no time to do it. No one listens to me, I’m alone, I’m tires of being called a mistake by everyone. And all I do for others is make there life worse. There’s so much I want to say on here. But this, that I’ve told to the person reading this… this is only the beginning of what how worse my life is getting
When I was a child my dad treated me like a worthless loser, I was a smart kid, good at maths and physics but my dad really made me feel useless, after years of struggling and addiction, I quitted ciggarettes, pills and weed 2 years ago and started working out, after 2 years I should Admit it didnt affect positive in my life, Im still a lonely loser without a girlfriend, although i look healthier and more attractive but the voice in my head making me crazy, I really have some serious suicidal thoughts … Im really exhausted, Im 29 and I feel Im a waste of time, every sturday night I stay at home, when I go outside I can not connect with any body and I see all the couples All the time and I feel different inside, come back home dissapointed because I cant use my youth power, I stucked in a loop, I know this summer gonna hurt me , I know , damn life
Lately, my two best friends have been hanging out together and not with me. They’re popular and play sports while I have a heart condition and do nothing. Since i felt like i should do a sport to impress everyone, I tried out for volleyball. After the first day of tryouts i went home and cried because i hated it but i also wanted to do it just for the fact that my friends would see me as ‘cool’. I didn’t go back, and I’m feeling worse about it right now, in the summer.I just feel like I’m a loser because i never really do anything for the school and most of my friends DO do things for the school. I’m more of an antisocial person who likes to go home and play my piano or read a book or learn a new recipe instead of staying after for sports practice. This has gotten me really down this summer and my heart feels heavy constantly. Anyway, thanks for listening.
Hey Kelsey, (ahead of time I want to apologize for the length of my response. I kinda tend to go a bit overboard with details and some thoughts, feel free to skip to the last part and bits if you want to) in some ways I think I know somewhat of how you feel. Like you I am also pretty anti-social, in fact going by your description I am possibly most likely even more so. I’m 26 and I spend most of my days sitting in front of a computer watching/reading random videogame and anime related stuff. Why is this? Other than me having interests in those areas, its because I tend to feel like I’ll just be in people’s way or that I won’t fit in.
In my first year of highschool in 2004 I tried joining the Cross Country team because I wanted to be part of something more than just sitting, I wanted to be around other people and to feel like I was part of a team (It’s odd but I still do feel that way even though for my job I am in a team). At first, I didn’t really like it because of how much work it was. There was warm up training exercises, then running non stop from 30 minutes to an hour. The worst part for me though was that in the end I didn’t feel like I fit in. I was the new person, and everyone else seemed to know each other. They didn’t really talk to me either, although in truth part of the reason they didn’t talk to me was because apparently I came across like I didn’t want to be talked to. I was quiet and always did things on the sidelines away from them and I didn’t realize I was separating myself from them. Since I didn’t realize this, I felt left out and thought I was unwanted. I ended up quitting after the season was over. I’ve always regretted that decision because of the what ifs. What if I had stayed, what if I actually tried talking to the people in my team, what if things had been different. I have had multiple times when things like this had came up for me, I went to college and had pretty much the same thing happen for 6 years and afterwards at work. The thing is though that despite it all, we can’t change the past no matter how much we want to because it’s in the past. But what we can change is the future, the future is not written in stone for us yet, it’s always in motion and it’s always changing. There are so many choices that we can make, its literally a giant tree of intersecting and multi-directional paths. Also, don’t be afraid to try new things, if you don’t end up liking one thing try another. It’s a bit like experimenting for cooking something new. If you don’t like how one ingredient affects the flavor try another one and sometimes its good to mix and match and try different quantities. If sports isn’t really your thing why not try joining a club? (I did it once and it was pretty fun) It’s a great way to meet new and sometimes interesting people, even if you don’t talk to them much. I actually kinda like having energetic people around because they sometimes have very strange and interesting conversations with everyone else that are fun to listen to or be a part of.
Okay, so now about with what has been going on with your friends. Have you tried talking to them about it? Sometimes its good to get these things out in the open because maybe they don’t realize how you feel about it all. True friends will stick up for each other and support each other no matter what is going on.
Hey. Im 15 years old and on the outside Im normal. My life seems normal. I have a brother a mom a dad… what else could I ask for??
Well… it all started when my parents got divorced. It wasn’t like my dad ever took a huge interest in me while my mom and him were married from the time I was born to about 3 or 4. I had always thought mama loves daddy and daddy loves her. Thats what I thought. When I was little and my brother was born fights between them became more occurent. They would scream at each other and throw their hands in the air. Lucky for me, my dad wasnt abusive so I never had to deal with that, but he was an alcoholic. I didnt know it at the time though. Anyways, years passed. I moved multiple times (8 to be exact for my whole life).
I was just one bubbly kid. I was talkative and really really social. But it seemed the more I moved the more that bubbliness went away. When I was about 10 or 9 I realized my dad was a bad alcoholic. My brother was only 8 or 7. He was too young to even understand. My mom was good at protecting us from things that would make us not so innocent tweens.
Anyways, my dad married this woman. She was… ok. She screamed at me a lot. She hated everything me and my brother did, especially me, even though she made it seem as if I was her favorite. She thought she could buy me with money. Haha. Yeah right. I look back and I would have hated her. I would have ran away or something, but… I was just 10.
My dad got into the habit of getting drunk so much my mom had to call off his every other weekends with us. He lost that privilege for a few months. My brother was still looking at my dad as a hero. I was the most hurt.
When he was drunk he would clutch me by the arms and cry asking if I loved him. I woul nod over and over scared what would happen if I said no. Then after he seemed to believe me he would lay in bed with me. I would smell the alcohol on him and his breath. I would start to cry. My step mom tried to keep him under control, but she just made things worse.
After my dad was able to get us back my mom started getting more into dating. All of her bfs didnt care about me or my brother. They would cheat on my mom or lose interest in her. At school I was being bullied for a lot of things like the way I looked and a bunch of other hateful things….
Well my dad divorced my step mom and things seemed ok… then my mom met this one guy. One guy who didnt do anything wrong to her, until they got married. He seemed fine when they were dating. He seemed chill and pretty cool. His kids were annoying and spoiled. But thats ok.
When they got married we moved from the one place I actually called home. I was in such a depressed state. I sobbed myself to sleep every night and often hated my life. I hated my new school. Everyone was snobs and so full of themselves. I only made one friend when I went there for a whole school year. No guys seemed to like me. I wasn’t popular or anything. This was the school year that everything in me broke. My personality was shattered. I had learned that if you stay in your shell you dont get hurt. If you block all feelings you’ll be ok.
My mom’s husband at the time was such a jerk. He cussed my mom out and flipped her off a lot in front of me and my brother and his kids. He didnt care about me or my brother. He hardly paid any attention to us. At Christmas that year he left. He took his kids and left. We were relieved that he was gone, but then our power quit working and my mom forgot to change the power bill to her name. It was still in her still legally married husband’s name. He hadn’t paid it so they cut it off. We had to stay with a friend all Christmas break until my mom got things settled. It was the worse Christmas of my life.
Then that summer we moved in my with my dad and his grandmother. Seemed we all needed a home. Then he started drinking again. He had gotten better at refusing to drink until we moved in with him. He often threatened to kill himself and he broke things. It made me scared and my mom couldn’t take it anymore after about two months. We moved back in with her friend until the school year started. Which was this school year. We had finally found a place to call our own.
Everything seemed fine. My neighbors were nice and the school was so much better.
Then I started liking this one guy…. he seemed nice and charming. I was in 7th grade so it wasn’t like I actually knew what a relationship was like. It was my first one. We did long distance. I knew him from one of my mom’s friends who married this guy. I was so… happy someone actually cared. We went on and off dating for 2 years. I thought I loved him… but I didnt. That 2nd year was my last straw. He wanted to do something for me.. he asked for one of my friend’s numbers he had met and I gave her number to him so they could discuss about what to do for me. A week, 2 weeks, then a month went by and it seemed as though he hardly texted me. I was obsessed with the fact that he was bending over backwards to do something nice for me. Then… my friend tells me he asked for nudes. And they dated while they *talked*. I was furious. It was never about me. My heart was broken. It hurt… a lot. And then I made the conclusion live didnt exist. It just didnt.
Suddenly it was like my mom wasn’t so close to me anymore. She was always at work and she just seemed always gone. And she wasnt off with dates. She gave up dating. Then… things got switched up about 4 months ago. I fell in love with one of my neighbors. We had an odd history. He liked me from the moment I moved here. The history is difficult and I dont feel like explaining it, though it makes for an awesome love story
Anyways, he was the only good thing about my life and still is. I tell him all the time that he’s lucky I even gave him a chance. My past life was full of men who cheated my mom and I out and.. I felt like as if as long as I stayed in my shell Id be ok. But then he broke it, and Im so happy he did
Then my mom came home with a man 2 months ago. He gave off an awful vibe… still does. He has a daughter who is annoying and bossy and she’s only 8! I immediately hated him. I never saiword to him. I just grunted. I told my mom my feelings about him and she just brushed me away. Thats how I know she doesnt care about me. They are still obnoxiously together and I hate it. He is way too nice and he gives my bf glares that Im not sure why. He acts like he’s my dad and he freaks me out. He calls me sweetheart and baby in texts. My mom says he’s just like that but I dont believe a word of it.
On top of that, my brother is a jerk. He Billie me every day calling me ugly and telling me how stupid I am. He is good with verbal abuse, me? Im ok at physical abuse with him. But Im easily wounded when he says hurtful things. Ive come to the conclusion he’s right. My bf is the only person who thinks Im hot and beautiful and pretty all at the same time
Im sorry you had to hear my life story XD but… I had to tell you to get to the point.
The point is, I think I feel this way because of how much neglection I’ve felt toward me. Mostly from any kind of male figure. It used to not bother me, but now I can’t stop thinking about it. Not too long ago I took a very accurate quiz. It was very specific and Im pretty sure I have cylothymia. Its a mild type of bipolar depression. I had all the symptoms. I havent told anyone but my bf and my bff. Sometimes Im not that sad. I just feel like not doing anything while other times I’m so deeply depressed I feel like dying. My bf doesnt want to see me hurt, so Im scared to talk to him about it. I hate seeing him hurt. It kills me. Im not sure who to talk to and honestly, Idc. Idc anymore. Sadness seems as if its normal in my life. Self hate also seems normal. I mean you see it everywhere. And plus, my mood swings arent all that bad. My depression goes away at tops a week. The minimum is a couple of hours. Idk. I dont think its worth talking about to my parents. But some days I put on a fake smile just to please people. I just… Im ok. I just needed to get all of it off of my chest. Thank goodness for the comment section
I felt that I really needed to reply you,You posted it on my birthday lol (btw, almost none of my friends texted me or anything like it, but I did when was their birthday. This made me really sad ). I know how you feel. My background story is kinda different, but I know exactly how it is to put a fake smile to please ppl. I don’t feel good about myself and I’m lost. I have a lot of problems that I can’t solve.I’m sorry, I can’t even find the best words to describe what is happening with me now lol. But I wish that you, I and everyone here gets better ps: you’re really good at writing, sorry for my poor vocabulary
I found this a very interesting read. I grew up in what is now called an abusive household and, at the same time, was bullied in school. I won’t go into detail but suffice to say I was made to feel not only unwanted but also that my very existence as a teenage girl at home was injurious to the wellbeing of my family, and at school I was told outright, repeatedly, that I would never be liked, by anyone. I am now 31, married to a wonderful man, whom I love and loves me back, but I struggle with low self esteem every day. For a while, with the help of the book ‘Overcoming Low Self Esteem’, I moved past it and felt really happy, but then I lent the book to someone and never got it back and everything I learned has slowly slipped away.
I suffer from a chronic illness that has left me unable to work so my husband has to pay for everything. I do as much around the house as I can but it rarely feels like enough. I fail at almost everything I do and I’m sure a lot of it is because if I can’t be perfect or at least great straight away, I feel utterly miserable about it and give up. I’m a UK size 12, which isn’t fat but I FEEL enormous and because of my health problems, I’m struggling to do anything about it. My head keeps telling me it’s because I’m a failure. Of COURSE I can’t lose weight; I can’t do ANYTHING right. I know on a rational level this voice is wrong but it is the one my heart and emotions respond to. I struggle to even have intimate relations with my husband because I don’t feel like I’m good enough.
The upshot, of course, is that it affects my husband. He works hard to fix my self-loathing, even though I tell him he can’t because it’s intrinsic. He tells me I’m beautiful, and all I can see is a fat body with a huge nose and awful hair. He tells me I’m intelligent but all I see is a person who fails at everything. Everything he says feels like lies, though I know he’s sincere, and I feel wretched all the time but fight like hell to hide it so it doesn’t destroy the few relationships I have left.
I’ve tried counselling and therapy, dozens of times, but so far none of these counsellors know any more than I do so it feels like a waste of time. They never help me. Something has to change and I know that. I just don’t know how to do it.
Hello people ive been reading all your stories and replies and thought id add my problem to see what responses I get. Ok my names gary im 337yrs old and struggle to make it through every single day. Im totally rubbish with my young kiddies my parental skills are non exisant which hurts deep inside I think my partner deserves a medal for putting up with me!
I have no idea why I am like this? As a child I was shown love by being punched, kicked and beaten daily by my mother brother and whateverman she was with at the time, Iive had belts wood metal spoons slippers u name it I will of been beaten with it then at the age of 11yrs was hung out of a top story window by my throat and the guy made out like he was going to drop me!
The beatings continued until at 15yrs id had enough one night my mam launched a full out attack on the stairs punching me until her face was bright red hands bleeding I remember lokking up and calmly saying “whey that was fun lets do it again soon” I turned and went to my room the door came bursting open and she grabbed me, only this time I grabbed her by her throat and dared her to touch me ever again.
She threw me out after that was about a month before I was due to sit my gcses at school. I moved into a guest house with all the down n outs, heroin addicts, thieves u name it it was thrre until my gran found out n made me move in with her n ma grandad.
My mam continued to make life hell causing rows etc telling me I was a disgrace should of been aborted blah blah blah.
I went out and joined the army the next day for the next few years all was gud I was around people who were just like I was trained machines. Everything was always a laugh, I did tours of northern Ireland kosovo and one of thr first ops out in Afghanistan, I wont lie I witnessed sum horrendous shit that still haunts me now! Any jow I got medically retired for breaking my back in 2001 and that was it bye bye army hello civvy street.
Shock to the system is an understatement so I startrd drinking to try switch off in 2004 I got dun for drink driving so went home took every kind of pills I coulf find more drink n slit my wrists.
Got through that only to find my wife had been cheating on me so again got arrested for domestic violence and a possible gbh charge (ended up as a cautiin) split with the wife sold the house.
So where am I at now??? Well I have been with my long suffering partner for almost ten years we have 2 lovely children (that I cant bond with) ive been diagnosed with ptsd and an anti social personality disorder I just want to be able to enjoy my partner and family I just dont know how to? Am not looking for sympathy etc just a way to become normal because to be honest I dont enjoy anything anymore n I know its not fair on my family as they deserve better than me. Any thoughts apart from slitting my wrists again would be great thank you 🙂
hi there 🙂 I’m not an expert in psychology, I’m only 22 years and I can’t even speak English properly but here’s what I think: it’s not easy (it’s really difficult actually) for those who had a hard time in their childhood to grow up without issues. so, first of all, it is normal and ok that you have those issues. you recognize them and want to fight them for your family and that’s more than what most people would do in your place. find profissional help to treat your problems or at least to teach you how to live with them. think about your past experiences deeply and talk about them with this professional, and after you give this time and attention to your past, decide within yourself that it’s over. you know your history, you know what made you suffer, but now it’s all over and you have the opportunity to live a quiet life with your family and build a future completely different from what you have known as a young boy. decide that you are going to make an effort to let go of your past and invest in a new and amazing life. you don’t need to be a perfect partner or dad. just be a simple partner and dad, don’t ever be aggressive and smile and help whenever you can. no need for huge love demonstrations, kisses and afternoons bonding with your children. just be there, quiet and peaceful. put on a movie your kids like, buy them a new game, leave a note wishing your partner a good day. you don’t have to say things you are not prepared to say, show your love in a different way, no need to get too close or to be like in the movies. so what you can, find ways around your demons to express your love for your family. good luck 🙂
* do what you can
I want to be abe to come out in fron of people, but most of the time when I try to do anything, something starts fighting me and changes what I do when my thought tries to leave my brain. The only times my mind is not manipulated is when I’m alone in my room drawing or writing or listening to music. Why is that? Why can’t I just be me? Rather than artificial me that’s always doing weird shit for no reason?
Hi, I’m, Juliene. I’am already 19 and a 3rd year college student .this problem keeps on bothering me since I am an elementary student, specifically Grade 5. I feel like I’m so small that no one can see me or understand me. I feel so sad and I keep on skipping class or not to attend class for a week or two. I complain of sickness like migraine, dysmennorrhea or painful stomach to avoid class. My mom scolds me telling what’s wrong with me, I can’t answer her straight because I dont have confidence to tell her, thinking that I might be going crazy. so I just keep it to myself. My high school teachers punished me by making me suffer in my grades; threatening me a failing grade if I don’t attend class regularly, mocking me by telling an example which they relate to me as a “regular absentee”. Because of that, i struggled so much that I just wanted to die or disappear in the world completely. Then, after a year, I gained confidence by encouragements of my parents. i learned how to fight and gained confidence. I became a dean’s Lister for 2 years and was inspired by many people like my classmates, family, teachers and crushes. Then, 2 weeks ago, that was Sept. 19, 2016. I went to the cardiologist complaining a persistent chest pain, difficulty of breathing and lightheaded. After a few days, I went for a 2d Echo and was found that I have a mild Mitral Valve Prolapse and enlargement of the Left Atrium. I am so worried and was again, carried away. I have thought that my sickness went back again and i don’t know what to do or who i should talk to. It’s a difficult situation for me. Last week, i was absent again for a week because of my chest pain and tightness that I felt like it is already my end and now, i am so ashamed to go back to school. fearing they will laugh at me or just make me “small” again. Please help.
I still don’t get where this comes from. I get sneering glances and sassy remarks sometimes, but I’ve never been actively bullied, unless those super enthusiastic remarks about my dancing and chasing my crush were sarcastic and I just couldn’t tell. My parents aren’t abusive, they’ve always been super encouraging of me and never resort to violence. We’ve fallen on some hard times lately due to a pay reduction in my dad’s salary a couple years back and paying for my grandma in hospice and her subsequent funeral this past summer, but they’re just stressed. They mostly yell at each other, not really at my elder sister or me. I mean, my older sister actually acts responsibly and gets her homework done, so I get why they yell at her less. She has anxiety disorder, but still takes AP courses and gets all A’s, as well as attending an art school on the side and getting good grades in that. Even with all her homework, she still has time to pursue her own art, sell her works, and hang out with her friends constantly. She actually has friends that invite her to places. She works hard, she deserves those good grades and good friends and boyfriend. We may both be “gifted,” but I have Asperger’s and I’m manipulative and I never get my work done. I’m a freshman girl right now, and she’s a junior. She’s always had friends while I didn’t. It’s not for lack of trying though. I put myself out there. I like to dance and tell jokes. Yet I’ll still be the one person who doesn’t get invited to Isaac’s halloween party. Because I’m a total creep who doesn’t care enough to try in my schoolwork anymore. I’m an emo loser who sulks too much and is drowning in self-pity. I bring everyone down. I’m like a goth girl that, instead of black, wears garish yellow leather and sparkly gold pants, with spraypainted tshirts and white lipstick. I’m the weird girl. I don’t mind being different. Different is inevitable. I mind being a buzzkill.
This title applies to me for sure. I wish I could even read it right now but I honestly can’t even work up the focus to do more than just this.
This didnt help at all. Another clichê post about self esteem, no real advice, thanks a lot
I am Michael Siegler.
I am 16 years old now and I’m in my second year at high school. I have suffered depression since I was 12.
Mostly because I was critisized by my sister a lot. Just recently I took 2 quizes on two different websites on the same subject: “Am I a Loser?”
On both of these quizes, I got a result that I am indeed a loser. One of these results was a bit humiliating.
It says things like “I’d rather marry a hobo than a loser like you! You are a stupid bitch!”
How can anyone get away with this? Imagine if someone happened got this as a result. That must be soul-crushing. I was also made fun of by a few people. Mostly because of these:
1.I am gay
2.I am a “furrfag”(Not sure if that’s a insult or not though.)
3.I was born with autism
4.I get into other peoples business
Hi I’m Alexis but i go by Alexia most the time. I don’t really know what to say other than I am a 13 year old bisexual girl and i get bullied. I wasn’t abused i was disciplined even if it was a little to quick for them to get the right kid. I have three older brothers and three little sisters (the sisters are where alexia started) the oldest are the twins who are only five months older then my other brother who was my moms (twins are my dads) my parents got together when they where three and got married when they where four. They all shared a room with two bunk beds.The only fights between them where who played with the toy car or who’s pants where who’s when the twins where sent to their moms. I was born when the boys where five years old and they where very protective of me. They would worry if i cried (I didn’t cry alot) and sense this was all normal this carried on until i was 5-6 perfect right? Thats when my parents started to fight. At this point i time i had 2 of my little sisters Sophidia Grace and Andre Renée. I had just started first grade and Sophie was in kinder garden. When i got home that day Sophie had been crying all day saying she didn’t feel good. When everyone but mom dad and i where asleep (they thought i was but i have insomnia) i heard them fighting and went to look. Mom was crying and he was getting mad. That night he hit her. The next day she filed a divorce. The next week we where moving. The next month we where crying for dad. the next year i was diognosed with depression and my dad had a new girlfriend who didnt like my siblings and I. The next week they split up. When i was 9 i got the news i was going to have another sister whom was from a new girl my dad was seeing. Suprize suprize it didn’t last. they named her Emmalee Rose but we call her Emma. at this point i’ve been in foster care and have been in 11-15 houses i cant remember. I was back with my mom when i was 10 and i had cuts all over my legs and wore only jeans and hoodies. I didnt talk much again until i was 11 or 12 and im almost 14 now. all i know is i wish this never happened and i dont know if this will help. Im here with my councilor and he says it will. Maybe….Thanks guys. if your still reading in 1 year clean and am happy here. bye have a good day and life.
Well, where do I start…I had a happy and great childhood… So I thought :-)… until my father kept telling me I LAUGH TOO MUCH ??? … and my mother constantly verbally abused me calling me all sorts of horrid names. Why? I don’t know. I was shy and very naive. But had a loud laugh and a love for life….which seemed to bother my parents…I was constantly berated. Scolded and grounded for weeks on end for silly things… 5 mins late on curfew…eventho the bus was late by 5 mins. kept in my room for 3 weeks punishment. No friend not social interaction. Constantly told, I am a Girl… therefore… this and this… no desk to study on… brother ok definitely had one… no quiet in the home when exam time was happening.. “Why do you need to go to university?! That’s ridiculous! you have a GOOD JOB at the local grocer store…”…My older brother would turn up the volume of the tv next to my room intentionally to upset me… parents told me to stop talking! .. violence erupted btwn my older brother and myself. him at 3+yrs older… many bruises and a few trips to the hospital for stitches… My parents told me ..’Good, You probably deserved it!”??… My mother tried to ensure I wouldn’t tell my father what happened… no no.. he will “HURT” your brother. He will punish him… Just say you fell….??? (really that is how parents deal with such things?”….I don’t know. So many similar INSANE instances…. “Why do YOU need to Go to University?”… Oh you think you are better than us????….. huh ? what?…(“well WE are not going to pay for it, and don’t come home looking for handouts.”)…. oh wow.. Yep, My Mom….lovely caring individual… so this is burnt into my mind, and on a regular day… a lot of this insanity bubblies up inside me thru my memory… Yes… even 35yrs later…. so I self loathe….not sure why… but I do… Have Several Successful careers in my younger days. VP Marketing, Travelled the world with work… but now at 50, and a quieter place in my life…up it all bubbles… making me very unhappy with myself. Wishing many many nties that I don’t wake to see the morning… Such an aweful torment. Help. Any advice? How to overcome this? Before it gets the best of me……Greatly appreciated. thank youl
am a twenty yr old boy,, right from time I can’t stay or look at a girl without feeling sexually motivated, then I thought maybe its because I wasn’t matured,, but uptil now that am twenty am still facing the same thing…. in the sens that I can’t look or stay with a girl in private… and that have caused me to loose many of my female best friends ,, and Alps had made me feel am different from others,,……
pls I seriously need your help..
please help doctor, i loved my brother. but he is not my blood. he is my best friend. three years long our relation.. this time i want to him for every situation. why? i am mentally disturbed, like i dont eat food singly,
Hello! I am from India. I am 20 year old girl and since my 11th standard i have been constantly put down by my friends. Specially one girl who was a bitch. I lost my bestie for her as she became friends with her and then my bestie became against me too and started hating me. I dont know why I let her do all that and not say anything. I also fell in love with a guy whom i knew for 6 years but he too made me feel down and my Mom also didnt like him. So we broke up which really hurt me. I thought of consulting a doctor but my Mom dint want me to. Prior to that I was a very talkative and cheerful child. I had many friends and never felt that I am weaker than them. But later on I started performing poorer in my academics. And therfore nobody liked me and avoided me and I was ignored always. My negetive is that I am too slow. I prefer doing things perfectly which did not work for the exams. I do study but can never compleate my paper. Now I become tensed very easily although I do not to show it and cannot do even what I believed I can. Now I study in college for my degree course. Now things are worse. I cannot compleate my papers although I know all the answers. So my friends also think that I am a poor student who does not study and therefore I am ignored. I also have family problems. My dad is divorced. My Mom helps me a lot in every step and she loves me very much and I always feel like I cannot give a return to her efforts or may be even in future I cannot make her happy. My grandmom is mentally ill and she behaves very rudely with me. I think this is the problem with me I hate myself. Although I believe I am not worthless. I love singing and wanted to be a singer but according to my family the system is so partial that they would not allow me to become what i want to be. I have tried many ways to make myself happy or forget about my past relationships but its of no use. A sense of fear grows upon me when I talk to people sometimes because I am afraid I will mess it up. But in general I am cheerful and I love to be with people who dont think i am worthless. Please tell me how I can overcome this and be upto my mother’s expectations.
Sayantani, I have never related to someone so much. I also have a passion for music, and want to be a singer when I grow up. But no one supports me. Not even the people closest to me, or my family. “You act as if you’re a know-it-all and will be making music. You’ll make your home broke.” “You can’t even sing.” “Who would want to hire you?” If your mother loves you a lot, and helps you a lot, I think she will be supportive of you, and just wants you to do your best and be happy. As for the rest of your family, I don’t think you should listen to them. They will only drag you down. Keep your passion for music, find more musical artists who you love and inspire you. Listen to them as much as you can. Sing as much as you can. If you really have a burning passion for singing and KNOW you have to be a singer when you grow up, do everything that you can to keep that passion, to make sure you will be successful when you reach that dream. Don’t let ANYTHING drag you down, and do not doubt yourself. Put all your faith in yourself and what you believe in.
Best of luck from one music lover to another <3
Welp I totally understand this predicament. Of course it’s not as easy as the words say and I’m probably gunna go my whole life feeling this way. Sigh. It’s odd how at least the first 10 people on the comments were female. It makes me even more weird and hate myself even more that I’m a guy and supposedly generally more females have these self-hate problems…
This was a really great post, you’ve finally named it, the anti self, critical inner voice. I’m glad we can finally call this one out, this insidious self destructive enemy posing as our long time friend.
For me, its at its worst when I have to shower or face myself naked, that’s when the onslaught starts, calling myself big fat ugly beast and so on, or if I have to look in the mirror. To a lesser extent it follows me around like its my sincere friend and hounding me with critical thoughts of myself and others. Its been with me like its my friend for a long time, but its inherently insidious and nasty.
I know it won’t go all at once, its ingrained itself for decades in my life, but at least now we know the symptoms, we’ve given it a name, defined it, given it measure and dimension, called it out, and put a spot light on it. Its only a matter of time before we become more effective in the cures.
hello, my name is Isabel and I’m from Portugal. I’ve always had trouble with myself. when I was a young teenager I had many people calling me ugly even though I was a good girl and kind for everyone, and it destroyed me because after a while I started to think that I was too ugly to even be in this world. I got anxiety problems and panic attacks, and when I was out of control I sometimes hurted myself. also, my father was in depression and used to get mad at me and make me cry everyday. my mother always helped me and loved me, but that made me feel worse because I realized I was destroying her by being depressed and making her unhappy – and that only made me hate myself more. I grew up to be a really insecure woman, nobody calls me ugly now but I always feel like I need to have a bf just to make sure that I’m not a horrible human being. and whenever I receive a negative comment about my haircut, for instance, I break down and I get depressed for days or even weeks, crying my eyes out every night, remembering the terrible old comments I used to get and wishing I was someone prettier. this self-esteem problems affect my relationships and my everyday life, and I’m worried because I know I overreact and it doesn’t get better. I was in therapy for like 8years and it didn’t help me much. I just hope it will end someday so I can enjoy my life and make my mom happy 🙂
I don’t feel like i can stop hating my-self. It’s not a sense of unworthiness, but real hate. Always lived in fear and despair. The sense of being an intruder made me to seek isolation. I’m terrible at human relationships, although i give all i have and unconditionally in almost everything. despite having a good job (doctor) and decent people around me, i hate myself. let along a really low self-esteem. Why did GOD gave us souls? if we had no soul, we would not suffer. Why? i dont know if i can keep up like this. i will try, but this kind of life has too much burden. i’m worthless.
Don’t give up. I care about you. You are worth something.
I am currently feeling this way. I’m 22 years old and I’ve been suffering on/off with depression for about 10 years. I haven’t had the perfect life and I’ve been through shit but overall I have a good life, I have a loving family, a good home and so whenever I get these feelings of wanting to just give everything up I feel guilty. I know that their are people out there that go through bullshit everyday and have had a horrible life and I’m here complaining that I’m sad.. it just makes me feel even more shit about myself. I have a problem with letting my emotions take over and it get so intense, I then start having negative thoughts and I just end up in this sad and lonely place, feeling isolated, weak and worthless.
Hi im only young but i somehow don’t find any of these helpful to me, i don’t know what triggered my deep depression but i need a lot of help, i already see a psychiatrist in my home town but they don’t know how bad it feels to hate yourself everyday of your life. Please if anyone here can help me i would appreciate it.
I can relate I just started 8th grade. Honestly I don’t know when I got depression, but I think it started off as a small thing in elementary school and developed into depression as the years passed. I try not to, but I’ve always been self-conscious about my body weight. I’m not even overweight, but I still think I am. It doesn’t help when my family thinks so too. They think I can’t understand Cantonese, but I understand enough words to understand what they’re saying. Even my parents talk to them about it “Your daughter’s gotten fatter, hasn’t she?” “Yeah, she has.” I also have a dream that no one thinks I will reach. Not even the people who are closest to me. “You act like a know-it-all and will be making music. You’ll make your home go broke.” “You can’t even sing well.” Because of this, I never feel like I’m good enough. I always find flaws in everything I do, and when I fix it, I find another one. This never ends, so I stress over everything I do.
But I kept my passion for music, and found musical artists who inspire me. I also found new friends who I enjoy talking with, who make me laugh until I cry. At first, it wasn’t easy smiling and laughing. Have you heard the quote “Act the way you would like to be and soon you will be the way you act”? It’s true. When people would normally try to make you laugh or smile, try to make yourself laugh or smile, and when you do that, try to feel the emotions you would normally feel. Eventually, you WILL feel happy and you won’t even have to try to laugh or smile. Also, figure out what your passions are. When you do, do those things often. For me, it helps to take my mind off things, to forget all the bad things.
However, the depression comes back sometimes. For me, it rarely comes back, but when it does, it hits me so hard, I hate myself, my life so much, and I’ll cry whenever I’m alone. And when that happens, I wait a couple days for some of the depression to drain out, and then I take the people and passions I surround myself with and wrap them tighter around me. I’ll talk to them at any opportunity to laugh again, and I do my passion as often as possible to forget about my depression.
Hopefully this helps 🙂
this made me hate myself even more because none of this worked
At the time of composing this message, I am 23 years old and I will be 24 this year. It seems that all my life I’ve been “put up with”, as if I never really was wanted anywhere. I’ve struggled with crippling depression and anxiety, so severe to the point of considering ending it all, because who would want a loser like me around, right? As a child, I neither was popular nor well-liked by my peers and my bad case of stuttering almost every word I spoke didn’t ease matters. I eventually came to the conclusion in my mind that all human beings were worthless and horrible and so I had adopted a rigid view of myself and the world in general. Feeling lonely and without companionship, I turned to the fascinating and wonderful adventures found in works of fiction. I read daily, always carrying some book in my hand. And over the years as my intelligence increased, so did my negative outlooks and actions. It became so bad that I actually developed mental personas I would assume to guise my anguish. Because who would care about how I felt? I thought that if I tell someone what it was I was feeling it would only serve to antagonize them. So for years and years I internalized all my emotions. I felt withdrawn, hopeless, and though my family has been nothing but accepting and loving, I still feel like there’s something missing. I recently broke up with my girlfriend, and that pain led me to seriously revisit myself. I’m tired of who I am right now. I feel sad and lonely, and it’s all because I hate who I am. Im becoming more jaded, hardened, narcissistic, spiteful, judgemental and vengeful, and I know that’s not the real me. I desperately desire to share compassion and love on the world because God knows it’s depressing enough here, but I just can’t seem to love who I am. Everything I endeavor in fails, and I start to question the very meaning of my existence. The truth is.. I need help. I don’t want to hate myself anymore :(.
I don’t know why but nowadays I just keep falling back into a cycle of self-criticism. Almost everything I do leads to this. It probably started when I did badly on my midterm.. it was the first midterm I did which received such a bad grade.. I’m usually a straight A student and.. I can’t say this anymore. I guess I lost my sense of self.. what am I if I can’t do well in my bachelors degree of university? To think that I even harbour this dream to make it to PhD and conduct my research after that? What a joke.. Idk.. I feel terrible. After that midterm, I think things just went downhill from there.. my confidence dropped, and ability to focus also dropped. I’m currently a research assistant under the mentor-ship of my professor but I feel like.. I don’t deserve this and that he probably made a mistake in asking me to be his Research Assistant. I hate how I’m thinking but it’s hard to stop it. This lack of self-confidence is really eating away into how I present myself and my thoughts.. whenever I meet my professor to discuss projects, I hear myself stammering away and even if I give feedback which my professor likes, I find it difficult to even accept praise or acknowledge what I did to be good.. I always find something to criticize about.. I hate this. I’ll eventually get better but I’m just putting this out there cause I need to let out these toxic thoughts even if it is just a moment.
We’ve all been there… Questioning your actions, feeling angry, sad, depressed about things you could have done differently. But here is the thing… Usually psychologists boil the whole self hate thing down to “mommy didn’t hug you enough” and I think it’s absolute bullshit…
I was raised in a kind, loving and supportive family with wonderful parents that loved me and let me know that they were proud of me. I fondly think about everything they have done for me and wish to do the same for them in their elderly years. I wasn’t bullied in school. Nothing out of the ordinary school conflict. I went to university and got a degree in economics and I have a good paying job with little stress and get 4 weeks paid vacation every year. I have a loving girlfriend who lives with me and is there to support me every step of the way and I love her dearly. I even managed to save enough money to start up my own business and bought a 1980s E24 635CSI BMW (dream car of mine), car guy thing…
But deep down I hate myself. I hate all the mistakes I’ve made, all the times I’ve been an idiot and made the wrong choice! I could have had enough money to retire by 30 if I played my cards right.
And it’s the same thing every day. I would get up, think about how I hate myself on the way to work, work, lead meetings, talk to people and seal deals and on the way back I’d lose myself in fantasies about crashing into something at 200kmh and just ending this nightmare, but I know I could never do that. My parents and my girlfriend would be devastated… I could never put them through such a nightmare. So I go home, I act normal, I have dinner with my girlfriend and we watch something together on tv and after she falls asleep, I drink whiskey. A couple glasses of Chivas, or whatever else we have lying around usually help me to get to sleep and numb the negative feelings. I would go to bed happy and relaxed. I’d sleep soundly, only to wake up to a new fresh hell… I tried occupying myself with different stuff… Going to the gym to get tired, more hanging out with my friends, or playing games on my computer. None of those things distracted me enough… At the end of the day, drinking is the only thing that seems to make things right even for one night at a time.
And the worst part is that I was never like this. I was always an optimist. A go-getter, a dreamer who would surge forwards. But in the past 6 months, I have turned into a self-loathing mess. I hate this person, that I have become. I hate being this pathetic mess! I hate this me! I want to be the old me, the lucky, smiling sarcastic guy, but sadly he is gone. It’s like this me is like a ghost that replaced the old me. Even the f***ing classic car I bought doesn’t bring me any joy. I had plans for it, I wanted to restore it an go on a Riviera trip with my girlfriend, but here it is sitting under a tarp for five months, while I continue this destructive loop… I’ve even neglected my Mercedes. Every summer, I would spend hours happily waxing and polishing it. This summer I skipped this little ritual. This summer while I was back home with my parents, I was sitting outside the house, while they were sleeping. A stray kitten came up to me and hopped on my lap and started purring. All I could do is look at it and break down and cry. Why would the poor little thing want to be with me?! I hate this me with a passion! I want to change, but I can’t… I don’t need pity. I don’t want to talk to my inner child, or do yoga, or any of that junk! That’s f***ing nonsense!
I don’t want to talk to my girlfriend, or parents, or anyone close about this, because I don’t want them to worry about me. It’s like I’m stuck on repeat in a never ending nightmare.
How do I get out of this hole? The worst part is that I’m starting to think that this self-loathing me is the real me. I don’t want that, but at the same time at least I would know the answer… Anyone else with similar feelings?
Some very helpful and easy to consider information on this site and the whiteboard animation. For a few years, I have been challenging that inner critical voice and similar harsh statements from real people, which everyone inevitably hears. Re: social skills, one crucial tip is that just saying “Hi” or chatting briefly with people we see occasionally is often more of a victory than trying to go full tilt forward into dating or close friendships. Learning to walk socially is necessary before trying to run and it makes sense. Sometimes, the lack of deeper social involvement with folks I have become able to chat with frustrates me. But just chatting is progress. Don’t mistake moving forward for stalling.
I’m kind of sad all the time because I feel like I’m not good enough for a relationship. What should I do?
The guy I like has a gf and I have low self esteem bc of it. Any inspiring thoughts?
It’s never going to be better. Every time I make some progress with self-esteem my mother brings me down, makes me feel incompetent, stupid. She doesn’t even want to, and I hate her more for it. Because she’s not kind and considerate to me. She has this extremely stupid idea that because I’m her daughter, she can talk to me with no filter. She doesn’t hold her “punches”. She thinks that I should reward her for her awful life. I wish I wouldn’t have to talk to her. It’s not my fault she was dumb, blind and naive and married into a horrible family. Well I was born into that family thanks to her and stayed there because she was damn afraid to make her life better. I was made to feel like nothing, humiliated, psychologically abused by the bitch of my paternal grandmother. And my mom was blind to it all, always focused on survival. She thinks I should just take it and forgive her again and again and again. I hate her and I hate myself because I pity her and can’t cut my ties with her because it would destroy her. She’s THAT much focused on me. I wish she’d jave a damn life and leave me alone or at least have some fucking control over herself. I’m a human being too dammit. I’m not made out of iron.
I hope today is better for you?
No, it will get better; you make it better. Make steps, even if small, they count.
You don’t need to believe what your Mother is saying to you; you can choose to dismiss it. You can choose to speak to her and let her know the things she says to you are poison and that YOU won’t take it. Things can change, for the great!
Care about yourself for now, try not being around her, spend time with yourself only.
My Mother has negative tendencies and I don’t think she realises it. My Mother WAS very close with me, from birth until around half a year ago. Half a year ago, after moving out I really realised that she is negative as crap and it has a big impact on how I am too.
I am trying to undo all of this and become my own person. I’m almost there actually but still a way to go. My inner dialogue is so negative, again… it’s a big improvement on what it WAS but still some room for improvement!
My Mother isn’t the main reason for this; I was bullied, parents divorced, moved away from my Brother and Father to be with my Mother for a year and a half across the country. Lots of little things I may be forgetting. Non of it incredibly traumatic but still, these things have had a big impact.
I have suffered with bad mental health issues since the age of 15 from what I remember. Diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety and Depression at age 22. Had an issue with an eating disorder and alcohol abuse.
Now I am on the road to something great (so I think…) – I now vape cannabis occasionally and have psychedelic mushrooms from time to time; if no one knows about these, they have helped me realise a lot of things about myself and they actually stopped me from getting blackout drunk every weekend since the age of 18. I am now 26. I stopped drinking at 23.
The one thing i’d love to be able to do is stop the negative thoughts in its tracks. I still have a big issue with this one… they’re full of hating on myself, paranoia, just pure poison to myself. This doesn’t happen every day like this but I’m definitely not nice to myself as I should be!
Depressive phases do happen, they did used to be more frequent and I used to struggle for weeks and weeks but now they happen much less and not as long, which is great!
We are own worst enemy, it’s so sad to think about.
this got me out of bed today. Thank you
I have low self esteem. I sometimes get to the point where i think i’ll never have any friends and i might end up lonely because i’m so ugly. I was naturally born with dark hair ( I know i’m not the only one) but it has lowered my self esteem so badly. Many people make fun of it and i try removing it and i hate shaving it takes so much time and it makes me feel like i’m the only girl who has to do this. I’ve spent the last few nights wondering why i had this i hate my dark hair and it makes me feel like i’m really ugly and I’ve really lost a lot of my self esteem through that and bullying. I’m currently still getting made fun of for it so i continued shaving. It gets so annoying because i feel like i’m the only girl who has to deal with this and i see other girl wearing short sleeves not having a care in the world when i’m over here struggling and finding it even comfortable to wear shorts in front of other people, not only that but every time i wear pants or any type of shorts i feel fat and that i have big thighs even though i’m not fat and i actually am normal but it makes me feel bad about myself and many people may not have noticed but i just want nobody to notice its there. I’m sure this may sound stupid to some people but i just wanted to share it online because i can’t even share this with my own best friend because i feel so uncomfortable talking about this to her. This is my life and none of you know who i am so this is a way i can write out my feelings without being made fun of or getting embarrassed of because i know nobody that i know in real life will see this. I’ve always been a shy kid and i think that’s mostly because i’m not confident in myself. Almost a week ago i rejected a guy and partly it was because i was comparing my self to his ex’s and they are so pretty and i thought people will make fun of me and call me ugly if i were to date him because he has a lot of friends and is very popular in school (I also don’t like being the center of attention). He thinks i’m pretty and personally i don’t see it and i feel really bad for rejecting him because hes such a sweet guy but i’m just not confident enough with myself yet. This is really most of the details of why i have such low self esteem and i know you don’t know me but if you are going through the same or something similar to what i’m going through i wish you the best of luck.
I don’t hate myself. But I hate being told I look like certain people when I KNOW for a FACT I DON’T. I know I’m not better than anyone else. But last night my Aunt texted me a picture of a girl who supposedly ‘could e my twin.’ Nobody is ‘ugly’ but it really bothered me. My Aunt meant well. But she seems to forget that I’m an expert on my own appearance. I know who I do and DO NOT look like. I know I could be my MOTHER’S twin and everybody under the sun tells me that. I have also been told that I look like Vanessa L. Williams and Nicole Richie. I DO actually look like these ladies. Other than a certain few people like the celebrities I mentioned, I cannot stand being told that I look like other people whom I TRUTHFULLY and REASONABLY know I DO NOT look like. I don’t mean to be vain but when someone says I look like someone who does not resemble me in any manner it really makes me feel self conscious. I’d rather not be told that I look like anyone but myself under those circumstances. I know it’s just an opinion but sometimes I wish people would keep things like this to themselves. I don’t always tell people whom I think they look like. They may not always want o know my opinion in the matter.
I’m just tired of living with fake personality of a hyperactive and cheerful person in front of everyone. I hate and berate myself to every extent possible. I can see how it’s affecting me and unable to do anything about it. I say to myself that bad things happen because I deserve them. I use crude sarcasm to hide my feelings. I kept joking about everything possible just to not let myself blur out my feelings infront of anyone. I just needed to take this out somewhere because it’s suffocating me now. I don’t know really what I’ll do. It’s just affecting me so much.
The voice therapy was really useful. It helped me to understand that that my failure as a human being is much deeper that the shallow and pathetic self-pitying negativity I have been expressing.
I really don’t hate myself at all since i know that i am a very good man. But i really hate God so very much for Not giving me a good wife and family to share my life with. Being single and alone really sucks since it really can be very unhealthy and depressing, especially when so many others were very extremely blessed and lucky to find their loved ones which really makes their life so very complete. It is just too very bad that many of us good single men never met the right good woman to settle down with ourselves.
I tell myself that I hate myself all of the time. It’s become nearly second nature.
I feel like this is slowly killing me. And I feel
very Ashamed I’ve become this way.
LMAO u guys think you have it hard. Just trying being trans and see how it goes…u all have no idea what pain is
To Kasey, I hope everything works out for you knowing what your going through. May God be with you.
I have a question so at school, I used to date this guy freshman year we dated for a year and 3 months, then now imma junior it feels like people dislike me or they tell other people I say these things, then people dislike me. I had someone tell I talked about someone and I didn’t.. or someone said I abused guys…. I don’t know what to do? Like I’m alsays around my friends, and I never have hurt anyone..
Like… it’s not like I want to hate myself at thos stage I can’t stop. Without trying or noticing I would insult myself or physically harm myself if I broke a rule or upset someone… been to therapy and still no progress… I’m at a loss right now. Any suggestions or something?
I am 40 years old , almost 41 and I have hated my self for my whole life..I hVE abused drugs since i was a kid altering my perception ,how I feel qand see life! I deal with one disaster right after the other, seems i never get a break…am i feeling sorry for myself??..My mother and father always drank and i always felt like i had to take care of my mother growing up..I was scared of my father but i had respect for him too..My mother burned our house down wheni was 12 yrs old.. .My dad passed of cancer when i was 18, then my sister , my best friend overdosed..a friend who was a brother to me over dosed..my 1st love overdosed..a girl that looked up to me and i cared about was burned alive in a car accident…i was hit head on by a 36 yr old woman who died that day..my feet were crushed, ankles broke and disconnected,broken tibias, jammed hips and broke collar bone…was in a wheelchair for 2 yrs, had to use my savings and retirement fund which was around 45,000 and at retirement i would have had over 150,000..maybe more..now i have nothing..behind on bills and struggle all the f***ing time..my mother passed away in 2013..that i am still not over or the lady who hit me… why did i live..why do i deserve to live and she didnt? she had 2 kids and a husband..i feel like people say why did that piece of sh*t live and she didnt..i dont like to say her name..i dont know why..i didnt contact the family after…they all hugged me the next day in intensive care..the pain was horrible..im on methadone maintenance and it blocks any narcotic from helping…i thought i would go crazy from the pain and sadness..its 7 yrs later and i still cant get over that..why??I abuse medication when i can..i have been in the methadone clinic for almost 11 yrs now..why? why cant i quit..i know in my heart if i quit i would go insane..i am going insane now because i cant escape my reality..my mind races constantly and thinking clearly is a thing of the past to me..normalcy is a myth and feeling happy is a faded memory!
I have a compulsive inner-critic that destroys my self-esteem. Cognitive behavioral therapy and other thought-focused techniques are difficult, laborious and I often give up. I don’t know if I’ll ever be rid of this self-hatred — it seems permanently ingrained in my day to day operation. I worry I will never overcome it’s detrimental effect on my life and the lives of those around me. My psychiatrist says I have to take courses in Mindful Self-Compassion in order to be happy and get relief. I also think support groups could be helpful. I often get tired of this work. I often wish I could end it. So does my critic. This has defined my life, especially my early twenties. I am 25. I haven’t had a significant other in five years. I barely hold a job. I barely graduated college and my experience there was lackluster. Mental health has killed my friends. One was an outspoken advocate for mental health awareness, acceptance, and action. I am dependent on my family for support. I fear I may never find a way to live my life in a fulfilled way. I fear I am passive and do not want anything enough to make the changes I need to be happy, to achieve them. I am stuck between a self-pitying, softboi and a victim of bipolar, childhood neglect, and a toxic, masculine culture. I am f***ed and I don’t know how/don’t want to unf*** myself, because I am tired. I have never written this out cohesively before. I’m grateful for the article and grateful for any responses.
I find this video very annoying, not the ideas or the way they are presented. It is simply that what is proposed doesn’t work for me. I have had over 10 years of therapy in both the USA and UK. And nothing has shifted my mental critic. My parents were and remain very supportive and have never been critical. I was occasionally told off for doing things, stealing or lying etc as a child. but I was told off and the reason was explained and love was shown at the same time. I still have a very positive relationship with my parents. I had and still have many friends from my childhood, although we no longer live in the same town I still keep in touch and see them when I can. I have been successful in my life. Achieving a high level of success in two areas. First in a management position then after going back to school and gaining a PhD I have taught at Universities in the USA and the UK. Most recently at the University of Cambridge in England one of the best institutions in the world. Yet still every evening the black dog of depression gets hold of me and I start hating myself.
Well, don’t know if this will help anyone, but I’ll give some specifics as to why I hate myself. In no particular order….Society, television, movies, magazines books, social media….you all hear “Oh he’s so short, I like taller guys” I’m 5’6 btw…..so how is that supposed to make someone feel? It’s like if you are not X height than you are not a real man.
Secondly…”Penis size matters, if he’s not this size, then he’s not a real man and I want nothing to do with him” Well I’ lucky if i’m a full 5″ fully erect. Unerect it’s like a frightened turtle…Ya know on Seinfeld “I was in the pool?!” Third …My hands are small — And you know how they got on Trump about that? Well, my hands are smaller. My feet are small. My teeth could be a little better in alignment and whiter. I’m mean and nasty and boring, no fun to be around. I’m a cynical downer…negative all the time wishing everyone gets their karma….I’m vengeful…I’m 47 almost 48 still live with mom….so all those statements…Dunno what to say more right now.
Nobody will probably read this, but anyways I figure maybe if I could just share what I’m feeling right now, maybe my pain will disappear a little.. I grew up in a family where my sister has everything, she was smart, beautiful, and everyone is proud of her, while me.. well I’m like a potato, I’m fat, not so pretty, and a little dumb. Since my sister would always make my parents proud , their attention would focus on her while me, who is an underachiever would look at my sister with envy. My mom and dad loves us both, my mom especially would always treat both me and my sister equal, but my dad.. even if he tries to, I can see that he likes my sister more. I then started to blame my self, telling myself “if only I were smarter”, “if only I were prettier”, “if only I am kinder”, and so little by little I started to hate myself everyday. I feel like everything about me is wrong.. that I shouldn’t have just existed, and I only cause people pain and it got worse when I realized that I have this awful attitude that when I get so emotional on some argument, I talk too much that I tend to hurt people around me with
harsh words. (I’m sorry I am not a native english speaker). I have a bf now, and yes we get into some arguments, and then I end up hurting him with words (I never hit people). I would then blame myself and wish to disappear, cause I only cause pain.. my bf is so special to me, he still loves me after all the pain I cause him, however I still think that he deserve better, he deserve somebody who doesn’t hurt him like I do.. I don’t deserve him, but I don’t want him to leave me..and so that’s why I could never love myself.. I couldn’t explain more..
The first time I went on a diet, I was 12 years old and weighed 110 lbs. I remember only drinking a diet coke and and eating a bag of pretzels in one day. The first time I realized that I had BDD, it was after so many people told me I was crazy for trying to lose weight because I was already skinny. Yet I still call myself fat. I have a husband who loves me and thinks I am super sexy, yet I still see ugly. And here comes the icing on the cake: I have been trying to become a doctor for the past 3 years. I just took the MCAT for the 5th time, and I still didn’t score high enough. I have failed again, not just myself, but all of my family and friends who have supported me. I am 28 years old, and I want to have children so bad. But I promised myself I would become a doctor before that happens. I have always felt like the most unluckiest person in the world. I have “friends” but they either live far away or we are not truly close. I truly hate myself because I always try so hard but it doesn’t show. And now I am wondering how the world would be if I wasn’t in it
So, the google search bar has become sort of my instant diary, I write down my thoughts, at least they don’t leave a mark. I HATE MYSELF, bang and this is the first article. I feel better reading and relating to others in these comments but to you Unlucky1, the MCAT does not have a limit right. Push yourself harder and try taking up other hobbies while you haven’t met your goal as in painting walls, being good at doing your own manicure hahaha or watching tons of Indian and Spanish thriller crimes (what a mix!). I also wish to have a baby by my age, 27, but I am in a lesbian relationship. My girlfriend pretended to be a man during our LDR of 2 years and I am still in love with the man she pretended to be, only HE does not exist. I know you hate yourself. You can hate yourself more when you’re already a doctor. Please don’t give up reaching your dream. We can loathe ourselves everyday just make any 1 dream come true… If your husband thinks you are sexy, he might be telling a bit truth. You are unlucky but not the most unlucky in the world. Someone else beat us up to that.
I hate myself because I make bad decisions
Honestly the only thing I truly hate about myself is that I have a small maybe average size penis. I’m tall and muscular and look good in the face and body, but it is not proportional to my physique at all. Couple that with noticeable balding and it’s an annoyance I’ll never be rid of. I know women love a thing that fills them up with ease and just hate that natural selection works against me. The kicker here is that I’m black and when I was a preadolescent I’d ask my pediatrician if there was something wrong with me or if I was a late bloomer because some of my class mates who were shorter than me and all lanky were hung like 6 -7 inches soft. We had open showers so everyone saw everyone’s junk and I remember being clowned for the irony of my predicament. It just sucks that because I’m black and tall and muscular there’s an expectation and I’ll say that part of that’s because of porn but still; why can’t I have a proportional sized member? In highschool all the girls would ask me to show them my hand outstretched and would all be like “he looks like he’d hurt in bed” all giggling. And this would bum me out because I know I wouldn’t measure up. It sucks.
I can’t do any of this because my ‘inner critic’ isnt a subconscious thing, it IS me, I know. There is no separation from normal thought and negative thought, maybe that is because there only is negative thought? I am too dumb to put into words but it makes me hate myself I wish I could stop.
I wish I could stop to! Don’t know what to say to comfort you for I not know how to comfort myself… My prayers are with you❤
I loathe myself! Unexplainable hate! I hate more than I love… God help me..
i wake up in the morning and usually i feel alright then go to work, after i start to wake up it’s when my brain starts concocting all the things wrong with me. i have an amazing gf who tries to help me through it, but mainly i feel like a burden to her and those around me. i never like to bother anyone, even know i’m thinking that i’ll be wasting someones time when they read this and if i am i sincerely apologize,
I’ve always had this dominating fear of failure even as a child. I think that, along with my self-loathing, has caused a lot of my problems in life.
I often will just not do things or get up in the morning because I don’t want to be an inconvenience or burden people, or even just to have a mildly bad experience or to make a mistake. Maybe because my mum has this initially explosive reaction to me making a mistake and only calms down afterwards? I don’t know the answer as to why I feel this way.
Unlike everyone else here, it seems, I wasn’t bullied that much at school and neither was there this “pick a team” thing going on. I’ve never liked sports or wanted to participate so that wasn’t a problem, really. Until I came last for 3 years running in the polo run. It’s like a small-scale marathon where you have to run all around the school field once a year. That used to make me consistently feel bad because I couldn’t even do as well as the kids who I thought we “objectively struggling more” than I was. Since I didn’t look out of the ordinary (ie, not medically obese) it felt a lot worse. I know I didn’t have to deal with that sort of bullying, but my lack of sport ability in that sense made it feel more like something wrong with me specifically rather than anything logical.
At school, I got awards and things, but by then I was already depressed and didn’t see achievements as they were: achievements. I saw them as something to make my family happy and not me. They were something the school gave me to make other people satisfied or to make me feel less bad about myself and not a true measure of my worth. I think the earliest things I remember about feeling that way came all the way in infant’s school. I got an award for “most improvement” over my time there. To me, though it was the biggest achievement I had to my name in my short life, I didn’t understand why I was given it. It felt hollow, in a way. I vaguely remember being liked back then, but I also remember a lot of things that make me feel ashamed about myself, even then.
And even then I felt like I needed to lie to make people happy. I hated confrontation and I still do. I remember lying about things like wetting myself because I knew you “shouldn’t do that”. In the time I remember specifically, I didn’t want to “inconvenience the head master” by asking to go to the toilet during their lesson after lunch. I didn’t like the school toilets for a long, long time even when I was a teenager because I thought they were scary. But I couldn’t just say that. I’m sure my clothes gave away my lie but my mum didn’t press me on it.
Now it’s gotten to the point where I’ll lie pretty much as soon as something that will “be unpleasant to someone else” comes up. Even if I know it would be better not to. And I have this feeling that I’ll “be a hassle” if I get up in the morning. But that causes me to sleep during the day which comes with its own problems of “inconveniencing people” so I just end up not sleeping at all. I know it’s nothing on what people have shared here, and I’m all too aware of that, but I just wanted someone to know that they don’t have to suffer anymore alone. I haven’t told many people about these feelings and even when I have, they always just shake it off as me “trying to be perfect” as if I can click my heels and appear back in Oz like Dorothy. But you can’t. Changing your own mind is way more difficult than changing someone else’s, I’m sure of that.
I might have been a little selfish too in my motives. I’ve been circling these kinds of pages looking for help for many years and crying a lot about it. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do or how I’m supposed to feel. Since now I’m writing this all down, I don’t think I’ve ever had that time – that magical time people speak of – where I’ve ever been happy with myself. I don’t think I ever really have, and I’ve been believing my own lies. I just want to feel like I’m worth something.
Why do I have myself? My husband and I are emotionally disconnected. He has spurts of emotional and verbal abuse towards me and our kids. Almost like being by-polar but he says he is not. I call it the light switch effect. One moment we are getting along and the next, he is angry at everything, then after awhile, it is like nothing ever happened. I stay because I know it is a mental condition and pray that he will get help one day with this. Unfortunately, I hate myself for it. I know there is a better place for me out there. I also despise myself when we are getting along and he is not angry or abusive. He always ask for things and I feel like he is so selfish and doesn’t consider me, including my work schedule, taking care of the kids and the house. He asks and if I don’t do, then the light switch effect happens. So, I end up hating myself because I do what a wife is suppose to do but I don’t want to. I just want him to go away.
Bulls***. We learnt in early childhood to identify with our clueless, punishing parents. We internalised their voices, their view on us. And when we grow up we look at ourselves with their eyes, without knowing. So don ‘t let them fool you when they talk about your inner voice. It’s their voice.
im only a teenager. everyday, my mom verbally abuses me, and hits me. she acts so nice when other people are around, but she always says things like “you’re such a failure” and “the gods must have cursed me in giving me you”. if i even try to defend myself she just screams and hits. its like shes allowed to talk trash about me and im not even allowed to defend myself, and afterwards when i agree to shut up she justs keeps on muttering really loudly about how stupid i am and everything i did “wrong”.
The cure is Enlightenment… yes, freedom from the negative memory of the past and/or speculation about the future and wrongly acknowledging them as that which defines who you are and/or your identity.
That’s your false self. Example: Yes.. you felt the feelings that arose from the hurtful words from your abusive father. They made you feel small and unworthy at the time but worse than that, they created an identity… a person that permanently BELIEVED was unlovable and unworthy. Out of that painful experience a BELIEF and a permanent “self” was created.
The reason these occurrences have such an impact is because they usually come from the only people in our lives that give us feedback about who we are.. This is where LOVE is supposed to come from… and consequently the awareness that if we are loved, we’re worthy to feel the same love for ourselves.
This may be a short and simplistic take on what’s going on.. but as simplistic as it may be, this is at the very root of the early programming responsible for creating this false-self (or inner critic as referred in this article) that ends up supporting the beliefs that sabotages our existences in so many ways.
The path to liberation is when it is realized that these experiences and beliefs that we have been identifying with are just part of a story. We have identified and created a self with what the people and circumstances in our lives have taught us about ourselves. But is any of it true or the reality of who we really are?
That fact and the truth is that as cliché as this may sound you CAN and DO create your own reality. You’re not the hurtful feelings that arose from any experience at any time in the past. Nor whatever speculation you can come up with about the future. They are both false.
What you are is what you’re being right now, right here at this moment. In fact that’s what you have always been your whole life. Think about it for a moment… this is very powerful!
The moment you realize that any judgment you’ve made about yourself belongs to an experience that then became permanent in your mind (through memory) everything changes.
The real YOU lies beyond all of that.. the real YOU is fresh, right now. Ready to create the NEW you, whatever you decide that to be. You find LOVE sitting in silence with yourself. Without identification with the story of your past that ended up creating your false self.
You’re not any of that.. That all came and went and you can look at it (as the memory it is) and from a new perspective right now. You are right now here.. being the new you. In fact and regardless of what happened “good” or “bad” you were never any other way… it’s now the time to choose anew, to see the you beyond the story for as when you see this you are free.
You’ll realize that you are Love. That you were always this Love you seek. It was just in the shadows and under the veil of misunderstanding.
i hate myself to the point i sometimes cry so hard i throw up. i feel so lost and alone and i’m so scared and don’t know what to do about it.
This month has been very terrible for me I feel like that I am not good enough for anybody, im a freshman and im currently just feeling depressed, my freinds dont care about my problems, the person i like probably doesnt even like me back because of how quiet i am around her. I try my hardest to be social but it never works, just last week i had so much hope because my crush’s freinds told me she likes me, and tmr is valentines, im gonna ask her out but she probably is gonna say no, i feel so stupid i just want sombody to slap me across my face to get my shit together like what am i supposed to do:(
If anyone is reading this, please leave a comment! I want to hear your opinion! I like reading others comments just so I know I’m not alone. It’s so hard for me not looking in the mirror and crying every time! My sister is always telling me to stop saying bad things about myself but it’s like my inner voice says well you’re so pretty and you have no idea how I feel.
My story is quite crazy but I want to believe that I’m not alone! I’m 19 right now and growing up in an FLDS (Fundamental Latter-day Saints) household theres so much abuse and tension, just constantly being told I would never be good enough. It’s so hard now to not see myself as someone different like I don’t belong anywhere. I moved away from my family when I was 17 and ever since it’s been a constant struggle. I’m not a normal teenager! I go to high school and I just feel like I don’t belong! People ask me, “What are your hobbies?” that question is sooo hard to answer! I was never allowed to do anything I wanted my whole life, I wore exactly what they told me to wear, which was a long dress just like every other girl in the community, I did exactly what I was told, which was to make meals or sew clothes. I don’t know what to do now because I don’t know how to dress! I don’t know how to put a shirt and skirt together, I don’t know the basics of what everyone else is doing on a daily basis. The only people that will let me open up about my story or what I need are way older than me, but I need someone younger! But it’s like no one understands, and I really don’t know what to do. I just want to be like a normal teenager or at least a person! I really want to learn about fashion but I buy all these clothes and the second I go to try them on I can’t even look in the mirror or I start crying! I feel so fat and out of shape then I hate myself because I feel like I should go workout but I struggle with that because 2 years ago I didn’t even know what sports were or what a workout was.
Hey! You’re not alone. I’m only 16, but I can relate with some of the things you’re talking about. I’m living with my over-controlling psychotic Baptist parents who hate me and verbally/emotionally abuse my all the time. It’s not just that they refuse to let me hang out with friends, or go to concerts, or just do normal teenager things. It’s that since I don’t believe in their religion, I’m a horrible person and I’m going to die and go to hell if I don’t come back to the Baptist ways. It’s always about how I’m never good enough. Plus my dad not only still emotionally abuses me and my mom, but he used to beat me when I was younger, and so I have six scars on my back from that bast*rd. To be honest, I despise him. He’s one of the biggest reasons I struggle with so much depression and self hatred. My life is sh*t because of what my parents have done to me. But I have to deal with it all right now until my school counselor can hopefully get me out and find somewhere else for me to live. So I know what it’s like to feel alone, depressed, and hopeless. I don’t want to just rant all about my problems but I do want you to know that you’re not alone in your struggles. You do matter and you can live a fufilling and happy life. I would suggest that maybe you find someone you can trust and talk to, whether that be a friend or a relative, and tell them what’s going on. One thing I’ve learned is that you can’t always do life completely alone. Everyone needs help. That’s why also you might want to consider a therapist or counselor? Right now my school guidance counselor is actually setting up meetings for me to see the clinical counselor to get help. It’s really hard to talk to people about your personal problems at first, but it’s worth it. It’s totally worth it. I don’t know you, but I do have faith in you as a person and believe that you can get through this. You’re stronger than you think you are. And I’m not just saying that to say it. I mean it. You are valuable and you matter. Just remember that this pain and heartache isn’t all there is and it won’t last forever. Happiness and love and hope will come.
I HATE MYSELF I DO EVERYTHING WRONG ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Thank you very much we really appreciate this advice and guidance
the same thing is happening to me due to the thinking of where will I be in the next 5 years
Will I be able to make it one day all this attitude and thinking is pushing me by hating myself.
I quit a 13500 dollar a month job because of sudden anger, ego. Spur of the moment decision.
I have a self destructive streak, many times in many ways. Like some people hurt themselves or turn against themselves because they find it difficult to handle other people. Regretted within a day.
In case you dont believe the figure above i am an electrical engineer with 35 plus years of experience and was working in oil and gas in the middle east.
I wake up every single day hating myself and it is more than teo years now. What should have been a nice career ends up in self flagellation, . How different am I from an alcoholic in terms of after effects?
I have been alone for 99% of my life. I have a loving family and friends. But I have never really had intimate companionship. The one guy I let in needed me only to help him get through a tough time until in his words “found someone better”. He used me & I allowed it because I just wanted someone to love me in that way. I despise myself for letting this happen and I am still alone.
I’ve hated myself for years now I mean I hated myself as a child but I could cope I could function… it wasn’t as bad at school. Once school ended it just never went away. At work around my “friends” I always… 😐
I hate myself because I have nothing. I’ll explain what I mean. I don’t have any discernable skills or talents to use to make my life something worth living for. I grew up in poverty and was never involved with or included in anything. After being kicked out of home in grade 11, I had to find work to support myself. Just a stupid uneducated piece of crap. Since then I worked at minimum wage jobs as I don’t have any education. You need a university degree to wash dishes nowadays. Has been that way since the early 80’s. Due to nothing but minimum wage jobs, I have been stuck in poverty my whole life. Being poor means no chance to get any education to help. Education costs are out of reach for poor people. Every thing I have tried to do in life has failed miserably. I had a mental breakdown about 15 years ago do to the stress I was and am experiencing. Stress due to a garbage life. I am in my 50’s and have never had a girlfriend. Besides all women thinking that I am a hideous troll, (actually have been told that multiple times) no woman wants anything to do with a poor man. I walk into a room and all the women move away from me. Basically it is that nobody will ever give an ugly, uneducated man a chance. Top everything with the world’s attitude that I am everything that is wrong with this world, single white man with no dependents. Even the government treats single men differently than other people. Every group of people has support programs or benefits except single men with no dependents, we are ignored. Example, I went to a government housing help center to find affordable housing. I was told that I don’t need help because I am single man. When I tried to ask why, they called the police saying I was causing a disturbance. Nobody cares about single men. I have nothing. Thanks for allowing me to say my piece. God Bless You, in Jesus name, Amen.
hi Kenneth, im so sorry to hear what youve been through … i hope this message helps you feel a little less alone even if its just for a few minutes . you’ll be in my thoughts and prayers . i hope there will be a light at the end of the tunnel for you soon
I hate myself because how i am if you wonder why its because im ugly and have depression bipolar and anger issues im in grade 7 and i just got myself ground for 2 months yesterday because im a idiot and started a fist fight and every time i get grounded i feel like an even bigger idiot and more useless to the world
Hey it’s me prasad,
I don’t know what changed but since last 5 years getting more involved in office life i started myself in close group isolating myself, i don’t have much friends i used to have at one time, i think I’m useless and unworthy when i se others with friends and colleagues happily,
I’m so feeling alone and tired of life
i i still hate my self
I hate myself. I just can’t explain it because one time I think I’m doing OK and the next time I realize that I’m not. I’m so ugly, my face ,my body and everything. I’m so tired of everything
Hi, I’m 23… everyday i hate myself…i hate all about me, i hate my face, my hand, my hair, my body, my voice, my personality and all about me. I’m dumb, stupid, I’m useles…i hate so much about me.. everyday I’m stress tried to figure out my problem, but I can’t..like something inside my brain that makes me feel like i cannot through this anymore.. I’m too much overthinking, jealousy… I don’t know why??I’m sorry about my grammar…
I hate myself. There is nothing else to it. Society has set a beauty standard for me and if I don’t fit it, where do I belong? If a woman doesn’t have the perfect height, weight and appearance, to some people she is ugly. She does not fit in.
Throughout this article I noticed it was referring to mainly adults, however in my case I am just a teenager, so why should I be worrying about how I look now? Easy, I feel that if I don’t appeal to people in general I will never be good enough, and nobody will ever want me. Social media has consumed an important piece of my life and turned it against me. When I see all those gorgeous girls my age with their perfect skin, face and bodies it makes me want to hide from the rest of the world. I wish I had never gotten myself involved with these platforms.
These articles attempt to list beneficial strategies and maybe they do work, but I lack motivation. When I walk around my house I carry a smile to hide my eternal pain from the rest of my family. I don’t want them to see my suffering. By doing this, I have nobody to talk to, I am forced to keep my feelings tucked away in my mind, but now they’re overflowing. I can’t keep it together much longer.
Anyways, if you did decided to read through my paragraphs I hope they reminded you that you’re not alone. All ages from kids to Adults face self-abasement or hatred. Inside and out.
First time to read an article as long as this one. Just overwhelmed by everyday urgent tasks so much that I’m suffering almost all the problems as listed in your article. Your words are really enlightening and inspiring. I’m looking for Family Counseling, and saw your post this was great.. Thanks
When we suffer from PTSD &TBI, we push others away and isolate ourselves.
To all the teenagers please do not respond to anyone that says let’s exchange emails or numbers PLEASE
I hate myself. I don’t know why. I used to be so confident. Even when I try to shut it out I can’t move on. Everyone and everything around me is so perfect. Even the least perfect things are better than me.
just wish i could only (just) listen & not respond to myself the same way i just listen & not respond to other (loved) people in my life.
the way in which my brain can elicit real physical responses from my mouth over way too many automated connotations ,opinions ,memories ,ideas & desires feels like such a useless and bothersome aspect of myself.
lmao imagine not noticing signing a contract to become your very own 24/7 helicopter dad.
I wish I was anyone else but me. I was born with the worst personality, worst physical features, worst everything and when I look in the mirror, I cant even see the real me. My brain makes up a ‘better version’ of myself to trick me, but whenever I see a real picture or video of me I’m disgusted. I feel like Im barely hanging on each day.
I have not the strength nor the will to better myself. Save me. Someone, anyone… Please save me.
I wish you all the courage to see what took me a lifetime to fully understand… that Every Single Person here is 1,000 times better than they give themselves credit for…
Hi i’m an over weight 11 year old and I get bullied and that is why i hate myself and my grades are c’s and i’m struggling both physically and mentally and I dont know what to do
Please do not be so self-critical Lauren. I know I am just a stranger who stumbled upon your comment, but I truly care about you. You are so young, and to be thinking all of these hateful thoughts regarding your body is so upsetting. You do not deserve to feel this way. I am so sorry people treat you cruelly just because of your appearance. I am sure you have a beautiful soul, and I am sure that will eventually shine through to people. You really do deserve so much better.
Remember: You are still very young. You have your whole life ahead of you. Take little steps each day to boost your self-confidence. For instance, try to notice some of the amazing aspects of who you are. Things will get better, I promise.
I’m always angry at who I am. I read peoples posts here and it’s cool you are talking about it and people commenting giving words or encouragement. That’s no problem it’s a good thing. I’m not special here I have many issue like maybe a few others have here. I don’t trust people enough to share these “feelings “ with. I wish I was a steel trap and I can push on through all this emotional bs. But it’s hard. I’m bad at school. I’m bad at my job which I’m under qualified for. I can’t summon the courage to talk to people of my interest because I’m just a coward, why would you want to care about me. If I don’t love myself how can I expect someone to love me? Can’t be done. I love my family and I really like my friends but I hate hate hate who I am and I can’t tell them anything. I could easily I feel like and rationally that would help but I cant show that side of me because I don’t want anyone to worry about me. I feel like this wasn’t me before but it is now. I’m regretting the past and fearing the future. Not present. Don’t you sometimes wish you could disappear and be forgotten. I just want to save a life before I leave this place. Funny.. not my own life but some else’s and I could be gone. That would make me feel good but I know that it’s wrong. Typing all this out into words is new to me also. Just admitting this stuff makes me angry at who I am that I can’t just get over this. Not like it really matters but I don’t have a tumor or whatever that some people post. I’m just by own worst enemy personified. While I am looking for an answer I’ll keep taking one day at a time. I want to have a wife and kids but if I can’t peacful or a provider then I’m a failure. It’s true! I just want to love my wife and kids so much that they never feel the way I do. I’ll tell them everyday I’m proud of them and I’ll always have their back and I think they are amazing and I love the so so much. Now why can’t I do that for me. And I don’t expect someone to do that for me. Yet I would do it in a heartbeat for someone I cared about. I ramble too much right.
My wife has started saying she hates herself because “I won’t let her go party, drink until drunk, do drugs, or sleep with anyone that isn’t me”. I don’t mind her going out and having fun within the realms of legality, but we have children at home and I just want her to be responsible and mindful of that. Instead she yells I hate my life and my feelings dont matter. I fear she may be going through a midlife crisis and maybe that’s why she is acting this way. Our oldest son does similar things when he doesn’t get his way.
Hi,I am very worried about my health issues and life problems. No body likes me. I am 29 years old now and I hate myself that no body send me proposal for marriage. The guy I want to marry but he married with another girl now I m upset because he rejected me. Now I want to do something bad to myself please tell me what I should do bad with myself so I can’t punish myself for all these situations that I have created. My mother and sister also force me to start workout and improve myself but I don’t want to do it. Please reply me back I’ll be very thankful to you. .
Posting this article with an image of a slim beautiful young woman immediately makes me think you have no idea what you’re doing. A lot of self hate involves body image, particularly for women. Why have an image at all and if you must why not a non human image or one of an “average” person. I’m repeatedly dumbfounded by how thoughtless so many articles on mental health are when using images to accompany articles. Go away and think a bit more about the people you are trying to advise
I just feel good that someone might read this
I’m 18 and
I can’t communicate with my classmates or relatives
I can’t even help my family financially
Everytime I talke with someone all i think about is how they may hate me
I literally suck at studying and yet my only goal is achievable only through studying hard
And all do is watching movies and etc just to avoid this
life of mine
And everytime I see results of what I’ve done I hate every part of me and can’t stop crying
And time’s not on my side either