self-understanding

Prioritizing Yourself: Making Sure You’re On the List!

“Where are you on your to-do list?” When I ask people this question, their response is usually one of confusion. While it may feel like a foreign concept to many of us, to be happy and effective in our day-to -day lives it’s imperative that we take care of ourselves. So what can you do to start… Read more »

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Dealing with Unresolved Trauma

Recently, a friend of mine who suffers from chronic lower back pain came back from yet another visit to the doctor with a bit of unexpected advice. Instead of the usual discussion of shots, medications, physical therapy, or even surgery, his doctor recommended a book, Healing Back Pain: The Mind Body Connection. The book by… Read more »

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Practice the Change You Wish to See in the World

Life is a practice, and what you choose to practice is what makes up your character. It’s worth considering what you value in life, and then making an intention and plan to live alongside those values. Ghandi’s wise words can inspire us to: “Be the change that you wish to see in the world.” Consider… Read more »

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The Voice (The Enemy Within)

Discover the negative thoughts and attitudes at the core of a person’s maladaptation. The voice consists of a series of negative thoughts and attitudes toward oneself and others that is at the core of a person’s maladaptation. It can be conceptualized as the language of the defense system. The voice is not restricted to thoughts,… Read more »

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Spring Cleaning for Your Social Network

It’s important to think about the people you surround yourself with, both in person and online. I don’t mean the number of Facebook friends you have, but the people you have the most interactions with in-person or virtually. You can have a big or a small circle of people in your life, but the key question is, who of these people are actually… Read more »

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10 Life-Changing Benefits You Can Enjoy By Keeping a Journal

The chances are that you write every single day without even thinking about it. Whether you’re chatting with your friends and family through your smartphone, crafting emails to colleagues at work, or writing up some sort of letter to customers, writing is a huge part of our lives. However, have you ever considered how writing… Read more »

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The Fantasy Bond or Primary Defense

This is the first in a series of blogs describing my theoretical approach known as Separation Theory. It represents an integration of psychoanalytic and existential systems of thought and describes how early interpersonal pain and separation anxiety and, later, death anxiety, lead to the formation of powerful psychological defenses. The primary defense is the fantasy… Read more »

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How Emotions Guide Our Lives

Emotions guide our lives in a million ways. Whether we’re inclined to hide and avoid or ponder and express them, most of us don’t realize the extent to which they are driving our thoughts and behavior. Exploring our emotions is a worthy endeavor for anyone hoping to know and develop themselves, build healthy relationships, and… Read more »

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Changing Your Sense of Identity

Recently, I wrote about “Living with an Accidental Identity.” I described how painful early experiences, definitions, and defenses affect the way individuals perceive and present themselves throughout their lives, leading them to develop an “accidental identity,” rather than a true sense of who they are. Understanding this process can lead people to question their negative identity and make… Read more »

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Are You Living with an Accidental Identity?

We often consider our identity as fixed and say things like “that’s just the way I am.” Yet, every one of us has the power to change most aspects of who we are at any given moment in time. If we’d like to be giving, we can be generous. If we’d like to be less… Read more »

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