Search Results for: kessler/2009/11/nerf-guns-–-what-are-we-afraid-of/2009/12/1593/2009/11/your-role-in-your-childs-development/2009/11/imperfect-parenting-rupture-and-repair-by-michelle-deen
Why Do Kids Get Stuck on Certain Tasks?
…elves to meet our own commitments. However, children are emerging in their development and ability to get things done. There are many steps in learning to dress oneself, ride a bike, or read. Focusing on the completion of a task may lead one to miss a challenge that is getting in the way of the process. It is therefore important to shift the focus from emphasizing product or outcome to considering the smaller steps or the “process.” There are four…
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3 Steps to Experience the Perfect Imperfect Moment
…ly reach your goals but enjoy and appreciate the road that gets you there, imperfect as it may be. 2. Don’t Avoid Feelings My father, who is also a psychologist and my co-author on Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice, Robert Firestone, recently pointed out that living in the moment isn’t always as joyful as the saying would suggest. Life is filled with a wide array of emotions including pain. However, living in the moment does ensure us a more livel…
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How Over-Parenting Hurts Your Children… and You
…ut how they reflect on you. In a recent interview for Prevention Magazine, Michelle Obama said: I think my mother taught me what not to do. She put us first, always, sometimes to the detriment of herself. She encouraged me not to do that. She’d say being a good mother isn’t all about sacrificing; it’s really investing and putting yourself higher on your priority list. You can be a good mom and still work out, get your rest, have a career–or not. S…
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Identifying Your Child’s Attachment Style
…s a rupture that they didn’t intend. Then there’s a repair that’s made. So repairing ruptures is the most essential thing in parenting. And a child will pick up your intention to do good by them, to really make a connection that’s loving and supportive even if it can’t happen all the time. Just being human. They see the whole intention behind those actions and their mirror neuron system is filled with a sense of, “WOW. It’s possible to be human an…
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Identifying Your Child’s Attachment Style
…s a rupture that they didn’t intend. Then there’s a repair that’s made. So repairing ruptures is the most essential thing in parenting. And a child will pick up your intention to do good by them, to really make a connection that’s loving and supportive even if it can’t happen all the time. Just being human. They see the whole intention behind those actions and their mirror neuron system is filled with a sense of, “WOW. It’s possible to be human an…
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Are you Parenting Like Your Parent?
…ure to arise. The realization that your parents were human, and therefore, imperfect, can be tough to accept. We have a natural tendency to want to protect our parents. We even unconsciously identify with their critical attitudes toward us and often take on their disparaging points of view as our own. This internalized parent is what we refer to as one’s “critical inner voice.” It can feel threatening to separate from the people who we once relied…
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3 Ways to Tell You’re Afraid of Intimacy
…t themselves? These counteractive actions can actually be signs that we’re afraid to be vulnerable and get too close. 2. You’re Becoming Hypercritical of Your Partner or Potential Partners One of the most common complaints between couples after they’ve been together for a while is that they lose the spark or stop feeling as excited or attracted to each other. A lot of this has to do with our defense system. More closeness feels more threatening, t…
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6 Reasons Most People Are Afraid of Love
…answers can be found within. Whether they know it or not, most people are afraid of really being in love. While their fears may manifest themselves in different ways or show themselves at different stages of a relationship, every individual harbors certain defenses that they believe on some level will protect them from getting hurt. These defenses may offer a false illusion of safety or security, but they keep people from attaining the closeness…
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Why Are People Afraid to Grow Up?
…r dependency load, as they are looked to for direction, support and actual parenting. This makes them more cognizant of the fact that their own unresolved dependency needs from childhood will remain unfulfilled. 5. Death anxiety. Death fears are triggered by both negative and positive events. As people sense time passing, are confronted with sickness, frustrations in life and reminders of death, they fear about their mortality. Paradoxically, as m…
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