VIDEO: Dr. James Garbarino Discusses Promoting Resilience in Boys
Watch an excerpt from PsychAlive’s exclusive interview with Dr. James Garbarino.
Dr. James Garbarino talks about promoting resilience in boys based on their individual characteristics and temperament, and counter-socialization.
Dr. James Garbarino: I think if a parent was setting out to instill resilience in a boy, they could think about some of this research on androgyny. They could even do what you might call sort of counter-socialization. You can go to most any pre-school center still and if two children look upset and begin to cry, what you often see is, they’ll take the girl onto their lap and sort of embrace and soothe her and the boy they’ll stand up and say, “Alright, now tell me what’s going on!” Given whatever temperamental differences, we probably should do exactly the opposite. Take the boy on your lap, stand the little girl up and look her in the eye and say, “Tell me!”
So I think there are those very specific things you could do. Some of it is child specific, some of it is probably gender specific. I think that an example, a good sort of marker is, “Do your kids watch Mr. Rogers?” There are a lot of tough neighborhoods where the very thing the kids need, particularly the boys, is Mr. Rogers. And people say, “No, we don’t want our kids watching Mr. Rogers ‘cause he’s too soft.” And they’re depriving them of one of their hands for resilience.
So, I think that would certainly be part of it. I think allowing them to sort themselves out based on their individual characteristics and temperament without trying to strong arm them … it’s a bit like when they used to force naturally left handed children to write with their right hands. It was a brutalization on behalf of some idea which we now say, “Well, what was the big fuss about? You were going to smear the ink when you wrote with your left hand.” A lot of these gender things — if people just take a deep breath and relax, you know, they sort of dissipate.Tags: androgyny, communication with children, counter-socialization, gender differences, Mr. Rogers, parenting, parenting advice, resilience