psychological advice

The Fantasy Bond or Primary Defense

This is the first in a series of blogs describing my theoretical approach known as Separation Theory. It represents an integration of psychoanalytic and existential systems of thought and describes how early interpersonal pain and separation anxiety and, later, death anxiety, lead to the formation of powerful psychological defenses. The primary defense is the fantasy… Read more »

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Changing Your Sense of Identity

Recently, I wrote about “Living with an Accidental Identity.” I described how painful early experiences, definitions, and defenses affect the way individuals perceive and present themselves throughout their lives, leading them to develop an “accidental identity,” rather than a true sense of who they are. Understanding this process can lead people to question their negative identity and make… Read more »

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The Unselfish Art of Prioritizing Yourself

Taking care of ourselves and doing what we love is NOT selfish Most of us are taught from an early age that being selfless is a good thing. There are many benefits of altruism to both our mental and physical well-being. However, sometimes the messaging we receive to be giving of ourselves, to push ourselves to the… Read more »

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You Don’t Really Know Yourself

Examining the persistence of our negative identity My life’s work has focused on understanding resistance in psychotherapy and more specifically, on people’s fundamental resistance to the formation of a better, more positive image of themselves.  For the most part, they are unaware that their lives are controlled and regulated by negative images and attitudes toward… Read more »

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How to Find a Good Therapist

People seek therapy to get help making an important personal change, by their choice or urged by loved ones. Maybe you are being proactive and preparing for a happy event such as a wedding or a new baby, and you want to get off to a strong start. Maybe you are struggling with a relationship,… Read more »

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Where Our Relationship Patterns Come From

What makes us act and react the way we do when it comes to love?  In an ideal world, we would all be born with perfectly attuned parents who love us truly and are there for us whenever we need them, but who also give us just the right amount of space and independence to… Read more »

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How to Stop Anxiety

Those of us who struggle with anxiety know how it can undermine us. We feel it impair our abilities, lower our spirits and limit the very quality of our lives. Yet, most of us have a hard time challenging our anxiety. Because of its evolutionary purpose and instant, almost instinctive intrusion, we tend to trust… Read more »

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Trust Issues: Why Is It So Hard for Some People to Trust?

It is mutual trust, even more than mutual interest that holds human associations together.                                                                           ~ H. L. Menken… Read more »

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7 Steps to Living the Life You Imagined

A person’s life is too often a repetition or reenactment of the past. Becoming your true self is a process that lasts throughout a lifetime. Our personalities are not set in stone by the time we drive off to college or even the day we head to retirement. It is always possible for a person… Read more »

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Why It Is Good For You to Feel Negative Emotions

How can we best deal with our day-to-day emotional reactions? What can we do when our partner lets us down, when we have a struggle with our child, or when we feel provoked by a friend? Oddly enough, the first piece of advice is to stay with the pain. It turns out we expend much… Read more »

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