…entered into a “Fantasy Bond,” a term developed by psychologist and author Dr. Robert Firestone to describe an illusion of connection created between two people that helps alleviate their individual fears by forging a false sense of connection. A fantasy bond is toxic to a relationship because it replaces real feelings of love and support with a desire to fuse identities and operate as a unit. As the couple relates as a “we” instead of a “you” and…
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…ative approach to differentiation, a four-step process developed by Robert Firestone, Ph.D. involving: 1. Breaking with internalized thought processes, critical attitudes toward self & others. 2. Altering the negative personality traits in oneself that represent an incorporation of aversive traits of one’s parents 3. Identifying/relinquishing patterns of defense formed as an adaptation to painful events in childhood. 4. Developing one’s own values…
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…e. In deciding on which is best, it is helpful for a person suffering to address what might be the underlying issue. People who have a history of trauma seem to benefit more from talk therapy with a therapist with whom they form a good alliance. Those with no history of trauma may benefit from medication in addition to psychotherapy. For any individual, treatment should always be case-specific, and for many, a combination of therapy and medication…
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…r. She often stated that she just wasn’t attracted to him. The men she was drawn to instead tended to be unreliable and emotionally distant. At her friends’ insistence, she finally agreed to go on a date with the man who’d been pursuing her. What she found, to her surprise, was a high-level relationship choice, a partner with whom she shared a great deal of mutual interest, and, ultimately, genuine love. What hers and so many similar stories show…
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…tner. A fantasy bond is a term developed by my father, psychologist Robert Firestone, to describe an imagined connection a person develops to another person, thereby creating an illusion of security or false sense of safety. When individuals do this, they no longer express genuine acts of love; instead they substitute real relating with the form of having a relationship and exist as two isolated people living two separate lives. A fantasy bond hel…
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…a negative thought process, which my father psychologist and author Robert Firestone refers to as the critical inner voice. Watch a Whiteboard Video on The Critical Inner Voice The critical inner voice is formed out of painful early life experiences in which we witnessed or experienced hurtful attitudes toward us or those close to us. As we grow up, we unconsciously adopt and integrate this pattern of destructive thoughts toward ourselves and othe…
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…sex, for example Garp’s mother, Jenny, in The World According to Garp and Dr. Larch in The Cider House Rules. What does this say about our society? Is the asexual or nonsexual person the new norm? On another level, Irving’s novel exposes a common human failing that many people don’t like to think about very much; our tendency to categorize, label, and then stigmatize other people, at great psychological cost to them and to us. At one point in the…
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…heory and therapy technique developed by my father psychologist and author Dr. Robert Firestone. It is the basis of a book we co-authored titled Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice and the subject of many of my lectures, Webinars and my upcoming six-week eCourse “Overcome Your Inner Critic.” Why I have invested so much of my time and work into this subject is because what I have found in my 30 years of research and clinical practice is that, in almo…
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…ace unnecessary limitations on themselves that keep them from living their dreams. 1. Self-hatred: Although, every person will land somewhere different on the spectrum of self-perception, from self-loathing to self-confidence to narcissism, every one of us is divided. Part of us is on our own side, goal directed and positive. However, part of us, a part my father psychologist Robert Firestone refers to as the “anti-self,” is against us. The anti-s…
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…ize that paradoxically, the defenses we formed to protect ourselves as children now limit us in our adult lives. Many people cling to these out-outmoded, defended ways of responding to others and remain emotionally trapped in a kind of time warp. Often they react to their partner from this defended or childlike point of view. We also need to give up the hope of ever finding, in a new relationship, the love and nurturance we missed as children. We…
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