…ng unresponsive to our partner when they want to connect won’t benefit the relationship, but it may have been the only way to get our needs met or avoid trouble in our childhood. Our defenses may not serve us as adults, but they still can feel life-saving. We keep them near like a cozy blanket to shield us from danger. Therefore, we’re stubborn about fully recognizing them. One way to identify if a certain pattern fits with our defenses and is hur…
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…kay. Or say something like: she’s having a mood swing right now and having trouble calming down, speak calmly to her, tell her to go have quiet time before talking more. I really have trouble communicating how bad I feel at times and what I need from people in those moments.” — Sarah C. I AM NOT LAZY “Getting out of bed every morning is hard. Me being ‘lazy’ isn’t really me being lazy at all. I don’t wish to be that way, but depression has funny w…
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…ild for who the child is and to be a model of as much positive things as you can without the expectation to extrapolate it directly over to the child. Cause you’re certainly asking for trouble if you do that — trouble for somebody – your disappointment, their disappointment, somebody’s going to be disappointed in that process….
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…behavior of the younger child who succeeds in getting the older sibling in trouble. Alternatively, the sibling that doesn’t “get in trouble” can find it rewarding if they are successful in deflecting responsibility for their actions. Another unfortunate outcome can be that, out of frustration, we give a consequence without a clear sense of what transpired, which opens the opportunity for future misunderstandings. This then can set up a cycle of si…
Learn More…attempt suicide are not just trying to get attention, they are in serious trouble and require help. On April 20, I will host a free Webinar open to the public on Understanding and Preventing Suicide. In this article, I will touch on some of the key points that I will further cover in the Webinar in an effort to debunk some of the myths about suicide and teach people how they can help. Firstly, to separate fact from fiction when it comes to suicid…
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…face to face with that person. You can see how this can be harmful to your relationships. A true friend or loved one should be someone you can talk openly with, someone to whom you can offer feedback and welcome the same in return. Another problem is that gossip breeds cynicism and destroys compassion. It’s a nasty way of indirectly dealing with real observations or competitive feelings. When you favor direct communication over gossip, you become…
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…sible. There you go wasting all your money. Now, you’re really gonna be in trouble.” This particular type of thinking can have serious consequences, fueling destructive or addictive behavior, such as compulsive shopping or erratic spending. The critical inner voice often creates conflict between couples when it comes to money. For instance, it may tell you that it means something significant if you spend money on one another, feeding you thoughts…
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…addictions. In a very real sense, it is safer to be vulnerable and open in relationships. Adults, unlike children, can cope with the possibility of rejection and loss; they are not dependent on others for maintaining their lives. Besides, remaining defended tends to guarantee negative outcomes or failure in developing close, satisfying and loving relationships. Beware of forming fantasy bonds or illusions of connection with your partner; although…
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…on is not only crucial to the quality of our lives, but new research shows relationships can also help us live longer. These relationships extend beyond our significant other and immediate family to include our friends and the community we create around ourselves. One study from Australia showed that strong social networks may lengthen survival in elderly men and women, and that good friends are even more likely to increase longevity than close fa…
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…ed. Make sure they know that they can ask you for help whenever they’re in trouble. You can do a lot by always being a good listener. In addition, you should help them identify other people who they can turn to for help and ways they can stay connected to these people. 4. Help them connect – Accompany the person and do what you can to get them to the help they need. If the person is in immediate danger, you can take them to the emergency room. You…
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