Search Results for: kessler/2009/11/nerf-guns-–-what-are-we-afraid-of/2009/11/nerf-guns-–-what-are-we-afraid-of/2009/11/your-role-in-your-childs-development/2009/06/communicating-with-children

How to Break the Cycle of Child Abuse

…when we don’t follow our own instruction? Aggressive behavior toward young children makes for more aggressive children. If you learn tools to stay calm and regulate your emotions in times of stress, your children are better equipped to adopt these same strategies. 4. Take steps to build a secure attachment. Your children need limits, but they also have to know that they can trust you. If they are afraid of you, they are unlikely to feel relaxed in…

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Helping Parents Distinguish Love from Emotional Hunger

…als they are. On the other hand, if we feel incomplete, we may look to our children or to our role as a “mommy” or “daddy” to complete ourselves and to feel whole, or to have a sense of value. One mother I worked with described how, until she got pregnant, she’d always felt alone. Carrying a child made her feel like she had a connection to someone else, yet once she gave birth, she immediately felt alone again, on her own and like she had “lost” s…

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Helping Children Thrive: How I Spoke Up for One Little Girl

…ct privacy.) References Evidence of Effectiveness-National CASA – CASA for Children. (2017). Casaforchildren.org. Retrieved 12 April 2017, from http://www.casaforchildren.org/site/c.mtJSJ7MPIsE/b.5332511/k.7D2A/Evidence_of_Effectiveness.htm Lives Changed: Youth Stories-National CASA – CASA for Children. (2017). Casaforchildren.org. Retrieved 14 April 2017, from http://www.casaforchildren.org/site/c.mtJSJ7MPIsE/b.7789821/k.8A59/Lives_Changed_Youth_…

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Parenting During Times of Stress

…nces. Children also respond differently depending on their age or stage of development. Young children may become more cranky, throw tantrums, cry for or cling to their parents, or even return to behaviors they previously outgrew such as thumb sucking or bed wetting. While older children may shut down, become more moody, have difficulty concentrating, and become increasingly defiant or argumentative. If you have noticed these behaviors in your chi…

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Debra Kessler, Psy.D.

…through the dance of life allowing each partner to move forward and grow. Nerf Guns – What Are We Afraid Of? For the holidays I gave a Nerf gun to my 8-year -old nephew. He was delighted. It was his first Nerf gun. He took great joy in taking aim at the window, door or any place where he was allowed to shoot. It was the first time I saw genuine spontaneous pleasure cross his otherwise polite and reserved face. Unfortunately, it will probably be h…

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Anxious Attachment: Understanding Insecure Anxious Attachment

…up with an anxious attachment are inconsistent in how they relate to their children, which their children react to by forming their own anxious attachment patterns. Many of these parents and caregivers, due to the unreliable and inconsistent parenting they received, experience powerful feelings of emotional hunger toward their child. They act in ways that are insensitive and intrusive when they confuse emotional hunger with genuine love for their…

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The Abuse of Overparenting

…When we give our kids too much power, we start to act like victims to our children instead of the teachers, caregivers, and role models we should be. Overindulging, over-rewarding, or babying our children actually serves as a sort of pressure for greatness and a set up for disappointment. The empty acts we mistake for nurturance are at best substitutes for real love and at worst forms of actual abuse. It’s no great coincidence that many of the ch…

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Taking Advantage of Summertime to Get to Know Your Child

…t kind of person is my child? While this may be easier to answer for older children, the personalities of younger children are often overlooked or go unnoticed. Parents may be surprised to learn that their child is actually humorous, quick-witted, ambitious, considerate, etc. or he or she may tend to be victimized, short-tempered, selfish, etc. Becoming aware of these traits is important because it’s not just your child you’re becoming familiar wi…

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Role Models

…act alone is enough to motivate us to become better people. To be positive role models for our children, we can identify and change the negative personality traits within ourselves that we do not want to pass on to them. And we can also develop qualities in ourselves that will have a powerful impact on the kind of people our children grow up to become. We must strive to be mature and consistent in our attitudes and conduct. We need to resist regre…

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Being a good therapist and being a good parent require the same skills

…d needs to be related to as a real person by a real person. It is vital to children’s early development that they are able to look into the eyes of a real person and see themselves accurately reflected back to them. When parents have made sense of their own childhoods by looking into their past, feeling the pain that is aroused, and finally, by having insight and understanding about what they experienced they are no longer cut off from their child…

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