…owever, being self-centered can mean spending too much time listening to a critical inner voice inside our heads that critiques our every move and tells us we are failing in one or another area of our lives. Generosity distracts us from the scathing insults of this inner voice, while creating quite a strong argument against it. It is difficult to prove we are worthless when we are watching someone else benefit from our actions. Generosity is a nat…
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…ners as extensions of ourselves is that it becomes much easier to (be hypercritical of them in the same way we are hypercritical of ourselves. If they do something that we think is embarrassing, for instance, we feel ashamed. Seeing your partner as a reflection on you not only builds up resentment and pressure, it also kills your ability to see them realistically. Another problem is that in forming bonds we often lose sight of the other person as…
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…eir fantasy is being disrupted. They become cynical and disillusioned, and critical of each other. Neither idealization nor cynicism has a place in a relationship between two adults who see each other as real people with positive attributes, amusing idiosyncrasies and personal limitations and flaws. Don’t distort your partner so that you can see him/her as perfect. Don’t try to avoid seeing your partner’s flaws. Don’t punish your partner for not l…
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…ow what to do when someone does become violent. Standing up to violence is critical to breaking the pattern and preventing future outbursts. If someone is threatening you with violence, it is important to remain calm and confident in the face of fear. Take a deep breath and stand up tall, maintain eye-contact and speak with a calm and assertive voice. Do not engage in any argument and avoid making threats, using provocative language and name-calli…
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…oking him to lose interest in certain activities, which then made her feel critical of him. We must always be aware of how we select, provoke and distort our partners to fill roles that recreate our past. The better we understand ourselves, the better able we are to choose partners who support us just as we support them, as the unique, complex, and independent individuals we are. We can then interrupt patterns that would prevent us from “seeing” o…
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…ck. It is possible to talk to one another about our feelings without being critical or complaining. Someone as close to us as our spouse may not be entirely right about us but rarely are they entirely wrong. By staying open and vulnerable to feedback, we can respond sensitively to our partners while learning more about ourselves. We are also more likely to entice an open reaction from them when something bothers us, and we can both benefit from ha…
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…about the warning signs of suicide as well as the helper tasks that can save a life. In addition, Dr. Firestone will shed light on what goes on in the mind of someone who is experiencing self-destructive thoughts and will explain steps people can take to stand up to this “critical inner voice” that drives the suicidal state. While it can feel scary to talk about suicide, we must not hesitate to be the one to reach out when someone is in crisis. T…
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…conversations), new information reveals that laughing may actually play a critical role in buffering an individual from the effects of physiological and psychological stress. The physical act of laughing is no joke according to Dr. Robin Dunbar, who conducted a series of experiments to determine the specific role of relaxed social laughter on an individual’s well being. Scientists know that the act of laughing releases endorphins into the brain t…
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…ound the world. Violence Prevention: A Gender Sensitive Approach This is a critically important event. You watch the 6 o’clock news, CNN, Headline news, every one is another story of violence. We now need to address that — both on a preventative and treatment basis — and that’s what I and the Melissa Institute are committed to doing. And you need to do this in a gender-sensitive way because it turns out that treating girls is different than treati…
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…ners as extensions of ourselves is that it becomes much easier to (be hypercritical of them in the same way we are hypercritical of ourselves. If they do something that we think is embarrassing, for instance, we feel ashamed. Seeing your partner as a reflection on you not only builds up resentment and pressure, it also kills your ability to see them realistically. Another problem is that in forming bonds we often lose sight of the other person as…
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