Search Results for: critical%20inner%20voice

Why You Keep Winding Up in the Same Relationship

…oking him to lose interest in certain activities, which then made her feel critical of him. We must always be aware of how we select, provoke and distort our partners to fill roles that recreate our past. The better we understand ourselves, the better able we are to choose partners who support us just as we support them, as the unique, complex, and independent individuals we are. We can then interrupt patterns that would prevent us from “seeing” o…

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Bullying and Beyond: How to Stop Violent Behavior

…ow what to do when someone does become violent. Standing up to violence is critical to breaking the pattern and preventing future outbursts. If someone is threatening you with violence, it is important to remain calm and confident in the face of fear. Take a deep breath and stand up tall, maintain eye-contact and speak with a calm and assertive voice. Do not engage in any argument and avoid making threats, using provocative language and name-calli…

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How to Not Lose the "Me" When Becoming a "We"

…eir fantasy is being disrupted. They become cynical and disillusioned, and critical of each other. Neither idealization nor cynicism has a place in a relationship between two adults who see each other as real people with positive attributes, amusing idiosyncrasies and personal limitations and flaws. Don’t distort your partner so that you can see him/her as perfect. Don’t try to avoid seeing your partner’s flaws. Don’t punish your partner for not l…

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It’s not you, it’s me: The truth behind the excuse

…ners as extensions of ourselves is that it becomes much easier to (be hypercritical of them in the same way we are hypercritical of ourselves. If they do something that we think is embarrassing, for instance, we feel ashamed. Seeing your partner as a reflection on you not only builds up resentment and pressure, it also kills your ability to see them realistically. Another problem is that in forming bonds we often lose sight of the other person as…

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Generosity – What’s in it for you?

…owever, being self-centered can mean spending too much time listening to a critical inner voice inside our heads that critiques our every move and tells us we are failing in one or another area of our lives. Generosity distracts us from the scathing insults of this inner voice, while creating quite a strong argument against it. It is difficult to prove we are worthless when we are watching someone else benefit from our actions. Generosity is a nat…

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How to stop yourself from "losing it" with your child

…ounters, which are a source of trauma for both the parent and child, it is critical to learn what to do when these outbursts occur. The first thing to do when we find ourselves getting inappropriately irritated or angry with our child is to press the pause button, that is to put the interaction on hold and, if possible, take a break from engaging with him/her and take time to calm ourselves down. Doing something rhythmical like taking a series of…

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Reflections on a New Year: How to Become Your Best Self Webinar

…portant areas of their lives. By identifying and acting against these self-critical modes of thinking, people can enjoy more success in their jobs, more fulfilling relationships, and a strengthened sense of identity. Download Slides fromReflections on a New Year: How to Become Your Best Self To request a free full video recording of this webinar, please email [email protected] Upcoming Webinars: All Webinars are provided for free by The Glendo…

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Seven Real Vows to Make Your Marriage Last

…ck. It is possible to talk to one another about our feelings without being critical or complaining. Someone as close to us as our spouse may not be entirely right about us but rarely are they entirely wrong. By staying open and vulnerable to feedback, we can respond sensitively to our partners while learning more about ourselves. We are also more likely to entice an open reaction from them when something bothers us, and we can both benefit from ha…

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How to Bring "Vacation Sex" Home With You

…ith psychologist Robert W. Firestone) wrote about in our book Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice is that “The single most important factor that contributes to the deterioration of love, friendship and sexuality in a relationship is the formation of a fantasy bond. The fantasy bond is an illusion of connection or imagined fusion with another person that provides an individual with a false sense of safety, security and permanence. Afraid to really be…

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Why Going Back Home Can Leave Us Feeling Lost

…and laid back people with little to say in the way of anything negative or critical. Yet several times during the visit, he noticed my friend’s voice take on an uncharacteristically high-pitched tone, as she’d defensively react to what seemed to him rather innocent comments from her parents. When he mentioned this observation on the drive home, my friend was puzzled by how much his impression and the things he recounted her saying sounded like her…

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