Search Results for: critical inner voice

parents losing identity lockdown

Parents: Are You Losing Your Identity During Lockdown?

…und not living up to expectations. Many of us walk around with a “critical inner voice” filling our heads with should’s and should not’s: You should want to be a 24-hour parent. You should spend more time helping the kids with their schoolwork. You should make sure they’re having enough fun. You shouldn’t let them be on their devices. You shouldn’t let them eat that. You shouldn’t work all night. In addition to the guilt of not living up to our ow…

Learn More

Ways to Improve Your Relationship While Sheltering at Home

…fferently than how you’d like. Be careful, because this critical and picky voice in your head is actually an enemy to your relationship. Chances are, you are both working extra hard and are under a lot of stress, and now, in particular, is not the time to engage in a tit-for-tat mentality. Of course, your partner isn’t perfect, and you are bound to notice real shortcomings in them. However, searching for evidence of their flaws and cataloguing eac…

Learn More
expecting too much in relationship

Are You Expecting Too Much from Your Partner?

…their flaws, reading meaning into their words and actions, or seeing them critically and feeling easily annoyed by things that don’t really matter that much to us. We may even act in ways that provoke certain reactions from our partner. For example, a woman I worked with would complain that she hated when her husband would act parental. She often stated that she wished he would trust her more. She was typically a competent person, but she would o…

Learn More
How to Deal with Rejection

The Paradox of Psychological Defenses

…s of both giving and receiving. In The Enemy Within: Separation Theory and Voice Therapy, I emphasize that this inward state needs to be distinguished from time spent alone in self-reflection, introspection, creative work, meditation, or other spiritual and intellectual pursuits. Essentially, it involves a process of regarding oneself more as an object than as a person. Each individual develops idiosyncratic ways of dulling and deadening him or he…

Learn More

Are You Living with an Accidental Identity?

…that is turned against us. The language of this anti-self is our critical inner voice, defining us in judgmental and self-critical ways, and encouraging us to engage in behavior that limits us, sabotages our goals, and is self-destructive. Our sense of identity isn’t only shaped by these early interactions with our caretakers, but also by the defenses we form to cope with emotional pain and distress. Three important factors contribute to this dis…

Learn More

What Is Your Role in Your Relationship?

…d others to achieve what they “should.” This is often done in a driven and critical way that can feel controlling. The aim of both individuals, rather, should be to be proactive and self-assertive in their own lives and goals, thinking ahead and going after what they want. Defensive and angry vs. rigid and righteous: A parental partner can be closed off to other points of view, defensive, or even punishing when they receive feedback. They may coun…

Learn More

VIDEO: Dr. Kirk Schneider on Enlivening Our Society with Awe Based Wisdom

…ds enact stories through history, maybe not just talk about them but enact critical moments, you know, when Socrates was questioning the businessman in Athens and that kind of dialogue that took place and how does it relate to their own lives, what does this mean for you and Johnny or Mary? What does this mean for, you know, what you’re learning in school. I mean, a lot of possibilities with it. Or having kids learn about how cultures throughout h…

Learn More

Why Some Men Give Up Their Identity in a Relationship

…t. However, if that relationship is more strained or the mother has a more critical view of her son or of men in general, the son often internalizes these attitudes toward himself. In addition, if he had a father who seemed weak-willed, emotionally vacant/distant, or too critical and punishing, or if he had no father figure at all, he may struggle with his own identity and the concept or expectations surrounding masculinity. While I’m not personal…

Learn More

The Effects of Honesty, Empathy, and Higher Order Thinking on Moral Development

…han guidance, advice, rules or prescriptions for living. That is why it is critical for parents and adults to identify and change negative personality traits within themselves that they do not want to pass on to their children. They must strive to be mature and consistent in their attitudes and conduct, and resist regressing into bad moods or childish behaviors (such as being irresponsible, self-indulgent or victimized). In terms of moral developm…

Learn More

Relationship Advice from Relationship Expert Dr. Lisa Firestone

…We asked relationship expert Dr. Lisa Firestone for her advice on everything from how to make love last to how to get over a devastating break-up. Watch her answers below. YouTube responded with an error: The playlist identified with the request’s <code>playlistId</code> parameter cannot be found….

Learn More