Search Results for: critical inner voice

How to stop yourself from "losing it" with your child

…en. Though forcing a 4-year-old and 6-year-old to sit still and keep their voices down for hours at a time is no one’s favorite activity, by the time the fasten seatbelt light went off, my typically patient friend would already have come unglued. During the flight she’d find herself saying things like, “What is the matter with you? Why can’t you act like a grown up?” or “Next time, I’m not going to take you with me anywhere. Do you understand me?”…

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How to Not Lose the "Me" When Becoming a "We"

…eir fantasy is being disrupted. They become cynical and disillusioned, and critical of each other. Neither idealization nor cynicism has a place in a relationship between two adults who see each other as real people with positive attributes, amusing idiosyncrasies and personal limitations and flaws. Don’t distort your partner so that you can see him/her as perfect. Don’t try to avoid seeing your partner’s flaws. Don’t punish your partner for not l…

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Laughing, social laughter, benefits of laughing

Laugh it Up: Why Laughing Brings Us Closer Together

…conversations), new information reveals that laughing may actually play a critical role in buffering an individual from the effects of physiological and psychological stress. The physical act of laughing is no joke according to Dr. Robin Dunbar, who conducted a series of experiments to determine the specific role of relaxed social laughter on an individual’s well being. Scientists know that the act of laughing releases endorphins into the brain t…

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Seven Real Vows to Make Your Marriage Last

…ck. It is possible to talk to one another about our feelings without being critical or complaining. Someone as close to us as our spouse may not be entirely right about us but rarely are they entirely wrong. By staying open and vulnerable to feedback, we can respond sensitively to our partners while learning more about ourselves. We are also more likely to entice an open reaction from them when something bothers us, and we can both benefit from ha…

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Quiz: Are You Open with Your Partner?

…on communication hazards in couple relationships include: the surfacing of critical attitudes, harsh, insensitive statements, talking over each other, failing to listen to each other or look for truth in each other’s statements, defensiveness or unwillingness to see things from a partner’s perpective. These common pitfalls can land people in situations in which they no longer feel close to their partner and no longer can talk about why that is. Ta…

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Violence, youth violence, PTSD

A Gender Sensitive Approach to Violence

…ound the world. Violence Prevention: A Gender Sensitive Approach This is a critically important event. You watch the 6 o’clock news, CNN, Headline news, every one is another story of violence. We now need to address that — both on a preventative and treatment basis — and that’s what I and the Melissa Institute are committed to doing. And you need to do this in a gender-sensitive way because it turns out that treating girls is different than treati…

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Intimacy issues, alive to intimacy, the fantasy bond, Psychalive

Staying Compatible by Staying Yourself

…eir fantasy is being disrupted. They become cynical and disillusioned, and critical of each other. Neither idealization nor cynicism has a place in a relationship between two adults who see each other as real people with positive attributes, amusing idiosyncrasies and personal limitations and flaws. * Don’t distort your partner so that you can see him/her as perfect. * Don’t try to avoid seeing your partner’s flaws. * Don’t punish your partner for…

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prescription drug abuse, addiction

Is Our Aversion To Pain Killing Us?

…e, her notebooks became filled with her greatest fears, concerns, and self-critical thoughts that she’d tried to bury but that were keeping her mind from being at rest late at night, and often, for much of her days. As she wrote down and acknowledged these fears, she began to deal with them on a conscious and “feeling” level. Alleviating her fear of the anxiety in itself helped this woman to take control of her sleep disorder. Through dedication a…

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How to Keep Your Marriage Close and Exciting

…at comes with having strong feelings for another person. 3. Be honest, not critical – Once we start feeling comfortable tearing our partners apart, we lose respect for them and for ourselves. Respecting a loved one means never mistreating them but being honest with them about who we are and what we feel. If a quality they have bothers us, we shouldn’t sit on it and let it seep out in cynical comments, the rolling of eyes or loss of attraction. Ins…

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Nerf Guns – What Are We Afraid of? by Debra Kessler, Psy.D.

…ressor, a powerless victim or a protector creates a place to explore these critical parts of the human character. When a parent recoils from the expression of anger and denies opportunities for expression of anger and aggression, how does the child learn about these parts of himself? We are at more risk of having children who are violent or destructive to themselves or others when we ignore or punish the expression of anger. Nerf guns or other exp…

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