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The Importance of Self-Worth

Self-WorthThe dictionary defines self-worth as “the sense of one’s own value or worth as a person.” However, there are many ways for a person to value themselves and assess their worth as a human being, and some of these are more psychologically beneficial than others. In this article, we discuss the value of true self-worth, how to build this type of self-worth and why so many of us lack a feeling of worthiness.

Self-Worth vs. Self-Esteem

Although, self-worth is often used as a synonym for “self-esteem,” Dr. Lisa Firestone believes that self-worth should be less about measuring yourself based on external actions and more about valuing your inherent worth as a person. In other words, self-worth is about who you are, not about what you do.

Read about Self-Esteem vs. Narcissism

Dr. Kristin Neff argues that there is a problem with society’s focus on high self-esteem. The problem is that this focus involves measuring oneself against others, rather than paying attention to one’s intrinsic value. “Our competitive culture tells us we need to be special and above average to feel good about ourselves, but we can’t all be above average at the same time,” says Dr. Neff. In this sense, searching for self-worth by constantly comparing self-worth vs. self-esteemourselves to others means to always be fighting a losing battle. As Dr. Neff says, “There is always someone richer, more attractive, or successful than we are. And even when we do manage to feel self-esteem for one golden moment, we can’t hold on to it. Our sense of self-worth bounces around like a ping-pong ball, rising and falling in lock-step with our latest success or failure.”

Furthermore, studies now show that basing one’s self-worth on external factors is actually harmful to one’s mental health. One study at the University of Michigan found that college students who base their self-worth on external sources (including academic performance, appearance and approval from others) reported more stress, anger, academic problems and relationship conflicts. They also had higher levels of alcohol and drug use, as well as more symptoms of eating disorders. The same study found that students who based their self-worth on internal sources, not only felt better, they also received higher grades and were less likely to use drugs and alcohol or to develop eating disorders.

Although real accomplishments are important to acknowledge as you build your sense of self, your self-worth should also take in to account the unique qualities that make you you. As mindfulness expert, Dr. Donna Rockwell points out, we are all unique and that, in and of itself, gives each of us inherent value.  According to Dr. Firestone, “We shouldn’t be rating ourselves, we should just be ourselves.”

How to Build Self-Worth

The first step in building self-worth is to stop comparing yourself to others and evaluating your every move; in other words, you need to challenge your critical inner voice. The critical inner voice is like a nasty coach in our heads that constantly nags us with destructive thoughts towards ourselves or others. This internalized dialogue of critical thoughts or “inner voices” undermines our sense of self-worth and even leads to self-destructive or maladaptive behaviors, which make us feel even worse about ourselves. As Dr. Lisa Firestone explained in her article “7 Reasons Most People Are Afraid of Love:”

We all have a “critical inner voice,” which acts like a cruel coach inside our heads that tells us we are worthless or undeserving of happiness. This coach is shaped from painful childhood experiences and critical attitudes we were exposed to early in life as well as feelings our parents had about themselves. While these attitudes can be hurtful, over time, they have become engrained in us. As adults, we may fail to see them as an enemy, instead accepting their destructive point of view as our own.

However, we can challenge the inner critic and begin to see ourselves for who we really are, rather than taking on its negative point of view about ourselves. We can differentiate from the ways we were seen in our family of origin and begin to understand and appreciate our own feelings, thoughts, desires and values.

inner critic ecourse CIVRead about 4 Steps to Conquer Your Inner Critic

A true sense of self-worth can also be fostered by practicing self-compassion.  Developed by Dr. Kristin Neff, self-compassion is the practice of treating yourself with the same kindness and compassion as you would treat a friend. This involves taking on what Dr. Dan Siegel describes as the “COAL” attitude, which means being Curious, Open, Accepting and Loving toward yourself and your experiences rather than being self-critical. There are three steps to practicing self-compassion:

1) Acknowledge and notice your suffering.

2) Be kind and caring in response to suffering.

3) Remember that imperfection is part of the human experience and something we all share.

Adding meaning to your life, by taking part in activities that you feel are important, is another great way to build self-worth. Helping others, for example, offers a huge boost to your sense of self-worth. Generosity is good for you, both physically and mentally, and studies now show that volunteering has a very positive affect on how people feel about themselves.  Other studies have found that religion correlates with a higher sense of self-worth in adolescents. People find meaning in many different ways; think about the activities and interests that feel meaningful to you personally and pursue those activities to build a more positive feeling of self-worth. Researcher Dr. Jennifer Crocker suggests that you find “a goal that is bigger than the self.” As Dr. Robert Firestone says, “Investing energy in transcendent goals and activities that extend beyond one’s self interest, for example, contributing to a humanitarian cause or trying, in some way, to improve the lot of future generations, helps build self-esteem.”

Acting on principles, in ways that you respect, is another important quality to foster as you develop a higher level of self-worth. “Make a concerted effort to maintain personal integrity in your life by insisting that your actions correspond to your words,” suggests Dr. Robert Firestone. When our actions do not match our words, we are more vulnerable to attacks from our critical inner voice and less likely to respect ourselves.

By challenging your critical inner voice and stopping comparing yourself to others, you can begin to get a feeling for your own self-worth. By pursuing activities that are meaningful to you and acting in line with your own personal beliefs, you can develop your sense of yourself as a worthwhile person in the world even further.

22 comments

  1. I have been wondering how to build my self worth and have been researching online and this is the best advice I have found. I never thought about the difference between self-worth and self-esteem this way, but it makes a lot of sense. After all, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” I think focusing more on intrinsic value and acting on your own beliefs is a good start. Thanks.

  2. Great post. I totally agree that measuring your own self worth on external things is harmful. Things of the external vary all the time and no one has any control over these forms of measure. True self worth is an internal realization.

    Some good tips you give on helping one to increase their sense of interal worthiness too.

    Best regards,
    Cory

  3. Hello,
    I love this article and am attempting to use it for a research essay. Is there any way that I could gain citation information (authors, date of publishing, publisher, etc.) Please reply to the email listed as soon as possible.
    Thank you and have a nice day,
    Sydney

    • Did you ever receive a citation for this article? Would like to use it as well.

    • With all due respect can you not write your own essay, based on your own experience and research.
      It seems to me one of the indications of low self worth is using others words rather than ones own, why is your experience, and wisdom not valid?
      Im all for quotes and references but wholesale using anothers work suggests low self worth because you are inferring your words are less worth i ncomparison tho whomever wrote the article.

      But worse than that, there is NO author cited, and that worries me because it suggests Psychalive has stole someones work.

      That would of course be both deeply hypocritical and wholly unethical.

      • PsychAlive

        This article was written by PsychAlive staff member, Lena Firestone. We often publish articles by staff members as ‘PsychAlive.’ We can assure you that we have never plagiarized another author’s work.

  4. Thank you for writing a good article and provided good tips. It is very useful to me.

  5. Yes, I would appreciate citation information too. This is an important issue to raise awareness of.

  6. Thank you. This is wonderful.

  7. Every time I try to share this link on Twitter, I get the message: “This request looks like it might be automated. To protect our users from spam and other malicious activity, we can’t complete this action right now. Please try again later.” It shares just fine on Facebook and Google+, though. Thought I would let you know.

    Excellent article, very helpful information.

  8. great advice..reading from kenya thanks alot for posting it i’m also working on my self-worth.

  9. Hi there, I find this article very helpfu and inspiringl since I am currently working on this issue myself. So thanks a lot!!!
    Building up and maintain a stable feeling of self-worth is a long, difficult journey but it’s worth more than anything because having things straightened out with oneself is the first step to personal freedom.

  10. This is quite an edifying post.Peaople many a time erroneously compare their self worth on exterior things which is rather lethal.This now serves as a real eye opener.Thanks a lot.

  11. It is only the deep thinkers who can explicitly juxtapose between self worthiness and self esteem.Shallow thinkers will always see them as a mirage.

  12. Good article on many parts but I found one contradiction. You write that self-worth is about who we are, not what we do (which is correct). Yet later you recommend helping others to boost sense of self-worth. So you recommend doing to boost self-worth. Which for a while could work, but what then when one for some reason can not help others anymore? Self-worth which is largely based on helping others decreases.

    By the way, the reason why helping others makes us feel good about ourselves is because we´ve been conditioned in our childhoods. Do good deeds, you´re “a good boy/girl” and vice versa. Yet our value as living beings is always the same, whether we do good deeds, or bad.

    • I agree. I was taught to take care of others, that I didn’t matter. So saying I should do for others doesn’t solve my self worth-self esteem issues.

    • Yes. Yes, thank you, that’s precisely it. Be seen but not heard. Anticipate the needs of others, but do not burden others with needs of your own. Be good.

      It doesn’t take years of therapy to hear that you have to love yourself before you can love anyone else; but when conditioned to always put others first, when are you supposed to learn what “loving yourself” actually means?

      When all you know is caring for others above all else, how does even more putting others first help you?

    • Your remark regarding the author’s statement that self worth is, “who we are and not what we do” is well taken. Consider also that, to build upon and expand a healthy self esteem, self worth must come first. Thus, self worth may be exclusively internal, yet its overwhelming reach and benefit embraces so much MORE – which positively impacts internally as well as externally. There will be times when we may feel unable to help others, but don’t lose hope. A kind word or simple prayer of reassurance has brought me signigicant joy! As a result of extending joy and hope, your self worth and self esteem both reach incredible heights. It’s worth feeling the beauty and seeing the beauty that helping manifests.

  13. Into this world we’re thrown. Comparision is what our employers partake. It’s impossible to not compare yourself to others when your job is at stake.

  14. Why does this article not cite an Author?
    It would entirely undermine the message if it was stolen.

  15. Neve thought about self-worth in this way. But I personally don’t believe in SELF-WORTH. Who has the right to tell you whether you have or lack self-worth? Who decides on who has or has no self-worth? How much self-worth do you have? Isn’t it all relative?
    We talk about self worth because the society, culture or the media tell us to measure our self worth in relations to another human beings. The only way to tackle the issue of lacking self worth is to believe that no matter matter how good, genius or evil you are, but you are still a human being and we worth nothing and we are all the same and good by nature.
    But it is what we say or do has uts worth rather than we as human beings.

    Great Article written above and helps us to view this matter from a different angle.

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