Seven Qualities of an Ideal Partner
Learn the qualities that make a person an ideal partner – They may not be what you expected.
While the reasons we fall in love are often a mystery, the reasons we stay in love are far less elusive. There may be no such thing as the perfect partner, but an ideal partner can be found in someone who has developed themselves in certain ways that go beyond looks, charms and success. Although we each seek out a specific set of qualities that is uniquely meaningful to us alone, there are certain psychological characteristics both you and your partner can strive for that make the relationship much more likely for lasting success.
1. An ideal partner has grown up.
One common criticism people make about their partners is that they need to “grow up.” What many of us fail to recognize is that growing up is not merely a matter of acting like an adult. To truly grow up means recognizing and resolving early childhood traumas or losses, and then understanding how these events influence our current behaviors.
Therefore the ideal partner is willing to reflect on their past. They possess a maturity that comes from being emotionally emancipated from their family of origin. They have developed a strong sense of independence and autonomy, having made the psychological shift from boy to man or girl to woman. Having broken ties to old identities and patterns, this person is more available to their partner and the new family they have created, as oppose to the one in which they were born.
Because this partner has grown up, they are less likely to re-enact childhood experiences in an intimate relationship. Because they have evolved as a person, they aren’t looking for someone to compensate for shortcomings and weaknesses. They aren’t looking for someone to complete their incompleteness. Rather this person is looking for someone like themselves. They are looking for another adult with qualities similar to theirs, with whom they can share life in a compatible fashion.
2. An ideal partner is open and non-defensive.
The ideal partner is open and undefended, and is willing to be vulnerable. As a result, they are approachable and receptive to feedback without being overly sensitive about any topic. Their openness also enables them to be forthright in expressing feelings, thoughts, dreams and desires. It includes an interest in personal and sexual development.
3. An ideal partner is honest and lives with integrity.
The ideal partner realizes the importance of honesty in a close relationship. Honesty builds trust between people. Dishonesty confuses the other person, destroying their trust along with their sense of reality. Nothing has a more destructive impact on a close relationship between two people than dishonesty and deception. Even in such painful situations as infidelity, the blatant deception involved is often more hurtful than the unfaithful act itself.
The ideal partner strives to live a life of integrity so that there are no discrepancies between one’s words and actions. This goes for all levels of communication, both verbal and non-verbal.
4. An ideal partner is respectful of and sensitive to the other, having uniquely individual goals and priorities.
Ideal partners value the other’s interests separate from their own. They feel congenial toward and supportive of one another’s overall goals in life. They are sensitive to the other’s wants, desires and feelings, and place them on an equal basis with their own. Ideal partners treat each other with respect and sensitivity. They do not try to control each other with threatening or manipulative behavior. They are respectful of one another’s distinct personal boundaries while at the same time, being close physically and emotionally.
5. An ideal partner has empathy for and understanding of their partner.
The ideal partner perceives their mate on both an intellectual, observational level and an emotional, intuitive level. This partner is able to both understand and empathize with their mate.
When a couple understands each other, they become aware of the commonalities that exist between them and also recognize and appreciate the differences. When both partners are empathic, that is, capable of communicating with feeling and with respect for the other person’s wants, attitudes and values, each partner feels understood and validated.
6. An ideal partner is physically affectionate and sexually responsive.
The ideal partner is easily affectionate and responsive on many levels: physically, emotionally and verbally. They are personal, acknowledging and outwardly demonstrative of feelings of warmth and tenderness. They enjoy closeness in being sexual and are uninhibited in freely giving and accepting affection and pleasure during lovemaking.
7. An ideal partner has a sense of humor!
The ideal partner has a sense of humor. A sense of humor can be a lifesaver in a relationship. The ability to laugh at one’s self and at life’s foibles allows a person to maintain a proper perspective while dealing with sensitive issues that arise within the couple. Couples who are playful and teasing often defuse potentially volatile situations with their humor. A good sense of humor definitely eases the tense moments in a relationship.
Besides, it always feels good to have fun with someone!
Read Dr. Lisa Firestone’s Article on the Characteristics of an Ideal Partner
Watch Now In this Webinar: This Webinar will feature a lively discussion between friends and colleagues Drs. Dan Siegel and Lisa Firestone on the essential…
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Very well written.
Everything in this article was on-point. Thank you.
Nice
An ideal partner is optimistic believing in you and regularly showing support.
This is a good reflection for struggling individual to the relationship they had.
30 years from every point that you made was spot on um very accurate of exactly as we both are for real im in 100% agreement and afer 30 years I think I should know smart cleaver indeed xx
It grieves me to realize my marriage of eighteen years only has two (#1 and #3) of these seven qualities in my marriage. Not experiencing 5, 6, or 7 is the hardest. Been to counseling off and on for years and not much changes. We just don’t like each other. But we are both Christians, so since there has been no infidelity or abuse, we are just told to suck it up and go on, for the sake of the kids and the commitment. It sure doesn’t feel like the abundant life though.
Christians do divorce. What’s the point of being miserable and incompatible the rest of your life just because a religion says you should stay married? Makes no sense. Think for yourself and you’ll be far happier!
Love is living imperfect perfectly.
An ideal partner seek the happiness of his/her partner before his/her own.
An ideal partner do follow the rules of the word JOY.
That is;
J = Jesus first
O = Others follow &
Y = Yourself last.
God bless u
I like this article as it makes me reflect on my relationship with my partner. It also make me reflect on myself.
i agree with that on some things. my letters are: j,f,y.
j=Jesus first.
f= family second.
y=your friends then you third.
Right now I’m t a crossroad and about to make a very serious decision between my wife of 35 years and my much younger girlfriend. In my marriage only items 6 and 7 still exist and 5 is iffy. In my relationship with my girlfriend, all items are strong except for some aspects of 6 due to a past trauma in her life; we are patiently working through that challenge.
did you make your decision yet?
The points made in this articles were very good by the grace of God l have been practicing all these seven points in my 30years of marriage and l have been enjoying my partner all this days and we have not one day regret of marrying each other .
Try to be empathetic toward yourself and your spouse. The childhood issues are important. Many of us marry early in life when the childhood issues gave not been realized, faced and transitioned from. I had a childhood without the love a child needs to be healthy. I am 68 years old, have dated starting a year after my divorce. This is the 5th woman I have dated. I have been floored. I feel God sent me a lifeline. The rest is up to me. It has taken me a lifetime to be ready for this moment. Religion often asks for commitment because it was a social requirement a long time ago for raising children. But it is backwards. Commitment requires a partner whom you can share intimatacy with, mind, soul, heart and body. Then the commitment becomes the promise to protect that gift. For it will surely die without knowing that all you learn to share from your deepest places is not safe.
I am positive my so called partner is a narcissist or even a psychopath. I am a man and she is a woman. She thinks she is perfect and never does any wrong. All the things she accuses me of are actually what SHE DOES. The situation will be ” I have a certain amount of money to last us fo or two weeks but she has to have it all to buy her drug durived from the poppy plants and it doesnt matter what i want or need or what we need. Its allbabout what she needs without a thought of anyone else. She starts horrible fights over nothing so I will leave. She tells me about all the negative things i do ( i dont actually do them) while its exactly her thats spoutinng all the negativity with out me even talking. She wants me to wait on her ….would you hand me this or go to the store and get me this. She lives in my home pays no rent eats free gives me no intimacy or sex and says I can’t kick her out because she will call the police and that I’m abusing her. ( not true )
Hy iloveu for every
Sounds like joe
As someone who is just finding her way into her life.. just out of a toxic 8-year relationship, this article is an eye-opener. Very well put together!
God can make a dead marriage comes back to life. It’s not about you or your wife it’s the enemy not want you to be happy and it’s the matter of both of you heart ❤️. It’s beca of the hardness of the heart. Think of when you guy met how you are in love with each other. Both of you sit down and write all the positive things about each other and the negative then discuss and make plan as to how you both will eliminate the negatives and put back sparks ⚡️ in your marriage. It’s not impossible. With God all things are possible
WIlson, I hope you managed to get out of that relationship. I was in a similar situation and after a long while of putting up with abusive relationship I realised in the name of defence I became very angry and toxic myself towards him. There is no intimacy or love from me and we both suffer now. I felt/feel stuck due to financial difficulties and small children and as a result long years has past… I just feel numb cannot take action now but I am still hoping one day I will have a chance.
What about financial statbility , isn’t nit necessary ??
I do not agree with “sexual responsiveness”, because asexual people can be great partners too, if this meets the partner’s needs.
I think it is (unintentionally) discriminating to leave these people out.