Tamsen Firestone

Tamsen Firestone

Blogs by Tamsen Firestone

Kindness Wins!

What’s the most important characteristic in a lifetime relationship partner? A recent study in the U.K. researched this question. At the University of Swansea, researchers enlisted 2,700 college students from five countries to progressively narrow down which characteristics were most important to them in a lifetime mate. And the one that emerged from all cultures… Read more »

Learn More

Deep Sadness Can Deepen Love

Joy’s smile is much closer to tears than it is to laughter. —Victor Hugo, Hernani We often retreat from love when it unconsciously arouses painful feelings of sadness. This is not the kind of sadness that comes when our feelings are hurt or our heart is broken. That sadness makes sense to us. This type… Read more »

Learn More

Beware of the Soulmate Myth

The Fantasy Bond Behind the Myth of the Soulmate I know people who say their ultimate relationship goal is finding a soulmate. They’re looking for a kindred spirit who they were meant to be with. Is this appealing to me? I can see how the idea that there might be another person out there who… Read more »

Learn More

The Myth of a Perfect Mother

This Mother’s Day was the 40th one that I have celebrated as a mother. And it has occurred to me that I have earned the right to answer the question: “What piece of advice would you offer about being a mother?”  I used to think that only perfect mothers were qualified to speak on this… Read more »

Learn More

Is My Self-Hatred Getting in the Way of Love?

How your negative self-image puts you at odds with your lover. When we first fall in love, we have a positive response to feeling understood and valued by someone who matters to us. But eventually we can find ourselves faced with two opposing views of who we are: the familiar, albeit negative, view of ourselves… Read more »

Learn More

“You Need Psychotherapy”

Psychotherapy is a luxury that you deserve. When I was in my early 20s, I went into psychotherapy. At that point in my life, I had tried all of the things that were supposed to bring me happiness—college, marriage, moving to a different city—and I was getting more and more miserable. I wasn’t a mental mess; I wasn’t seriously… Read more »

Learn More

The Act of Loving

It’s so easy to overlook the fact that love is more than a feeling, it is an action. Love isn’t just a noun; it’s a verb! The act of loving is more gratifying for both the lover and the beloved than the state of being in love. That state is passive. It easily dissolves into… Read more »

Learn More

Why Do We Keep Ending Up in the Same Kinds of Relationships? The Answer Lies in Our Attachment Styles

As I observe my single friends and family members navigating the dating world and looking for love, I keep hearing the same question: Why do I always end up in the same kind of relationship? “I started out feeling optimistic about this relationship, but then things fell apart like they always do, and the relationship… Read more »

Learn More
thanksgiving good for mental health

Thanksgiving is Good for Your Mental Health

Research shows that expressing gratitude is good for your mental health. It increases happiness and decreases depression. It also enhances empathy and reduces aggression. It promotes social interactions and fosters new relationships. Gratitude counteracts other toxic emotions, such as envy, resentment, victimization and cynicism. It not only reduces stress, but research indicates that it may also play a major role in overcoming trauma. All good things, but… Read more »

Learn More

What Does It Mean to Be Feminine or Masculine?

I have received some interesting questions on Daring2Love Instagram about masculine and feminine identity. A typical one asks, “How can I be more feminine in a relationship? How can I attract a masculine man to a relationship?” I do not know where the people who are asking these questions live. Clearly, there are very different attitudes about gender identity… Read more »

Learn More