…k up at a party or make conversation over coffee. She even started to feel critical toward the people who did engage her, finding petty details to pick apart. Her critical inner voice was showing up in her behavior, and people were responding accordingly, picking up on the invisible “do not disturb” sign spread across her face. At first, the woman responded by keeping to herself, which is exactly what her inner critic wanted. The critical inner vo…
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…this state of mind, we are often viewing those around us through the same critical filter through which we see ourselves. This “critical inner voice” is frequently directed at us, telling us we are not good enough or that we are not going to fit in. Yet, the harsh judgment of this inner critic can easily be projected outward onto the people around us. We may start seeing anyone from our closest friend to a distant relative solely for their flaws…
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…unexpectedly emotional for people. It’s often difficult to stand up to our critical inner voices; particularly when so many of us struggle with low self-esteem. Input from others is often perceived as additional criticism, and can trigger us and set off even more critical inner voices; our responses may range from being victimized or overly defensive to exaggerating and needing to build ourselves up. The attitude we need to adopt in order to stand…
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…r relationships. Take the example of my friend, mentioned above. First the critical inner voice fueled doubts about his girlfriend’s interest in him, then it turned on him. The second he perceived the situation through the filter of his critical inner voice, which told him his girlfriend was pulling away, his mind flooded with terrible thoughts toward himself. One minute, he was just fine. The next minute, he was listening to an inner voice tellin…
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…ur inner critic and stop listening to its bad advice. Understand Where the Critical Inner Voice Comes From It can be helpful to think of the critical inner voice as the language of the anti-self, the part of a person that is against his or her own self-interest. All people are divided. We are torn between our anti-self, which is self-hating and cynical toward others, suspicious and, at its ultimate end, self-destructive and abusive to others; and…
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…ou. And finally, gratitude helps cultivate love. Gratitude interrupts your critical inner voice The critical inner voice has a mission: to keep your defenses intact. However, these defenses that once served a purpose in childhood are no longer necessary in your adult life. In fact, they are now limiting you and inhibiting your ability to have close relationships. Your critical inner voice warns you that you are in danger of being hurt and need to…
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…sful in exposing the dynamics involved in acts of aggression and violence. Critical Inner Voices Underlying Violent Behavior The critical inner voice supports an individual’s negative identity, leading to both self-attacks and hostility toward others. This helped me to identify a split in the personality between the self system and the anti-self system. The division of the mind reflects a primary divide between forces that represent the self and t…
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…ed throughout our growth. The more we act according to the dictates of our critical inner voice, the louder and stronger it gets, and the more control it has over our life. We can conquer this enemy within by identifying when it is triggered and what it is telling us. By seeing these negative thought processes as an alien point of view, as opposed to a reflection of reality, we are better equipped to counter the directives of our critical inner vo…
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…great benefits of self-compassion is that it’s not about self-evaluation. Critical and judgmental attitudes are self-sabotaging and lead to self-destructive behavior. They set us up for failure by creating unrealistic standards, then tear us apart when we fail to live up to them, thus creating a cycle of giving up on ourselves. The only way to achieve consistent success is to treat ourselves with the kindness and respect we would a friend. We mus…
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…an overall attitude toward yourself that is realistic and benevolent, your critical inner voice can never get the goods on you. Never forget that there is nothing fundamentally wrong with me you, you are good enough. And remember that changing takes time and that there will always be missteps and stumbles to learn from along the way. Rather than listening to your critical inner voice, remember the lesson the maid in The Help tried to instill in th…
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