…us feel unloveable and doubtful of anyone’s feelings toward us. It fosters critical and suspicious attitudes in us toward ourselves, our partners, and relationships in general. Because this voice is shaped out of painful childhood experiences and critical attitudes to which we were exposed, it’s hard to shake it. Allowing someone to love us is the ultimate challenge to this inner critic, and don’t expect it to go down without a fight. Our critical…
Learn More
…relationships, we are left on high-alert for other negative behavior. Our critical inner voice keeps us on the lookout by warning us that our partner is going to hurt or disappoint us again. We can counter our negative expectations and our fears around intimacy by changing our focus from what our partner does wrong to what they do right. We can achieve this by making a point to notice what we are grateful for in our partner and by then expressing…
Learn More
…man who wanted a loving partner, but always ended up with someone who was critical and rejecting. He recognized that he developed anxious attachment patterns as a child. His mother was inconsistent: at times caring and nurturing, but mostly critical and punishing. This left him confused and desperate toward her. He also became aware that in his romantic relationships, he had an anxious preoccupied attachment style. He understood how he had subcon…
Learn More
…ples from being sexual in the first place. It is important not to let your critical inner voice dictate any part of your life and certainly not rob you of intimacy with your partner. When that coach inside your head is critiquing your appearance or sexual performance it’s like have a third party in your bed. Avoiding sex is not the way to cope with this critic. Instead, do just the opposite. Pursue sex when you want it. Disregard the inhibitions e…
Learn More
…nts, which act as a guideline for how to relate to a romantic partner. The critical inner voice can be thought of as the language of these internal working models; the voice acts as a negative filter through which the people look at themselves, their partner and relationships in general. Although many critical inner voices are only partly conscious, they have the power to shape the ways that people respond to each other in their closest, most inti…
Learn More
…internalize early in life based on hurtful attitudes and experiences. This critical inner voice goes on to perpetuate our anxiety by filling our heads with critical, shaming thoughts about ourselves, and even our romantic partner or potential partners. Dr. Firestone will introduce methods that can help individuals overcome their relationship anxiety by making connections to their past, creating a coherent narrative, and identifying and challenging…
Learn More
…m by projecting negative qualities onto them. We may even see them as more critical, intrusive or rejecting than they are, because we grew up with people who had these qualities. When we disrespect the boundary between ourselves and our partner, we’re more likely to see them as an extension of ourselves, and we may mistreat or criticize them in ways we mistreat or criticize ourselves. In an ideal relationship, we try to see our partner realistical…
Learn More
…essages but then punishes them for indulging. Increasing awareness of this critical voice and how it operates can be an important step in resisting an addiction. The 90-minute presentation will introduce a method for individuals to separate their real self (their true wants, goals and values) from their anti-self (the side of them that is self-critical, self-sabotaging and self-destructive). Dr. Firestone will explain the steps of Voice Therapy, a…
Learn More
…little voice inside that lures you to be self-denying, self-soothing, self-critical and critical toward your partner or potential partners. Examples of such thoughts include: Stay in; it will be such a hassle to go out. Wouldn’t you rather be by yourself? You’re fine on your own. It is embarrassing to be affectionate in public. You’re such an idiot. You never make the right choice of where to go. Just play it safe. He always gets a stupid gift. Th…
Learn More
…ventions Discuss a cognitive/affective/behavioral approach for challenging critical inner voices surrounding sexuality Identify how familial and societal influences have contributed to critical or distorted attitudes toward self and sexuality Provide greater awareness of personal values and perspectives on sexuality Express a broader understanding of the diverse expressions of human sexuality Communicate with increased skill and comfort around sex…
Learn More