Search Results for: couples experiencing relationship trouble

Commitment Issues: Why Some People Have Them and Others Don’t

…enhance their commitment and intimacy. Earned Security through Therapy or Relationship The right relationship can also help us to earn a more secure attachment style. According to Dr. Lisa Firestone, “One of the proven ways to change our attachment style is by forming an attachment with someone who had a more secure attachment style than what we’ve experienced. We can also talk to a therapist, as the therapeutic relationship can help create a mor…

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5 Ways to Rewrite Your Breakup Story and Feel Better

…only way we can grow is by looking at what we brought to the table in our relationship. If you’re trying to tell the story of your relationship, it’s valuable to investigate not why your partner treated you badly, but why you were drawn to that type of treatment. What actions did you take that created distance? What are some of the less favorable aspects of the relationship that compelled you? What draws you back to those things now as you long f…

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Staying in Love While Staying Yourself

…mportant pieces of ourselves, the less energy we’re often putting into our relationship. And on the flip side, the more distant we are in our relationship, the more disconnected we may feel from an important part of ourselves. In order to have a lasting and lively sense of connection, we must continually challenge our own defenses that keep us from pursuing what we want in life, and for most of us that includes closeness with a partner. Bringing s…

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Want a Better Relationship? Work on Collaborative Communication

…with more vulnerability, openness, and empathy, creates more trust in the relationship. Couples can form much stronger connections where each person feels known and understood by the other. The specific techniques we can work on to achieve this type of communication with a partner include: Becoming a better, more attuned, and less defensive listener In order to be on the same team, we have to work on our listening skills. Tuning in to our partner…

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How Your Attachment Style Impacts Your Relationship

…essed. They also go to their partner for comfort when they themselves feel troubled. Their relationship tends to be honest, open and equal, with both people feeling independent, yet loving toward each other. Securely attached couples don’t tend to engage in what my father, psychologist Robert Firestone, describes as a “Fantasy Bond,” an illusion of connection that provides a false sense of safety. In a fantasy bond, a couple foregoes real acts of…

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excuses to stop making about sex

5 Excuses to Stop Making About Sex

…didn’t used to mind or that they even liked in their partner. To maintain relationship satisfaction, couples are better off avoiding a fantasy connection and continuing to respect their partners as separate people. If you no longer feel physically drawn to someone you once strongly desired, it’s important to ask if perhaps you’ve created this type of bond. Think about why you’re avoiding intimacy, and be open to the possibility that the reasons a…

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Healthy Sexuality

…” Why Do We Stray from Our Sexuality? Contrary to what we might assume, as couples get closer, they often have more trouble with their sexuality. Feeling close to someone and experiencing a depth of intimacy can stir us up, leaving us anxious or surfacing painful feelings. It isn’t as easy in reality to be loved as most of us imagine in our fantasies. We may resist or withhold affection as a defense, protecting us from getting too close or feeling…

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Are You Sabotaging Your Relationship?

…d security, but it actually generates friction and distance in an intimate relationship. Couples are much better off maintaining a sense of themselves as two separate people with sovereign minds who genuinely care for and appreciate each other. This independence encourages us to respect our partner and treat him or her kindly. Only when we see someone as separate from us, can we genuinely care about how they feel. We are able to see things from th…

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The Inner Voice that Undermines Your Relationship

…. Watch a Whiteboard Video on The Critical Inner Voice “The primary reason relationships fail is that each partner brings to the relationship his or her own critical inner voices and the defensive behaviors these voices regulate,” said Dr. Lisa Firestone in her book Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice. How does the critical inner voice try to undermine a relationship? Take look at the scene in Annie Hall where the main characters, Annie and Alvy, ha…

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Preserving Individuality to Strengthen Your Relationship

…garding your partner is a sovereign individual, separate from you and your relationship. A relationship thrives when two strong individuals bring their distinctive and varied qualities to their partnership. The following suggestions are excerpted from Daring to Love. Maintaining Your Individuality To be a better person in your life and a good partner in your relationship, it’s critical that you strive to maintain a strong sense of independence and…

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