…e your identity with someone else is not only bad for you, but bad for the relationship. When couples fall into routine and forego their independent attraction to each other, things tend to go south. Real relating is replaced with an illusion of connection or “fantasy bond.” This sense of fusion subdues the passion in a relationship. By maintaining your individuality: enjoying separate interests along with interests you share with your partner, ke…
Learn More
…ng of being in love. This optimistic conclusion led Dr. Acevedo to state, “Couples should strive for love with all the trimmings… Couples who’ve been together a long time and wish to get back their romantic edge should know it is an attainable goal that, like most good things in life, requires energy and devotion.” If lasting love is an attainable goal, then what’s getting in our way of achieving it? What keeps so many people from maintaining that…
Learn More
…your emotional needs around sexual intimacy and the other factors in your relationship. Consider couples psychotherapy. I recommend you see a sex therapist. I say this because they will have the knowledge and skill set in helping you and your partner with sexual problems such as the issues related to sexual functioning. They will also provide you with other suggestions to engage in if there is sexual dysfunction (i.e., desire and arousal issues,…
Learn More
…ok out for if you’re feeling this way are any critical thoughts you may be experiencing toward yourself, your partner, your relationship, or your life in general. You may be listening to a “critical inner voice” that operates like a mean coach inside your head, insulting and undermining you. This “voice” also tends to target people close to you. Naturally, there are times you have real complaints about your partner or your circumstances, but the c…
Learn More
…rt to differentiate from destructive behaviors we’ve adopted by identifying them, understanding where they come from, and acting differently in the situation. By laying down our arms and taking power over ourselves, we give our relationship its best chance of remaining equal, passionate, and fulfilling. Join Dr. Lisa Firestone for her FREE online presentation “How to Improve Your Relationship” live Feb. 7. Learn more or register for this Webinar h…
Learn More
…fe today will enable us to recognize ways it is limiting us in our current relationship. Learn more about styles of attachment here. Becoming aware of your critical inner voice and how it impacts your relationship. To varying degrees, we all have an enemy within, a part of ourselves that operates inside our heads in much the same way a malicious coach would, criticizing us and offering up bad advice. The critical inner voice does not support our l…
Learn More
…ple are the most themselves when falling in love. In the early stages of a relationship, people are interested in getting to know someone for who they are separate from their relationship to them. Thus, when a couple meets, they are typically more independent and respectful of each other than they will be as their relationship develops. In letting down their guard down and getting close to someone else, people let go of long engrained defenses tha…
Learn More
…ven in normal times, it is easy for partners to get into a rut where their relationship is more or less on autopilot, and they fall into taking each other for granted. But during these abnormal times with many couples quarantining together 24/7, the rut can get even deeper and harder to get out of. It doesn’t help that we tend to think of love in passive terms as something we “fall in” or end up “being in.” We often overlook the fact that love is…
Learn More
…er understanding of our less conscious motivations that damage our closest relationships. In any relationship, the only person you can control is yourself. By being open to how we are resistant to achieving the love we say we want, we empower ourselves to change 100 percent of our half of the dynamic. Even a less-than-perfect relationship can teach us the ways we limit ourselves and help us grow our capacity to love. It is in our power to decide w…
Learn More
…dies have linked attentive listening to better coping behaviors and higher relationship satisfaction in couples. This is really no surprise, as actively tuning in to someone makes that person feel cared about and known. And I would argue that being known by our partner is one of the most essential elements of being in love. And yet, we are all, to varying degrees, failing at this simple task. Perhaps in today’s technological age, we are more used…
Learn More