…ur son’s failing grade. It may also show up when we find ourselves getting disorganized in the presence of someone expressing anger, making a certain gesture or facial expression. This can prompt reactions on our part that can interfere with how we manage, negatively impacting our relationships and catching us by surprise. Finally, another element that may be a string pulling at us can be how we experience different streams of information that com…
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…d accepted for who they are. Many children experience insecure, anxious or disorganized attachment styles. These can contribute to adverse childhood experiences (ACEs). These are painful, and can lead to trauma. Children’s television pioneer Fred Rogers cared deeply about the distress children feel. Even without formal training in psychotherapy, Mr. Rogers consistently helped viewers — especially children — learn the nature of secure attachment. H…
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…elationships are sources of overwhelming fear, or when absent, insecure or disorganized attachment leaves a person feeling helpless and alone, the mind needs some way to cope. A child may latch onto thoughts like Don’t trust, it’s not safe! Don’t reach out, don’t be a burden to anyone! Don’t dwell on how you feel, just move along! These ideas may help a person cope when they hurt so badly every day and just need to survive. But they do not help th…
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…arly childhood, they would be expected to have an avoidant, ambivalent, or disorganized attachment as children and an incoherent life narrative as adults. But if they had a relationship with a person who was genuinely attuned to them— a relative, a neighbor, a teacher, a counselor— something about that connection helped them build an inner experience of wholeness or gave them the space to reflect on their lives in ways that helped them make sense…
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…st in the present. If we experienced an insecure (avoidant, ambivalent, or disorganized) attachment pattern, we are more likely to re-experience insecurity in our closest relationships, especially with romantic partners and with our own children. Many of us who experienced an insecure attachment pattern early in life will go on to unwittingly recreate strained, hurtful, or painful experiences in later relationships. Because our attachment models l…
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…nced trauma during their lives. In fact, those with insecure, avoidant, or disorganized attachment, attachment wounds, or trauma histories will have a harder time re-regulating their nervous systems. How to Stop Worrying Too Much Here’s the good news…No matter what, it is possible to be less affected by the state of the world and stay more emotionally even-keeled! Today, I’m going to help you understand where emotional regulation comes from, talk…
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…ttachment and anxious attachment. The fourth attachment category, known as disorganized attachment, occurs when no organized strategy is formed. Attachment researchers have identified attunement as being significant in the formation of an attachment. Attunement means being in harmony; being aware of and responsive to another. Emotional attunement involves being in harmony first with oneself, then with another and finally with circumstances. Attune…
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…report: History of abuse Hostile/intrusive or withdrawn/misattuned parents Disorganized or anxious ambivalent attachment style and problems with communication Internalization of parent/ attachment figures Feelings of hostility or helplessness “Is loneliness serious?” Although, temporary times of loneliness are common and can pass quickly, loneliness can be a chronic condition with serious, harmful effects on both one’s physical and mental health….
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…lved trauma and loss in a parent’s life is, in fact, the best predictor of disorganized attachment between a parent and child. You can become a far better parent by facing the full pain of your own childhood and creating an account of your life that makes sense. That means seeing your parents as real and flawed people. This process doesn’t mean wallowing in the past or focusing on blame. Its purpose is for you to gain a better understanding of wha…
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…se, on the matter of abuse and neglect, this is the Type D attachment, the disorganized, disoriented attachment. There is now a growing amount of work, a large amount of work now on these babies. The Type D attachments, 80 to 85% suffer abuse and neglect. And this is the most severe of the early attachment pathologies. So we’re now picking up, we’re now looking for the cues, the behaviors, the dyadic problems, not just the problems in the baby, bu…
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