Breaking the Fantasy Bond with Our Mothers

The other day, I was reminded of reading Nancy Friday’s book, My Mother/My Self many years ago... read more

How To Tell the Difference Between Real Love and Fantasy

As children, we often form a fantasy of what real love looks like. Though we may paint a pretty pict... read more

How do I Know if I Have a Fantasy Bond?

There are ways to uncover how and why a genuinely loving relationship can forego passion for rou... read more

The Fantasy Bond

The question of why love fades can be explained by the concept of the fantasy bond. Dr. Lisa Firesto... read more

Fantasy Bond

Definition: The fantasy bond is a form of self-parenting and self-protection that offers an illu... read more

Fantasy Bond

A “fantasy bond” describes an illusion of connection between a couple that is substituted for feelings of real love and intimacy. Forming a fantasy bond is an often unconscious act of self-parenting and self-protection, in which the partners becomes pseudo-independent, replacing the form of being a “couple” with the real relating involved in being in love. The degree of reliance on a fantasy bond is proportional to the degree of frustration and pain experienced in a person’s developmental years. In this section, you can learn why fantasy bonds are formed, what qualities make up a fantasy bond, and how to avoid falling into an unhealthy “bond” in your own relationships.

What Real Love Looks Like

Throughout our lives we compile a picture of what we think real love should look like. Often this process begins early, as little girls listening to fairy tales at bed time will envision their very own knight in shining armor. As we grow older, we often imagine finding a soul-mate, that perfect person who we were destined to spend our lives with.... (read more)

Why Domestic Violence Occurs and How to Stop It

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and with domestic violence on the rise, it is an important time to face this difficult issue. This year, the nationwide Mary Kay Truth About Abuse Survey showed that “8 out of 10 domestic violence shelters nationwide reported an increase in women seeking help.” The economy has had an effect.... (read more)

Dr. Sheldon Solomon on the Fantasy Bond: Exclusive Interview

The following transcript contains part of an exclusive interview with Dr. Lisa Firestone and Dr. Sheldon Solomon. Dr. Sheldon Solomon talks about the Fantasy Bond. SS: You know, Horney’s view was that all of us of necessity experience what she called basic anxiety, you know, the attachment people call it primal terror. Call it what you will, and... (read more)

Why My Relationship Failed, a Fantasy Bond Story

By Megan Thiels We’ve all been there. Sitting alone, upset, rejected, wondering, “what the heck just happened?” That’s where I was at the end of my last relationship. The sad thing was, I knew exactly what had happened, and I knew I could have stopped it. It had all started nearly a year and a half ago. One Friday night, while I was with a friend... (read more)

The Fantasy Bond, fear of intimacy, psychalive, the glendon association

What is a Fantasy Bond?

Dr. Robert Firestone on The Fantasy Bond Read More →

Dr. Lisa Firestone On The Fantasy Bond

Dr. Lisa Firestone on the Fantasy Bond Read More →

Real Love or a Fantasy Bond: The Appeal of the Twilight Saga

The latest Twilight movie “Breaking Dawn” is already breaking records. Young fans clamored and camped out on dirty sidewalks for hours (even days) to make it to Friday’s midnight premiere. Walking past one such line, I noticed a father dropping off a shrieking group of dressed up 15-year-old girls from a stretched hummer, rented just for the... (read more)

Is Sexting Cheating You Out Of Real Intimacy?

There is a good, sound argument for how technology can bring two people together. Countless couples have now met, married, forged unions, and had children as a result of a dating website, a Facebook chat, or a bold text message. Technology has provided a new platform for millions of people to take that first step in a relationship. This has been especially... (read more)