Home / Defenses
  • How Childhood Defenses Hurt Us As Adults

    It is ironic that the very defenses that saved us emotionally so long ago are now robbing us of our lives today. What originally served as a reasonable adaptation to a difficult situation can become our imprisoning agent.

  • Understanding Defenses

    Many of us are defended against feeling and to understand why, we have to go back to when we first developed our defenses.

  • Self-Limiting Behaviors

    How is it that we can be acting against our own interests? Why are we sabotaging our chances of realizing our dreams? Can it be that we don’t want what we say we want? Can it be that we don’t want our dreams to come true? Yes, it can.

  • How to Stop Being a Victim

    Challenging negative voices is the way to overcome a victimized orientation.

There are many traits we developed as children that served a purpose in our childhood but actually hinder us in adulthood. As kids, we may have armed ourselves against hurtful influences by keeping to ourselves, rebelling against restraints, or engaging in self-soothing behaviors. These characteristics may have served as survival mechanisms or “defenses” in our youth. Yet, these same defenses that protected us as kids can hurt in adulthood. The adaptations we made to once painful events may lead to some of our most destructive habits as adults. Our defenses can keep us from taking chances, getting close to someone, or achieving success. Learn more about what your defenses might be, where they came from, how they influence you, and how you can challenge them in your life today.

The Simple Truth about Anger

truth about anger

Feeling angry is a universal human phenomenon. It is as basic as feeling hungry, lonely, loving, or tired. -Theodore Rubin “A thought murder a day keeps the doctor away.”  What this quote emphasizes is that feeling one’s angry thoughts is ...

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Stop Procrastinating


Most of us are aware of that voice in our heads that screams to us, “stop procrastinating!” And most of us know that the pressure and stress that this voice puts on us just makes us more intimidated and less ...

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Why Are People Afraid to Grow Up?

fear of adulthood

In a previous blog, “Living Life as an Authentic Adult,” I briefly described the reasons why so many people operate as children emotionally and refuse to grow up.  I discussed how, to varying degrees, individuals are restricted in their ability ...

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Living Life as an Authentic Adult

living as an adult

It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are. ~ e.e. cummings Most people are unaware that they are conducting their lives more from a child’s frame of reference than in an adult mode. Although men and ...

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How to Stop Being a Victim

negative reaction to love

Challenging negative voices is the way to overcome a victimized orientation. Reject your sense of injury and the injury itself disappears. ~ Marcus Aurelius, Meditations One of the principle ways that people mismanage their anger is by playing the role ...

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Withholding: A Personal Story


To Withhold Verb: 1.  Refuse to give (something that is due to or desired by another)            2.  Suppress or hold back (an emotion or reaction)   Are you sometimes aware of holding yourself back from being fully engaged in ...

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