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breaking the fantasy bond with our mothers, psychalive, mothers day 2012, mother daughter conflict,

Breaking the Fantasy Bond with Our Mothers

…e in her – and we’re mostly unaware of this process. Nancy Friday’s and Hendrika Freud’s ideas strongly resonate with me for many reasons, both personal and professional. For one thing, my father, Robert Firestone, has written extensively about the ambivalence inherent in every mother-daughter relationship. His descriptive accounts of the dynamics operating in the mother-daughter bond were published in Compassionate Child-Rearing (1990) and are ex…

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Compassionate Child Rearing

…etter understand the effects they have on the emotional state of their children. The lesson of the text is that children deserve the same rights, respect and consideration as any fully grown human being. To raise their children in a healthy environment, where they are seen and heard as independent individuals, parents must come to understand the ways in which they hurt their children and the events from their own past that helped motivate their be…

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Fear of Intimacy

…And regrettably these limitations tend to impact how they parent their children. From this less than perfect experience, children grow up with a less than perfect image of themselves. As a result, people arrive at adulthood psychologically equipped to survive in the type of emotional environment that they have come from. But it is a whole different world out there. That is why, when someone falls in love with us, the experience seems so alien. We…

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Psychological Defenses in Everyday Life

Robert W. Firestone, Ph.D. – This book is a rich resource that broadens personal understanding by examining the origins of childhood pain, subsequent defense formation, and the pervasiveness and destructiveness of resulting maladaptive, addictive behaviors in adults. The authors point a way toward reversing the damaging process that keeps individuals from experiencing genuine satisfaction. The clarity and empathic tone of the book make it a valua…

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Real Love or a Fantasy Bond: The Appeal of the Twilight Saga

…g past one such line, I noticed a father dropping off a shrieking group of dressed up 15-year-old girls from a stretched hummer, rented just for the occasion. For many, the anticipation of attending a Twilight premiere is likened to that of preparing for a high school prom. But teens aren’t the only ones captivated. Audiences of all ages are hooked, guiltily or not, to the fanatical, addictive, and utterly over-the-top love between the film’s lead…

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What Are Defenses?

…ted psychologically… also serve as terrible limitations to the self,” said Dr. Robert Firestone author of Psychological Defenses in Everyday Life. As children, the ways in which we comforted ourselves often served as substitutes for something we were either not getting or wished to avoid. Whatever we did, whether we calmed ourselves with self-soothing habits or disappeared into a world of fantasy, we felt relieved by our behaviors. The pain was le…

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Breaking Free from Addiction

…fe, luring and condemning, comforting and destroying. People who engage in drug or alcohol abuse, who have an eating disorder, or who struggle with any addiction are acting according to the prescriptions of a destructive thought process known as the critical inner voice. For example, if you struggle with an alcohol dependency, this internal enemy will try to tempt you with a seductive, seeming friendly thought (or “voice”) saying, “You’ve had a ro…

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The "Voice” Is a Sneaky, Tricky Thing

…oes it come from? Does having this point of view identify you with someone from your early life experiences? It’s a beneficial line of exploration and “becoming aware of the voice” is one of the most valuable contributions Dr. Robert Firestone, The Glendon Association and PsychAlive offer in helping us get right with ourselves. Other Posts by This Author: Where the Rubber Meets the Road Open to Emotion Gaining Awareness Through Loss More-…

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How to Bring "Vacation Sex" Home With You

…sex” hotter and more exciting than what most couples experience in their bedrooms at home? And more importantly, why can’t they have that kind of sex in their everyday lives? One of the answers often given is that people are more relaxed on vacation; they’ve left work and responsibilities behind. They have the opportunity to unplug their computers and cell phones so they won’t be distracted. They are there with the purpose of having a good time, s…

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How To Tell the Difference Between Real Love and Fantasy

…al and exciting from the deadening effects of what my father, psychologist Dr. Robert Firestone, termed “The Fantasy Bond?” A fantasy bond is created when two people replace real acts of genuine love, admiration, passion, and respect with the role and ritual of “being” in a relationship. Though this process is often unconscious, people can begin to recognize patterns and behaviors characterized by a Fantasy Bond that are destructive to their close…

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