Search Results for: identity

How to Succeed in Life Without Really Trying

…fts, natural passions that connect us to our true selves, part of our core identity, but I would venture to say that a good majority of us never realize what it is or choose to share it with the world. And the world is poorer for it. Conversely, what if we all took a little time (OK, probably more than a little time) for introspection and allowed ourselves to dream about that passion that stirs deep down every now and then? And then, what if we ac…

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Human Sexuality: Advances and Treatment

…ually present in therapy, whether explicitly or implicitly. Its effects on identity and individual or relational issues are almost always intertwined with therapy, and well-qualified therapists need to have a working knowledge of all its aspects. The well-qualified therapist must be versed in sexual psychoeducation, how sexuality affects individual and couples relational issues, and how to directly address sexual issues when they are explicitly pa…

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Angry at Love

…ve views toward ourselves. We have to recognize our anxiety over losing an identity we’ve accepted all our lives. Moreover, as we come to value someone, we have to face our fears of losing a person who now means a great deal to us. Being in love makes our lives a lot more meaningful, and therefore, both frightening and painful. Our tendency to feel angry at love directed toward us is a defense we all develop in response to these deep-seated fears…

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Toxic Relationships

…or your partner’s separateness or individuality, instead seeking a merged identity. Confusing real love with desperation or emotional hunger. Refusing to act in kind ways with actions your partner would perceive as loving. How Do You Wind Up in a Toxic Relationship? There are three major psychological maneuvers that are toxic to an intimate relationship. All of them work to undermine the possibility of having a loving relationship by repeating ne…

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The Search for My Parents

…d, or disapproved of for making a different choice. To hang on to this old identity with all my might, for many years, was so compelling. Why? All I can answer is this: remaining a child, although miserable, is further away from the agony of aging and death…and so the compelling draw is hard to let go of. Recently a very dear friend reminded me about this unconscious desire to be a child, and it hit me. I never heard it that clearly. It’s ruining…

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A Female Call To Arms! Be Yourself

…to the extremely heady feeling that women go wild for, a fortified female identity that tells a woman she is free to “just be” herself. You can’t get more Sex in the City self-confident than that. Acting in Stepford Wives kinds of ways by minimizing ourselves while going overboard to stroke our partner’s ego does no good for anyone in the long run. In the first place, its inauthenticity is a turn off because it snuffs out all the spontaneity and…

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What’s Ruining Your Sex Life?

Sexuality invites us to be in the moment, connected to our body, our senses, and to another person. Yet having a “critical inner voice” sounding off in our minds during sex is a little like having an extra person in the room critiquing everything from our desirableness to our performance. These critical inner voices take us out of the experience, remove us from our bodies and leave us disconnected from our partner, robbing us of the precious aspe…

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