…selves and toward us. Our family of origin may be supportive and loving or critical and destructive. For most of us, it’s a little of both. As children, we didn’t have a choice to separate from negative influences, so we internalized them, forming defenses and ideas around them to try to make sense of our experiences. However, as adults, we can choose our environment. We can spend more time around people who support a side of us we like, who share…
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…cess. They are not discrete and often overlap one another. (1) Identifying critical, hostile attitudes toward one’s self and/or others and verbalizing them in the second person dialogue format, as “voices” The process of verbalizing voices can be approached either intellectually as a primarily cognitive technique or more dramatically using cathartic methods. In the latter, particular emphasis is placed on the release of affect accompanying the exp…
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…step in this process is to recognize the critical inner voices (harsh self-critical thoughts) that seep into our consciousness, both causing and exacerbating depression. When people feel depressed, it makes them especially susceptible to self-attacks. They may hear thoughts like: You’re so lazy. You’re bothering everyone. Stop moping around. You’re such a burden. This line of thinking reflects distorted perceptions that are not based on reality. R…
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…self-defeating, self-destructive behaviors toward yourself and others. The critical inner voice contributes to attitudes and behaviors that are the opposite of hardy, for instance seeing oneself as a helpless victim who has no control over their life and no direction. Examples of the critical inner voice are: “Nothing ever works out for you.” “They always disregard you.” “They expect too much from you.” “There is nothing you can do to make things…
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…as she was saying them out loud, they didn’t sound like her point of view. Critical thoughts that arise during sex, whether directed toward ourselves or our partner, support our self-protective defenses and encourage us to push a loved one away. If we ignore these thoughts and remain present in the moment and feel love being directed toward us, even though this may bring up feelings of sadness, it will ultimately challenge the fundamental and flaw…
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…ne has made a change, they will need a plan to prevent relapse. A person’s critical inner voices will be present at every stage of change, including the maintenance phase. By learning tools to combat this inner critic, knowing its tricks and ignoring its directives, the person is in a much stronger position to create and sustain real change. Organizing a support team made up of people in their life who support their goals is an essential part of r…
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…rpass the way we’ve long seen ourselves or a way we’ve long been seen. Our critical inner voice is built on old attitudes we were exposed to, usually from very early in our lives. Negative ways we were viewed in our family or ways people around us saw themselves seeped in to our consciousness. As adults, we self-parent by maintaining these old attitudes and failing to differentiatefrom destructive early influences. Yet, it is important to realize…
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…gative thoughts that turn us against ourselves and the people we love. The critical inner voice is a destructive thought process that hurts us in our daily lives by shaming us and warning us against others. This inner critic is like a dark cloud over our heads, sprinkling thoughts like, “Today is just going to be one of those days. It’s all too stressful. Just keep your head down.” Sometimes, the critical inner voice floods us with an all-out down…
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…t lives inside our heads and seeks any opportunity to criticize us. These “critical inner voices” tend to multiply when we are left alone with our thoughts. The “critical inner voices” tend to be at their worst when we are not only alone, but are also feeling lonely. At these times, the inner critic tells us that something is wrong with us and we don’t belong around other people. In this sense, we are our own worst enemy. Being Alone Can Lead to P…
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…er, focusing on any flaws he or she may have. We may begin to listen to a “critical inner voice” that attacks or belittles both us and those we’re closest to. This inner critic is like a negative filter that shades our perception, so we start to have a distorted and unfavorable picture of our partner and our relationship. We may find ourselves criticizing every little thing about our partner from the cup left on the counter to the way he or she as…
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