…xperience. Whether Covid-19 led to the loss of a loved one, a rupture in a relationship, a threat to our sense of security, a shift in our career path, or a fundamental change to our way of living itself, there are likely many traumas large and small that we endured. Failing to process the “big T and little t” traumas can cause us to become stuck in our pain. We may continue to be affected in many areas of our lives in ways of which we aren’t even…
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…e’re not, we persistently remind ourselves just how bad we are at being in relationships. All human beings are flawed. Anyone who has ever succeeded at anything has failed along the way. And yet, most of us spend too much of our lives weighing our weaknesses, reliving our defeats, and feeling like a failure. Why is that? “Most people judge and appraise themselves in ways that are extremely self-punishing and negative,” said Dr. Robert Firestone, a…
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…e of either the age at which they occurred or because the stress they were experiencing at the time interfered with their ability to fully encode the memory. Therefore, healing from trauma often involves taking a deep dive into one’s own story. Healing from trauma begins with a person recognizing and acknowledging that they did, indeed, experience trauma. The next step is making sense of one’s story and feeling the full pain of it. Seeing a therap…
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…ent pattern, and there may be different ones for the different significant relationships in your early life, you can engage in activities to develop the parts of you that may have not been fully developed or integrated. This process, in conjunction with creating a coherent narrative, allows you to develop more inner security and to be happier in all your relationships, particularly those with the people you love the most. It also allows you to kno…
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…his as a template for all systems – of ourselves, our body, our brain – of relationships between ourselves and others – of any organization – of government – society – environment, etc. Let’s get specific, using the example of Jane and her use of the six Rs: Jane has just finished her third interview in a high-powered company where they have offered her a position with a salary that exceeds her expectations. What do you imagine she feels? Happy? E…
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…ve faced traumas involving other caretakers or figures in their lives. The relationships we form with children can be significant to mediating the effects of trauma, and this continues to be true throughout their lives. In addition to making a child feel safe, stable, and nurtured, providing them with plenty of PCEs, there are interventions in adulthood that can be extremely beneficial to those affected by ACEs. Because a high ACE score can be an…
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…day of life plays a heavy role in forming our long-term beliefs about how relationships work and how we should react to others in order to make our way. Even if we form a secure attachment with parents or caretakers who are kind and sensitive to us, we all eventually face distressing existential realities that can incite us to retreat from life. At that point “the question is whether to live with emotional pain or to defend ourselves and escape i…
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…be harsh and critical toward ourselves or suspicious or untrusting in our relationships. We may play out our parents’ anxieties, insecurities, frustrations, etc. in our own lives, particularly in our closest relationships. There are three primary ways we do this: The first is by directly repeating our parents’ way of being. If they were controlling, nervous, reactive, or introverted, we may very well carry these traits and express them in our own…
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…gnificantly more likely to report conventional and expanded ACEs including experiencing racism and witnessing violence.” The study concluded that “childhood exposure to racism and environmental trauma are important risk categories for perinatal mental illness.” Research on the impact of ACEs has left no doubt that early trauma, especially unresolved trauma, impacts the development of emotional regulation skills and distress tolerance. It can lead…
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…this Webinar: The latest news around climate change has millions of people experiencing unprecedented levels of anxiety. With higher and more frequent doses of alarming information coming our way, many of us are at risk of falling into a passive pit of anxiety and despair. However, there are effective and empowering ways to transform our anxiety into action and our despair into inspiration. In this free 60-minute webinar, world-renowned researcher…
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