Search Results for: lisa firestone/feed/2009/06/lesson-2-in-parenting-learn-about-yourself-as-a-arent/2009/06/critical-inner-voice-and-intimacy-2

Are You the Cause of Your Jealousy?

…rselves for being “foolish, unlovable, ruined or unwanted.” These critical inner voices and the feelings of humiliation that they foster can be more painful to us than the threat itself. They can also be more real. This negative self-coaching accompanies us into our personal relationships and instills in us a level of doubt and criticism that keeps us from perceiving ourselves as truly lovable. It reminds us to be suspicious with thoughts like, “S…

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Why Are We Hooked on Rejection?

…n validates the negative point of view of what my father calls a “critical inner voice.” This “voice” represents an internal enemy shaped out of negative events that took place early in life. While the commentary of this critical inner voice might not be pleasant, it is familiar, and unless we challenge it, we carry it stubbornly with us into adulthood. This explains why, in a break-up, instead of just feeling the sadness of losing someone importa…

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Falling Out of Love

…ggles, to some degree, to stay connected to our loving feelings,” said Dr. Lisa Firestone, co-author of Sex and Love in Intimate Relationships. “Early experiences of feeling hurt or rejected can injure our ability to connect with and sustain our loving feelings. Giving and receiving love actually challenges our core defenses, early adaptations we formed to protect ourselves against the ways we were hurt.” While none of us choose to fall out of lov…

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Why We Should Talk About Sex

…o these shifts without turning on yourself and giving in to your “critical inner voices,” allowing them to tear you down or make you feel insecure. It’s important not to listen to what your inner critic tells you about these changes or to allow yourself to shut the door on your sexuality. In addition to physical adjustments, people of all ages often face an onslaught of psychological influences that can hurt their sexuality. This can have a lot to…

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How to Fall Back in Love with Your Partner

…ctual provocation of one’s partner is driven by listening to the “critical inner voice.” The critical inner voice is an internal enemy that coaches you and puts both you and your partner down. Because its goal is to sabotage and distance you from others, it tends to be especially critical toward the people to whom you’re closest. Of course, your partner is human and has real flaws, but your critical inner voice isn’t there to help you rationally t…

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The Critical Inner Voice That Causes Depression Webinar Resources

…ew slides from Dr. Lisa Firestone’s December 6, 2011 Webinar “The Critical Inner Voice That Causes Depression.” To request a video recording of this Webinar, please contact [email protected] Download Slides from “The Critical Inner Voice That Causes Depression” Here Watch Dr. Robert Firestone describe the Steps in Voice Therapy: Recommended Books   See all Upcoming PsychAlive Webinars Learn about upcoming free and CE PsychAlive Webinars with l…

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Building Self-Esteem

…o feel that they were special. This type of overpraising, according to Dr. Lisa Firestone, leads to feelings of both inadequacy and entitlement. (Not a winning combination.) In many ways, our society’s focus on high self-esteem has become problematic. Dr. Kristen Neff explains that the problem with focusing on self-esteem is that it often involves measuring oneself against others, rather than paying attention to one’s intrinsic value. This fits wi…

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How to Go “All In” in a Relationship (Without Losing Yourself)

…in order to invest in someone else. We may start to listen to a “critical inner voice” inside our head that critiques potential partners or tells us to hold back. “She likes you too much,” it may say. Or “Don’t trust what he says. He can’t be for real.” This “voice” may give us advice like, “You should just be alone right now.” “Tell her you’re just not the commitment type.” “You should take a break. You’ll wind up getting hurt.” “This will never…

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5 Achievable Resolutions for a Longer, Happier Life

…“correcting” our failures. This negative viewpoint comes from a “critical inner voice” we all possess that alerts us of what we need to fix, while reminding us that we won’t succeed. Filtering our personal goals through this critical lens only sets us up for failure. With that in mind, this year, I want to propose a new list of deeply rewarding and reachable resolutions. These activities have been proven to benefit us on every level, increasing b…

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Commitment Issues: Why Some People Have Them and Others Don’t

…line. Children with anxious attachment often have experienced inconsistent parenting; sometimes they were responded to appropriately, and other times parents were intrusive or insensitive. The child doesn’t know what to expect and ends up distrustful yet clingy at the same time. It is interesting to note that someone who usually functions as anxiously attached in relationships can display avoidant behavior if involved with someone who is more anxi…

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