Validation is a way of letting someone know we understand him or her. Being understood is an essential ingredient to feeling connected and supported. When someone important to us understands us, their hearing us helps us to tune into ourselves and accept our emotions as real and meaningful. This ultimately supports the growth of self-compassion… Read more »Learn More
Debra Kessler, Psy.D.
Blogs by Debra Kessler, Psy.D.
When we are little, our needs get expressed through our strong emotions. A baby doesn’t have the capacity to get food when hungry, a blanket when cold or a change of a wet diaper. Instead, they fuss! They muster the voice of the “mad monster” to get the attention they need, whaling and whimpering. This… Read more »Learn More
While bearing our own suffering is bad enough, watching our children struggle can be almost unbearable! It’s natural to want to avoid things that are uncomfortable and unpleasant, and especially to protect our children from experiencing them. And clearly, suffering for extended periods of time is unacceptable. But the truth is, life is not without… Read more »Learn More
In my office I have encountered clients who report “boredom” as an almost unbearable state. My young clients find they are “bored” at school, doing chores, having to even engage in conversations. It is a painful state they feel they need to escape from which often leads to distracted behavior in class, conflicts at home… Read more »Learn More
Life in the 21st century is full of innovations and conveniences. The scope of these changes and their impact on our experiences are vast from the food we eat to how we do our daily tasks. We can do many things faster, more efficiently and more conveniently. Food is tastier and entertainment more accessible, stimulating… Read more »Learn More
Technology – Taming the Tiger Technology is here to stay. Like a tiger, it is fiercely powerful, agile and needs to be handled with care. Technology has become a staple in our lives, helping us with every thing from keeping track of appointments and paying bills to helping our kids with their homework through quick… Read more »Learn More
“If a tree fall in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?” This age old question has provoked many to ponder the answer in scientific as well as philosophical terms. Scientifically speaking, a falling tree would cause vibration, but without an ear to perceive it, there is… Read more »Learn More
It is a different world than the one in which most of us were raised in, in terms of technology and convenience. Technology is here to stay to make our lives easier. We don’t have to remember phone numbers, look at a map to get where we are going or worry about complaints of “are… Read more »Learn More
What is a parent to do when they ask their child “What happened” and are met with “I don’t remember”, “I didn’t do it” or “I don’t know?” This can be very frustrating when we are trying to work out skirmishes between siblings and are confounded by such evasive responses. These responses thwart our goals… Read more »Learn More
It isn’t whether you win or lose, it is how you play the game, or is it? The law of unintended consequences
It seems today as if outcome or product is the priority. From grades and test scores, following rules, being “good”, winning a soccer game to getting into the best college or job, the focus is on the end product. While this seems to be a responsible pursuit for conscientious parents, this path may in fact… Read more »Learn More