Fantasy Bond

A “fantasy bond” describes an illusion of connection between a couple that is substituted for feelings of real love and intimacy. Forming a fantasy bond is an often unconscious act of self-parenting and self-protection, in which two people become pseudo-independent, replacing the real relating involved in being in love with the form of being a “couple.” The degree of reliance on a fantasy bond is proportional to the degree of frustration and pain experienced in a person’s developmental years. In this section, you can learn why fantasy bonds are formed, what qualities make up a fantasy bond, and how to avoid falling into an unhealthy “bond” in your own relationships.

Why Can’t You Move on From Your Relationship?

Relationships often end after a pile-up of issues become too messy to unravel. We can’t... >>

Fantasy Bond 101

This month, I’ve been working on creating a whiteboard explaining the fantasy bond and I’ve... >>

Challenging the Fantasy Bond

In this blog, I am excited to share the introduction and conclusion from my new... >>

Home (not again) for the Holidays

Many people are fresh off gathering with family this holiday season. Getting together with our... >>

The Destructive Ways We Self-Parent as Adults

The relationship we have with our parents or primary caretakers is almost never black or... >>

Are You Sabotaging Yourself?

Many people struggle with reconciling what they think they want with what they go about... >>

Genuine Relating in an Imperfect World

Real-World Romance for Real-Life Partners Last month, I finished revising and updating The Fantasy Bond... >>

Has Your Relationship Become Off Balance?

Understanding the fantasy bond to get your relationship back on track. Many of us are... >>

Staying in Love While Staying Yourself

A lot of couples talk to me about their struggles to stay close to each... >>

How to Go “All In” in a Relationship (Without Losing Yourself)

As a therapist, I spend a good amount of time exploring the push and pull... >>