fear of intimacy

Staying in Love While Staying Yourself

A lot of couples talk to me about their struggles to stay close to each other in a way that feels vital and intimate. At the same time, they may also complain about a feeling of sacrifice or a way they’re having to compromise and give up certain aspects of themselves to be in the… Read more »

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3 Ways to Tell You’re Afraid of Intimacy

While most of us say we want love, pretty much all of us have some degree of fear around intimacy. The type and extent of this fear can vary based on our personal history: the attachment patterns we developed and the psychological defenses we formed to protect ourselves from early hurts. These patterns and defenses… Read more »

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How to Go “All In” in a Relationship (Without Losing Yourself)

As a therapist, I spend a good amount of time exploring the push and pull that occurs in relationships. For example, between couples, a lot of friction occurs when one person is wanting more closeness, while the other is seeking more space. With individuals, I observe many people who say they want love and intimacy,… Read more »

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How to Preserve Your Individuality While Quarantining with Your Partner

For many of us, we are one more month into being quarantined with our partner. While this can be an opportunity to take a break from the busyness and distractions of our “normal” lives and reconnect with our loved one, it is also a time when we can lose touch with who we are as… Read more »

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How to Beat Boredom in Your Relationship: Drop into the Plane of Possibility

Relationships are naturally full of highs and lows, but perhaps the thing couples complain about the most are the lulls. Boredom is often viewed as a destructive, yet inevitable, force in long-term relationships. One study even found that the most common way for that people describe their romantic relationships was “dull.” Most of us don’t… Read more »

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The Problem with Shopping for Relationships Online

4 things to explore if you’re looking to meet someone online First off, a disclaimer: I am NOT against online dating. Like most of you, I know many truly happy couples who only connected thanks to dating apps and websites. These sites can offer a wonderful way to meet people you wouldn’t otherwise. They open up… Read more »

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How to Stop Yourself from “Losing It” With Your Partner

We all have those moments of frustration with our partner that lead us to act in ways we later regret. We may acknowledge after the fact that there was a healthier way to react or vow to handle things better in the future, but the moment tensions rise, and we feel triggered in a particular… Read more »

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Having Healthy Sex and Relationships After Sexual Abuse

Sexual trauma, abuse and violence impact a surprisingly large number of people — maybe even you or someone you know. One in 9 girls and 1 in 53 boys under age 18 will experience sexual abuse or assault by an adult, reports the anti sexual-violence organization, RAINN. Accurate statistics about child sexual abuse are difficult… Read more »

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Defense Mechanisms

“When children are faced with pain and anxiety in their developmental years, they develop defense mechanisms to cut off that pain. But the tragedy is that in cutting off the pain, you also cut deeply into their lives, so that defenses that were basically survival-oriented psychologically also serve as terrible limitations to the self.” ~… Read more »

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Are You Expecting Too Much from Your Partner?

These 7 ways we over-rely on our partner can seriously hurt our relationship. When a couple comes to therapy, they tend to each arrive with a laundry list of complaints about the other. While neither person may claim to be perfect themselves, they find it much easier to talk about their partner. “She never picks… Read more »

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