How can you avoid the patterns that destroy a loving relationship? The question of why love fades or why people grow apart in their relationships is one of life’s great mysteries. What prevents us from maintaining the passion, attraction, admiration and closeness we once felt for our partner? What I have found in my own… Read more »
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You may already be rolling your eyes at the vast oversimplification of this title… and if you were to go back to read the many articles I’ve written on relationships, you’d know that I don’t think the secret to romantic success can be boiled down to one simple piece of advice. However, if people ask… Read more »
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Most people don’t naturally think they reject love, but the question really isn’t whether we do or not, it’s how much we do and why. I’ve talked a lot in previous blogs about the reasons so many of us are, to some degree, afraid of love, but here I’ll explain the ways this fear manifests in our… Read more »
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What causes prejudice, religious wars, terrorism and genocide? In fact, what are the psychodynamics behind extremism, absolutism and all insidious forms of polarization? On some level, the answers all relate to human beings’ inherent fear of death and their need for psychological defenses to deny or ease the endemic pain of the human condition. The… Read more »
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“I think I want to be good.” A warm tear rolls down my cheek. My ten-year-old and I are watching the climactic scene of Descendants, a new movie from Disney Channel. The girl uttering this revelation is Mal, daughter of Maleficent. She is speaking to the boy who loves her. In this lighthearted movie, which… Read more »
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There may now be hard science behind the notion that true love can last a lifetime. A neurological study from Stony Brook University revealed that couples who experience “romantic love” long-term can keep their brains firing in similar ways to couples who have just fallen in love. The research team, led by Bianca P. Acevedo and Arthur Aron,… Read more »
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Love — kindness, affection, sensitive attunement, respect, companionship — is not only difficult to find, but is even more challenging for many people to accept and tolerate. In my work with individuals and couples, I have observed countless examples of people reacting angrily when loving responses were directed toward them. One man felt a flash… Read more »
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When we feel absolutely devastated by a relationship coming to an end, we should ask ourselves a serious question: “What are we really losing?” Admittedly, one of the most painful things in life is loss, and losing contact with someone we love can be heartbreaking. However, many people decide to call it quits after months… Read more »
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Defenses formed in childhood hurt adult relationships. Most people have fears of intimacy and are self-protective and at the same time are terrified of being alone. Their solution to their emotional dilemma is to form a fantasy bond. This illusion of connection and closeness allows them to maintain an imagination of love and loving while… Read more »
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Throughout our lives we compile a picture of what we think real love should look like. Often this process begins early, as little girls listening to fairy tales at bed time will envision their very own knight in shining armor. As we grow older, we often imagine finding a soul-mate, that perfect person who we… Read more »
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