With people now having to “shelter in place,” couples are finding themselves spending an unusual amount of time together. In these circumstances of extended exposure to one another, problems can fester and begin to boil over, and issues between partners can become apparent. With this in mind, I am drawing from information and advice offered… Read more »
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Relationships are naturally full of highs and lows, but perhaps the thing couples complain about the most are the lulls. Boredom is often viewed as a destructive, yet inevitable, force in long-term relationships. One study even found that the most common way for that people describe their romantic relationships was “dull.” Most of us don’t… Read more »
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We’ve all been through it: the incessant checking of our phone, the tossing and turning through a night alone, the replaying of interactions in our head, the worrying about what he or she is thinking or feeling. We’ve all, at one point or another, known what it was to be consumed by the thought of… Read more »
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The Fantasy Bond Behind the Myth of the Soulmate I know people who say their ultimate relationship goal is finding a soulmate. They’re looking for a kindred spirit who they were meant to be with. Is this appealing to me? I can see how the idea that there might be another person out there who… Read more »
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These 7 ways we over-rely on our partner can seriously hurt our relationship. When a couple comes to therapy, they tend to each arrive with a laundry list of complaints about the other. While neither person may claim to be perfect themselves, they find it much easier to talk about their partner. “She never picks… Read more »
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How to make sense of and feel better about a breakup. As a therapist, I hear a lot of breakup stories. Many people come to therapy because they’re struggling to “get over” someone. They often feel stuck in their pain, as if life will never be good again. They say that all they want is to get… Read more »
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By the time they reach adulthood, most people have solidified their defenses and exist in a psychological equilibrium that they do not wish to disturb. Although they may be relatively congenial with more casual acquaintances, over time there is typically a noticeable deterioration in the quality of relating within their most intimate relationships. As a… Read more »
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The short answer is: yes! Hating yourself puts you directly at odds with someone who loves you. You each have diametrically opposed points of view about you: your’s being negative and your partner’s being positive. So what can you do to resolve this dilemma? And why does this dilemma exist in the first place? Let’s… Read more »
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This is the first in a series of blogs describing my theoretical approach known as Separation Theory. It represents an integration of psychoanalytic and existential systems of thought and describes how early interpersonal pain and separation anxiety and, later, death anxiety, lead to the formation of powerful psychological defenses. The primary defense is the fantasy… Read more »
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Why is it that we fight the most with those we love the most? Is it just because we’re two people with two completely separate minds spending so much time together that we’re bound to not see eye to eye once in a while? Or, is it something more profound, something deeper? Unfortunately, it’s usually… Read more »
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