Search Results for: robert firestone

What Inside Out Can Teach us about Loving our Kids

…ed mood was not a coincidence. Within the large body of work by Dr. Robert Firestone, he has written extensively about the importance of feeling emotions. In the film, Coping with the Fear of Intimacy, he remarks on the irony of people’s fear of sadness, noting that, in his experience, they always feel better when they feel the sadness and get it out. As Firestone says, “Sadness tends to center people” (2000). Joseph Forgas of the Greater Good Sci…

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Are You Sabotaging Your Relationship?

…a tendency to form a “fantasy bond,” a term coined by my father Dr. Robert Firestone. The fantasy bond is a defense that allows us to feel as if we’ve joined with another person. This illusion of fusion can make us feel safe and secure, but it actually undermines our most vital feelings of love. What happens when people retreat into fantasy is that they let the form of the relationship replace the substance. They start to relate as a unit, present…

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Compassionate Child-Rearing: An In-Depth Approach to Optimal Parenting

…n move beyond our limitations and reach out to children in a way that will spare them so much unnecessary suffering . . . this book is dedicated to parents: the lost children.” –Robert W. Firestone 1990, New York: Plenum Publishing/Insight Books 1999, Santa Barbara: The Glendon Association ISBN: 0967668425…

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Do You Confuse Admiration with Love? Tales of a Covert Narcissist

…apist recommended that I read Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice, by Robert Firestone, Lisa Firestone and Joyce Catlett. There I learned methods for challenging this compulsion. By working through the journaling exercises, I gradually modified my defensive ways of relating to men, which had included building up a relationship partner, which was a disservice to both of us. Here are some other insights I gained from reading the book that may be helpf…

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5 Things to Try Before You Give Up on Your Relationship

…ond.” A Fantasy Bond is a term developed by my father, psychologist Robert Firestone, to describe an illusion of connection many couples form at some point in their relationship. A Fantasy Bond differs from real love in that sincere acts of kindness are replaced by routine, and form is favored over substance in the relationship. Couples enter into this scenario without even realizing it, as a means to feel a false sense of security, an illusion of…

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The Value of Sadness

…what gives our life meaning. As my father, psychologist and author Robert Firestone, has pointed out, “When we feel sadness, it centers us.” In general, when we recognize our emotions and allow ourselves to feel them in a healthy and safe capacity, we feel more grounded, more ourselves and even more resilient. On the contrary, suppressing emotions can actually make us feel more depressed. So, what are we really avoiding when we cut off our sadnes…

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Fantasy Bond

…was introduced by psychologist and author of The Fantasy Bond, Dr. Robert Firestone. In his book, Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice, Dr. Firestone explains the fantasy bond as follows: Generally speaking, the single most important factor that contributes to the deterioration of love and friendship in a relationship is the formation of a fantasy bond. People who develop this type of destructive bond often deceive themselves and each other by imagi…

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Finding Your Cure for Depression

…herapy, an approach developed by my father, psychologist and author Robert Firestone. Voice Therapy introduces people to the concept of the “critical inner voice,” a destructive pattern of thoughts that fuels self-hatred. The critical inner voice is like a sadistic coach who comments on our lives and torments us. It undermines our goals and kicks us when we’re down. People with depression often strongly experience this “voice,” driving feelings of…

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It’s Not Your Fault: Overcoming Trauma

…ual within a family is something my father, psychologist and author Robert Firestone, has described as a “human rights violation.” He’s written extensively about the toll interpersonal pain and traumatic childhood conditions can have on a person’s freedom and expression of individuality, including that they lead to the formation of powerful psychological defenses. “No child is born bad or sinful; rather, the psychological defenses that children fo…

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fear of abandonment

Fear of Abandonment

…e more distance. Catching on to these patterns, which Drs. Robert and Lisa Firestone call “selection, distortion, and provocation” can help people who have a fear of abandonment make better choices that can help them create more security. How can we overcome fear of abandonment and change our attachment patterns? Fortunately, a person’s style of attachment is not fixed. We can develop earned secure attachment as adults in several ways. As Dr. Lisa…

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