Search Results for: lisa+firestone

How Childhood Defenses Hurt Us As Adults

…our development can lead us to develop what my father psychologist Robert Firestone and I refer to as the “self-system.” The self-system is made up of the unique qualities of the individual combined with a harmonious identification and incorporation of parent’s positive attitudes and traits. Of course, no person, or parent, is perfect. The “Division of the Mind” is a model my father and I developed, which poses that every person is divided. Peopl…

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Trust Issues: Why Is It So Hard for Some People to Trust?

…to shield the child from that which is unpredictable.” According to Robert Firestone, such parents are also “characteristically warm, affectionate, and sensitive in feeding and caring for their children and offer them control, direction, and guidance as well.” Childhood experiences that contribute to trust issues There are numerous aversive childhood experiences that contribute to children’s mistrust and lack of confidence. For example, parents’ i…

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feeling like a failure

Feeling Like a Failure

…s in ways that are extremely self-punishing and negative,” said Dr. Robert Firestone, author of Overcoming the Destructive Inner Voice. He describes an “anti-self” or “critical inner voice” we all experience that acts like an internal judge. This voice is almost constantly assessing us, evaluating what we accomplish and how we’re perceived. This cruel inner critic not only tells us that we’re failing when we’re not, but it contributes to self-limi…

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Self-Esteem vs. Narcissism

…new book, The Self Under Siege, my father, psychologist and author Robert Firestone, and I write, “Vanity is a fantasized image of the self that is formed when parents substitute empty praise and a false buildup for the real love and acknowledgment they have failed to provide to their child.” Such parents leave their children feeling unseen and with a sense of pressure to be someone they aren’t. On the other hand, parents who are attuned to their…

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Compassionate Child-Rearing: An In-Depth Approach to Optimal Parenting

In this revolutionary work, Dr. Firestone develops the theory and underlying dynamics involved in disturbed family relationships and the “poisonous pedagogy” that characterizes generally accepted patterns of child-rearing. The author expands on the phenomenological descriptions of the traditional abuses of children previously offered by Alice Miller, R.D. Laing, James Garbarino, and others, and explains how well-intentioned parents unwittingly in…

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Home (not again) for the Holidays

…nt? In his upcoming and updated book, Challenging the Fantasy Bond, Robert Firestone discusses how we recreate the past in our current relationships. The concept of the fantasy bond, when applied to a couple relationship, demonstrates people’s compulsion to relive the past with new persons. The illusory connections they form invariably lead to a re-enactment of defensive styles of relating developed in childhood. In essence, people transform the d…

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Improve Your Mood Instantly

…ghts, antithetical toward self and cynical toward others, which Dr. Robert Firestone refers to as the “critical inner voice.” I was left wondering when the subjects in the study were daydreaming, were they in fact absorbed in thoughts and “voices” that represented their anti-self? The critical inner voice undermines the ability to interpret events realistically, triggers negative moods, and sabotages the pursuit of satisfaction and joy in life. Th…

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Vulnerability, Psychalive, Dr. Robert Firestone, psychotherapy, critical inner voice

On Being Vulnerable: Part I

[This blog contains excerpts from an interview with Dr. Robert Firestone by Fred Branfman, political activist and author of Voices from the Plain of Jars] Vulnerable: “A weak position, defenseless, helpless, exposed, at risk, in danger” Fred Branfman: In our culture the idea of being vulnerable is associated with being fearful, anxious, and weak. For example, politicians and business leaders tend to project an air of invulnerability. In contrast,…

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How to Say What You Want in Your Relationship

…-centered; she only cares about herself.” As my father psychologist Robert Firestone often says about engaging in this way, “You may win the battle, but you will lose the war.” While many people tend to be more combative, there are those who take the opposite approach. Rather than say what they want, they shut down or turn inward. They may feel quietly resentful toward their partner or indulge in destructive thoughts toward themselves. They may ha…

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Courage, assertiveness, critical inner voice, vulnerability, Dr. Robert Firestone, Psychalive

A New Slant on Vulnerability: Courage Not Conformity

This blog contains excerpts from an interview with Dr. Robert Firestone by Fred Branfman, political activist and author of Voices from the Plain of Jars. Part II Fred Branfman: When most people think of the word “courage,” they think of people who fight wars, jump out of airplanes, do cross-country skiing, extreme sports. What do you mean by the term “courage?” Dr. Robert Firestone: The courage to live according to your principles, and to tolerat…

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