Search Results for: critical%20inner%20voice

How to Go “All In” in a Relationship (Without Losing Yourself)

…e of self in order to invest in someone else. We may start to listen to a “critical inner voice” inside our head that critiques potential partners or tells us to hold back. “She likes you too much,” it may say. Or “Don’t trust what he says. He can’t be for real.” This “voice” may give us advice like, “You should just be alone right now.” “Tell her you’re just not the commitment type.” “You should take a break. You’ll wind up getting hurt.” “This w…

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Starting a Relationship 101

…Inner Critic It’s common when starting a relationship to hear all kinds of critical inner voices. The critical inner voice represents a self-destructive thought process that fuels our insecurities and hurts our self-esteem. We tend to listen to this “voice” a lot when we start dating someone. We may have thoughts toward ourselves like, “I can’t believe you just said that. You sound like an idiot!” or “She doesn’t even like you. You’re wasting your…

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How Embracing Vulnerability Strengthens Our Relationships

…o the inner dialogue that personifies these psychological defenses as our “critical inner voice.” The critical inner voice is a destructive thought process that acts like an internal parent and tends to assess, judge, undermine, and insult us as we move through our lives. “Don’t show her who you really are. She’d want nothing to do with you,” it warns. “You’re going to make a fool of yourself. Don’t put yourself out there,” it beckons. This “voice…

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Understanding Stress

…we’ve put ourselves under. At these times, we may find ourselves becoming critical, self-pitying or even outwardly abusive. Never punish other people when you find yourself overwhelmed by these feelings. Unnecessary disputes, arguments and rivalries will only add to your stress. The combination of feeling victimized or self-hating often leads us to complain. This tendency is reinforced when we are surrounded by others who tend to complain about p…

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How to be a good parent: It’s all about you!

…nce toward themselves. It is not uncommon for parents to disown their self-critical attitudes and negative self-image by projecting them onto their child. When they do this, they are then overly critical of these projected qualities and traits in the youngster. As a result, children begin to see themselves through a negative filter, which will stay with them throughout their lives. We can best help our children not by sacrificing ourselves for the…

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How to Stop Making the Wrong Relationship Choices

…joying their relationship, but at times she found herself having intensely critical thoughts. “What are you doing with this creep? He’s doting on you now but what good are you to him? He’ll probably get tired of you and leave you.” Her inner critic ridiculed her relationship and tore her boyfriend down. Fortunately, she used her friends as a sounding board and listened when they told her that her attacks on herself and criticisms of her boyfriend…

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True Love or a Fantasy Bond?

…eak this pattern in her behavior. She began to consciously act against the critical inner voices in her head telling her to keep a distance and to resist affection. Relationship milestones like moving in together, getting married, having children, or even simply acknowledging affection for each other can lead a couple to feel a certain amount of anxiety. When people identify the emotional baggage they bring to a relationship that causes them to re…

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Can Love be Learned?

…st someone you love or not to believe that you are cared about. This same “critical inner voice” that turns on us can turn on our partners. Try to be wary of this voice and separate your real feelings from those you may be projecting from old defenses. The more we act on our defenses, the more likely we are to replace the real love we once felt for our partners with a more routinized and dulled manner of relating. We may take the actions associate…

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How To Bully Proof Your Children by Building Their Resilience

…victimized by circumstances. Allowing our kids to ruminate or act on these critical inner voices can have harmful effects. Instead, encourage them to identify these negative thoughts and challenge them in their actions. Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice, a book I co-authored with Dr. Robert Firestone and Joyce Catlett, provides exercises for recognizing and overcoming this internal bully. Be Critical, Coddling, or Ignore Issues: We should always s…

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Making Changes in the New Year

…lects the life-affirming part of us, we are also taking action against the critical inner voice. When we stop a negative behavior and enact a positive one in its place, our critical inner voice is threatened and tries to get us back in line. If you conceptualize it as a malicious coach in your head, you can imagine your critical inner voice telling you: Who do you think you are? You’re never going to change. You always fail. Who are you fooling? E…

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