…und to surface in the emotionally invested space that makes up an intimate relationship. Every individual is unique and complex and carries their own set of baggage from their past that impacts and informs their close relationships. Given the variety and diversity of people in the world, one is often left to wonder: So why do I keep choosing the same partner? Why, no matter how many new criteria I mentally create, do I seem to be addicted to the s…
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…eness and sexual intimacy, while each partner maintains a differentiated and individuated sense of self. Dr. Firestone will discuss characteristics of a relationship in which a fantasy bond has developed verses an ideal relationship….
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…hment pattern, we can develop more inner security, because we are actively experiencing a new model for how relationships can work. For example, if an intermittently available parent left us experiencing a lot of anxiety, uncertainty, or jealousy in our adult relationships, we can gain security by being with someone who is calm and consistent. If we grew up keeping to ourselves and avoiding closeness, having a partner who is secure in themselves,…
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…them. Ideal partners should separate their past experiences from their new relationship, and come to this relationship with a strong sense of independence and autonomy. Many of these men and women have not matured emotionally, so it makes it harder for the relationship to succeed. Openness: Being open and vulnerable is a key feature in a relationship. Although the Bachelorette always emphasizes this, it is rarely experienced on the show. Emily doe…
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…es. 7. Sense of Humor The ideal partner has a sense of humor. A sense of humor can be a lifesaver in a relationship. The ability to laugh at one’s self and at life’s foibles allows a person to maintain a proper perspective when dealing with sensitive issues that arise within the relationship. Couples who are playful and teasing often defuse potentially volatile situations with their humor. A good sense of humor definitely eases the tense moments i…
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…hat pervade our culture. If you want to, you can certainly make a case for relationships’ low success rate. There are plenty of statistics reminding us that couples split up and countless personal stories that show us people get hurt. For many people, particularly those who’ve had bad experiences, their cynical or critical attitudes will hardly allow them to get to know another person, much less fall in love. For these individuals, it’s easy to wr…
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…are, this begins with how you see things and what you are thinking. Even if your partner doesn’t seem interested in changing or even if they are already half out the door, there are things you can do to make a difference. Ultimately even if you do not save your relationship, you can behave in ways that make you feel better and bring greater peace and happiness into your own life. But experience tells me after working with many clients for many ye…
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…nsecurity Discuss valuable tools to help people cope with anxiety in their relationships While the idea of falling in love can sound blissful, relationships almost always challenge us in ways we don’t expect. Anxiety can arise at various points in a relationship from the moment we first start dating to when we decide to make a symbolic commitment, like moving in together or getting married. In large part, this anxiety has to do with our past. Circ…
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…e us? And what happens when we don’t have them? The Vital Benefits of Good Relationships Research shows that good relationships help people live longer, deal with stress better, have healthier habits, and have stronger resistance to colds. In a 2010 review of 148 studies, researchers found that social relationships improve lifespans. People in healthy long-term relationships are 50% less likely to die prematurely than people without them. In terms…
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…nervous about letting go of the search or even taking a break to see if a relationship could develop. They’re quick to assess the in-person dates they go on, and don’t take the time to give it a try with any one person unless there are “big feelings” right off the bat. While some people feel a spark the very second they meet someone, every relationship builds at its own pace. It takes whatever time it takes for two people to come to know each oth…
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