Search Results for: Robert%20Firestone

All Hands on Deck: How We Can Help Someone Who’s Suicidal

…directives of a cruel, internalized enemy, what my father psychologist Dr. Robert Firestone has referred to as the “anti-self” or the “critical inner voice.” We all possess an “anti-self,” a self-destructive side that tells us we are worthless, undeserving, or even that we shouldn’t exist. We formed this anti-self out of negative early life experiences, painful or traumatic events, and destructive attitudes directed toward us that we internalized….

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What Does the Popularity of 50 Shades of Grey Say About Our Sexuality?

…onship.” In his blog “Alive Sexuality,” my father, psychologist and author Robert Firestone, described the cause of this shift that so often takes place in intimate relationships. Most people view their mutual patterns of withholding and their diminished sexual attraction to each other as part of the normal course of events and mistakenly place the blame on the familiarity, routine, and daily contact inherent to a committed relationship. In truth,…

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Steps to Overcoming Your Critical Inner Voice

…For 30 years I have studied, along with my father, psychologist and author Robert Firestone, the roots of the critical inner voice. He developed “voice therapy” as a way for people to identify and separate from this inner critic by understanding the origins of the critical inner voice and then taking actions to go against it, actions that are goal directed and that represent a person’s true point of view. The steps involved in this therapy process…

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Why Domestic Violence Occurs and How to Stop It

…mful illusion of connection between a couple, what my father, psychologist Robert Firestone, has referred to as a “fantasy bond.” This dynamic feeds into a sense that another person can make you whole and is responsible for your happiness. These two dangerous belief systems set up an environment for abuse. While women are more likely to experience domestic violence, forms of abuse occur between all kinds of couples, whether of the opposite or same…

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What Real Love Looks Like

…he real connection two people naturally share. My father, psychologist Dr. Robert Firestone, coined the term “The Fantasy Bond” to describe an illusion of connection that many people cling to in relationships. In article I wrote for PsychAlive.org, I described the difference between real love and a fantasy bond. A fantasy bond is created when two people replace real acts of genuine love, admiration, passion, and respect with the role and ritual of…

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Stop the Blame Game to Improve Your Relationship

…is never a winner in these arguments. As my father psychologist and author Robert Firestone says, “You may win the battle, but you will lose the war.” Keep perspective on what’s important. If your goal is really to be close again, then sometimes it’s worth just dropping the past, putting down your guard, and simply being nice to each other. Unilateral disarmament can be a first step to getting back the easy and loving flow of feelings between you…

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Why It Is Good For You to Feel Negative Emotions

…what you are doing with your life. My father, psychologist and author Dr. Robert Firestone exemplifies this principle, recently stating, I knew early in life what I wanted to do, what I wanted to be. I wanted to make a contribution and I wanted to help people. I didn’t want to be insignificant, I wanted to be significant and I wanted to share life and I wanted to experience it, I wanted to feel everything… I didn’t want to miss anything. I didn’t…

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Healthy Sexuality

…y,” psychologist and author of Sex and Love in Intimate Relationships, Dr. Robert Firestone wrote, “A “healthy” orientation toward sexuality is reflected in a person’s appearance and attractiveness, in the ability to be tender and generous to others, and in one’s level of overall vitality. The combination of loving, sexual contact, and genuine friendship in a stable, long-term relationship is conducive to good mental health and is a highly regarde…

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Advantages of Dating After 40

…cs, choosing a real connection over what my father psychologist and author Robert Firestone refers to as a fantasy bond, an illusion of fusion in which two people seek a feeling of safety and familiarity by choosing people who fit with old identities. Couples in a fantasy bond tend to merge their identities, relating as a unit instead of two independent individuals By understanding our history, we can make a conscious effort to make different choi…

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Withholding: A Personal Story

…f my family and friends, understanding the brilliant and necessary work of Robert Firestone and most recently, delving into Earnest Becker’s book The Denial of Death, I have come to fully appreciate, and have more compassion for, the horrific truth we as humans face. From the moment we are brought into this world, we instinctively do what we have to in order to survive physically and emotionally. Like the fences we build around our homes and our c…

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