Years ago, when I was in the process of creating a violence assessment scale, I visited a series of high-security prisons to interview men found guilty of murder and other violent crimes. As I sat down with each inmate, the first question I always asked was, “How did you come to be a violent person?”… Read more »
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It’s hard to really wrap our heads around this. Yet, I find—over and over again—that it’s true. Love doesn’t always just slip away; we push it away… actively. This may sound accusatory and dooming, but to my mind, it is one of the most optimistic realities about relationships. To the degree that we ourselves control… Read more »
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Recently, we’ve called attention to the question of whether narcissism is an epidemic in our nation. Yet, I would argue that it is narcissism’s evil step-sister that is causing the most trouble in people’s lives. Self-hatred is something we may not often say out loud. We prefer softer-sounding terms, like “low self-esteem” or “poor self-image.” The… Read more »
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We’ve all seen some version of this scene: the child at the playground, covered in ice cream, wearing a tiara. She’s surrounded by fun toys, fawning parents and other happily screaming kids. Yet, although her world appears to be exactly as she’d want it, she is beside herself sobbing in utter distress. My point here… Read more »
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When I think of Valentine’s Day, I inevitably think of February 15. That’s the day that people come in to work or meet friends for coffee and talk about the events of the previous evening. Some excerpts I’ve heard in previous years include: We went to the beach and opened a gift basket filled with… Read more »
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I’m a big believer in relationships. I don’t often encounter couples for whom I think the outlook is hopeless. Granted, some relationships are bad for both parties. What attracts people to one another can be the very defenses that hold them back in life, for instance, the shy, indecisive person who chooses a loud, dominant… Read more »
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Most of us treat love like an external force. It’s something that happens to us, strikes us like an arrow or overcomes us like a storm. There is a problem with thinking of love this way, and that is that it can slant our focus outward. It overlooks our own sense of power and leaves… Read more »
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The holidays come sprinkled with promises of “brightness” and “cheer.” It’s a universally meaningful time for millions of people, and I would argue that this sense of connectedness is a large part of what makes the season seem sort of magical. Yet for many people, the winter months don’t always live up to their heartwarming… Read more »
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No matter what stage we’re in in a relationship, we tend to wonder what the future holds. No two people, or two couples for that matter, are the same, so how can we predict where the road will take us? The truth is we can’t. Relationships are complicated and uncertain territory. Yet, in my years… Read more »
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Ever wonder if you or someone in your life is a diagnosable narcissist? Well, try answering these questions to find out. Do they have an exaggerated sense of self-importance? Do they expect recognition or praise even when they haven’t earned it? Do they exaggerate their accomplishments? Do they have a sense of entitlement? Expect special… Read more »
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